By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

The show opened with another well-executed HBK-Undertaker promo, especially on the Dead Man's end. This was expected and, to be honest, the HBK-Taker bit was the only card WWE really had up their sleeve competing with the frantic and hot Impact.

What wasn't expected was the Divas champion Maryse submitting to Eve. It was like WWE went, "You see? We'll have a divas filler match end in submission! We're not stale!"

Here's Criss Angel everybody, and he's doing...kiddie card tricks. No sir, he's not swallowing swords or setting himself on fire. He's just freaking out your mind. When WWE asked Mr. Angel what he could do, they were probably hoping for more than "simple tricks and staring at people's eyes." I half-expected Angel to pull a quarter from Hornswoggle's ear.

The Miz and Big Show are here. You think Miz came up with that WrestleMania 11 reference? Or was it some Raw writer who probably has a mountain of wrestling figures at home? Anyways, Miz keeps harping on the fact that JoMo and R-Truth aren't even a team. Hey Miz, you see the rest of the tag teams in WWE? "Mo' Truth" is the best you're going to get. And anyways, it should be a fun little diddy at WrestleMania.

I can imagine a lot of people that see NXT veterans palling around with their rookies going, "Well, I ain't gonna be watching that show." Some clowns named Skip Sheffield and Heath Slater? I'll pass.

Legacy is a-erodin'. Who knows what WrestleMania match everybody's favorite psychotic oily legend killer who hears voices in his head will have.

Here comes the build-up for Triple H vs. Sheamus, or the battle of the epic goatees. You see, son, Triple H himself is the benchmark of alpha males. If you beat him at WrestleMania, well son, your future is pretty much set for life. So it's Trips vs. Sheamus at Mania. Man, thought I never see Triple H at WrestleMania in a...mid-card match again.

The proposed WrestleMania Rewind matches are fine, considering that it appears that HBK and Trips are going to be taking time off after the big dance. No need to worry about "WWE shooting themselves in the foot."

Hey, that mind freak guy is announcing the dudes for the main event: "John CEEE-na and Vince MICMAH-on!" Go back to playing with your cups and balls.

John Cena's "Gauntlet" was a wash for me. Hell, I would have switched over to Impact the moment Vladmir Kozlov came bumbling down the ramp. It's interesting too that Vince's goons (Kozlov, McIntyre, Swagger) were protected. (WWE could have had Cena easily beat them.)

My favorite moment of the night was Jack Swagger running towards the ring with his mouth wide open. He looked like a toddler running towards the door when Daddy comes home from work.

Yeah, they tried to shoehorn Mark Henry as a Vince goon. Didn't work so well.

The show ends with Batista doing the "You da man" pose over a fallen Cena. To be honest, Impact was a way more exciting show than this. Oh well, there's always more of Vince growling like Satan next week.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com. Follow me on facebook - facebook.com/ShaneMcKinley88.

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