WWE RAW FLASHBACK SERIES - 5 YEARS AGO

WWE RAW REPORT
AUGUST 13, 2007
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, N.Y. AT MSG
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, PWTORCH EDITOR

-An extended recap aired of last week's Vince McMahon return with added generic congressional floor coverage.

-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. Ross enthusiastically talked about a sold out crowd of more than 16,000 at Madison Square Garden. The camera panned ringside where wrestlers from Raw, ECW, and Smackdown surrounded the ring.

-Vince McMahon walked out and addressed the claim that he has "an illegitimate child." He said the woman is withholding from him the name of his child. He said it's far beyond a paternity suit. "What this is is sheer extortion." He said he cannot be intimidated by the United States Congress, the media, or some woman "who should have been on the pill." The crowd chanted, "Who's your daddy!" at McMahon. He said he takes solace in the fact that each of the WWE wrestlers around the ring are supportive of him. He said same with his family. He said he got tongue-tied, almost as if he acknowledged he messed up what he was supposed to say, but it wasn't clear. He said this could happen to any red-blooded American male. He said the least they could do is support him in his time of need after he's supported them for 30 years. "I've been in the public spotlight for 30 years," he said. "Nothing bothers me. You people don't bother me. Nothing can bother me anymore." Stephanie McMahon's music played.

Stephanie angrily asked if he has any idea what he put her and his entire family through. She said he's sick for accusing her of faking crying and being interested in his money. She said she has no feelings of guilt for what she's about to say in public. He said, "You don't need to do this." She said, "The hell I don't need to do this." Stephanie said her half-brother or half-sister is standing around this ring right now. The crowd cheered. McMahon contemplated what she just said. "You're bastard is a WWE superstar. Congratulations," she said. They showed the wrestlers all looking at one another for signs of resemblance. Please let it be The Miz. Or Eugene. McMahon circled the ring and eyed each of the wrestlers one at a time, realizing he was looking at his son or daughter. Ross said it is one of the most surreal moments one could experience. He crossed paths with Mr. Kennedy and stared at him. Then Mark Henry, which drew some laughs from the crowd.

[Commercial Break]

-A video feature aired on Bobby Lashley recovering from shoulder surgery at St. Vincent's Birmingham in Alabama. He sleepily said he thinks of what Kennedy did to him and plans to get to training within hours after surgery to prepare revenge. Clips aired of what Kennedy did to his shoulder.

1 -- MR. KENNEDY vs. SANDMAN

Sandman interrupted Kennedy's pre-match mic work. After shoving each other, Sandman got some early offense, but Kennedy came back quickly by throwing Sandman off the top rope. He finished him off with his finisher a minute later.

WINNER: Kennedy in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Not much to it.

-Vince chatted with Coach backstage. "It's one thing to have an illegitimate child," he said. "It's one thing to be told that illegitimate child is someone on this roster." He said he has to get his composure back. Coach said they can run through WWE talent by age. He asked him at what age he became sexually active. Vince said, "Twenty." Then he sighed and said, "Almost a teenager." Coach got bug-eyed and asked, "How is that even possible." Vince looked down. Coach said, "This could be anyone on the roster." Ric Flair walked up behind Vince and let out a few "whoos!"

-A video aired hyping the Randy Orton vs. John Cena match with clips of Orton as the Legend Killer taking out Shawn Michaels. Ross then plugged the TV main event involving Cena and Orton.

[Commercial Break]

-Lawler plugged that based off of the success of "The Dating Game" last week, they were presenting William Regal's "WWE Idol." He had JBL and Michael Cole sing "Private Eyes" by Hall & Oates. Cole made a decent John Oates, actually. Regal said that was ghastly. Maria and Ron Simmons approached. Regal told her she'd be one of the judges on WWE Idol. Santino Marella interjected and said Maria is his girlfriend, so how could she go out with somebody else? He said on WWE Idol he'd sing a song so romatico, it would melt Maria's heart. Regal said he had all the contestants he needs. Maria chased after Santino and Regal. Simmons watched more of "Hall & Oates," then said, "Damn!" Cole asked Simmons who his favorite '80s band is. He thought about it, then said, "Wham!" Someone thought about that all week and was very proud to see it make the airwaves.

-Cryme Tyme walked to the ring and shouted out to "New York City, and most importantly Brooklyn." They did their "Money, money, yeah, yeah" chant. A small percentage of the crowd sang along enthusiastically. They then took Lilian Garcia's chair, autographed it, and then asked for bidders in the crowd. This is close to Vince Russo's once-stated dream episode of Raw that would be actually void of any in-ring wrestling. Forty minutes in and they've had one match of about two minutes.

-An ad aired for Saturday Night's Main Event this Saturday night at 10:30 p.m. ET. This was a really special series in the 1980s in that it was the only chance on TV to see main event level match-ups. Now it feels a bit pointless as it's just a dumbed down version of WWE Raw (well, not more dumbed-down than the first 40 minutes of this show).

[Commercial Break]

2 -- LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH vs. CRYME TYME

After two minutes of action, Cade and Murdoch hit the high-low on J.T. Before the ref could count the pin, Shad interfered with a chair. Ross said he wanted to see more matches between those two teams.

WINNER: Cade & Murdoch via DQ in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4*

-They went to another Orton Legend Killer video, this of Orton taking out Rob Van Dam.

[Commercial Break]

-A vignette aired hyping the return of Triple H.

-Ross hyped the Royal Coronation scheduled later. Lawler said he'd rather pass a kidney stone than put the crown on the head of Booker.

3 -- SNITSKY vs. HIGHLANDER ROBBIE MCALLISTER

WINNER: Snitsky in 0:15.

STAR RATING: n/a -- You realize there's a good chance some day you're going to be asked to pay to see Cena vs. Snitsky headline a PPV or house show? Or maybe Triple H vs. Snitsky.

-Vince talked about one time in a cornfield in Nebraska and that other time at Mt. Rushmore and on an iceberg in Alaska. Coach said they could have all the WWE Superstars take a DNA test, "but that could take weeks." He said if he gave him a list of his indiscretions, he could cross-reference them with the WWE Superstars and have a pretty good answer by Saturday Night's Main Event. Cody Rhodes walked up to Vince. He said he knows who his father is. He stuck something in his hand, saying Vince needs it more than he does. It was a condom. Vince told Coach that reminds him to have his attorney sue that company Trojan. He said, "It's their Magnum division." That got some good laughs. Boogeyman showed up behind Vince. He began singing "Cat and the Cradle." He began laughing maniacally. Coach said, "He does appear to have your eyes."

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Todd Grisham came out to introduce WWE Idol. This started at the very top of the second hour, which should make for an interesting quarter hour rating. Regal said if Grisham says, "Grisham out, you're fired." (For non-Idol watchers, Ryan Seacrest says, "Seacrest out" when he signs off.) Maria, sitting next to Regal, said his pitch was great, but his melody was a little off, but he looks good otherwise. He told Maria he's not one of the contestants, but thanks anyway. Grisham then introduced Mick Foley. He said this proves he will do almost anything for money. He sat next to Maria and Regal as the third judge.

Jillian Hall came out and sang "Memories" really poorly on purpose. She almost burst Maria's implant when she hit the high note. Foley said for the first time in his life he's glad he had his right ear ripped off the side of his head. She pulled his hair back. Maria said she looks great. The crowd chanted, "You suck!" Regal said, "Perhaps I should change the name of this show to Roe v. Wade because that was an abortion." That was one of those channel-switch-inducing unnecessarily heavy lines in a lite segment.

Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik walked out. Howard Finkle introduced his singing of the Russian National Anthem. Maria said he has a beautiful singing voice. Regal said it was "bloody dreadful." He said Nikolai should have lost his voice in this building just like Iron Sheik lost his WWE Title. Sheik went on a rant against Regal.

Lilian Garcia sang "New York, New York" in an example of pandering that made Foley proud. She was interrupted by Santino. He said her outfit made her look like a filthy prostitute. (Actually, given Maria's caked on make-up, hair, and cleavage, she looked much more Lita-slutty than the sweet and innocent image that used to set her apart. She looked like the sweet Maria dressed up as a prostitute for Halloween.) After Santino sang a few notes. Foley said it was almost as painful to listen to as it is to watch him wrestle. Santino called for Maria to follow with him. Maria said she was still judging. Ron Simmons walked out. Santino told Simmons to get out of his way. Simmons decked him. Regal declared Simmons the winner of Idol. "Damn!"

[Commercial Break]

-Another Orton Legend Killer segment aired with Orton taking out Dusty Rhodes.

4 -- CODY RHODES vs. CHARLIE HAAS (w/Shelton Benjamin)

Begin the fifth minute of in-ring action on Raw at the 77 minute mark of the show. The crawler noted that Bobby Lashley is on the cover of Flex magazine. Great timing. This match drew some "boring" chants. Cody executed a bulldog that he overshot, then won with a small package less than a minute later. Ross noted that was Cody's first win at MSG. And oh so memorable.

WINNER: Cody in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Ross said Lawler is a man of his word and he knows what he has to do next. Lawler reluctantly got up for the crowning ceremony.

[Commercial Break]

-Sharmell introduced King Booker. Booker then went on about beating Jerome Lawler last week. He said he beat a man who called himself "King" for 30 years and proved himself to be the one true king. Booker told him to crown him. Lawler paused and took a deep breath. Booker ordered him to just do it and do it now. Lawler said he is not the one true king and he is not going to put the crown on his head. He said before he came to the ring, he was handed a note from Regal that said he's going to have a match at Summerslam. A video then aired of Triple H. Not quite the monstrous pop on TV you might expect. There were even more boos than cheers after the video stopped, although that could have been for other reasons than not liking Triple H. Booker attacked Lawler. He nailed him with the ringside monitor.

[Commercial Break]

-Grisham joined Ross at ringside as medics tended to Lawler in the back. They hyped Summerslam's line-up, with Grisham oddly taking the lead. Is this the annual stretch where WWE begins making sure the back-up plan for Ross gets some main event exposure in case contract renewal talks fall apart? Just asking the question could prompt a Ross Blog comment of some kind.

-An Orton Legend Killer video aired of him taking out Sgt. Slaughter.

-Randy Orton walked out and said Cena is the longest reigning WWE Champion in over two decades, but at Summerslam, that fairy tale ride will be over. He said he doesn't just beat people, he ends careers. He acknowledged fans at MSG who don't like Cena. "I'm going to be your hero whether you like it or not," he said. He said to those who favor Cena, he's going to be their worst nightmare because nothing can stop him at Summerslam from becoming the new WWE Champion. There's still something about Orton, especially close-ups, that just seems soulless and empty. He can pump out a solid Wrestling 101 Promo, but it's just not inspiring or particularly entertaining. Very paint by numbers.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- RANDY ORTON & CARLITO vs. JOHN CENA & UMAGA

Ross said Orton and Carlito will make a devastating duo. It opened with Orton vs. Umaga. The crowd, meanwhile, battled with chants of "Cena sucks" vs. "Let's go Cena." When Carlito and Orton tried to double-team Umaga a minute in, he fought off both of them. Cena and Umaga cleared the ring of the heels, then turned to face each other as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Back from the break, Grisham called the action first. Strange. Cena was beating up Carlito as the fans battled with pro and con chants regarding Cena again. At 9:00 Carlito applied his signature boring, crowd-killing chinlock. This time, the crowd just kept chanting for or against Cena, though. Carlito then tagged in Orton who worked over Cena aggressively. Then, just to keep things exciting, at 12:00 Orton applied his signature crowd-killing chinlock. The fans just continued with their chants for or against Cena. Cena came back with a bulldog. Cena crawled over and reached to tag Umaga. When he dove toward his corner, Umaga didn't extend his arm. As Ross and Grisham discussed whether a tag took place, the ref officially allowed Umaga in. Umaga beat on both Carlito and Orton to hesitant cheers from the crowd. He kicked Orton in the face and gave him the butt-ram. Carlito went for his Back Stabber, but Umaga didn't budge. Cena then gave Carlito an FU for the win.

WINNERS: Cena & Umaga in 14:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Eh. The Cena chants made it seem like a hotter match than it was. Felt pretty "going through the motions" and "formula." Not inspired.

-Vince told Coach backstage he is glad the night is over and he's ready to go home. Coach asked him if he's told him about all of his indiscretions. Vince said those were all of them... from the '70s. Vince said it may sound bad, but it's allowed him to relive some memories. He talked about flying over to China and these two smokin' hot flight attendants went into the bathroom with him. "And you could hear us everywhere!" he said. Coach pointed Vince toward Linda McMahon standing behind him. Vince took a deep breath and couldn't muster any words. Linda said: "Vince, don't even go there. As of right now, you no longer have a home." Vince looked like he ate bad seafood as the show ended.

[Torch art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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