By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist

Thank you for joining me as put Raw "Under The Microscope." This is not a complete recap of Monday's show. Instead, it's a closer, perhaps offbeat, look at the broadcast.

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind

As we kicked off Monday's show from Detroit, I noticed two things. One, Dusty Rhodes's forehead is a mess and two, the sign of the night. One fan wanted to express her good news combined with her dislike of a certain faction which would play a key role at Raw with the message of "6 weeks pregnant and Legacy makes me nauseous."

According to babycenter.com, most expecting moms enjoy all of the charms and delight of nausea starting at 4-6 weeks. If the sickness is not "Legacy related," it should fade around week 14. Although it's commonly called morning sickness, it can strike at any time. For this one fan, most likely from 9:00 p.m. to approximately 11:05 p.m.

Although the Orton/Rhodes/DiBiase theory has merit, most suggest that nausea is related to rapidly rising hormone levels during early pregnancy. To get some relief, you can try snacking on bland foods, eating ginger or just watch something else on Monday night.

Trying to make some front page drive-in news

Dusty made the most of his entrance as he insisted that he was "working on some night moves tonight," an easy, but solid way to warm up to the Motown fans. The lyric comes from the Bob Seger song "Night Moves." Seger is one of the more popular artists to come out of Detroit and performed locally for many years as part of the Bob Seger System before dropping the "System," performing as a solo artist and then picking up The Silver Bullet Band in the mid 70's. Seger was born and raised in Michigan and still lives outside of Detroit. He sang "America the Beautiful" at Game 1 of the 2006 World Series featuring the Detroit Tigers and St. Louis Cardinals.

Although Seger is known for songs like "Night Moves," "Against the Wind," and "Still the Same," his most famous song wasn't his most successful. "Old Time Rock and Roll" reached #28 on the U.S. charts when it was originally released in 1979, but exploded in popularity when it was featured in the Tom Cruise movie "Risky Business." The song was recently featured in a series of commercials for Guitar Hero, featuring athletes, coaches, and even Heidi Klum recreating Cruise's famous underwear-clad dance.

Yeah, good times

Most of the time, history is not WWE's best subject. If it didn't happen just before the commercial break, it didn't happen at all. So, I was pleased that Randy Orton reminded Rhodes and the viewers about their past meetings by questioning why he shouldn't "kick you in the skull like I did two years ago." In 2007, "The Legend Killer" fought "The American Dream," with the feud coming to a head (thank you) on Raw with Orton drilling Rhodes in the skull after Orton had just defeated Cody Rhodes in a match.

I'll give partial credit to WWE for their glance at history as I feel they missed another opportunity by not going deeper into a past guest host's comments. Although Cody did talk to Ted DiBiase and remind him that his father had tried to pull strings when he was guest host, they didn't mention "The Million Dollar Man's" rant about Cody's father being in the Hall of Fame while he was still waiting.

"I despise Dusty Rhodes. And the fact that that fat, blond headed, bloated, gyrating fool is in the WWE Hall of Fame and I'm not is a travesty."--Ted DiBiase, guest hosting Raw on 7/6/09

Perhaps he ended the sentence, off camera, with the words "no offense." That tends to do the trick.

Introduce yourself, please

For the "American Dream six-Diva Battle Royal," Kelly Kelly received a full introduction, including her music and graphics. The same treatment for Jillian Hall, Beth Phoenix, and even Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox. Gail Kim? No music and no graphics as she was lumped into Kelly Kelly's introduction. After her second straight sloppy match and no introduction, I don't think she needs to start thinking about who will induct her into the Hall anytime soon.

Two for flinching

Chris Jericho left his match with MVP holding a pair of belts and his nose. If you looked closely during the last few minutes of his match, he repeatedly wiped his nose as if he was looking for blood. Although it wasn't entirely clear, it appears that Jericho took a stiff forearm to the face just seconds after missing his move from the top rope.

Mooooove on

Chavo Guerrero once portrayed golfer Kerwin White, so I'm not quite sure that this would be the low point of his career, but it certainly qualifies for consideration. The latest episode featured Chavo in a Texas Bullrope match and naturally, he was forced to dress like the bull.

The announcers mentioned that guest host Dusty Rhodes had fought in several famous Bullrope matches. Younger fans may remember Rhodes fighting Orton in a similar match at the 2007 Great American Bash. Slightly older fans should recall matches against a wide range of wrestlers including Steve Corino, Kevin Sullivan, and Nick Bockwinkel. The one I remember was the classic, bloody brawl against Superstar Billy Graham from Madison Square Garden in 1978, although I believe that match was technically a Texas Death match.

No, neither one was dressed like cattle.

Excuse me while I whip this out

Perhaps I'm reading too much into a pause, but while trying to sort through "udderly ridiculous," "he'll strain a calf," and "what a mooooooooooove," I caught a morsel of actual comedy as Jerry Lawler first saw Hornswoggle in costume and announced, "The sheriff is a... Leprachaun." Again, I could be reaching, but if anything could save this segment, it's something from "Blazing Saddles."

As the citizens of Rock Ridge anxiously awaited their new sheriff, crusty old Gabby Johnson spied the African American sheriff riding into the town. Knowing the racist citizens would be shocked at the news, he tried to warn them by announcing "Hey! The sheriff's a n...", only to be drowned out by the tolling of the church bell. Harriet Johnson asked "what did he say?" with Dr. Sam Johnson responding, "He said the sheriff's near."

A stretch? Perhaps. Desperate times call for desperate acts. Okay, one more.

"They said you was hung."
"And they was right."

We now return to you to your originally scheduled grown man in a cow suit, already in progress.

Kelsey, Lindsey, Jack Dempsey, whatever

Jerry Lawler was clearly excited about the prospects of seeing Chavo modeling the latest in cattle fashion, so much so that he called him Jersey, then Guernsey, then asked "what's the difference?"

Jerseys and Guernseys are quite similar and both are dairy cattle. The main difference is in weight, with the Guernsey tipping the scales at a slightly higher weight than the light footed Jerseys.

Macho Man! No, not you Randy

Lawler may have broken his own record for most puns in one match as he fired off round after round at Chavo, but Hornswoggle wasn't spared for his sheriff's outfit. Lawler insisted that when Hornswoggle came out, he though he was "a member of the Village People - the Village Little People."

The '70s musical group known for their songs "Y.M.C.A." and "Macho Man" featured different singers in various occupational-related outfits, including a police officer, a construction worker and Indian chief. Although there was a police officer and a cowboy, there was never a sheriff in the regular lineup for the Village People.

Amen

After the match, Lawler summed it up with the words "I've seen it all now."

We can only hope that means we'll never have to see it again.

The people have spoken!

Thank you for voting in this week's Raw Microscope poll. Just a quick answer to those who voted for an alternative selection: I had a bowl of cereal. Thanks for asking. Most of you preferred a closer look at our guest host for the evening, Mr. Virgil Runnels. WWE made good use of his relationship with his son Cody during Monday's show, but they chose to avoid a full family reunion with his older son Dustin, better known as Goldust.

He ended the show by turning on John Cena and it showed a rare glimpse of the "dirty" side of Dusty. It certainly isn't the first time for Rhodes as he basically broke into the business as one half of the Texas Outlaws with Dick Murdoch, although he would wrestle the majority of his career as someone cheered by the fans.

He is a three-time World Champion, has held other regional titles and can claim tag team belts with wrestlers as varied as Andre the Giant, Nikita Koloff, The Road Warriors, and Buff Bagwell. If you're new to Dusty Rhodes, you may have looked at him on Monday night and thought "Wow, he's really let himself go." Actually, that's about what you get from "The Common Man," who was probably known for his speaking rather than his physique. He borrowed from others, especially Bill Graham, just as others would imitate his unique style of speaking, if you weeeeeeeeeel.





D-X also reminded viewers of Dusty's time in the front office, with often laughable results, such as Johnny B. Badd and The Shockmaster, but Rhodes can take credit for creations like War Games, BattleBowl, and Lethal Lottery. He was often criticized for pushing himself over other wrestlers, which doesn't make him the first wrestler/promoter to do it, nor the last. He's also the namesake of "The Dusty Finish," which starts with a referee getting knocked out and then ending with a controversial finish, often resulting in an apparent victory being overturned later.



For the record, the same man who portrayed The Shockmaster was also The Tugboat. Although Arn Anderson provided the voice on Monday night, Ole Anderson was the voice of The Shockmaster during the original shocking shockfest.

Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." He misses the comments section. E-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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