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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 17, 2002

-The show began with a graphic supporting the U.S. troops stationed in the Middle East.

-Eric Bischoff stood in center-ring and announced that his TV match against Steve Austin would be a lumberjack match with the entire Raw roster.

1 -- KANE & ROB VAN DAM vs. CHIEF MORLEY & LANCE STORM

Standard match from these four. Solid action with some high-impact bumps and high-flying moves from RVD. After the match Morley attempted to flee, but the Dudleys came out from the back and threw him back into the ring. The Dudleys brought a table into the ring. But instead of going after Morley and Storm, they attacked RVD and Kane, including putting Kane through the table and throwing RVD over the top rope where he landed with a thud on his back.

WINNERS: Kane & RVD when Kane pinned Storm at 4:55 after a chokeslam.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good five minute tag match. Morley and Storm were pretty faceless overall, but Kane and RVD got in their big spots. The turn afterward makes sense since WWE Raw is hurting for heels with Batista and Randy Orton going down.

[commercial break]

-Bubba Ray told Morley that they are doing what they need to do in order to feed their families. (He should have saved better during the good years and not bought such a big house.) Morley said he wished they didn't take so long, but he welcomed them to the "Eric Bischoff Family." D-Von seemed especially conflicted by their decision, although Bubba wasn't thrilled either. Morley said Bischoff could use two people on their side for the main event.

-Triple H and Ric Flair came to the ring. Hunter bad-mouthed Booker T as being unworthy of the WWE Title. Goldust came out. Lawler wondered where Booker T was, suggesting he was in jail somewhere for mugging someone. Racism shouldn't be an angle that all heels get behind. It should be considered so heinous that even a semi-heel commentator such as Lawler won't go along with it. Goldust began stuttering and stammering through his words. Flair and Hunter laughed at him. The fans, to their credit, were pretty quiet during the supposedly hilarious moments. Hunter then mocked his stuttering. My gosh, WWE writers are sooo funny. I mean, seriously, this is just hilarious, clever, money-generating drivel. Goldust got upset with Hunter mocking him, so he punched him. Hunter and Flair soon overpowered him. Booker T charged to the ring to interrupt Hunter's attempt at a Pedigree. The crowd popped for Booker's save. Goldust clotheslined Hunter over the top rope. Flair attempted to escape, but Booker stopped him and was about to give him his axe kick when Hunter yanked Flair out of harm's way.

[commercial break]

-Hunter threw a fit backstage about what just happened and said he wanted Goldust in the ring.

2 -- MAVEN vs. RICO (w/Jamal and Rosie)

Rico just doesn't look like the type of person Rosie and Jamal would be hanging out with in real life, and WWE never does anything to establish the root of the bond between them. I think if I went from hanging out with Billy & Chuck to Rosie & Jamal, I'd change my wardrobe. That's just me. Maven scored a near fall after a flying bulldog off the ropes. Seconds later, despite interference from Rosie and Jamal, Maven scored a pin with a backslide.

WINNER: Maven at 4:52.

STAR RATING: * -- Solid five minute match. Maven looked about as smooth and believable in his execution as I've seen him. I guess he got this scrap thrown at him for losing last week to Hunter. It might not seem like much, but giving him a TV win of any kind was vital after last week's Triple H squash.

-Terri attempted to get an interview with Steve Austin, but before she could knock on his locker room door, Shawn Michaels barged in.

[commercial break]

-They showed a close-up of Austin which got a pop from the crowd. Michaels told Austin that he wanted to be up front and let him know that Bischoff asked him to a lumberjack. Austin wondered if that meant he'd throw him back into the ring if he was at ringside. Austin asked him if he considered that Chris Jericho would be at ringside. Michaels said good point, but has he thought about the fact that Rock would be out there. Austin said he realizes Michaels just came into his locker room to stir things up. Austin noted that Rock lost to Hurricane last week and the same thing would happen at WrestleMania. He said he could give a rats ass about lumberjacks. Lame segment that put Michaels and Austin in the awkward position of hyping the potential "chaos" that could break out with so many enemies next to each other at ringside.

-Teddy Long handed Rock the WWE Magazine with Hurricane on the cover. Long tried to bond with Rock and said that his name, Rodney Mack, would be wrestling Hurricane later. He upset Rock by saying that when Rodney beats Hurricane, it would make everyone forget that Hurricane beat him last week. Long corrected himself and said he didn't lose, The Man beat him. Rodney walked up and told Rock that he'd take care of Hurricane. That skit was better because it seemed plausible that everyone involved would actually have that conversation. It seemed authentic, unlike the material Michaels and Austin had to work with.

[commercial break]

-A WrestleMania moment from 1985 showed Andre the Giant bodyslamming John Studd. That is an example of how one small, basic move can be turned into a huge deal. That's the direction WWE should (and apparently is) going to go with big moves due to the recent injuries. Instead of three or four unreleased German suplexes as a mid-spot match, one German suplex will go back to being a finisher. It'll take some time, but fans will eventually be conditioned to go nuts in anticipation of that one suplex. It's the difference between a movie with one murder as the central plot devise or a horror movie with dozens of murders. Eventually, the dozens of murders lose their emotional impact.

3 -- HURRICANE vs. RODNEY MACK

Hurricane dominated offense. Rock eventually ran out and attacked Hurricane, prompting the DQ. Rock bashed Hurricane at ringside with chairshots. Ross said this really illustrates Rock's mean streak.

WINNER: Hurricane via DQ at 2:52.

STAR RATING: * -- Good action for a short match. This was a no-win situation for either wrestler, so the DQ finish was the right choice. Had Mack pinned Hurricane, it would have offset whatever momentum Hurricane had from his Rock win, but it wouldn't have meant much to Rodney because by virtue of beating him, he would have been proving Hurricane was a "nobody." Had Hurricane won, he would have been beating a largely unestablished newcomer so he wouldn't have gained much, but Mack especially would have had any momentum cut off. Mack has potential and losing to Hurricane wouldn't help him be taken seriously en route to trying to be a major player.

[commercial break]

-Ross announced Victoria vs. Trish vs. Jazz in a three-way match for the title as the latest addition to the WrestleMania line-up.

-Footage aired from Trish's appearance on Fox's Mad TV over the weekend.

-They showed footage of Victoria caressing her Women's Title belt as if it were a baby. It was about as corny as when Paul Heyman had The World's Sexiest Man Jason caress his TV Title, although the Trish segment didn't last 10 minutes. Richards gave her a pep talk, telling her that she had beaten Trish before and can again.

**END OF FIRST HOUR**

4 -- TRISH STRATUS & JAZZ vs. VICTORIA & STEVEN RICHARDS

I think this match would have better to save for WrestleMania - with the title at stake for whoever scored the winning pinfall. I like the "reluctant tag partner" angle mixed with the comedic possibilities fans could imagine if Richards were to win the title. Richards's facial expressions and trot on his way to the ring were about as bizarre a sight as I've seen. All I can compare it to was Laura Ingles at the beginning of Little House on the Prairie running through the field, although Laura wasn't wearing pink tights. Lawler shocked us by announcing that Goldust had accepted Triple H's challenge. Wrestling fans everywhere then wondered if Hunter would find Goldust worthy of taking a bump for before squashing him to prove that he is indeed the greatest wrestler to ever live. At 5:00, Jazz refused to tag in when Trish reached for her. Instead, she walked away. Richards then slammed Trish to the mat, then tagged in Victoria. She finished Trish with the Widow's Peak. When they were about to DDT Trish onto a chair, Jeff Hardy ran out and made the save. Victoria grabbed Hardy from behind as he was about to legdrop Richards, but when Richards charged at Hardy, Hardy moved and he splashed Victoria instead. He then threw Richards out of the ring and went to the top rope. Richards yanked Victoria out of the ring to save her from a Twist of Fate. Hardy helped Trish up and then gave her a light kiss, then walked away. Trish looked at Hardy as if that kiss might have inspired some emotions.

WINNER: Victoria & Richards at 5:46.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good intensity once again with these three women. Richards added a new twist to the combination of women. That's the problem with the WWE women's division over the years. There are never more than three, four, or five major players, and it doesn't take long to extinguish the possible match-ups between them, especially when they're in competitive matches against each other every week on Raw. It's a tough situation and they seem to be making the most of the situation with this current group. When Lita returns, it could spark some new combinations.

[commercial break]

-A video feature aired on Shawn Michaels's history at WrestleMania. Well-done. It's those types of features that make WM seem more important than other PPVs because the videos of this year's WM will be part of future video montages.

-Johnathan Coachman interviewed Chris Jericho who said he once dreamed of being Shawn Michaels, but now he dreams of ending his career. Christian then told Jericho they were scheduled to wrestle Test and a mystery partner next. Jericho shrugged off the mystery of who his partner would be.

[commercial break]

-Stacy chatted with Test about getting back at Chris Jericho and Christian. Test then looked at the photos of Torrie Wilson in Playboy. Boy, that was fast turnaround from the time Torrie found out about it (what, two weeks ago on Smackdown) to being published in a glossy magazine!

5 -- SCOTT STEINER & TEST vs. CHRIS JERICHO & CHRISTIAN

Lawler couldn't understand why Test would want to look at anyone else's photos when he had Stacy with him. Of all people to say that he'd be content to be with just one women and not need to see any other woman naked while he was with her! During the match Steiner did some push-ups in mid-ring. "That's more push-ups than I've done in the last two years," Ross quipped, adding, "Not that you could tell or anything." Steiner pressed Christian several times in the air and then dropped him, then gave Jericho a belly-to-belly. He followed with a suplex on Christian for a near fall. Jericho gave Steiner a low-blow from behind at a time when Steiner was grabbing Jericho from behind who was grabbing the ref from behind. Steiner caught Jericho coming off the ropes and turned it into an overhead suplex. He hot-tagged Test who showed fire as he went after Jericho and Christian with clotheslines and slams. Test powerbombed Jericho and went for the pin, but Jericho made the save. Christian went after Stacy at ringside. Steiner made the save. Seconds later Stacy was knocked off the ring apron and she fell right into Steiner's arms. Steiner smiled and Test caught a view of Steiner holding her out of the corner of his eye. In the ring, Jericho rolled up a jealous Test for the three count out of nowhere. Stacy tried to explain the circumstances to an agitated Test. Just once, I'd like to see a situation like this where once the situation was explained, the offended party actually smiled, shrugged, and admitted they overreacted.

WINNER: Test at 7:37.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Solid tag match. Steiner was limited in what he did, but what he did looked good. Steiner will be best utilized for the duration of his career in tag matches. The finish was very creative, the first I've seen that incorporated that sequence.

[commercial break]

6 -- TRIPLE H (w/Ric Flair) vs. GOLDUST (w/Booker T)

Goldust scored with some early punches prompting Flair to jump onto the ring apron. Goldust made Iceman Parsons proud with a butt-butt. Hunter, though, soon took control and worked over Goldust's left arm. At 5:00 a fan at ringside nailed Booker with a crutch at ringside just as Booker was confronting Flair at ringside. Security escorted him out as he did a Shane McMahon celebration dance. Ross acknowledged that Orton was on the injured list. Since Orton is skipping surgery, he'll be back in around three months, so they're going to keep him involved in storylines. Back in the ring, Goldust set up Hunter for his Golden Globe, but Goldust had a mid-ring seizure out of nowhere. Hunter followed up with a high knee and then finished him off clean with the Pedigree.

WINNER: Triple H at 6:40.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good match.

-A segment aired with Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit saying they don't like live TV performances, but this was special and he is exited to be part of WM.

[commercial break]

-Bischoff was doing stretches backstage when Rock began singing and playing guitar. Bischoff laughed along with Rock. Rock said for the first time ever he will be putting on a Rock Concert live on Raw, but not in St. Louis. He then went on to insult the town, although there's really nothing original he could find to insult them about. He said the Rock Concert would be live next week in Sacramento. Rock told Bischoff that having the ring surrounded makes him look bad. He instead suggested he make it a no-DQ match with Morley at ringside. Rock said that last week Austin embarrassed him, and he had a plan to get revenge. Bischoff agreed only if Rock assured him he wouldn't let anything happen. So let's get this straight, yet again WWE advertises one thing for a main event and delivers something quite different? WWE is sure training its viewers to not get too excited about anything that is hyped for an hour and fifty minutes. Rock then continued singing; he seems to be really convinced that his singing makes for great entertainment.

-Ross and Lawler ran down the entire WM line-up including Smackdown matches.

-They showed Austin backstage heading toward the entrance.

[commercial break]

7 -- STEVE AUSTIN vs. ERIC BISCHOFF

Austin chased Bischoff around the ring. Morley tried to stop him, but couldn't. Austin threw Bischoff into the ring at 1:09 and threw him into the turnbuckle. He then stomped away at him in the corner. He followed with a Boston Crab. He released it when Morley got too close to entering the ring. A few seconds later Morley hit Austin with a low blow from behind. That gave Bischoff his opening to threw some kicks at Austin. His kicks are more "real" than most wrestling kicks, but without that exaggerated stomping of the mat with the support foot, his kicks look weaker than worked kicks. Austin fought back quickly with a Stunner, then threw an interfering Morley over the top rope. Rock then entered the ring. He surprised Austin with a Stunner of his own. Then he left. Bischoff rolled Austin onto his back and scored a two count. Rock, who was headed to the back already, reversed course and re-entered the ring. He went for a People's Elbow, but Austin moved. Austin then clotheslined Rock over the top rope. He gave the Stunner to Morley. He then gave a Stunner to Bischoff for the win. Rock attacked Austin after the match and then broke into Austin's beer supply under the ring and opened a beer to antagonize Austin.

WINNER: Austin at 4:22.

STAR RATING: n/a -- It served it's purpose, if not too predictably.

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