By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"The competition's getting younger
Tougher broncos, you know I can't recall
A worn out tape of Chris LeDoux, lonely women and bad booze
Seem to be the only friends I've left at all"
-"Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)" by Garth Brooks

-Was that "4 Sides" sign in the crowd a plant? Sure seemed like it. I don't mind TNA going with four sides, but I wish they would bring back the endless pimping of the 5-hour energy drink. There's actually a "petition" online demanding TNA bring back the six-sided ring. At the time of this writing, there are 188 signatures. If you care, sign up! Petition link.

-A.J. Styles vs. Samoa Joe at Against All Odds should be a good one, as expected. It would be an utter travesty if Styles dropped the belt to the Samoan Submission machine. The Flair-Styles storyline is just getting going and it's hard not to feel that Joe at the PPV will be a fall guy to the devious actions of Flair and his adorable little son.

-Speaking about Flair Jr., I hope TNA does a better job of convincing fans that A.J. Styles is this scummy heel. So far, the announcers have talked about Styles spending money like crazy with Flair hoochies. But one look at the guy and I don't have any fear of going up to him and asking him if he wants to play Super Mario Bros. 2 with me. Styles has been adding a few "Flair touches" to his game, but I hope that one day I can feel the same unbridled hate for Styles the same way I did when I was a kid and I was watching that evil Flair on my telly.

-Kudos to the TNA announcers for getting back to basics and calling the matches, especially the Morgan/Hernandez vs. Team 3D championship match. Hell, there was even a bit of tag team strategy break-down by Taz during one part of the match. Before, many fans were convinced that the announcers were too busy reading from the script (gotta plug that awful Booker and Scott Steiner tag team match coming up).

-Speaking about Big Poppa Pump, I'm sad to see him go. Love that meathead. I'll send him a "Thanks for the memories!" card. Steiner will find the return address, come over, break both my arms, and urinate on my dog. Whatta guy.

-Did you see Scott Hall trying to "stealthily" enter the Impact zone on Impact? Yikes. I feel like I should donate money to a charity when I see Scott Hall try to move.

-I haven't seen that goofy Suicide on my television screen lately. Can we get the 1.21 gigowatts move back?

-Somewhere overseas Big Rob a/k/a "TNA's Drug Policy" won the Global championship, providing to be an inspiration to young children everywhere.

-One of my favorite new features on pwtorch.com is the stats article that lists the champions and how often they have defended the belt. The cliche in wrestling is this: "win and losses don't matter." It's somewhat true. With some hocus-pocus and some waving of the magic wand, one could make any poor schmuck suddenly a #1 contender to the World Heavyweight championship. Who cares if the fans believe it, right?

-I wonder if Mr. Anderson suffers from Xerostomia, or "cottonmouth" as it is called. He's always chewing bubbalicious chewing gum. What is xerostomia?

-Hard to believe, but I detest the character of Abyss more than the character of Michael Cole.

-Somewhere, in the dark shadows of the Impact Zone, a "Jeff Jarrett rises to the top of the ranks" storyline is waiting and ready to pounce on poor Impact viewers.

-The only thing wrong with The Pope pinning the World champion A.J. Styles is if TNA doesn't follow up on it.

-I wonder if Pope and R-Truth get together and compare each other's pushes. Personally, I'd rather hang out with the fly Pope.

-I also wonder if WWE's MVP can introduce himself without blurting out that he's an ex-convict.

-Hopefully there's a place for Mr. Goat Tomko in the new TNA. And hopefully TNA mocks WWE again with Earl Hebner being re-instated...but it's Earl's evil twin, Dave! This way, Joe getting a pinfall victory over Styles at Against All Odds doesn't count and Styles remains champion! Ha!

-If you enjoyed watching two guys try not to hit each other, you had a ball with the main event of Mick Foley vs. Kevin Nash. It resembled a rigged boxing match.




The thing that really bugged me was that Foley refused to hit Kevin Nash with that childish $5 Foley-Abyss caricature. The painting is a symbol for the friendship Foley treasures with Abyss. Oh goody. I suppose the hardcore legend Foley kisses the painting and snuggles with it every night. Hit Nash with the damn painting.

Granted, Foley's a crazy individual who talks to Mr. Socko and all of that, but refusing to damage a painting is ... well, I don't believe Foley is that mentally deranged. But I'm sure whoever booked that finish is.

That's it for me. I'm going to go write a letter to Lil Wayne and ask him if I can have a part in "Tha Carter IV." Peace out.

(credit to a.wrestlinginc.com, slam.canoe.ca, and 5.media.tumblr.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com. Follow me on facebook - facebook.com/ShaneMcKinley88.

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