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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

-Kane set poured gasoline on Jim Ross and set his back on fire to show him how it feels to go through what he did.

-Eric Bischoff said that Linda McMahon would fire Steve Austin next week.

-Considerable effort was made to promote next week's show including Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho and Rob Van Dam & Kane as the top matches.

-Booker T retained the IC Title against Christian, but not before a teaser finish made it seem as if Christian had regained the title.

DETAILED RUNDOWN AND ANALYSIS

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
JULY 14, 2003
INDIANAPOLIS, IND.

-Chris Jericho said he wanted the opening segment because Raw had become chaos lately and changes need to be made. "Even I was scared to come here tonight until I heard from the one man who can make a difference and restore order and decency to this show," he said. "He is my guest tonight." He then introduced Eric Bischoff, who came out in a neck brace. I'm not sure why, but the sight of just about any heel in a neck brace still cracks me up. (I guess it probably has to do with sitting in the courtroom for the Vince McMahon 1994 drug trial.) Bischoff said the way to best restore order is to prevent Kane from entering the arena. He said Kane would be on the show, but it would be a sitdown interview with Jim Ross with Kane hooked up live via satellite. He said Kane almost killed him two weeks ago. He also has hurt Rico and Tommy Dreamer. Bischoff said there was more no one has seen yet. He showed footage of Kane last week pacing backstage when Rob Van Dam showed up and began to talk to Kane. Kane picked up RVD by the throat and threw him through a wall. They actually bothered to make it seem as if the camera just happened to be rolling while setting on the ground, rather than "staging it" with perfect camera angles. Jericho said Bischoff did the right thing by keeping Kane out of the arena because who knows what he'd do next. The crowd cheered when he said Kane might even chokeslam him. He then shifted to a quick plug for his WrestleMania rematch against Shawn Michaels next week.

Steve Austin's music then interrupted and he came out to a big crowd pop. Austin was upset that Bischoff banned Kane from the arena because he was going to confront him man to man. Bischoff said that would just make him more upset so he'd just attack more helpless people. "Think about the pain, the trauma, the injuries... it's all on your shoulders, Steve Austin," he said. "If you really think about it, you've ruined Kane's life. He was happy... and successful in this business until you stepped in." Austin said he is still in the mood to whip someone's ass, "and you look like the perfect victim," he said while looking at Bischoff. Austin said it isn't worth the trouble. "You're a lucky bastard," he said, then walked away. Just as Austin was about to leave the ring, Jericho said he should keep on walking right out of the building, into his "little truck," and drive back to Texas because nobody wants him there. He said he should let Bischoff control the show because he's in way over his head. "You don't have a clue what you're doing, do you junior? Face it, man, you're a failure. Admit it, you've failed. And since you've ruined Kane's life, why don't you get the hell out of here before you ruin everyone else's you sanctimonious..." Austin then gave Jericho a Stunner.

Johnathan Coachman and Jerry Lawler commented on what just happened. Ugh. We're stuck with Coachman again this week with Ross doing the interview with Kane in Stamford. Coachman still come across like someone trying to take his job seriously enough to be decent but not so seriously that he can't laugh about how he doesn't actually take things seriously. Ross's strength is that when he sits in that chair, he becomes part of this WWE universe and truly feels the emotions he emotes. Cole is better than he used to be, but still often comes across as if he's acting out the emotions he believes he's supposed to be feeling at that point rather than genuinely feeling them (such as touting Ultimo Dragon's resume a few weeks ago). They plugged the TV main event of Evolution vs. Bubba Ray & D-Von & Spike Dudley plus Booker T defending the IC Title against Christian and Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly. They did a nice job setting the table for tonight's show more than usual.

[commercial break]

1 -- KEVIN NASH & SCOTT STEINER (w/Stacy) & TRISH vs. STEVEN RICHARDS & TEST & VICTORIA

The problem with the Nash/Steiner tag team is that both ideally should be teaming with someone healthy who can actually wrestle the bulk of their matches. The good news in this case is that Trish and Victoria can carry the match. Nash gave Richards a Jackknife (which Coachman called a "powerbomb," which technically is correct, but not exactly getting over Nash's "signature name.")

WINNERS: Nash & Steiner & Trish at 5:10 when Nash pinned Richards.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Not much to it. Steiner and Nash did nearly literally nothing. Lots of standing around and stalling when the women weren't in there.

-Backstage Jericho and Bischoff talked about how inappropriate Austin's actions were giving him a Stunner. When Bischoff said he can't imagine a company policy that would allow that, Jericho stopped him and said he just gave him an idea.

[commercial break]

2 -- LANCE STORM vs. MAVEN

Before the match Storm read a "prepared statement" that he will be forced to take legal action against any fans who chant "boring" at him before, during, or after his matches. As much as Storm is getting more heat than ever with this gimmick, it really does put him and his opponent in a tough spot because no matter what they do, the crowd is going to be more interested in chanting "boring" no matter what than getting engaged emotionally in the match. The "boring" chants were scattered, so it's not as if the crowd in Indianapolis was eating up the obvious nudging to chant "boring" throughout his match. Storm applied an armbar and didn't get many chants, and then went to an even more boring chinlock, which prompted Lawler to say, "You've got to admit this is boring." Maven made a comeback and showed nice enthusiasm in the process. At 4:30 Maven dumped Storm over the top rope and then followed up by throwing him back into the ring and hitting him with a top rope crossbody block. Storm rolled through, but then Maven rolled through again for a one count (which Lawler called a "two count"; why does everything have to be a "two count" instead of a "one count"?). Storm caught Maven with a single-leg Boston crab at 5:40. Maven grabbed the bottom rope to escape, Storm kept it on, but Maven managed to reverse it into a pinning combination for a pin.

WINNER: Maven at 6:20.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- The "boring" gimmick killed any chance this match had of getting over. I'm souring on this whole "boring" gimmick because it just doesn't work in a practical sense because a decent six minute match seemed much too long because of the gimmick.

-They showed Ross in Stamford, Conn. saying he wasn't eager to do the interview, but as he looked over some "tough questions" on his clipboard he told a producer that he'd find out whether Kane is as much a monster on the inside as he is on the outside.


-La Resistance came out for their match. Sylvan Grenier said they are there to celebrate Bischoff's return to Raw. He said Austin kept them off of Raw last week. They then sang the French National Anthem in celebration of the equivalent of their Fourth of July. They took turns signing verses.

[commercial break]

-Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley ran out to interrupt La Resistance. They beat them up and threw them out of the ring. Bubba said after the match that nobody wants to hear their song. Spike Dudley came out and held the U.S. flag high as Bubba encouraged everyone to sing the National Anthem. Bubba sounds just like Hacksaw Duggan, so this flag-waving bit is appropriate. The singing was so intentionally bad it was nearly offensive. Lawler compared it to Roseanne's version. A really lame flag-thumping skit, but at least Bubba refrained from calling La Resistance "faggots" like he did over the house mic at a weekend house show. Bubba always had the trashiest mouth in ECW during his pre-match spiels at ECW matches, and I always wondered how that would translate in WWE, but WWE hasn't really taken advantage of Bubba's speaking ability, which I'm sure would still be good even without the swearing and bigoted slurs.

[commercial break]

3 -- THE DUDLEYS vs. EVOLUTION - Six-man elimination

Flair opened for the heels. Spike got in some offense against Flair, but was stopped by an eye poke by Flair, who then tagged in Orton. Spike met a charging Orton with an armdrag. Orton fired back with a high standing dropkick. Flair then used his boot to shove Spike's face into the ringside stairs. D-Von hot-tagged in at 3:30 and went to work on Orton. Orton finished Spike with a Stunner-type move to eliminate him at 5:05. Bubba splashed both Hunter and Flair in the corner of the ring. Hunter rolled out of the ring, while Flair played punching bag for Bubba. When Lawler asked Coachman if Bubba was using "bionic elbows," Coachman laughed and said "maybe." I have a feeling Coachman has no clue who is known for using a "bionic elbow." The Dudleys gave Orton a 3D at 7:00, but Flair yanked the ref out of the ring during the pin attempt. Hunter then hit D-Von with the French flag that La Resistance left at ringside. Orton then laid his arm on Orton and eliminated him with a three count. That left Bubba against all three Evolution members. Before D-Von returned to the back, he reached under the ring to get a table. Two referees came out to stop him. Coachman gave a half-hearted, "Can Bubba survive? We'll find out when we get back" before they cut to a break.

[commercial break]

We did learn from Coachman upon returning from commercial that "give up is not in Bubba's vocabulary." Now that's the type of insight that should make Coachman a true candidate to become one of WWE's primary two announcers some day. Bubba gave Orton a Bubbabomb. He fended off all three heels for the first few minutes of being outnumbered. When he went to the top rope to splash Hunter through a table at ringside, Flair knocked him off balance. Bubba bumped to the mat. As Hebner tended to Flair, Hunter gave Bubba an illegal Pedigree behind his back. Orton then made the cover for the win. Orton was bleeding from his mouth after the match.

WINNERS: Orton & Flair & Hunter at 14:40.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Average match.

-Lawler and Coachman discussed the Kane storyline including still-shots of Dreamer and Rico after they were attacked.

-Bischoff asked Rob Van Dam backstage what he was doing there. RVD said he wants Kane in the middle of the ring. Bischoff said he feels RVD's pain, so he has his word that it will be RVD vs. Kane next week. RVD smiled. Bischoff told RVD to consider what Kane might do to him. RVD said he, not Austin, started the problem with Kane and next week he's going to be the one to finish it. That's about as good as RVD gets in a speaking role. You still don't get the feeling he's taking much of anything all that seriously, but he seemed to actually be trying.

[commercial break]

-Lawler and Coachman discussed next week's Raw matches - Jericho vs. Michaels and RVD vs. Kane. When Lawler mentioned Y2J, he threw in a Double J-style "ha ha."

-Jericho approached Rico and Tommy Dreamer backstage with a petition demanding Steve Austin be removed from power. He said he would be faxing it to Linda McMahon's office. "I am not going to let Austin foster an unsafe working environment for any of us," he said. Rico enthusiastically signed it. Other heels in the room cheered Jericho.

-Rodney Mack and Teddy Long came out. Long said a black man should replace Austin as co-G.M. of Raw (which eliminates Rodney Mack). Long said he is too busy running the day-to-day operations of "Playas Incorporated." He recommended Snoop Dog, Johnny Cocharan, and Marion Barry. He tried to begin a chant of "Hell no, Stone Cold." The heels in the back took part, but the crowd didn't.

[commercial break]

4 -- RODNEY MACK (w/Long) vs. ROSIE

Mack rolled up Rosie for the quick win. Afterward Hurricane's music started. Then the light went out. When they came back on, Hurricane nailed Rosie with a dropkick off the top rope.

WINNER: Mack at 0:56.

STAR RATING: n/a

-Jericho approached Evolution, sporting their black and gold Evolution t-shirts, with the petition. Hunter said life would be a lot easier without Austin. He signed it as they cut to a break.

[commercial break]

5 -- BOOKER T vs. CHRISTIAN - Intercontinental Title match

An example of how scripted and robotic and disingenuous Coachman sounds, he said Christian and Booker "have had many battles in recent months," but stressed the word "battles" in a phony-sounding, arbitrary way. He sounds like a politician giving a stump speech with a bunch of cliches and empty catch-phrases that he's long ago memorized and is now thinking of something else. When you "feel" what you're saying, the words you say sound like a person talking extemporaneously. Coachman sounds like he's trying to say the right thing with the right stress on the right words, and adding some stress randomly for good measure, and it takes away from the viewer's ability to get into the show. Coachman is far from the worst announcer on a national wrestling TV show, but he one of the least believable. He seems to be a product of WWE's desire to keep "marks" out of the ranks and worry more about who "looks the part" (and plays the game behind the scenes). Coachman, with a constant stream of lines being fed to him through his headset, is one step short of a computer-generated voice doing the announcing. Sometimes Coachman sounds like a computer voice since his inflections are so manufactured sounding. At 4:30 the ref went down when Booker inadvertently bumped into him. Christian went for a cover. A second ref ran out and counted two. Christian yelled at the new ref for not counting faster. Coachman rightfully pointed out that Christian should have been pleased that at least the second ref bothered to come out and did so quickly. Booker took control and did the Spinarooni. He then went for the scissors kick, but Christian (who had plenty of time to recover during the Spinarooni routine) avoided it, then rolled up Booker for the pin. Christian held the top rope for leverage during the pin. The original ref saw the infraction and tried to reverse the decision. The two referees argued. Austin sent them to the back and brought out a new ref and then restarted the match. Booker hit a scissors kick right away for the pin. Afterward, Christian beat up the ref. Austin ran out, stomped Christian, and then gave him a Stunner. Coachman said no one could blame Austin for being in a bad mood.

WINNER: Booker T at 7:50.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Nothing, special, which seems to be the pattern with Christian and Booker, who just don't click in the ring together. Their wrestling isn't bad, and the match told a decent story, but the crowd was pretty bored with the opening minutes. Only Christian beating up the ref after the match and Austin's subsequent Stunner got them cheering.

-Bischoff watched the incident on a monitor and said it was a case of Austin putting a nail in his own coffin. His cell phone rang. It was Linda McMahon. He asked what he could do for her. They cut abruptly to a commercial.

[commercial break]

-Kane presented Jim Ross with a big red giftwrapped box. I thought it was going to explode and they were going to "kill off Ross" just like they did Al Wilson. They sat down on the couch, but it wasn't quite time for the interview.

6 -- GAIL KIM vs. MOLLY HOLLY -- WWE Women's Title match.

I can't recall if a Women's Title match has ever been the in-ring finale on Raw. Of course, it's not technically the "main event" because the final segment is being reserved for the Ross-Kane interview. Lawler said Kim's title win didn't set well with the other WWE "divas."

WINNER: Kim at 3:15 to retain the title.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Too short to amount to much, but Holly is a real pro in the ring, so she carried Kim to watchable action.

-Ross told Kane that when they came back from the commercial break, they'd start the interview. Kane put the gift in Ross's lap. Ross took the lid off the gift and said, "What the hell!" It was a gasoline can. Kane said, "If you make fun of me one time, I will set you on fire." Now my first thought was that Ross is going to get burned and he's going to become the industry's first masked lead announcer. At least then everyone in "corporate" can shut up about Ross's face.

[commercial break]

-Ross told Kane that he is there to try to get fans to understand what he is doing and why he is doing it. Ross then presented a Kane video package. "What's your reaction to seeing that footage again?" Ross asked. Kane said, "Anger. Hatred. J.R., I was a normal, happy child until fire turned me into a hideous monster." He said Austin and RVD want him to be "himself" and "expose that monster to the entire world." He said they are supposed to be his friend. "Why would they want everyone to see my burnt face? Why would they want to put me through that pain?" Ross said he wasn't sure how to phrase it, but he said he doesn't appear to be scarred or deformed in any way. "The fire tore the flesh off my skin," he said. "You sound just like those doctors when I was a kid, who told me the burn marks were just superficial. They wanted me to see a shrink." He said they wanted to embarrass him, so he had to hurt them. He took off his towel. "I'm a monster, don't you see that?" he said. Ross said he sees a man who needs help. "Well, then help me, J.R., help me," Kane said. Ross said he knows what it's like to be made fun of, but he told Kane to say he's not going to let stupid, insensitive people stop him from living his life. He said RVD and Stone Cold weren't his enemy, they respect him and support him. "If I may speak for them, I don't think they give a damn what you look like," he said. Kane said, "You really think so? Then you've made my decision for me. You say you speak for the people, the people are liars, just like my doctors, like Stone Cold, like RVD. How stupid do you think I am. I know as soon as I leave this room you're going to make fun of me." He then stood up and yelled at Ross, telling him not to make fun of him. Austin's music then began, and he ran to the ring.

Austin said everyone is trying to help him, so settle down and sit down. Ross begged Kane to calm down and sit down. Kane said the only way anyone can know why he does what he does is to experience what he's been through himself. "You need to feel my pain, Kane said." He slapped Ross down, then poured gasoline on him. Producers tried to intervene, but he shoved them away. He then lit a match and set Ross's back on fire. Then as Ross tried to get-up, Kane kicked him. Ross screamed in pain. Austin looked panicked. Kane left the room as producers entered the room and extinguished the fire. Ross looked completely out.

Bischoff stepped out and asked Austin if he was proud of himself. "That wasn't Kane that put the match to Jim Ross and poured gasoline on him and set him on fire, dammit. It's your fault and yours alone," he said. "I got news from you. I got a call from Linda McMahon. Next week in the ring your standing in right now, she's going to fire your ass. Damn you straight to hell. You rotten bastard!"


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