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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
FEBRUARY 13, 2002
TAPED TUESDAY

-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced and previewed the program.

1 -- EDGE vs. CHARLIE HAAS

Haas came out to Angle's music and got a loud "You suck" chant from the crowd. Cole said: "Charlie Haas isn't the only one bothered by the 'you suck' chants; I'm sure Kurt Angle is cringing in the back." Who tells Cole to say stuff like that? Does WWE want to alienate everybody except eight year olds? Because comments like that are really playing to a mentally young audience. They began the match with a spirited, high-energy series of exchanges. The match never slowed too much, thus they kept the crowd into it. Paul Heyman jumped on the ring apron to talk to Haas, so Edge went to spear him, but Haas moved and Edge knocked Heyman off the apron. Haas then rolled up Edge for a quick three count.

WINNER: Haas at 5:32.

STAR RATING: ** -- Good, high-energy five minute TV match.

-Cole announced that Nathan Jones will be the exclusive property of Smackdown. How lucky for the Smackdown crew of wrestlers. Cole called it a huge coup for Stephanie McMahon. He said next year they'd have an exclusive interview with Jones. A Jones vignette then aired.

[commercial break]

-Backstage Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon had a conversation. Angle gave her a rose. Steph seemed flattered by the gesture. She told him she has to talk to him about a match. Angle responded: "We are a perfect match." As Angle moved in to kiss Steph, Brock Lesnar barged in. Steph announced Team Angle vs. Brock & Edge & Chris Benoit for No Way Out. Angle wasn't happy. That will be the first televised match-up between them. Brock invited Angle to be at ringside when he destroys John Cena in the TV main event. Angle was so upset with Steph that he took the rose back.

2 -- RIKISHI vs. NUNZIO

They showed footage from last week when Nunzio warning Rikishi that "the people he's with" will make him pay for disrespected him. Back live, before the rematch from last week began, Nunzio dove over the top rope onto Rikishi at ringside. Johnny Stambolli and Chuck Palumbo then showed up and attacked Rikishi from behind. Stambolli and Palumbo held Nunzio as he punched Rikishi. This was a good follow-up to last week's squash of Nunzio, which at the time seemed a bit senseless other than to establish that a tired heavyweight can beat a fresh cruiserweight without any problem. Palumbo didn't have much to do, obviously, since the wedding storyline fizzled. The Stambolli, Palumbo, Nunzio trio could be fun.

[commercial break]

3 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. MATT HARDY (w/Shannon Moore)

Matt facts: "Matt always gets more valentines than his brother" and "Matt doesn't send flowers, only gives chocolate." Matt Hardy was introduced as having lost eight pounds since last week, now down to 222. Matt Hardy was wearing a rubber suit to help him sweat off pounds. At 1:30 Rey dove over the top rope, but Matt moved. Shannon Moore then stomped on Rey at ringside and then threw him back into the ring. Matt dropped Rey over the top rope gut-first. Rey fought back at 4:30 with a dive onto Matt and then a springboard splash off the top rope for a two count. Rey fell during a spot where both men were running the ropes, and both recovered really well like total pros and went right into the 619 spot followed by his West Coast Pop finisher for the clean win. Cole said he thinks Matt might have been weakened by trying so hard to lose weight over the past week. Afterward a breathless Matt leaned toward Cole and Tazz and said he may have gotten pinned, but it doesn't count as a loss since he is dehydrated and weakened by losing so much weight. He said at No Way Out he will beat Kidman for the Cruiserweight Title because he'll lose at least two more pounds by then.

WINNER: Rey at 6:15.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Very good TV match.

[commercial break]

-Highlights aired of Brian Kendrick's singing and streaking the last two weeks. Then backstage Kendrick and Sean O'Haire were talking about his streaking last week when Bill DeMott walked up to him and threw him into lockers, screaming, "You want to have an impact!" O'Haire got in DeMott's face and told him he's given Kendrick enough, adding, "But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

3 -- CHRIS BENOIT vs. A-TRAIN

A-Train dominated early, then Benoit came back with some suplexes. Benoit, though, missed his top rope headbutt. A-Train then nailed Benoit with a big boot for a very near fall. When A-Train went for a chokeslam, Benoit reversed it into a Crossface. Train couldn't reach the ropes and eventually tapped out.

WINNER: Benoit at 5:55.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Solid match. A-Train is a solid big-man worker, which is why he gets the push he does, because wrestlers enjoy working with him; too bad his charisma and overall look just doesn't have any hook.

-Joe Francis approached Torrie Wilson backstage. She knew exactly who he was, saying, "Oh, you're from Girls Gone Wild! I love that stuff." If that isn't what guys dream is the reaction of someone like Torrie to that type of program. He invited her to be part of a Girls Gone Wild party as a special guest. Torrie said she can get pretty wild and smiled.

[commercial break]

-Paul Heyman stood in the ring with another big box. Undertaker rode to the ring on his motorcycle. Taker opened up the crate and out came Kanyon dressed as Boy George singing, "Do you really want to hurt me." Cole and Tazz didn't acknowledge it was Kanyon, even though his lisp and mannerisms made it obvious. He attacked Taker, but Taker quickly fought back and stomped him into the corner. Heyman watched from the rampway. He nailed Kanyon across the back with a couple stiff sounding chairshots.

-Backstage Moore yelled at Hardy to keep up his stationary bike exercising, screaming, "Two more pounds, two more pounds!"

-Funaki approached John Cena backstage. He put his hat on sideways and then uttered a rap line. Cena fired back with an actual rap and knocked Funaki's hat off.

[commercial break]

4 -- EDDIE GUERRERO vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN

When Benjamin came to the ring, he told Haas not to stay at ringside. Cole pointed out that Chavo Guerrero wasn't there because he had the flu. Tazz said, "Yeah, he's got the runs." Benjamin scored a surprise pin on Guerrero after Charlie Haas distracted Guerrero. Benjamin finished him with his Dragon Whip finisher (a spin wheel kick).

WINNER: Benjamin at 7:10.

STAR RATING: ** -- Good action. Benjamin is already good, Eddie makes him look even better.

[commercial break]

-An extended highlight package aired of last year's Rock-Hulk Hogan feud including the finish of their WrestleMania match. It just doesn't sink in that another Rock-Hogan match is actually going to be on the PPV unless they actually both show up on TV before the PPV, which at least they are doing next week. Also, by not leading off every Smackdown by mentioning that, it really seems like a "special attraction afterthought" rather than a match that has any potential to have long-term implications on either man's career or WWE in general.

[commercial break]

-Hugh Heffner announced via videotape that a WWE diva would soon be featured in Playboy. Tazz and Cole speculated about some possible names, but Tazz settled on figuring it was Stephanie herself.

5 -- DAWN MARIE vs. TORRIE WILSON

In this special Valentine's Bra and Panties match, they decorated the ring with teddy bears and big red ribbons. Dawn ripped off Torrie's top early. Torrie fought back by ripping off Dawn's top and pulling her pants partially down. Cole and Tazz talked about Torrie being in Girls Gone Wild. Both said they owned Girls Gone Wild videotapes and were excited about the PPV. After the match, Nidia attacked Torrie, but Torrie fought back by clotheslining both at once, then each one at a time.

WINNER: Torrie at 3:30.

STAR RATING: N/A

-They did a Tale of the Tape for Lesnar and Cena. Cena was listed as having a "Ph.D in Thugonomics."

[commercial break]

6 -- BROCK LESNAR vs. JOHN CENA

No sign of Angle at the start of the match. Cena did a great rap mocking Brock for being stupid. Brock dominated the opening minute by overpowering Cena. Cena fought back briefly, but Brock immediately took over again with forearms and then shoulder blocks into Cena from behind at 1:45. Cena grabbed a chain and blindsided Brock with it at 2:30. Cena scored a two count. Lesnar went into a rear chinlock with a leg scissors, which Tazz pointed out is a move Angle applies. Lesnar escaped by ramming Cena into the corner turnbuckles, but Lesnar was slow to get up, and Cena tackled him to the corner. He kicked and stomped away at Lesnar. Whenever a heel does that, it usually leads to the babyface turning the tables, which Lesnar did. He gave Cena an overhead suplex followed by the F5 for the win.

WINNER: Lesnar at 6:25.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- A good six minute TV match. They gave Cena enough offense and made him seem competitive with Lesnar to avoid doing much damage to Cena's push. Building in a shot with the chain by Cena helped create an excuse for why Lesnar didn't beat him sooner.

-After the match, Lesnar called out Angle. Heyman in the back told Angle he's smarter than to answer Brock's challenge. Lesnar told Angle he'd make him change his mind, then he whipped Cena into the ringpost. Lesnar grabbed the mic again. Angle said Brock was trying to "punk him out" and against Heyman's wishes, he began to head to the ring.

[commercial break]

-Angle came to the ring and went nose-to-nose with Lesnar, but then backed off and said, "Not tonight." Angle said he'd love to wrestle Lesnar, but he has a sinus infection. Lesnar said, "You wanna know what I think? I think you're a chickensh--!" Angle insisted he really did have a sinus infection. He said whether his agent likes it or not, he suggested they go one-on-one "right here next week." Lesnar took a deep breath, paced around, then said, "You're on." Brock then gave Angle a cheap shot and suplexed him out of the ring. He whipped Angle into the ringside stairs, then gave him an overhead suplex on the mats on the floor. He was going to finish off Angle by whipping him into the ringpost as he did to Cena, but Team Angle made the save. Lesnar fought off both members of Team Angle, throwing them into the ring barrier and ringpost. Lesnar walked past Angle, who was on his back holding his head in pain, and returned to the back. I assume the attack by Lesnar on Angle will lead to Angle being "too hurt to wrestle" next week. It's a clever way to tease an Angle-Lesnar match with a built-in excuse to not deliver next week, but instead leave everyone wanting more.

-Tazz closed the show by saying Hulk Hogan and Rock would be at Smackdown next week in person.

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