By Michael Simmons, Torch specialist

Hello everybody and welcome to yet another week of the column that dares to go beyond what meets the eye. Ladies and gentlemen, this…is ECW: Under the Microscope.

Just a reminder, this is not a recap. If you want match by match analysis and results, check out Caldwell's, Mayer's, and Parks's ECW TV reports on the main page. If you want ECW analysis, check out the ECW Roundtable Reviews on the main page as well. If you want a Ricky Ortiz rally towel...why?

This week's edition of ECW emanated from the Wolstein Center on the campus of Cleveland State University. Even though this was the first show at the venue, WWE is no stranger to Cleveland, Ohio. The Quicken Loans Arena, formerly the Gund Arena, played host to the 1996 Summerslam, 2004 Survivor Series, and the 2001 Invasion pay-per-views.

To kick off the show, ECW GM Theodore Long made his way to ring, as the commentators referred to him as the "MacMilitant." The name was actually derived from his managerial days on Raw, where he managed a stable of wrestlers, dubbed "Thuggin' and Buggin' Enterprises." The stable included D'Lo Brown, Rodney Mack, Jazz, Rosey, Mark Henry, and Christopher Nowinski. It's interesting to note that with the exception of Henry, none of these performers have an in-ring WWE contract today.

Jack Swagger's lisp came across very clearly on this week's show and even though some have openly mocked him on screen for his speech impediment, Swagger is actually in good company when in comes to celebrities with them. Probably the most famous example in the wrestling world would be Dusty Rhodes, who also has a distinctive lisp.

Other celebrities include actor James Earl Jones and 20/20 reporter John Stossel, who was slapped by "Dr. D." David Schultz after he questioned the legitimacy of professional wrestling, err, sports entertainment in 1984.



I know it has nothing to do with ECW, but I can't stand John Stossel and I love this clip. Sue me. Hey, if Randy Orton can threaten to file a bogus lawsuit like he did in that terrible angle Monday night, you can do it too.

The commentators noted that Finlay had the longest time of any ECW star in this year's Royal Rumble. After this past Sunday, Finlay, with a time of 29:59, holds the record for the longest time in a Rumble match for an ECW wrestler since the brand's revival in 2006. John Morrison is in second place at 29:24 (2008), and CM Punk comes in third with a time of 27:16 (2007).

Matt Striker pointed out how tough Finlay is by referring to a match between him and William Regal (then known as Lord Steven Regal) on a 1996 episode of WCW Nitro. It was a Parking Lot Brawl, where Finlay suffered an eye injury after being slammed into a glass window. I'd recommend re-watching the match, but the commentary team of Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan, and Steve "Mongo" McMichael will drive you crazier than watching anything involving Ricky Ortiz.

During Finlay's match against Paul Burchill, Striker said, "Terry Funk handpicked Burchill for his battles in U.K." Funk and Burchill teamed up as part of a six man tag at Frontier Wrestling Alliance's British Uprising 3. This was one of his final matches in Europe before leaving for World Wrestling Entertainment in 2005.

Also during Finlay-Burchill, Hornswoggle crawled from under the ring and started chasing after Katie Lea. Hornswoggle, affectionately called "Horny" by many WWE commentators, seems to live up to his nickname. He has shown an eye for the ladies over the years, going after Melina, Sunny, and even joined in on a "Ho Train" when The Godfather made an appearance during Raw's 15 Anniversary celebration.

Everybody's favorite teacher-turned-color commentator Matt Striker made a reference to his own teacher, "The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz," who also trained Tommy Dreamer, Bill DeMott, Big Vito, Damien Demento, Tazz, Bubba Ray, D-Von, and Big Dick Dudley.

Speaking of legendary trainers, Stu Hart was revealed as Mark Henry's trainer. The Hart family name is synonymous with wrestling, and in addition to the extended Hart family, Stu has trained such names as "Superstar" Billy Graham, Gorilla Monsoon, Lance Storm, Justin Credible, Chris Jericho, Edge, Nikolai Volkoff, and Fritz Von Erich.

The line of the night goes to Striker once gain as Todd Grisham claimed Mark Henry is the "world record holder for the clean-and-jerk." Striker then said, "Is that what you do when you get out of the shower?" Hilarious.

In the WrestleMania Recall from WrestleMania 21, there were shots of the many parody trailers used in promotion for the event and it should be noted that of the 41 stars in the nine trailers produced, less than half of them still remain with the company.

Eddie Guerrero, The Fabulous Moolah and Chris Benoit have passed away, Booker T, Kurt Angle and Christy Hemme are in TNA, Jonathan Coachman is an anchor with ESPN, and Hardcore Holly, Paul London, and Gene Snitsky were just recently wished the best in their future endeavors.

My favorite trailer was the Basic Instinct parody with Benoit, Jericho, Moolah, Mae Young and Stacy Keibler. It seems like I'm missing somebody though.



Hmm, I wonder what Christian is doing these days.

Michael Simmons has been a wrestling fan for 18 years and is co-host of The Atomic Drop Wrestling Show. Quite often, he goes into deep thought about some of wrestling’s greatest mysteries. You know, thought provoking questions like, "If WWE Films would have produced the movie 'The Wrestler,' would it have been called 'The Sports Entertainer?'" If you know the answer, feel free to leave comments below or e-mail him at Sironsim@aol.com.

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