By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Matt vs. Kozlov. Put first so that people wouldn't go to the bathroom. I thought that announcing for this match was excellent. Fans got Kozlov background like sambo wrestler, was in a former USSR training camp at age 6, and Striker comparing Kozlov to a "tank rolling through the red square." Striker did his trademark of saying that Kozlov "should make better pins." I really enjoy the style of Striker and Grisham, as it invites me to get really involved in the match. By comparison, Lawler and Cole are just background noise. Striker does sometimes "try too hard" and goes overboard.

Kozlov has a new finisher, but some boring offense. And I'm not sure why he did the same arm submission move over and over. However, a solid showcase for Kozlov.

Speaking of showcases, sometimes wrestling companies will write in skits just to show wrestlers. Thus, you have the pointless bit of Vickie wanting Chavo to get her some coffee.

credit to z.about.com

Probably a sexual harassment case in Hornswoggle's future.

In world news, an Iraqi journalist threw a shoe at President Bush. Even though Layla didn't throw a shoe, she looked stunning tonight. And she managed to hold up the IC belt the entire match. "The arm strength, Cole! The arm strength!" Did Regal get his chair from a thrift shop?

Lillian announces Punk as one half of the tag team champions. Ouch.

Mysterio vs. Punk was a great example of chain wrestling. The execution of the match was very smooth. It's too bad that the New York audience was a tough crowd to win over.

Cole's favorite word? "Injured."

HBK goes Rocky V on us. According to HBK, a "wrestling tragedy" is when you have to bag groceries or wrestle independent shows in high school gyms. I think WWE needs to examine what goes under the label "wrestling tragedy." Yes it is sad to see an old star with a beer gut limp his way to the ring, but it's not a "wrestling tragedy." PWTorch.com readers know what constitutes as a "wrestling tragedy."

HBK starts off first talking about how much of a good guy he is and how his money problems are not really his fault. He gives to charities, wants to pay for his children's college tuition, goes to church, and so forth. He just gives all of his money away and hasn't learned to say "no." Hello, M.C. Hammer. Fans are supposed to feel sorry for him because he wasn't responsible with his money. His character has no gambling problem, no child payments, and no divorce. All fans got was this: "He lost a lot of money in the stock markets." How about the character of HBK make some sacrifices like the majority of Americans? And is joining JBL really all that bad? Go get that paper. Money money yeah yeah.

credit to pics4.city-data.com

You know what should be a real tragedy? If you couldn't wrestle anymore. It seems that the character of HBK wants out of the business fast. Excuse me if I cannot picture the thought of HBK bagging groceries at a Piggly Wiggly. Or why there is this vibe going around WWE of "old wrestlers who do such things are failures." No they're not.

Now I know that people wouldn't wrestle for free. That's impractical. No one would realistically play in the NFL for free. But what makes me cheer for certain NFL players is when they express that they would play football for free. HBK gave the impression that independent shows for veteran wrestlers are for chumps.

The thing was just drenched in WWE melodrama that it was hard to take seriously. It's not what happens to a man that's important; it's how the man reacts to life's challenges. Simply put this HBK "poor man" storyline bit tried to do too much and ended up somewhat murky. I understand that this is a fear that many wrestlers have: the fear of going from "the bright lights" to gyms and bingo halls.

Realistically I know that people have a sense of pride and feel like they are failures if they work "on a lower level." But that's a false notion. The whole message of "I'm better than doing indy shows or bagging groceries and will make a deal with a scumbag to not reach that point" is a mixed message. Considering that HBK mentioned that he goes to church, his message is confusing:

Phillipians 2:3-4

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (KJV)

Prov 29:23

A man's pride shall bring him low, but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit. (KJV)

Romans 12:3

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. (KJV)

This HBK promo was an example of how people can turn a relatively simply thing and just make it worse by trying to add too many layers to it.

I kind of digged the unruly crowd. New York crowds tend to be unreceptive. Kudos to the guy who brought in a poster of the '90s HBK.

Cody and Manu, or the Ortonholes as I like to call them, basically do a promo for Randy. Ass kissers. Community Theatre Cody. Mumbling Manu. Legacy, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey, Buffalo Bills. Instead of fighting with each other, maybe you should playfully choke each other! Because that's what you do best! Yeah, take that! You're not like my homestate football teams, the Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers! You actually can win games! You suck!

After the HBK promo, anything could have looked good. Jack Swagger vs. Tommy Dreamer on television was a more brutal match, but this match was decent enough. I remember Mark Henry breaking stuff and Striker gasping at breath at the crazy s--- he just saw. Not even Mark Henry could break the bond between father and son. Awww.

Tag team of Boogey/Goldy? Possibly feud with JoMizzy? Most likely than not JoMizzy will defend the titles like every three months.

Kennedy comes on to say a few things: Drink responsibly. Don't do drugs. Practice safe sex. Call your grandmother. Put the cap on the toothpaste when you're done. Clean your plate. Wash your hands. Suddenly this PPV just turned silly. "Armageddon" should have been renamed "Christmas Carols" or something. But at least it was short.

Okay, Ortonholes. You got pushed. Now get out of here.

Jim Ross is only going to call one match? That's bad. Background noise with Lawler and Cole. They are easily the worst announcing team of the WWE.

Both Randy and Dave looked off here. Since Randy wasn't going to get pushed, he took the night off. A forgettable affair here, and the possibility of Dave vs. John Cena at the Rumble. Yeah.

Loads of fake laughter during the useless diva match. Would be refreshing if one of the announcers was actually honest and said flat out, "Hey, this is boring." Khali has got some new music, and does the tongue dance with Mae Young. No Trish Stratus. Kind of weird that a playboy dresses up in sweats.

Damn if WWE isn't treating it like it's the hottest thing out there. Sometimes I am thankful that I can fast forward through these parts. Just a whole lot of nothing here.

Not a big fan of John Cena matches. Understand about his work ethic and appeal, but I often don't enjoy the matches he is in. Did anyone else call that Lawler was going to say "What leg strength!" Pretty bad when you know what the announcer is going to say next.

Great sign in the crowd tonight: "Paul! I can't feel my legs!" How did that get through? It's that damn Joey Styles!

Jericho taps and all is right with the Cena wrestling world. If only I believed Cena's in-ring work as much as the WWE does.

Great triple threat match. Nice tower of doom/whisper in the wind.

Matt Striker runs away from the table with his Slammy and notebook. Did Adamle ever have a notebook?

I think people even in Buffalo, New York could have heard me swearing at the TV when the big dumb Russian Kolzov showed up. One could argue that Kozlov kicking the ass of the ECW champion was good enough, but WWE found it fit to shove him into the spotlight. WWE has to push new people into the main event fold, but right now it's like pushing somebody like Umaga. He's undefeated, but that means nothing to me.

redit to images1.fanpop.com

If the match ended with Kozlov interfering and Edge picking up the win, that would have been horrible. But alas, Jeff is the new WWE Champ. He's got his own storyline ("Who attacked me?") plus he gets to deal with the heel couple of Vickie and Edge.

POSITIVES

-- Matt Striker and John Grisham announcing on the Kozlov match
-- Punk vs. Mysterio chain wrestling
-- Decent brawl with Finlay vs. Mark Henry
-- Cena vs. Jericho
-- Trips vs. Jeff vs. Edge was a great triple threat match
-- Jeff winning the whole caboodle, main reason why people would want to check out the PPV

NEGATIVES

-- A lot of Lawler and Cole announcing
-- HBK promo, in my opinion, was the worst bit of the night
-- Pushing Ortonholes and Boring Batista over Orton? Both look like they were sleep wrestling
-- Khali Kiss cam, diva match
-- I'm not a big fan of what Cena does in the ring

ARMAGEDDON VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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