By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

This just across the wire: Triple H has a new entrance song. It's "King Nothing" by Metallica.

"And it all crashes down
And you break your crown
And you point your finger
But there's no one around
Just want one thing
Just to play the king
But the castle crumbled
And you've left with just a name
Where's your crown?
King nothing"

Yes, Triple H. You are so over. Whoo. I love it when I am watching a "true student and legendary veteran of the game" continue to deliver smug promos like a spoiled 8 year old. Triple H does not even need opponents anymore. He could just go out to the ring and sprout off how great he is. "Pay to see the greatness of me! Who needs credible opponents when I sell the PPV by wrestling jobbers!" One could understand the mindset of Trips. People laugh at whatever bad jokes Trips says (Trips gets over) because people love him and why push opponents when their loyalty and dedication to the business has not been proven, so let's make them out like a big dumb animal and not a threat to the title. (Trips gets over.)

I am a big fan of well-produced video packages, as they can be very effective.

Nice with Undertaker talking in his spooky voice about how spooky casket matches are. Sadly, casket matches are a relic of the early 1990s. You can't show people being "buried alive" and expect casket matches to have the same effect. "Order the PPV to see who will slam the casket!" That's so evil! Unless Edge pops up from the casket or the casket is lit on fire and dropped on Cena (which he will, of course, survive), there's not much to look forward to in the casket match on the PPV.

Jeff looks like Sting with his make-up. He did a fine, measured promo, delivering his lines like his stomach was full of broken glass. Good opening to the show.

Smackdown vs. Raw 2009, like most of the games in the series, is still a rental.

Nice work done by Benjamin, Matt, Carlito, and Brian Kendrick. Matt Hardy might win the 2008 Absurd Award for "Best Worker."

Kizarny video packages are on the same stink level as TNA's Suicide's video packages, but there are two good things to point out: the character Suicide has been hyped up for the last three months to the point where fans just don't care about him anymore (overexposure), and at least you get to see circus folk drive nails into their nose in Kizarny bits. I still don't want to see his idiotic face bouncing down the ramp with his goofy ass smile. Because the man has no shot. He's like a really lame version of the Boogeyman. So unless he has a whole circus crew with him who cause havoc, I don't want to see him alone win matches. Because it will go nowhere.

"Congrats, MVP. We have big plans for you after Survivor Series. You are going to lose to Kizarny! Because right now you're losing to the Karate Kid, so you are definitely the WWE's biggest chump! Have fun!"

I like Vickie. I think she does an excellent job in her role as GM. I understand that she is a heel. So the whole Triple H doing bad fat jokes thing kind of bothers me. It comes off cruel and pretty plain pointless. There is not this overwhelming hatred for Vickie. I understand, Triple H. You stopped caring about promos a long time ago. You want to wrap this up quickly so you can go to the Motorhead concert.

Trips even calls Kozlov "Disco Tommy" or something. Where's the passion in the promos, man? Does he think up his unfunny quips while walking to the ring now? But I am expecting too much from a man who "stellar material" consists of gay jokes, fat jokes, and penis jokes. Sure, a lot of people love it. But promos like the one Triple H gave tonight just signals to me that Triple H truly doesn't not care how lazy and crappy his promos are, as long as the crowd cheers and he gets over, he is a happy man. Triple H was always a better heel than a face.

What I hate about it is that some guys's promos often follow the same path every time.

Typical Mick Foley Promo: First you bring up a inside joke ("I am a junkie", "Honored to be in the same ring as Kip," "Wipe my Angle," "Stop looking at my ass," "Hey I bought a large portion of the company so that gives me the right to tell you how to do your job,") then you bring current hot topics in ("President elect,") build a current theme, ("Invaluable,") then pick up intensity to wrap up the promo.

Typical Triple H Promo: First you plant a really smug smile on your face, for odd personal reasons unknown to anyone else make fun of people like Joey Styles, Lillian, and Vickie Guerrero "because the crowd loves it," do bad jokes, mock everything the other wrestler has to say, then get really serious and begin to bury the wrestler. (This is a heel tactic, but because Trips is face, this is "mind games.")

But nobody is going to do a damn thing about it and it will continue. People wouldn't mind his style of promos if they were consistently good. But nowadays it is like a comedian who was huge years back telling bad jokes and making fun of other fellow comedians while riding on his previous work.

Man, is WWE dropping Kozlov fast. Some quick editing in here during Jeff Hardy's attack on Kozlov.

Did somebody predict in MVP's future that he would lose twice to the Karate Kid? I don't think there is a worse finish than Kung Fu Naki's "karate kick to the chest." WWE seems determined to erase all kind of hope I once had for viewing MVP as a credible wrestler.

Kudos for J.R. bringing up the ladder match between Undertaker and Jeff a few years back. Big Show appears in the match and Jeff gets a huge win over the Dead Man. No sign of Kozlov.

As soon as people start to view Kozlov as a credible badass monster, WWE seems to make him out like a pansy. This man needs to be breaking rocks over his head, pumping iron, something for me to believe that this man should be feared. That he could kill me with one punch. That he is a ruthless, cold calculating bastard. But it looks like I could win every single game of Go Fish with this guy. Constantly we get promos by him that only proves that he is a dumb heel (thanks, Triple H). WWE seemingly has forgotten how to bring up monsters nowadays. Not a lot of people fear Kozlov, but they should.

But they sure pushed Jeff. Time will tell if Jeff will continue with this new "disturbed" role or revert back to his original self. WWE loves Jeff again and is letting him do his thing.

So apparently it will be the flipped out one, the dumb monster, and the smug face champion. Order our PPV to see a double dosage of two nauseating soul-sucking wins for Triple H and John Cena.

POSTIVES

-- Unique opening
-- Good matches with Matt Hardy vs. Benjamin, Brian Kendrick vs. Carlito
-- Vickie does a great job in her role
-- Jeff gets a huge win over the Taker
-- Jeff's character is the most intriguing bit of all the WWE leading into Survivor Series. (However, that is not saying a lot)

NEGATIVES

-- How much of a shot do you give the character of Kizarny?
-- Unless you sleep in Triple H PJs, Triple H promos are not worth paying attention to
-- MVP loses to the Karate Kid for the second time
-- Casket matches are corny, rarely ever good
-- No solid reason that Survivor Series is a "must buy"

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: Go Couture!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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