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KELLER'S RAW REPORT
August 25, 2003
Live from Tucson, Ariz.

-The show opened with scenes of a bloodied Bill Goldberg being uncuffed from the wall of the Elimination Chamber and being helped to the back.

-The live scene began with Goldberg walking to the ring without even a hint of a limp, but at least a bandage on his head to sell the beating he took the night before. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced Raw formally as Goldberg entered the ring. They announced how close Goldberg came to winning the World Title, but how Hunter came out the winner. He didn't detail how Hunter used a sledgehammer to retain the title, which is a surprise. My hunch is they want to give the impression Hunter really beat Goldberg (rather than establish what a fluke it was since, after all, Hunter will be working for WWE in two years and Goldberg likely won't) and quickly shift the attention to the beating them gave him afterward. "That title is mine and you know it," Goldberg began. He challenged Hunter to come out and finish what they started last night. They trusted Goldberg to say all of about four lines before having Hunter, Randy Orton, and Ric Flair join the scene. Hunter came out and asked Goldberg if he really wants him one on one. Goldberg said yes. Hunter took off his shirt. "Look at what's standing before you, Bill? You think you're bigger than me, you think you're smarter than me, you think you're better than me?" He said he proved none of that is true because the night before by beating five of the greatest in the industry. They went back and forth for a minute. "I will beat your ass to death," Goldberg said. Hunter replied by asking Goldberg what he thinks makes him so different than Rock, HBK, Austin, and the others he has made it past. "If you haven't listened my friend, I'm Goldberg and don't you ever forget it," Goldberg said while leaning against the top rope. Hunter said the only reason he's still standing is because Flair and Orton pulled him off of him last week. He said now Goldberg is starting to piss him off. He agreed to give him a title shot at Unforgiven one-on-one. The crowd let out a selfish round of boos, wanting to see the title match tonight. Hunter said if Goldberg wins, he gets the belt, but if he loses, Goldberg has to agree to quit wrestling. "I beat you and you're finished!" he said. "I'm not talking about you lose and go work for some second-rate promotion like Smackdown and walk through their wrestlers and become some kind of paper champion. I mean you lose and you never step foot in the ring again." Hunter helped the crowd start a "Goldberg" chant by mockingly chanting his name. Goldberg said, "I'll think hard on it, but I'm not going to think long - you're on." Ross said Goldberg must be crazy.

-They showed Trish warming up backstage.

[commercial break]

1 -- TRISH STRATUS vs. GAIL KIM

Ross and Lawler wondered why Kim seems to obsessed with Stratus. They suggested there may be more to the story than has come forth so far. They also talked more about Goldberg putting his career on the line. Regarding Kim, he said, "There's something between her ears that doesn't quite connect the dots." Trish took Kim down with a strong spinebuster at 3:00 for the first near fall of the match. Trish followed up with some chops to the chest followed by a crescent kick. She followed up with her finisher for the win. As Trish celebrated her win in the aisle, Molly Holly attacked her from behind and rammed her into the tall security wall set up in the aisle. Then she entered the ring and stared down Kim, who seemed intimidated and backed up. They cut away from the ring before it was apparent what was going to happen between Molly and Kim. Awkward.

WINNER: Trish at 3:40.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

-They cut to a clip of Eric Bischoff's speech at SummerSlam regarding Linda McMahon where he implied Linda was energetic in bed.

[commercial break]

-They cut backstage to Molly grabbing Kim by the throat. She told her not to forget that she brought her into WWE. She suggested they work together to get rid of Trish. Kim agreed and said Trish doesn't stand a chance.

-Rodney Mack and Teddy Long walked to the ring. Long said he has been doing a lot of negotiations to expand his organization. He said he was contacted by someone who will earn his playa's card tonight. "I'm not talking about just an ordinary man, so I want you people to stand up and show your love for the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry," he said. Henry lumbered to the ring sporting dredlocks. Ross called Henry a "former Olympian and the strongest man in the world." Long then called for "the white boys" to come on out.

2 -- GARRISON CADE & MARK JINDRAK vs. MARK HENRY & RODNEY MACK

Henry lifted Cade and threw him over the top rope to the floor. Jindrak then went after Henry with kicks and punches, but got caught in mid-air and powerslammed to the mat for the loss.

WINNERS: Henry & Mack at 2:22.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Not much to it. Henry showed some good powermoves. With the way they've treated Mack lately, I wouldn't have been surprised if they didn't give the "white boys" an upset, leading to Johnathan Coachman joining them to help get them going in the right direction.

-Lance Storm confronted Goldust backstage about setting him up with a willing woman last week in the locker room. Goldust said he attracted the woman because he is a charismatic man. Goldust said he is now in a healthy relationship. The camera panned down and showed a mini-Goldustita humping his leg. Rosie walked in and asked if he knew of any Superhero duties that were needed in the ring. Storm said he was dealing with his own problem. He asked a "young lady" (a former Tough Enough contestant) if she knew about the commotion. She said she heard someone is in the ring with a gun. Rosie ran off superhero style. Hurricane then "flew" into the scene and got worried that Rosie might overreact since it was just a toy gun. He ran off.

[commercial break]

-A commercial aired promoting Rock's Sept. 26 movie "The Rundown" where he is a bounty hunter. A bunch of Rock action scenes were shown in rapid-fire clips.

-Ross said often during commercial breaks during TV events, they have someone shoot t-shirts to the crowd with an airgun. They showed Rosie attacking the guy in the ring in a misguided attempt to save the day. Hurricane ran to the ring and gave "Roosevelt" a lecture about hurting "an innocent man like a bug." Lawler said more training is needed. Ross then had the awkward duty of shifting gears to a "more serious matter" of Johnathan Coachman turning heel by hitting Shane McMahon with a chair. Freeze-frames were shown of the turn. Lawler said he didn't get why Coachman did what he did.

-Terri interviewed Steve Austin who said he was enjoying watching Shane beat up Bischoff, then he saw Coachman hit Shane. Austin said when he went to the ring, Coach "attacked him" so he stomped a mud hole in him in retaliation. He said then as he was about to leave, Bischoff "for no reason whatsoever," Bischoff walked up to him and slapped him. (For those who didn't see it, in reality Shane took a limp Bischoff's arm and swung it at Austin.) Bischoff interrupted Austin's version of what happened. He had on sunglasses covering a black eye. Bischoff said he planned to award Coachman the "Employee of the Month Award." He told Austin he "damn well better no interfere."

[commercial break]

-Rob Conway, who was referred to by name for the first time, joined La Resistance in the ring. He said can't believe American's cheer a president who tricked them into a war on terrorists. He explained that even though he is American, he believes the American fans who boo the French "are the real terrorists." He concluded, "Proud to be an American, my ass."

3 -- BUBBA & D-VON & SPIKE DUDLEY vs. LA RESISTANCE & ROB CONWAY

Lawler said La Resistance doesn't get it, American's don't hate all French people, just them. He said he still eats French Fries. Bubba threw Spike onto Grenier at ringside. However, Conway nailed Bubba with the tag belt and scored the win.

WINNERS: La Resistance & Conway at 2:55.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Didn't have much time to be a full-fledged match. There were a couple mistimed spots.

[commercial break]

-A freeze-frame aired of Kane piledriving RVD on the ringside steps at Summerslam. He said RVD was not scheduled to be at Raw due to those injuries.

-Live in the ring, Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel began. Jericho said he should have won the Elimination Chamber, but said at least Goldberg "got what he deserved." He glossed over his lost opportunity at the WWE Title so quickly, it seemed as if he was hardly phased by not winning the title. Jericho shifted quickly to talking about the Bischoff-Linda angle from last week where Bischoff forced a kiss on Linda. Jericho imitated Linda's whimpers. He said after hearing Bischoff's side of the story, it sounded pretty truthful, but he was going to give the other side a chance to give her side. Linda came out and mustered a facial expression besides cryogenically frozen as she put forth what appeared to be a smile. Jericho said she was looking more beautiful than ever, and then asked her to tell what happened after the cameras went off the air. "Did you make it to the bedroom?" he asked. Linda laughed when Jericho asked her if they did it like two Arizona jackrabbits. "The truth is, Eric Bischoff is a very creative liar," she said. 'Shortly after we went off the air, security came and escorted Eric Bischoff off the property. But you know what, nonetheless, Eric acted in a lecherous and unprofessional manner and that calls for consequences. Now, I've thought about firing Eric, but truthfully my sense is Vince would come along right behind me and rehire him just to stick it to Shane, so I've decided that..." Vince McMahon's music interrupted and he walked out.

Jericho said it was a pleasant surprise to have him on the Highlight Reel. Vince reminded Linda that even though as CEO she can decide a lot of things, but he is Chairman of the Board so his say is final, and he was deciding there would be no repercussions against Eric Bischoff. Vince said he invited Eric into their home last week. "You might be surprised at that, but no more surprised than I am at you portraying yourself as a victim," he said. "There is only one victim in this world, and you're looking at him; it's me. It's true, I Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I am a victim." He held his fist in the air. He said he is a victim of their failed marriage and "what came out of your demon-infested womb. I'm talking about our children, Shane and Stephanie. Because of you, they don't respect me. You've turned my kids against me." Linda shook her head and said, "Honest to god, you need psychological help." Ross added, "Amen!" Vince laughed denied needing any help other than help because of his kids. He said he feels a lot like Kane because the fans once liked Kane, but then turned on him. "I know how that feels now. My family has all turned their backs on me because of you," he said. Shane McMahon's music then started and he walked out.

Shane yanked the mic out of Vince's hand and told Vince that he and Kane are a lot alike. "Because deep down in those sick twisted minds of yours, you're both monsters," he said. "It may be wrong for a son to say to a father, but you two can rot in hell." Jericho got in Shane's face and told him not to talk to Vince that way. "He is a genius and a billionaire and he commends respect and deserves respect." He said he respects him more than anything. Jericho told Shane the Highlight Reel is only for invited guests. He called him a "spoiled and sanctimonious." He said that is his father he is speaking to. Shane called him an asshole. Jericho then nailed Shane in the face with the mic and stomped away at him as Vince watched. Vince then pulled Jericho off of Shane. Linda looked on in horror. Shane stood up and asked Jericho to come back to the ring. Vince said he'd get his wish because in the main event, "it will be Shane McMahon vs. Chris Jericho." You've got to hand it to the McMahons - at least their consistent. They do believe that the path to high ratings is "More McMahons."

[commercial break]

4 -- RANDY ORTON (w/Ric Flair) vs. MAVEN (w/Shawn Michaels)

Maven came out with a smile on his face. Ross and Lawler wondered why. Then Shawn Michaels's music started and he came out as the surprise ringside guest. Michaels did his 1995 dance routine, then entered the ring and mocked the Flair strut. When Flair interfered at 3:00, Michaels superkicked Flair at ringside. Ross explained that Orton's RKO finisher is named after his initials. Maven went to the top rope at 4:10 and hit a bodyblock for a two count. Orton took Maven down with a drop toe hold and followed up with an RKO for a two count, but lifted Maven's shoulders. Orton then stood up and mocked Michaels's dance routine, then set up a superkick by stomping the mat. He nailed Maven with it and took him out for the three count. Michaels entered the ring to check on Maven, but kept an eye on Orton who remained in the ring for a minute before leaving. Nice simmering build-up for the Orton-Michaels Unforgiven match.

WINNER: Orton at 5:30.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Decent TV match. They sure don't have any hopes for Maven to be in a meaningful role anytime soon the way he got crushed by Orton. The match was fairly competitive, but the finish was decisive.

-Ross and Lawler plugged Shane vs. Jericho again, then went to ringside where Terri was interviewing Funkmaster Flex plugging his new Spike TV show airing an hour after Raw.

-Eric Bischoff stood in the ring to present Coachman with the "Employee of the Month" award. Coach said unlike Jim Ross, he doesn't kiss Steve Austin's ass, and that's why he attacked him unprovoked at Summerslam. He said Austin's claim that he was provoked is a bunch of bunk. Footage aired of Ross taking over for Coachman two weeks ago when he returned to Raw. Coach said he was unappreciative of how he filled in for him. Coach said, with almost a straight face (keeping a straight face in this case would have been strictly impossible), "I did such a good job nobody noticed he was gone." Coach then demanded an apology from Austin. Ross said he didn't know what to say. After a pause, Christian's music started and he walked out wearing the IC Title belt. Christian entered the ring and said nobody deserves an apology more than he does. "At least you were on Summerslam. I am the Intercontinental Champion, the people's choice, and Stone Cold Steve Austin kept me off that show." Austin came out to his music. Ross said the night was getting stranger by the moment.

Austin told Coach that, "Jesus Christ, you couldn't carry J.R.'s jock strap." Regarding his wish for an apology, Austin said, "No, I don't think I'm going to apologize to you." He said he had a sympathy card for him, though. He reached in a bad and then pulled out nothing but an extended middle finger. Coach told Austin he can make all the hand gestures he wants, but his hand-picked broadcasters are a joke. "You're got a cowboy and a king. What is this, the Village People," he said. Lawler interrupted and offered to stick the award in the only place in Arizona the sun doesn't shine. Christian interrupted and demanded everyone's attention because he is the IC Champ. He said, "Do you know what I'm going to do?" He looked at Austin and stopped in his tracks. Austin said, "You're going to shut the hell up." He asked him if he wants to see some action, he'll book him against Lawler. Lawler and Christian both smiled. The crowd began a "Jerry" chant. Austin revealed that the IC Title would be on the line. Christian didn't like that.

[commercial break]

5 -- CHRISTIAN vs. JERRY LAWLER - IC Title match

Coach joined Ross at the announcing table. Coach was intentionally obnoxious to Ross. He gave him a hard time about wearing a cowboy hat. Ross said he is proud of being from Oklahoma. Ross asked that they call the match. Coach continued to mock Ross, asking Ross if this was a "slobberknocker." Ross told Coach he was being annoying. At 3:30 Lawler gave Christian his signature fistdrop off the second rope. He followed with another fistdrop. Coach yanked Lawler off of Christian during his pin attempt. Lawler chased Coach around ringside. Coach ran into the ring. Lawler caught up to him. Christian scooped up Lawler from behind for the pin. Coach smiled at ringside. Ross apologized for not doing a better job calling the match, then plugged Shane vs. Jericho.

WINNER: Christian at 4:15 to retain the IC Title.

STAR RATING: 1/2*

-They showed Shane approaching the entry tunnel. Then in the background behind a fence was Kane. "Oh my god," Ross said ominously.

-A clip aired during a commercial for a sponsor of Shane hitting the elbow off the top rope through the ringside table.

[commercial break]

-Coach interviewed Christian backstage. He said he stuck to his strategy of giving his opponent a false sense of security before finishing them off out of nowhere. Coach was about to send it back to "ringside" when Austin interrupted and announced that next week Coach would have to fight Jerry Lawler one-on-one.

6 -- SHANE MCMAHON vs. CHRIS JERICHO

Ross said Jericho is more skilled as a wrestler, but Shane is "tougher than a waffle-house steak." Shane set up Jericho for a big top rope elbow at ringside, but as soon as Shane stood on the top rope, Kane's music started. Jericho then hit a distracted Shane from behind. He dropkicked him to ringside. Shane established clearly in less than two minutes that he could easily defeat former Unified Champion Jericho if not for Kane's mindgames. I mean, if he actually turned his attention to being a wrestler, he'd give Angle a run for his money as the best of this generation of WWE superstars. Imagine how good he'd be if he wore actual wrestling boots instead of sneakers? They cut a commercial with Shane on the ground and Ross asking, "Where is Kane?!"

[commercial break]

Jericho's offense happened to come during the commercial break, according to Ross, as when they returned from the break, Shane took over offense. Jericho took Shane down with a kick at 6:45. Shane went to the top rope at 7:40, but Jericho shoved the referee into the ropes, knocking Shane off balance. jericho then superplexed Shane off the top rope. Kane's music played again and this time he really came out. Kane chokeslammed Kane, ending the match officially around 9:00. Kane left the ring. Ross and Lawler wondered why Kane showed mercy. Shane went after Kane, proving exactly how tough Shane really is. Shane went after Kane into the backstage area and began roaming around. He went outside, thinking perhaps Kane hid outside. Lawler whispered and said Kane could be anywhere. Kane attacked Shane from behind with a clothesline. He beat him up for a minute and dragged him up a ramp and threw him against the wall of the arena. Ross concluded that Kane set Shane up. Kane then revealed a row of gasoline cans. He poured gasoline into the dumpster, then set the dumpster on fire with a lighter. "For the love of god, tell me this isn't about to happen," Ross said. Kane said, "Feel my pain." He lifted Shane, but Shane escaped his grip and kicked Kane into the firepit. "Burn in hell, you son of a bitch." The show ended as Shane coughed from the smoke surrounding him.



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