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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
FEBRUARY 27, 2002
TAPED TUESDAY

-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the program. It already feels different watching knowing that Paul Heyman didn't have much of anything to do with it and that it's been "taken over completely" by Vince McMahon.

-Speaking of whom, Vince McMahon walked out to the ring right away. Tazz gushed about what a genius McMahon is. Vince announced, "Rock!... will not be here tonight," but added he has earned the right to go to whatever show he wants whenever he wants. "So he's chosen to leave Smackdown and go to Raw." He then announced, "Hulk Hogan!... will not be here tonight." He said he isn't pleased, but blamed Hogan for using the "flimsy excuse a family emergency. Imagine that one, something to do with his son, Nick, I think that's his name, or Nicholas... it really doesn't matter." He then said there is only one reason Hulk Hogan is there and that's because "he's a coward." He said Hogan is scared of him. McMahon then began describing what happened to Hogan at No Way Out. McMahon's explanation got a little wordy and might have tested some people's patience, but then plugged that they would actually show footage from the PPV so everyone could see it. "Once you see it, you will agree with me, Hulkamania is dead," McMahon said. He went on to say there is a new mania in WWE: "McMahon-a-manic is running wild!" His music then played and he climbed to the second rope and extended his arms, then stepped town and swaggered away.

[commercial break]

1 -- NIDIA & JAMIE NOBLE vs. TORRIE WILSON & FUNAKI

Cole plugged an announcement later regarding "which WWE diva would grace the pages of Playboy." Tazz he already knew, and it was going to be Stephanie McMahon. I like the Steph gag that Tazz keeps referring to. Torrie hot-tagged in at 2:45 and went to work on Nidia. Dawn Marie came out and distracted Torrie, but Torrie slapped her and then she turned and rolled up Nidia for the three count.

WINNER: Torrie & Funaki at 4:20.

STAR RATING:

-Stephanie McMahon walked out and, of course, got the "super megastar treatment" as if her mere presence means something VERY, VERY important is about to happen. All of the 14 year old girls who want a strong independent female role model must be very impressed. Then she patronizingly talked to the crowd about whether they want to see what's under "our clothes and under our lingerie, and see our bare breasts and everything else naked?" The crowd cheered of course. Steph said, "Well, then, congratulations to me. Oh, wait, I don't mean that I'm going to be in Playboy. I meant congratulations to me for closing the deal." She then announced that the done deal is with Torrie Wilson. Dawn looked upset as Torrie celebrated in the ring. Cole announced, "Torrie is going to be on the cover of Playboy! All I can say is dreams do come true."

[commercial break]

-Steph approached Torrie, who was oh so grateful to Stephanie for getting her on Playboy. The way everyone talks to Steph like she's the second coming is really nauseating, especially since Steph acts as if she's totally deserving of this hero worship by everyone. Brian Kendrick approached Steph and said he wanted to face Kurt Angle later tonight. Steph laughed, but Kendrick said he was serious. "I'll tell you what, Brian, if you can last five minutes in the ring with Kurt, you'll be the newest addition to the Smackdown roster," she said. Brian, of course, thanked her as if she had just given him permission to breath oxygen. I really think in 15 years Steph is going to look back at her on-air persona and just blush at how over the top pompous it is. Or maybe not.

2 -- EDDIE GUERRERO (w/Chavo) vs. NUNZIO

"Lie, cheat, and steal - it's a family tradition," Tazz said. Good back and forth non-stop action with some good high-impact moves by Guerrero including some sweet suplexes. Guerrero finished off Nunzio with a pinning combination that was a reversal of Nunzio's roll-up. He used tights for extra leverage. After Guerrero scored the pin, Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull attacked Guerrero. Rikishi made the save. The good news is this probably means we aren't stuck with an actual Rikishi match.

WINNER: Eddie at 3:53.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Not every move was smooth, but most it was really good.

[commercial break]

-Stephanie said if Brock beats Team Angle tonight in a two-on-one match later, he can pick any member of Angle's camp, including Angle himself, in a cage match next week on Smackdown. Heyman said that's not fair. She said life's not fair.

-Cole called Steph's announcement a bombshell, then he updated Edge's neck condition. Tazz said he'll be out of action about a year.

-Chris Benoit talked with Brock backstage. He said even though Angle may seem like an idiot sometimes, he knows what he's doing and he'll do anything to keep his title at WrestleMania. Brock said, "What're you trying to say, Chris?" Benoit told him to beat Haas and Benjamin by any means necessary so he can get revenge for Edge next week against one of them in the cage. Brock asked Benoit, "What if Team Angle targets you next, Chris?" Benoit said what Angle doesn't realize is he's not the only one with friends around here. He then stuck his head in a locker room and talked to a partner, but didn't reveal who it was.

[commercial break]

-A WrestleMania commercial aired that included Vince McMahon posing like Lex Luger. They announced that Limp Bizkit will perform the WrestleMania theme song at WrestleMania this year.

-Backstage Josh Matthews interviewed Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore backstage. Matt gave not-so-heartfelt condolences to Edge.

3 -- CHRIS BENOIT & RHYNO vs. MATT HARDY & SHANNON MOORE

When Rhyno came out as Benoit's surprise tag partner, the look on Shannon's face was really campy, but really funny. Cole announced that Rhyno missed 16 months with a neck injury, but is back now. Rhyno worked over Moore, then Benoit tagged in quickly and continued the domination. When Hardy tagged in, and took control on Benoit. Benoit hot-tagged Rhyno at 2:50 who destroyed Hardy nd Moore with kicks, clotheslines, backdrops, and a sidewalk slam. Moore stopped Matt from getting pinned after the sidewalk slam. Rhyno then gave Moore his corkscrew powerslam then Benoit hit his top rope headbutt. Hardy saved Matt, but then Rhyno gave Hardy his Gore finisher for the win.

WINNERS: Benoit & Rhyno at 3:50.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good four minute match. Great intensity and execution. Rhyno really needs a ring singlet that doesn't look like it was made by his niece in her seventh grade home-ec class.

-Highlights aired of Nathan Jones's sitdown interview with Cole last week. Jones, by the way, rehearses interviews just like that when he's backstage which draws more than a few chuckles (not to his face, of course) by his colleagues. If Jones gets to be a huge star on the level of, say, Austin Powers, his "Mini Me" can be Justin Credible. They look very similar.

[commercial break]

-Undertaker came to the ring. He said if A-Train wanted his attention, he's got it, and now along with his attention comes the consequences for his actions. (I'm soooo glad he wasn't my dad. Can you imagine how intimidating he'd be if you were bad?) A-Train walked out with Paul Heyman. A-Train still looks like a baby who was just blown up proportionately to superhuman size. Heyman announced that he has signed "my own phenom, the A-Train." That's a good move to put a strong spokesperson with A-Train because so far they haven't given him any mic time to get himself over, and he isn't going to get over unless he talks or someone talks for him eventually. Big Show then walked out to his music, too. Show and Train went after Taker, but Taker took on both of them at once for a few seconds. However, eventually they were too much for him and Show chokeslammed Taker. Train followed with his Buck Zumhoff-inspired second rope swing splash. When Show grabbed a chair, Nathan Jones then came out and made the save. He threw a jump spin wheel kick and three side kicks in the air that backed down Show and Train. Cole wondered whether he came out to save Taker or save a piece of him for himself.

[commercial break]

-Highlights aired of Brock ramming John Cena into the steel ringpost two weeks ago.

-John Cena recited another of his raps obsessing about Brock Lesnar. It was a computer-term-based rap: "I'm gonna make you taste me," he said. "...Everybody knows I'm the next big thing... If you're an animal, I'm going on a safari. I'm rockin' Playstation 2, you can't figure out Atari." Great intensity and bonus points for rhyming safari and Atari.

-They replayed Kendrick getting granted the great opportunity from Stephanie to wrestle Angle and earn a spot on the Smackdown roster.

[commercial break]

4 -- KURT ANGLE (w/Paul Heyman) vs. BRIAN KENDRICK

Kendrick, who was announced at 181 pounds, offered a handshake to Angle. Angle declined. Tazz pointed out that Kendrick "isn't naked right now." Fans chanted "Angle sucks." Angle got on all fours in an amateur wrestling starting stance. Kendrick got on top of him and tried to move him, but couldn't. Angle then flipped Kendrick over and and slapped at his head in rapid-fire fashion. Angle then closed his eyes as a show of confidence, so Kendrick kicked him in the face. The crowd popped, as did Cole and Tazz, as Kendrick got in exactly three seconds off offense before Angle reversed him off the ropes and gave him an overhead suplex. Angle continued to beat on Kendrick, but Tazz said "the kid's got spunk." Kendrick surprised Angle with some offense and scored a one count which got Angle really upset. With less than a minute left, Kendrick had momentum, but then with 40 seconds left, Angle flattened Kendrick with a clothesline. Angle looked at the clock count down to 20 seconds. Kendrick then threw a series of elbows at Kendrick, but Angle then gave him the Angle slam and made the cover and scored the three count with just two seconds left as the crowd counted down.

WINNER: Angle at 4:48.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Really good match. A bonus star just because the entire storyline surrounding the match mixed with the perfect execution by both Angle and Kendrick raised this five minute segment another level.

Kendrick looked up at the screen and saw that two seconds were left and he began to cry. Angle grabbed the house mic and said, "For the record, Team Angle had nothing to do with the demise of Edge at No Way Out. We didn't do it and you can't prove it." Then he began talking about moving on to WrestleMania. He told Kendrick to stand up, then said, "Oh, you are standing up. Sorry. You've got guts kid. You're not going to make it in his business, but you've got guts." He asked the crowd to give him a hand as he raised his arm. Kendrick did a great job barely standing up, still selling the effects of the match. He then said, "Brock Lesnar, this one's for you!" and clotheslined Kendrick. Angle then whipped Kendrick into the ringside stairs and then the ringpost. Kendrick took the bumps great. Angle brought Kendrick back into the ring and gave Kendrick an F5. The post-match angle was as well done as the match. This entire segment was one of the best wrestling segments of the last year for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it was thoroughly entertaining, novel, and right for business.

[commercial break]

-An for Raw plugged "Stone Cold Steve Austin... The Rock... Raw on Monday." They are insinuating a face-off between those two.

-The evil Canadian referee, Sylvan Grenier (actually a WWE developmental wrestler, by the way), came out with a smug grin on his face. He talked in French, which is sure to generate heel heat in America these days. He introduced the footage from No Way Out, which he called one of Vince McMahon's proudest moments and greatest achievements ever. They joined the match in the final minute with Hogan making his comeback and hitting the legdrop and then the lights going out, then coming back on with the ref knocked out. The ref then magically came to, slid Rock a chair, and Rock KO'd Hogan followed by a Rock Bottom for the win. Rock shook hands with McMahon before Rock left and McMahon entered the ring to gloat, rip off his shirt, and pose. In 1992, Vince McMahon challenged any media members to steroid test him at any time (he really did). I wonder if any will take him up on that offer, or if the expiration date has already passed on that offer. Back to "live" action, the "crooked referee" laughed and waved at the crowd.

-They went to footage of Hogan's reaction backstage after the match. A bloody Hogan was in a rage and told Stephanie to tell her father that he's going to "beat the living hell out of him." No sign of that special night-vision footage yet. It seems they've decided to save it for next week. Cole announced that Hulk Hogan would be on Smackdown next week, plus Undertaker vs. A-Train.

-Backstage Paul Heyman gave Team Angle a pep talk about preventing Brock from breaking apart Team Angle.

-A brief clip aired of Brock Lesnar warming up backstage with a stretch cord, which snapped due to his super-human strength.

[commercial break]

5 -- BROCK LESNAR vs. TEAM ANGLE (Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas, w/Paul Heyman and Kurt Angle)

Brock dominated the first minute or so, but then the heels took over. At 3:00 with Brock at ringside recovering from an in-ring beating, Heyman threw a series of comically innocent looking stomps. Brock returned to the ring and took control of the match again. Angle tripped Lesnar coming off the ropes. When Lesnar went after Angle, Benjamin slidekicked him. Then Haas rammed his head into the ringpost. Heyman then rammed Lesnar over the back with a steel chair. Haas gave Lesnar a back suplex onto his head in the ring. Lesnar made a big comeback and hit the F5 on Shelton to win. Afterward Lesnar yanked Heyman into the ring, but before he could F5 him, Angle made the save by clipping Lesnar from behind. Angle shoved Heyman and slapped him before walking away. He was upset with him for losing his composure. Lesnar then got on the house mic and told Angle that he just beat Team Angle again. He said as a result, he gets to pick anyone on his team to face in a cage. He said since he already gets to face Angle at WrestleMania, he chooses Paul Heyman. Angle chuckled, as did Team Angle, at the announcement. It doesn't seem as if Heyman is long for being the manager of Angle. "Heyman is screwed!" said Cole as the show ended and Heyman had the look of someone wetting themselves.

WINNER: Lesnar at 8:01.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good TV main event.

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