KELLER'S WWE EXTREME RULES PPV REPORT
MAY 4, 2014
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J.
LIVE ON PPV & WWE NETWORK

PRE-SHOW REPORT

(A) EL TORITO (w/Los Matadores) vs. HORNSWOGGLE (w/3MB) - WeeLC match

They used tables, ladders, and chairs, but it was presented in a “snickering” comedy tone that undercut any sense that weapons were dangerous or to be taken seriously. 3MB ended up the victim of some spots by El Torito. It ended with Torito sending Hornswoggle through a table with a springboard senton.

WINNER: El Torito at 11:01.

PPV REPORT

(1) CESARO (w/Paul Heyman) vs. ROB VAN DAM vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter) - Triple Threat Elimination Match

Paul Heyman said WWE gets it right once a year when they do things extreme style. He asked “the tribe of extreme” to unite together to celebrate that his client Brock Lesnar conquered Undertaker’s Streak. The crowd booed. He said the new commandment is not to book him and instead worship the King of Swing. Out came Cesaro.

Early in the match they took turns doing various spots. Cesaro gave Swagger the Cesaro Swing, but RVD broke it up. The crowd booed. Several minutes into the match, RVD pinned Swagger and got a three count. The announcers were confused, as if that wasn’t the finish, but Swagger did not kick out. It all felt odd. They even cut to Coulter who didn’t react much either way. RVD crawled toward the ref and whispered something, and then the ring announcer said RVD eliminated Swagger. The announcers then just said it’s an elimination match and it’s down to Cesaro and RVD. Needless confusion if the announcers were engaged enough to realize it was an elimination match. Even worse is that whoever was on headsets in the back didn’t realize they weren’t calling the match from the start as if it was elimination style.

RVD and Cesaro began battling next. Cesaro gave RVD a nice German suplex and bridged into a near fall. The action spilled to the floor where Cesaro took over and threw RVD into the ringside barrier. RVD knocked Cesaro off the ringside barrier and then leg dropped him, which drew an “ECDub” chant. RVD landed Rolling Thunder for a two count next.

Cesaro slidekicked a can into RVD. RVD came back by reverse side kicking the trash can into Cesaro. He then called for the Five-Star Frogsplash, but Cesaro moved and RVD hit the can instead. Cesaro then gave RVD the Neutralizer onto the can for the win. JBL said Heyman has “an absolute gem in the Swiss Superman.”

WINNER: Cesaro at 12:34 (**1/4)

(WK Reax: It never really got much past a disappointed series of sequences early and a garbage stunt match later. As a novelty on this show, it worked for its spot on the card, but it really wasn’t much above average.)

-A trainer worked on Bryan’s stiff injured shoulder backstage. Stephanie McMahon walked in and said she’s the last person he wants to see, but her job includes protecting the well being of Superstars and she cannot control Kane. She said she is afraid for him and his wife and mother to have to sit and watch him get torn limb from limb by Kane. She said the only option for him to consider is not competing tonight and instead officially surrender the WWE World Hvt. Championship. Bryan hung his head, then turned to her and said, “Get out of my face.” He predicted victory. She predicted Bryan would walk out “Kane’s bitch.”

-A Bo Dallas vignette aired. He said, “Life is like climbing a mountain.” They showed a woman celebrating a pregnancy test result and then a bunch of people giving a thumbs up.

(2) RUSEV (w/Lana) vs. R-TRUTH (w/Xavier Woods)

Rusev attacked Xavier before the match. Rusev easily won with his Accolade submission. Trainers were still tending to Xavier after the match when Rusev gave him an overhead released suplex onto the ringside mat. He then yelled and looked mean.

WINNER: Rusev via submission at 2:53.

(WK Reax: Rusev looks like someone trying to make a mean face who’s actually thinking about what’s for dinner or what time his morning flight is. He’s not believable in his facial expressions. He’s half-way between that eerie blank stare of Fedor and the menacing scary vicious look he’s aiming for.)

-A commercial aired for some sort of taffy.

-Lilian Garcia introduced members of the New Jersey Special Olympics at ringside.

-Renee Young interviewed Triple H, Randy Orton, and Batista sporting their new Evolution t-shirts featuring three skeletons. Hunter admitted they have massive egos, but they are well-deserved because they have 31 world championships between them. He said everyone will find out why they call him the Cerebral Assassin tonight. Orton predicted The Shield would perish tonight. Batista said nothing.

(3) BIG E. vs. WADE BARRETT - Intercontinental Title match

The crowd cheered the mere announcement that this was a match for the Intercontinental Title. Barrett strutted out and announced he had some bad news. He said the MERS virus hit the U.S. and soon everyone in the crowd would be struck down by it, but that’s nothing compared to what will happen to Big E. Then Big E. came out to less reaction than the Lilian announcement about it being for the IC Title got. The crowd chanted “Randy Savage!” at the start of the match. That eventually turned into a “Bad News Barrett” chant. The crowd was totally into Barrett, and they got rewarded with a clean win.

WINNER: Barrett at 7:55 to capture the IC Title.

-An Adam Rose vignette aired.

-A video package on the Shield-Evolution feud aired.

(4) THE SHIELD vs. EVOLUTION

A few minutes in Ambrose got a hot-tag against Orton, but the crowd didn’t pop as much as was likely hoped. Batista did very little early, but did end up getting thrown into the barricade at ringside by Roman Reigns. “Roman Reigns is manhandling Batista!” declared Lawler. After some Batista offense in the ring a minute later, the crowd chanted “Boo-ti-sta!” Batista tagged out before doing much of anything. Orton then applied his obligatory mid-match chinlock on Ambrose.

Hunter tagged in and punched away at Ambrose. Batista tagged in and was met with a round of boos. The crowd pelted him with a loud chant of “You can’t wrestle!” as Batista had Ambrose in a loose chinlock. Ambrose hot-tagged Reigns at 13:00 and got a big pop. He beat up Batista for a minute, then the action spilled to the floor. Chaos ensued, with Hunter and Rollins brawling into the crowd. Batista and Reigns sold being knocked out in the ring. Finally Rollins came out of nowhere from the stands and dove onto Hunter and Orton in the biggest spot of the match. Back in the ring Batista gave Reigns a spinebuster. Reigns fired back with a Superman punch then a spear and scored the clean win. Cole declared “the times - they are a-changing!”

WINNERS: The Shield at 19:52. (***3/4)

(WK Reax: Crazy hot final few minutes with the crowd going nuts and the heels selling and the Shield hitting hot spots to huge pops. This went as planned and as imagined. Another big moment for Reigns especially, although Rollins and Ambrose shined, too.)

(5) JOHN CENA vs. BRAY WYATT (w/Rowan, Harper)

There was an early “Let’s Go Wyatt” chant. JBL said fans want to belong to something, and they like what Bray has to say. With Cena down, Bray sang “He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands” early. Cena stopped Bray from escaping at 5:00.

Later, when Cena tried to escape over the top, Harper and Rowan discouraged him. Then as Cena tried to escape out the door, Harper and Rowan stopped him. The bad part here is it was visually obviously Cena could have leaped to the floor to win, but just in a really bad overacting way pretended like he couldn’t. He then tried to leave the cage, but Rowan met him up top and blocked him from leaving. Bray recovered during all of this.

The match continued with Cena attempting to escape, but time after time Rowan and Harper stopping him. At 16:00 Rowan tried to yank Bray out of the cage by his hands as Cena held onto his legs in a tug-o-war. Cena held on. Bray climbed to escape over the top, but Cena gave him an Attitude Adjustment off the second rope. Cena covered Bray, but Harper broke up the pin attempt. Cena climbed to the top of the cage again, but Rowan stopped him from leaving. Cena yanked on his beard and yanked him face-first into the top of the cage. The lights then went out and then when they came back on, a little boy was freaking out Cena with a weird rendition of “He’s Got the Whole Wide World In His Hands” just as he was about to leave the cage. Bray gave him Sister Abigail and then looked at the open cage door and he walked out and stood right next to the boy. He cradled his cheeks and smiled at him. The boy smiled back. Bray hugged him. The Wyatt Family led the boy down the aisle. He was instructed to make wide-eyed blank facial expressions to creep everyone out, or else he was just overwhelmed with the circumstances. JBL said, “The message is spreading and I don’t think you can stop it.”

WINNER: Bray Wyatt at 21:12. (*)

(WK Reax: They had a story they wanted to tell, and that took priority over the cage match being a one-on-one battle to settle a score. It came across as a bit of an overwrought farce than a satisfying cage match. The constant interference made the very concept of a cage match seem frivolous and Cena just isn’t at his best when asked to act out situations like those presented here.)

-They went to Josh Mathews, Alex Riley, Booker T, and Sheamus who acted somber and stunned by what they just saw.

(6) PAIGE vs. TAMINA SNUKA - Divas Title match

JBL: “I think we’re learning Paige isn’t a flash in the pan. Better get used to that.” Cole said she wants to redefine what it means to be a Divas.

WINNER: Paige at 6:18. (*3/4)

-They went backstage to the Wyatt Family with the boy, who put on a sheep mask. Cole said it gets creepier and creepier

(7) DANIEL BRYAN vs. KANE - WWE World Hvt. Title match - Extreme Rules

The crowd was really into Bryan early. They brawled at ringside and used a kendo stick and chairs early. Bryan hit a Yes Kick into a tornado DDT off the announce table. Kane came back and dragged Bryan to the stage and eventually into the back. Kane backdropped Bryan onto the hood of the oldest car in sight. The oldest car is always the one that gets bashed in, and sure enough the windshield went next. Bryan hit Kane with a tire iron, then drove Kane to the ring with a fork lift. Bryan dumped Kane into the ring, then hit his Chris Benoit Memorial diving headbutt from the forklift platform. Kane, too KO’d to get off the forklift, must’ve been woken up by the headbutt, as he kicked out. Kane grabbed Bryan’s throat and chokeslammed him for a two count. Bryan countered a tombstone with a DDT for a two count. Bryan bashed Kane with a chair several times, then applied the Yes! lock. Kane used the kendo stick to escape. Back at ringside, Kane pulled out a table and gasoline and set it on fire. Bryan countered and sent Kane onto the flaming table. Men at ringside with fire extinguishers (you know, hanging out just in case) sprayed down Kane. Bryan then hit a running knee in the ring for the win.

WINNER: Bryan at 22:27 to retain the WWE Title.

(WK Reax: Bryan is pretty much good at anything, and this was good for this type of match - setting aside the odd comeback by Kane after the forklift episode - but this is not what Bryan is known for or best at. The crowd ate it up because they don’t see this very often, and it should remain that way.)

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