By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Ah, wrestlers and cut-off t-shirts. Tony Atlas even has a cut-off dress shirt.

Rey wants a re-do of last week's match with Shawn. JBL comes out. Boom. Rey vs. JBL at WrestleMania. But it looks like HBK vs. JBL at Mania instead. Cena has the audacity to lay his hands on Mr. Fuzzy, Knox's beard. There will be hell to pay. Or Knox will get his ass kicked by Cena uh-gain.

This opening skit was like reading a children's story. Years ago Cena would had thrown in an STD joke or something. Wouldn't surprise me a bit if WWE went back to joking about sexual diseases and having their divas do strip-offs. This whole "PG" thing smells like hypocrisy, as useless smut and grime was always available on WWE programming years ago, even when they knew children were watching.

Sure, Punk losing by a ten-count victory protects him, but it sure makes him look stupid. For Cody: "Look, Randy! I won because I got lucky! I deserve to be in your group!" Regal came out looking good.

This just in: the whole MVP losing streak is depressing. Get on with it.

Cena does a promo like how my four-year old nephew would do a promo. "Get a monster truck in here! Wreck a limo! Have JBL run me over! Have Orton wrestle my father! Come on!"

Just for fun, compare the Cena promo to the Jericho promo.

Ah, Goldust. Keep this up and maybe Black Reign never existed. Santino will probably get his own WrestleMania match, and what better opponent than Goldy? And did Santino actually create a funny phrase that gets over? "The scrotnamourous region?" My, been a long time since anybody was quoting a WWE wrestler had said (credit to albums.tapuz.co.il for pic).

Wasn't the battle royale a "over the top" rope match? Or was it a "just over any rope?" match? Rosa is Santino's fan? At least WWE recognizes that they need to have special guest announcers or Santino hanging around to have people tune into diva matches.

Sooner or later, The Haas will run out of people he can pay "tribute" to. The announcers swallow a huge gulp of laughing gas and nearly pee themselves in just how knee-slapping funny somebody dressing up for Halloween is. Cole drops "Haas was game, but Snuka has been impressive." Yawn.

Cody getting a lucky victory and Sim Snuka beating up a clown isn't really impressive, considering that these guys are "second-generation" wrestlers. Probably play into a storyline somewhat next week, but from a fan perspective the group Legacy comparing themselves to the Four Horseman is just silly.

Hey, ECW stars show up regularly for Raw tapings! Steph is a genius!

Announcers sure love to describe heels as "bullies." Ugh. They were dropping that term like it was going out of style. Cole drops some useless knowledge that Mr. Fuzzy is a year old! Like Mr. Knox stopped Cole in catering and said, "Did you know, Mr. Cole, that I haven't shaved my beard in over a year? Isn't that just swell? Oops! I'm out of character!" Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday to Mr. Fuzzy, you have a lot of hair
You're stuck on the guy who main move is to stare
Was ho-hum in his ECW feud with Finlay
Now he's Snitksy on Monday Night TV
You're described as a bully, a mean sort
How could Kelly Kelly date both you and Randy Ort
My nephew is scared of you, doesn't find you funny
While I wonder if you take schoolkids's lunch money
WWE doesn't know how to bring up monster heels anymore
If you ever got shaved your owner's push would be no more
Doo doo doo
Happy birthday to you

Pretty soon, you know, WWE will bring in the evil bully "Scut Farkus" from the movie "A Christmas Story." Cole: "Look at him! Look at him! He has yellow eyes! I swear, I have never seen yellow eyes before!" (credit to achristmasstoryhouse.com for pic).

Dolph Zwiggler is probably what WWE people want in their new generation of superstars: capable of doing over-the-top facial expressions.

Big move with Rey doing a reverse huracanrana. Kofi gets a rub from Cena.

Hey, did you know that WWE beat Yahoo searches for Lindsay Lohan? That's incredible!

Kizarny is coming to Smackdown? That's also incredible! It's just so incredible! The damn WWE Universe is gonna explode! Look out!

Mr. Ortonhole was Kelly's boyfriend? Orton used her? This is the first time that sex has been hinted in the rated-PG WWE ever since Mickie and Cena, which had all of the chemistry of a telephone voice recording and a brick. Meanwhile Orton scores some points in his contest with Kurt Angle to see who can become the most evilest wrestler. Angle is still leading by a wide margin, though.

"Hey, stay tuned to watch Manu! He's facing Matt Hardy! You like Matt Hardy, right?" Yawn some more. The "First Phase" for Legacy was pretty dull and not at all impressive from the fan's perspective. Orton: "Now that's how you do it! That's how you do it! Two of you barely won your matches!" But I will give the character of Orton more credit. Probably next week Orton will be sick to his stomach.

Behind Enemy Lines shows Kennedy talking about how fun it is to fire his machine gun. Reminds me of Jesse Ventura firing "Ol' Painless" in the movie "Predator" (credit to dvdtimes.co.uk for pic).

So the Fatal Four-way match is a tag match? Sure seems like an easier match to work. Guess the "JBL Rules" are in effect. Understandable in that this makes it easier to tell a story and to keep track of the story, but why would the wrestlers be so eager to tag themselves in if they run the risk of being eliminated?

I think if HBK took any longer to make his decision I would have thrown up. Crowd was eating it up, but all of this "WWE drawn-out movie drama" at the start and the end of the show probably made some people sick.

I never really understood just buying the Royal Rumble PPV just to see the Rumble. Cena vs. JBL will give the whole JBL-HBK storyline more weight.

POSTIVES

-- Goldust
-- Melina vs. Beth
-- Jericho promo
-- Ten-man tag team match
-- Randy was Kelly's boyfriend? Ha!
-- Michael's storytelling (albeit drawn out as hell)

NEGATIVES

-- Stale opening
-- Punk getting counted out, Cody gets a pathetic win
-- Cena promo
-- "Bullies"
-- Legacy matches were pretty much duds
-- Main event match (until the finish)
-- Cena vs. JBL at Rumble? Eh

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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