By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Well, goodbye
Good luck
I'm sure things will work out fine in your world
I'll be alright in mine"
-"Why Don't Ya" by Phil Vassar

-Yes sir, here comes the last days of ECW. And yep, I agree that WWE is not going to blow the bank in ECW's farewell. I think everyone can agree that the "last" ECW show was Tommy Dreamer - the last remaining reminder of the original ECW - laying his ECW shirt on top of the mat with tears in his eyes.

Yes, EC "Vincent Kennedy McMahon" W was largely despised, but during its run, it had it moments. How could one ever forget when Kelly Kelly was an exhibitionist? Or when Khali's buddy Matt Hardy was ECW champion? Yes, The Big Slow and Bobby Lashley were ECW champions (guh) but remember when C.M. Punk was champ? Or when The Pope was viewed as Vince's boy? The majesty of Colin friggin Delaney. Mike "Mute Button" Adamle.

Man. How did it come down to this? How did ECW, once a revolution, become an embarrassment? Remember back in 1997 when WWE was getting its cartoony butt kicked by NWO and they turned to Paul E. Dangerously to help them out?

I do understand the stigma of the old ECW: "Nothing but talentless hacks who do nothing but garbage matches." But I'll take an ol' sloppy ECW match than to watch Lance Archer try in vain to get over.

The WWE version of ECW had it merits. Many Tuesday nights, ECW was an ice cream sundae after another Raw crapburger. But ever since the inclusion of Tiffany as G.M. and the Abraham Washington show, things started to go downhill. So the disappearance of ECW in a few weeks is welcomed. It is time for it to go.

The old ECW will be remembered for a lot of things: hardcore wrestling, blood and brutality, Dawn Marie rubbing a kendo stick suggestively, all of that. But to me what the original ECW will be remembered for is the fans. Passionate fans who were demanding, but weren't absolute cynical jerks (ROH fans have gotten this mark).

So long, ECW. I'm going to groove to the old ECW theme. I'll play Godsmack's "Whatever" at full volume. Bang my head to Drowning Pool's "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor." And, of course, Tiffany's theme song.

-Now back to WW F'N E. If NXT is a mish-mash between a reality show and a wrestling expose (like WWE Confidential), I'm in. If it's wrestlers dressed up like Star Trek nerds shooting invisible lasers at each other with their photons guns, I'm out. Over here at Absurdity Co., we are deeply interested if "NXT" is a hideous abomination never meant for anyone's eyes. Mainly so that we can rip it to shreds if WWE NXT sux.

-I believe President Obama should spend taxpayer's money to get Impact's ratings over 2.0. Hulk Hogan's gonna shake things up. He doesn't want any of that WWE crap. You know, that same crap that is way more marketable and financially rewarding than TNA's product. It's all about oooooolllld buddies getting together, crafting up pointless storylines that won't draw dick and will earn less, and having the freedom to cut 20 promos about their feelings, emotions, and thoughts about their recent bowel movements.

I apologize for the negativity, but the whole Sean Morley experiment rubbed me the wrong way. RVD in TNA would be a great top signing. Same thing with Jeff Hardy.

Like most wrestling fans, I understand that the "Road to WrestleMania" is typically the strongest months of the WWE product in terms of quality (this is subjective, of course). Then, after WrestleMania, nearly the entire main event roster take vacations (i.e. get much-needed surgery) and then the "gimmick PPVs" arrive. Hooray!

So hopefully TNA can sift through their talent and start firing on all cylinders. Right now in TNA, they're still trying to get some order.

-Speaking about talent, I'm on board with Ric Flair teaming up with A.J. Styles. I can digest Styles dying his hair to blonde and his married ass hanging around Flair floozies. I'll even take A.J. Styles changing his name to Jet Blue, Luke Skywalker, or Ric Flair Jr. (although it should be Jeff Jarrett Jr., since the King of the Mountain is the biggest wrestling star ever).

Why am I on board with all of this? It sure beats what A.J. Styles was doing before in TNA. It's not like teaming with Flair is a bad thing. For Styles, he gets to pick the brain of perhaps the greatest wrestler who ever lived. And for Flair, now he has an alibi. "Now, your honor, that was not me doing cocaine with midget stripers at the local church on that Saturday. I was with my good buddy, A.J., playing Call of Duty. Right, A.J.?" Ha ha, Space Mountain never closes.

RANDOM ABSURD OBSERVATIONS

-I hope the fellas over in TNA don't think that wrestling fans have the patience as "Lost" fans.

-You should give Fozzy's new CD "Chasing the Grail" a gander.

-Oh dear lord, I just discovered that my "wrestling voice" (basically me growling) most resembles...Sean Morley! Ah!

-If the Intercontinental champion Drew McIntyre displays any other emotion other than "scowling," he will be fired on the spot. It's true.

-I am looking forward to Cheech & Chong guest-hosting Raw. I put no faith in what WWE would do with Jon Heder and Don Johnson, and they proved me wrong with Heder as "The Flame."

-I would love to see the Straight Edge Society come out with gas masks on "due to the stink of desperation and depravity of all of you people."

-See y'all later. Thanks for reading. Later this month I think I'm gonna bum-rush Greg Parks's Elimination Chamber PPV party and mooch some free food.

(credit to i179.photobucket.com and sportsillustrated.cnn.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com. Follow me on facebook - facebook.com/ShaneMcKinley88.

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