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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (7-28-03): Shane McMahon and Kane centerpieces five years ago, too, plus Goldberg, Austin, Linda
Jul 28, 2008 - 4:41:39 PM |
KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
JULY 28, 2003
LIVE FROM COLORADO SPRINGS, COL.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
-Shane McMahon attacked Kane at the end of the show, and punched his father Vince when he intervened. He knocked Kane off the stage. Kane sat up and laughed.
-Steve Austin accepted Linda McMahon's edict that he not get physically involved unless he's provoked.
-Hunter vs. Goldberg was announced for SummerSlam, with footage airing from their press conference.
-Molly Holly captured the Women's Title from Gail Kim.
-La Resistance retained the WWE Tag Team Titles against Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak.
DETAILED RUNDOWN AND ANALYSIS
-The show opened with clips of Linda McMahon giving Steve Austin the ultimatum last week about agreeing not to lay his hands on others unless provoked followed by Kane being brought to the ring in shackles and of course concluding with dramatic music in the background as they showed Kane piledriving Linda McMahon on the stage to end the show. They showed two different angles on the piledriver in place of the camera angle used last week that showed her head didn't hit the stage (Boy, did Vince chew out people over that camera angle mistake, by the way.)
-The Raw opening montage aired. Johnathan Coachman and Jerry Lawler then introduced the show from the announce desk. They hyped Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels as guests on Chris Jericho's "Highlight Reel" later. It's going to be fascinating to watch how Coachman does tonight given all of the heat he has on him internally for his lackluster effort ("effort" being the key word) last week.
-Vince McMahon walked out and said he was there for one reason and one reason only, to avenge what Kane did to his wife Linda. He said Kane drove her head right down into the steel stage "so I'm here tonight to confront Kane. Not because I'm a good husband, everybody knows better than that, I'm here to confront Kane because I'm a man and he's not. Kane is an animal. And that's why I know Kane, still under house arrest, I've summoned the authorities to present Kane to me tonight in that very ring." He said he doesn't know what he'll say when he gets face to face with that monster, but he guaranteed before the night is over all hell will break loose. Why do I have the feeling Vince is going to shake Kane's hand, hug him, and thank him for doing to Linda what he should have done years ago. That would either turn Kane heel finally or turn Vince babyface, depending on how much fans either love Kane at this point or dislike Linda (or have a fetish for seeing women get beat up by men). Hurrah for McMahon throwing in the line about not being a good husband to Linda. It would have stunk to have Vince present himself as the loving loyal husband avenging his dearly beloved wife. By admitting he hasn't been a good husband, he covered his base quickly and easily on that matter - and it leaves many possibilities open.
1 -- SCOTT STEINER (w/Stacy) & BOOKER T vs. CHRISTIAN & TEST
They cut to a commercial at 6:00 after the expected spots between the four, including Steiner elbowing Christian and then instead of covering him, doing some pushups.
[commercial break]
Test had Steiner in a sleeper in mid-ring. Steiner eventually elbowed out of it. Coachman hyped for the first time that Steve Austin would be part of the show later to announce his decision about whether he could live with Linda's ultimatum. Meanwhile, Test hot-tagged Christian followed a second later by Steiner hot-tagging Booker T. Booker showed nice fire as he backdropped Christian and leveled him with a flying forearm. He followed up with a spin wheel kicks on Test and Christian followed by the Spinarooni. Test kicked Booker in the gut followed by an attempted Pump Handle Slam, but Booker escaped. Christian then entered the ring and held Booker. Booker ducked, and Christian took Test's boot. Booker then gave Christian the Scissor Kick for the pin.
WINNERS: Booker T & Scott Steiner at 11:10.
STAR RATING: * -- What aired was a decent TV tag match. As always when they cut away, any star rating is an estimation since not everything was shown.
-They cut to footage of the SummerSlam press conference held in L.A. last Tuesday. Coachman introduced Eric Bischoff who announced SummerSlam would be a "joint production" with Raw and Smackdown wrestlers. He announced Triple H vs. Goldberg. Goldberg got out of a black limo (like all good guys) wearing a black suit. Hunter and Goldberg shook hands, but that turned into a staredown. "There is only one diamond, and you're looking at him," said Hunter. Goldberg told Hunter, "Your ass is next." Pretty short and to the point, but it gave the impression of a "major press conference." Goldberg was then plugged as being in the next segment, with no specifics provided.
[commercial break]
2 -- GOLDBERG vs. STEVEN RICHARDS
A backstage worker pounded on Goldberg's locker room door and yelled, "It's time." Goldberg came out huffing and puffing. When he walked out onto the stage, the sparks flew and he showed good intensity with air kicks. Richards attacked Goldberg before the bell, but Goldberg no-sold and kicked Richards in the head. He followed with a press slam that began wobbly but sustained itself for a good ten seconds once he locked it in. He then powerslammed Richards to the mat. Then he set up his Spear and nailed Richards to the mat. Goldberg then mugged for the camera with his intense facial expressions. He followed up with the Jackhammer for the win.
WINNER: Goldberg at 1:13.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- This type of match is the one thing that Goldberg shines at, and WWE knows that's what they've got to do headed into his big Triple H match.
-As Goldberg celebrated, Triple H's music replaced Goldberg's. Evolution walked out onto the stage. Hunter told Goldberg that was a hell of a win against Stevie Richards, "who is a hell of a competitor, but he's not the World Champion, is he?" Fans chanted "Goldberg, Goldberg." Hunter laughed, resembling Don Callis in his sunglasses. Goldberg retorted, "Hunter, as you can see, I'm standing right here. If you're such a bad ass, why wait until SummerSlam, champ? Why not tonight?" Hunter shot back: "You see Goldberg, you don't get it, do ya? I'm the World Heavyweight Champion which means I call the shots whether anybody here likes it or not." Hunter said he knows Goldberg has a hell of a reputation, and it's that reputation that is going to make him a hell of a lot of money when he kicks his ass at SummerSlam. "If you think for one second, Goldberg, that I'm going to walk down there and kick your ass and ruin your reputation right now, you've got another thing coming," Hunter said. A frenetic Flair backed up what Hunter said in two rapid-fire sentences. Goldberg then challenged Flair. Hunter and Randy Orton had to hold him back. Bischoff ran out and said, "Hey, hold the phone! In case anyone has forgotten, I'm the co-general manager." He said since Austin is still contemplating his future, he is in control. Bischoff said there is no way he would give Flair vs. Goldberg without proper promotion, but he said he'd like to book it next week on Raw. Goldberg agreed, saying he'll see hunter at SummerSlam, adding, "But Flair, your ass is next." Good segment. Hunter acted conceited, arrogant, and perhaps overconfident. Meanwhile, Goldberg stood his ground, didn't try to match wits with Hunter, but fired back confidently. The segment also set up a good match next week with Flair vs. Goldberg. Let's see if Coachman can sell that match for the rest of the show. Does Coachman even realize Flair used to wrestle way back in the '90s, not to mention the '70s and '80s. I think Confidential mentioned it once, but I'm sure Coachman had better things to do that night.
[commercial break]
-Coachman plugged Austin's decision coming up later.
3 --VAL VENIS vs. RICO (w/Miss Jackie)
Doesn't this match belong in quarter hour seven, not quarter hour three? This is that classic throwaway match that they usually put on between commercial breaks before the main event. Lawler told Coachman to imagine if Val made one of his videos with Rico. Coachman reacted like that was the most disgusting thing he could possibly imagine. That coming from a guy who thinks fans can't wait for him to get all horny over every female that appears on WWE TV shows. Venis won clean with the Money Shot despite attempted interference from Jackie.
WINNER: Val at 5:01.
STAR RATING: *
-Backstage Bischoff ordered the police that they aren't to let Kane out of the sheriff's van until he gives the order to let them out. Yeah, as if the WWE Raw G.M. would talk to cops like that and they'd just nod at him like he was the police chief. That aside, it did set up the idea that Bischoff is worried about what Kane is going to do once he gets loose.
[commercial break]
-Chris Jericho gloated in the ring about making Shawn Michaels tap out last week as clips aired of the finish. He then introduced Randy Orton. Orton came out and presented Jericho with an Evolution t-shirt. Jericho told Orton he didn't need his help last week. He asked him why he came out to the ring. "It's simple, at Bad Blood I screwed the legend Shawn Michaels, then I destroyed the hardcore legend Mick Foley," he said. He added that last week he RKO'd Shawn Michaels, all in an attempt to make a name for himself as "the legend killer." He said Michaels is the next legend he is going to kill. "Way too cocky, King," said Coachman, after being woken up from his daydreaming by Vince McMahon telling him through his headset what to say. Michaels then came out.
Michaels told Jericho last week he evened the score, "but everybody knows you didn't and couldn't get the job done yourself." He then turned to Orton and said, "So you're going to be the man to kill off the legend of HBK. If I had a nickel for every stiff who walked into the company over the last 16 (glorious) years and said they were going to do that to me, I'd be a millionaire. Oh, wait, I am a millionaire, and it's because of stiffs like you. Punk, I'm going to kill off your career before it even gets started." Jericho said it wasn't Orton who beat him last week, it was him. "Don't get jealous, honey," Michaels said. "You and I have some unfinished business." He challenged him a rubber match right then in Colorado Springs. Jericho called Michaels pathetic as fans chanted "HBK, HBK." Jericho said he isn't going to give him a rematch because he beat him last week. He said he'd face anybody in the arena before Michaels. He said he was the last person to deserve a rematch, "you sanctimonious son of a bitch." Orton went after Michaels, but Michaels blocked his attack with a punch. As they fought on the mat, Jericho joined in to help Orton take control. Orton stomped away at Michaels. The crowd popped but the camera didn't show why for several seconds. Finally, Kevin Nash was shown at ringside. He went after Orton and Jericho. The heels fled through the crowd. Nash said, "Hey Jericho, you'll find anybody who's not named Shawn Michaels, correct? Last time I looked, my name wasn't Shawn Michaels. Let's do it buddy boy. Let's do it tonight. You know what, better yet, let's do it right now." He threw the mic down. Coachman asked if it was going to happen. "If it's going to happen, it's going to happen live, next." Nash just seemed like he's never had mic time before every time he talks these days. He looks like his confidence is shot as he stumbles over his words and looks like he's worried about being b-slapped. Orton continues to carry himself like a top tier star. Jericho was good in his role, too.
[commercial break]
4 -- KEVIN NASH vs. CHRIS JERICHO
The match was joined in progress after they came back from the break. They manage to do that at least once every week now. I'm not quite sure what the fascination is with starting the match during the commercial rather than waiting until the break is over. Maybe it's to give the impression that you see everything in person to encourage ticket sales. Lawler asked Coachman if Nash has ever tapped out. Coachman said he didn't think so, as if he'd have any idea of Nash's history dating back to his WCW and WWF days. Jericho worked over Nash's legs for the first few minutes. Nash came back with a big boot at 5:00, then set up the Jackknife, but Jericho low-blowed out of it for the DQ. Jericho tried to ran Nash's head into an exposed turnbuckle afterward, but Nash fended that off. Jericho then grabbed a chair, but Nash kicked it into his face to try to end the flat match with an even more flat finish on a high note. The crowd, though, didn't pop much for anything at this point. Nash pounded away at Jericho's head. Jericho came up bleeding, which Coachman didn't mention at first. Nash then dropped Jericho over the exposed turnbuckle, at which point Coachman finally noticed and acknowledged the bleeding. Nash pulled off the ringside barrier padding, swung Jericho into the stairs, and then dropped Jericho over the exposed barrier. Coachman said, "Nash continues, he continues, to take it to Jericho," Coachman said with all the genuine emotion and enthusiasm of someone calling out a new number at the DMV waiting room. When Nash picked up the ringside stairs over his head, Jericho fled through the crowd. Watching Nash is like watching a slow motion replay, except it's real time.
WINNER: Nash via DQ in 6:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Nash just doesn't have much to offer, and now that he's not promoted as anything special, they don't even protect him anymore. He's just thrown out there to the wolves to expose his immobility in a six minute live TV match.
[commercial break]
"What an explosive night is has been so far," said Coachman with the cadence and emotion of someone imitating a teacher's words on the first day of a class teaching adults English as a second language. I just don't "believe him" when he talks.
-Hurricane and Rosie talked backstage. Rosie said he's not sure about the SHIT deal. Hurricane said he is a Super Hero In Training. Rosie asked for a cape. Hurricane said no cape yet, but maybe a beach towel. Rosie asked about whether he gets Super Powers. Hurricane said he must walk before he can fly. He said one day he will have Super Powers. Hurricane then "flew away." Rosie tried to fly, but could barely get off the ground.
-Bischoff chewed out a security officer backstage, telling him that he better do whatever Vince McMahon says. Bischoff said he questions Mr. McMahon's decision to bring Kane to the arena, but what he says goes. He said they are not to bring Kane good or water or do anything with Kane unless they are told first.
[commercial break]
-Coachman said RVD suffered a concussion last week. Lawler said he had a chance to talk to J.R. and said he's getting better, adding an empty cliche: "If I know J.R., he'll be back sooner than later." Now there's an update that really gets across the severity of Ross's burns and gets across the heinous act Kane committed against him. Ugh. The Dudleys then came out to join Lawler and Coachman at the announcing table.
5 -- LA RESISTANCE vs. GARRISON CADE & MARK JINDRAK - WWE Tag Title match
This was the first mention of this tag team title match all show, so, you know, it must be important. The Dudleys made a big fuss about the French flag being on display. They showed a clip of Garrison & Cade upsetting La Resistance on Heat a couple weeks back in a non-title match. Cade is on the WWE diet. He looked 20-30 pounds lighter in his OVW days when he had a lanky Barry Windham/young Danny Spivey physique. D-Von said regarding La Resistance: "They'll feel our presence. If they don't feel our presence, they'll feel something else." What, exactly, was D-Von suggesting? As La Resistance grabbed the French flag to use as a weapon, the Dudleys left the announcing desk and headed to the ring. La Resistance set the flags down. Lawler said, "No harm, no foul." They cut to a commercial as "order was restored."
[commercial break]
Bubba said, in reference to La Resistance using the flag as a weapon, "We're not going to stand for that, not on American soil." Puh-lease. This must mean a flag match at SummerSlam is in the works. La Resistance won after a double slam. Pretty anti-climactic finish.
WINNER: La Resistance at 8:30.
STAR RATING: *
-When La Resistance were going to attack Cade after the match, the Dudleys ran out and attacked them in the ring. Rene Dupree attacked the Dudleys from behind with the flag. Oh, it's just hard to watch! Then they left with their French flags held high as the Dudleys lay knocked out in the ring.
-Bischoff told the cops they now had permission to let Kane out. He told them to have their tazers ready and to have their guns pointed at him the whole time. "If he makes one wrong move, you light him up like a Christmas tree." Kane, with ripped trunks, stumbled out to the ring. Lawler said he didn't want to be out there when Kane came out. Kane looked sympathetic, not threatening.
[commercial break]
-Coachman and Lawler mentioned again the announced SummerSlam main event (Triple H vs. Goldberg) and next week's Raw main event (Goldberg vs. Flair).
6 -- GAIL KIM vs. MOLLY HOLLY -- Women's Title match.
Lawler asked Coachman if Austin had even arrived at the arena yet. Coachman said he hasn't heard. Lawler wondered if Austin didn't show up if that meant he was turning down Linda's ultimatum by default. Molly blocked Kim's attempt to huracanrana her off the top rope, then flipped onto Kim off the ropes and landed with impact and scored the clean three count.
WINNER: Holly at 3:20 to capture the Women's Title.
STAR RATING: *
-Vince was shown backstage approaching the entrance stage.
[commercial break]
-Vince McMahon stood in the ring as his music faded. He said he waited long enough, so "officers, bring that son of a bitch Kane down here right now." Vince met Kane at ringside and scowled at him. "It's be really easy right now to beat the living hell out of you," McMahon said. "It might be too easy." He ordered the officers to take the shackles off of him. (As Bischoff established earlier, what McMahon says goes.) Vince then dismissed the officers. Kane shook out his now freed legs. Vince ordered Kane to enter the ring. Coachman and Lawler said they couldn't understand what Vince was thinking. Vince and Kane then went nose-to-nose. "Who the hell do you think you are, piledriving my wife into a steel stage? Who do you think you are putting your hands on anyone, much less a McMahon, without my permission?" He asked him if he was some kind of a freak or some kind of a Frankenstein. "I know who you are," he said. "You're a (pause) monster. Yeah, you're a real live remorseless monster. And what would a man like me do with a monster in the palm of his hand? I can almost forgive you for what you did to my wife, as long as the ends justify the means. Imagine this, McMahon and Kane, that has a nice ring to it." Then Austin's music blared and he walked out. He snatched the mic out of McMahon's hands.
Austin began by saying he is staying on as General Manager. "Thank goodness," said Coachman. Austin said that means he can't just beat up WWE superstars whenever he sees fit. "I think that sucks, but unless Stone Cold Steve Austin is physically provoked, I can't lay a finger on a WWE superstar," Austin said. "I accept that. So that being said, I'm out here looking to be provoked." The crowd cheered. "So provoke me, Kane. Do something to me," Austin said. "Touch me, hit me, do something. Look atchya, ya stupid clown in black and red trunks. Provoke me. You stupid son of a bitch." Kane yanked the towel of his head. Austin continued to dare him to lay a finger on him. Kane began getting pissed off, trying hard to hold back. Austin held out his chin. "Take you best shot," he said. "Hit me! Do it!" Kane backed down. Kane shook his head no.
Out walked Shane McMahon. He entered the ring, and then tackled Kane. They both tumbled over the top rope. Shane punched away at Kane. Vince pulled them apart. Shane punched his dad in the face with a potato. Shane then grabbed a chair and chased after Kane up the rampway, nailing him from behind with a chair, then across the head with a chair. He then followed up with another stiff shot to the head. Kane fell backward off the stage through tables onto rolled up cables. Shane stood over him yelling. Kane sat up a few seconds later and laughed. "Oh my gosh, Coach, he is a monster," Lawler said.
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