•New for September 2010 - the Torch Today "Daily News at a Glance"... If you've got 25 seconds, we've boiled the news of the day down to 250 words. Check it out every day at 5 p.m. ET or bookmark the listing. Appointment reading for the wrestling fan who doesn't want to miss anything, but doesn't have much time. •Click For Latest Daily News at a Glance Update
GO VIP - SUBSCRIBE TODAY
•75+ VIP-only audio shows per month
•PWTorch Newsleter (PDF & Text)
•20+ Year Archives of Back Issues & Audio & Interviews
•Ad-Free PWTorch.com, VIP Forum, Keller's VIP Blog, much more!
•Start now and be in the VIP site in 3 minutes... •Click For Details & Pricing
HITS & MISSES - TNA IMPACT 7/2: Kevin Nash's sit-down, Kurt Angle Plays the Game, Matt Morgan a Hit?, Samoa Joe muted, Bad acting, Raven MIA
Jul 3, 2009 - 10:56:51 AM
By Hubert O'Hearn, Torch specialist
-- 7/2 TNA IMPACT HITS & MISSES
In a week when Dixie Carter apologized for some bad booking errors in the past and promised more intelligent storylines we unfortunately had an Impact that reminded us much more of the former and shook our faith in the latter. If you've been reading this column for a while, you know how much it pains me to write this, but the July 2 Impact just had a thrown together, paint by numbers feel to it that either drifted away from some strong established storylines or introduced some elements I could live happily without. That said, if you loved it even more than your first high school crush - good for you. No reviewer can tell an audience that they're wrong to like something. But TNA metaphorically sent its brain on vacation far too often in this show. Onwards.
IMPACT HITS
Unexpected Wins - It was a very pleasant surprise to see both Amazing Red and Eric Young get wins this week. Granted, one was over the Deaner and the other over Rhino, but let's not quibble. Even if Amazing Red continues to be used as a jobber with dazzling skills, it's still important to give jobbers a win now and then. There's nothing worse than a match where you flat out know with beatific certitude who's going to win. On the other hand, if TNA ever truly re-focused on the X Division title as one at least equal to the tag title, Red could and should be a title contender.
Booker T and Scott Steiner - Speaking of unexpected wins, the "Harlem Pump" team of Booker T and Scott Steiner beat Team 3D to earn a title shot. Hands up everyone who thought that Beer Money would be facing anyone other than Team 3D at Victory Road. (Put your hand down Chris Sabin.) Ideally that match will be held off until Bound for Glory, with a full four months of build for what will probably be the tag match of the year. More to the point, Booker and Steiner have been the lost boys of the Main Event Mafia. I don't think any of us realistically see either man as capable of a main event run any more, but giving them a two or three pay-per-view run as heel tag champions would at the very least re-establish them as still being legitimate champions and worthy of membership in the elite group.
Big Kev Auditions for His Next Career - I enjoyed Mike Tenay's sit-down with Kevin Nash. Yeah, we were listening to stories about 1996 again, but honestly I enjoy that stuff. Your average NFL broadcast still references Walter Payton, Joe Montana, and Vince Lombardi, so why can't wrestling take out its nostalgia for a wax now and then? And while Nash may be about as nimble as an anvil these days, the guy still talks better than any other current wrestler. This got me to thinking. Every Piper's Pit type interview segment has always been either the window dressing for a heel beatdown or the dumping ground for bad/creepy writing (Karen's Angle anyone?). But what if you had Nash really talking with other wrestlers about their careers, their honest feelings about upcoming title matches, etc.? It could work.
Kurt Angle is the Real Game - I'd really like to take Triple H's nickname from him and give it to Kurt Angle. I hope we all appreciate how absolutely dead-on he has played his part as head of the MEM, both in the ring and on the stick. I still fear for him every time he wrestles with that brittle neck, but selfishly I'm so glad he's still there. If you ranked wrestlers on a five point scale for the categories of Ring Skill, Mic Skill, Ability to be Face or Heel, Comedy, and finally Brutality - the essential skills it seems to me - Angle would rate 55555. When he looked into the camera on Thursday night and said to Sting "It was just business" it was like he had just stepped out of a Martin Scorcese picture ... and I'm sure Kurt Angle would love to step into a Martin Scorcese picture.
A Real Main Event - For once, we got a legitimate main event in that the match between Angle/Joe and A.J./Jarrett ran 12 minutes. Literally, it's about time.
That Matt Morgan Thing - Holy crap. I'm going to write something nice about Matt Morgan. He wasn't a goofball this week. He wasn't a craven bootlicker. He instead still wants to join the MEM but he's getting fed up waiting. His storyline made sense in that Angle needed to hire some short-term muscle and Morgan was available. Now I'm intrigued to find out what happens when (presumably) next week Angle blows him off again.
IMPACT MISSES
Oh good. Bugs. - Maybe this is just a matter of personal taste, but I've never been big on wrestlers having pets or scary little animals with two exceptions. One was Matilda, because she fit so perfectly with the British Bulldogs. And the other of course was Jake Roberts's snake because a python would legitimately make you McMahon your pants. (Pause for laughter.) Mostly though, you end up with what my Irish grandmother used to call sillyosities like Dustin Rhodes and that stupid little rat Misty.
So we have Tara, the former Victoria, being booked just fine so far. She's terrific in the ring, she looks like an athlete, hell she is an athlete. So they put her in a tag match with Awesome Kong against the Beautiful People and they have Tara bring out ... a tarantula in a box. Oh. Here's the worst part of it. The Beautiful People are terrified of the tarantula. Besides being high school Charlie humor, this diminishes the BP in an important way. Yes they're Knockouts, but they're also wrestlers who make their living dishing out and absorbing pain. Step on the freaking spider! My worst fear is that TNA is going to hire another Knockout and call her Tula so we'll have the team of ... yeah .... Tara n' Tula. You wait. If this happens, everybody reading this owe me a beer!
Joe Hits the Mute Button - Wade Keller was bang-on with one of his points on Thursday's show. Last week we had Samoa Joe attain "made man" status in the MEM. This still annoyed and confused millions - okay, it annoyed and confused me. This week we get no elaboration from Joe. Why did he allow himself to be bought? How does he feel about Nash, Booker, and Steiner basically saying they laid down for him? Fine - we all know Joe is going to turn on Angle in the most non-swerve swerve of all time but this was not the time to let a hot angle drop.
Lauren can Sue for Non-Support - What in God's green earth are they doing to that poor woman? This is actually starting to make me mad. So me and the family are watching Impact and on comes the scene between Abyss and Lauren and the 13-year-old boy says, "That sounds really dumb." And my dear sweetheart, whose nickname cross my heart is the Nature Girl, calls out from the next room "What bad acting!" And the baby expressed himself in his pants, if you know what I mean. Here's the thing. I've alluded to this before, but besides reviewing TV and theater for years I ran a teaching repertory company. You direct 50 shows, you learn a few things okay? First off, there is never an excuse for having a badly acted scene in any medium that can include the words "take two." That craptacular scene with Lauren camping it up as Fay Wray and Abyss nattering about "don't ask me to stop being a monster" never should have made it to air.
There are three possible reasons for a bad scene: the actors are incompetent, the writing is incompetent, or the director is incompetent. Abyss can play a monster. He did it very well for years, so it wasn't his fault. Lauren - who I fear will take the fall for all this - can act. I used to praise her in this very space as being responsive and natural in her backstage segments. The writing was, um, okay nothing that William Goldman would point to with pride but I've seen worse. The lines could be made to work if ... if ... if the director could find his own ass with two hands and a flashlight! Like holy hell, do they like have some kind of door prize for the 500th visitor to Universal where you get to direct a segment for Impact? For the first time I wished that a wrestling show ran credits at the end so I would know who to address the hate mail to. But if on the odd chance he reads this, allow me to say to him (and it'll be a him, no woman would ever birth an abomination this bad): Sir, learn how to give your wrestlers and others an objective for what they're doing instead of saying as you obviously are, "Be angry!" or "Be scared!" Learn, or get your sorry butt out of the business.
Missing Persons - Also related to the Abyss-Dr.Stevie storyline swerving towards the ditch this week was the man who wasn't there. No, not Billy Bob Thornton, I'm referring to Raven. From what I've read, he was on a short-term contract but I really think TNA needs to throw some money at him pronto. Without him, Dr. Stevie and Daffney will lack a focus point, a very dark and chilling focus point. With him, they're a brilliant faction. The second MIA is Jim Cornette. I've alluded to this before, but I truly wish that it was Cornette attempting to re-establish order in the ranks rather than this confused web of who's on top, Jeff Jarrett or Mick Foley?
-- Anyway, look, it wasn't a horrible show. We've come a long way from Eric Young being terrified of his own pyro. But I do want to see the storytelling strengthened again. TNA has been on a truly great roll and I don't want them to let it slip away. Now blog away!
Hubert O'Hearn is a new PWTorch Specialist covering TNA Impact with a weekly Hits & Misses column. You can read Hubert's Hits & Misses column and Chris Reed's new TNA Hits & Misses column weekly on PWTorch.com
•New for September 2010 - the Torch Today "Daily News at a Glance"... If you've got 25 seconds, we've boiled the news of the day down to 250 words. Check it out every day at 5 p.m. ET or bookmark the listing. Appointment reading for the wrestling fan who doesn't want to miss anything, but doesn't have much time.
