By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Matt Hardy comes out and gives an angry promo against the "internet wrestling crowd," or "smarks." "You're stupid! And you're losers! You know what you are? You're lupid! Muhahahaha! Take that you smarks! You smarmy marks! You doubted us! Everyone of you!"

Actually Matt didn't do that. He choked up in talking about Jeff winning. It did a nice job of building up Smackdown and the "legacy" of the Hardy name. Theodore Long comes out in a crazy get-up and makes fun of Vickie.

"God knows I lose my appetite!" Burnnnnn!!! Funny because it's not as lame as "chunkyvania."

During the Matt-Chavo match, Striker pumps up the Jeff win as "a win of individuality."Grisham replies back with "thank you for the commentary on life's lessons."

Gavin Spears could go to the "winner's window" if he wins. He didn't, but the match was a decent one. Nice bit with Hornswoggle and Striker. Striker talks about the movie "The Wrestler" and how this, THIS is the real stuff. By the way, coming up next is Mark Henry in a Santa Claus outfit giving an absurdly boring "Christmas Night" poem and some madness with Ricky "O-ring" Ortiz giving Tiffany a towel. Now that's real. It's damn real. It's so damn real!

D.J. dancing! Hammer time! Uh oh! Uh oh! Nothing wrong with Henry dressing up as a Santa and Tony Atlas as a reindeer, but his long poem was just baffling. One has to wonder what went into preparing the poem. Edge has watched ECW backstage and decided that he could do a better "Christmas Night" poem! Here is the copy he released to the internet!

" 'Twas The Night Before Wednesday" By Edge

'Twas the night before Wednesday, when all through the ECW house
Nobody was stirring, because they had fallen asleep off their couch
Somebody made an effort to wrap the Ortiz present with care,
In hopes that the segment would be at least accepted as fair
Ricky Ortiz surely had great aspirations in his head
But not even Punk could save that segment that was dead
Mark Henry wants to run over Hornswoggle with a jeep
Meanwhile I'm cruising in jets and hanging with my Canadian peeps
It was Christian who hit you Jeff, you didn't see it coming!
Hey Chavo! Come here! Go get me some blueberry muffins!
Not even hell could contain me, no reason to flip
I aligned myself with a powerful woman, just like Trips

The announcers put on sad faces and tell a sad story, the HBK one

"Here's a number you can call so you can donate to the Shawn Michaels fund"

But let's give them credit, they didn't get that stupid
It's really hard rhyming, but it doesn't matter because smarks are lupid
Who cares about the Hardys, it's all about me! I'm number one!
My wild beard got more attention than Matt's entire ECW championship run!
Now tune into Smackdown, where I will sing love songs to Vickie the queen
I'm thinking "Said I Loved You...But I Lied" by Michael Bolton the cheese
I have made a career out of beating the Hardys! Those losers!
Edge rules, you marks! Now that's super!

-Edge

(In order of appearance: credit to images.mylot.com, slam.canoe.ca, and www4.pictures.zimbio.com for pics)

Some painful stuff with Punk/Kofi/Ortiz and Tiffany. Their mouths were moving, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I was zoning out.

Was excited about another ECW six-man tag team match, but this one was subpar. ECW has a hard time with nowadays is the last half hour.

POSITIVES

-- Opening
-- Matt vs. Chavo
-- Hornswoggle bit with Matt Striker
-- Finlay vs. Gavin Spears

NEGATIVES

-- Santa Henry's "Christmas Night" promo
-- Ricky gives Tiffany a towel
-- Not much doing in the main event

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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