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KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 15, 2008
ON SPIKE TV - FROM ORLANDO, FLA.

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-The show is titled "What's up with Booker?"

-They showed Kevin Nash and Samoa Joe walking together backstage smiling, then they shook hands. Intriguing, given what happened at the PPV between them.

-After the TNA Impact opening aired, Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the program. They previewed the program including a big sitdown interview with Sting.

-Joe walked out to the ring and addressed the roster of wrestlers standing in the aisle. He said he had an opportunity of a lifetime to offer them. He said regarding King of the Mountain, he is picking four wrestlers and Jim Cornette is picking four wrestlers. He announced Cornette's four: Robert Roode, James Storm, Tomko, and Matt Morgan. Joe said regarding Morgan being picked by Cornette, "No surprise." He said none of those four have had a shot at the TNA Championship. Joe said unlike Cornette, he's "not giving out charity." He said he's looking for tough sons of bitches who kick ass to take his belt. Tenay utterly needlessly explained to the audience, assuming we're complete driveling idiots, "Samoa Joe wants tough competition even though he's the champion." (I have other suggestions for Tenay's interjections: "Samoa Joe is talking into the microphone because he wants to be heard by the audience!" and "Samoa Joe is wearing pants because he doesn't want to be seen naked!" and "Samoa Joe gets haircuts because if he didn't, his hair would be much longer!") Joe said he'll make those selections next week and he's going to scout this week. He said beating him won't be easy. He said he is an army of one.

Booker T's music then played and he walked down the ramp with mic in hand. He walked past the other wrestlers. Tenay talked right over Booker to tell us something about how shocked he was at Booker's actions on PPV, but since Booker was talking, I couldn't clearly understand either. Booker expressed offense that he didn't get invited yet to King of the Mountain. Tenay said this is an example of Booker's new attitude. Booker said he is upset Cornette picked four wrestlers who have never held a world title before. He said he's tired of people ducking him. Booker said for six months, Joe has been avoiding him. Every time he walks in the building, Joe turns around. Booker said next week, when the four get picked, if he's not one of them, it's going to be consequences and repercussions (sounds like a future TNA tag team name). Joe said, "I'll tell you what, Booker, I don't give a damn about your consequences." Booker took a shot at Joe. Christian and Rhino immediately pulled Booker off of Joe. West said that's no surprise after his actions on Sunday. Joe, Christian, and Rhino looked dow at Booker who was being held back by Team 3D. Booker said, "See what I'm saying? That's just what I'm talking about. Three against one." He asked Joe to meet him in the ring later and he'll find himself two partners. (Here's where TNA derails a bit, because for the most part, that was a really good segment to set up a Booker vs. Joe PPV main event down the line. In some ways, very good as Joe and Booker were pitch-perfect. The downside is they're putting them in a six-man tag match, which means most likely giving away Booker vs. Joe for the first time. Instead, that's something that should be saved for PPV because it's fresh and as intriguing as it gets for TNA right now. The TV rating is not going to change based on giving away Booker vs. Joe in a tag situation. TNA would be better off building a main event that's a level lower than giving away PPV main events in a different format. The have two hours to make viewers care enough about a "lesser match" as the TV main event and actually feel privileged to see it for free, they should do that while keeping Joe and Booker from physical contact, short of the three seconds they gave away in this angle.)

-Jeremy Borash approached Kurt Angle and Frank Trigg backstage. Trigg got up and walked away. Borash asked Angle how his neck is doing. Angle said he could be doing better. He said the doctor told him he could be doing better. He began explaining in detail problems with his C6 and C7 vertebrae. Borash interrupted and asked about things going on in TNA with the Angle Alliance, A.J. Styles, and Super Eric. Angle said Styles has to deal with Tomko because he made a mistake. Borash said Styles wasn't around. Angle was concerned with where Styles was. He also said he's going to be blackballed out of the King of the Mountain tournament because Joe won't pick him, so he's prepared a speech to read later regarding Karen Angle, now that he has time to shift his attention to his family again.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Kaz, Sonjay Dutt, So Cal Val, and Black Machismo backstage. She noted that Kaz won Terror Dome to earn an X Title shot. Dutt told "Jay" to join them, since he was pacing in the background. Dutt told him, "I'm concerned about you. I love you. Do you want to pray?" Jay said he's nervous about a big match, "bigger than Bundy, bigger than the Giant." He said he had to go do some thinking. "Freaking out! Freaking out!"

1 -- KAZ & SONJAY DUTT & BLACK MACHISMO (w/So Cal Val) vs. ROCK 'N' RAVE INFECTION (Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt) & JOHNNY DEVINE

Tenay and West talked about the six-man tag becoming official, then hyped the King of the Mountain match. West talked about last year's big match where Angle won the World Title. Devine worked the majority of this absurdly short match.

WINNERS: Kaz & Dutt & Machismo when Kaz pinned Hoyt.

-Lethal called Val into the ring afterward. He handed the mic to Kaz, then pulled a small box out of a bad and got on one knee. Dutt looked on from behind jealously. He asked, "Will you marry me!" Tenay, with that unnecessarily nerdy high-pitched cracking voice, said, "He just popped the question!" He said it like he was genuinely surprised, which makes him look like an idiot since, you know, Machismo was on one knee and did have a little box often associated with holding a ring, and they have been dating, and he did say earlier he had a lot on his mind. So why would Tenay, at that very moment, be shocked. I could see Tenay being shocked if Machismo got on one knee and opened a little box and asked Val, "Will you braid my hair?" or "Will you have a threesome with me and Sonjay?" Machismo asked her to marry him at Slammiversary. Val said, "Oh yeah!" Tenay said, "I guess that confirms it!" Uh, yeah, you could say that. Or you could not say that, since the situation spoke for itself. Dutt continued to look on in shock.

-They showed someone unidentified in a straight jacket who said, "They allowed me to have a camera in here for good behavior." If I was locked in a room with a straight jacket, I probably wouldn't have asked for a camera if I earned a reward. I might ask for a laptop with Internet access or even a Rubix cube or Gameboy, but a camera?

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West were shown on camera. West talked about how long it's been since they've seen Abyss. He threw to a video package on Abyss's history, but not before Tenay leered at West like West was a burglar who was on trial for breaking into his house and scaring his family and was now facing his sentencing. Or something like that.

-The video aired on Abyss, who said he thinks he fooled "them." He said he's called the padded walls "home" for the last few months. He said he's been treated like some kind of lab rat. He said he's a masochist whose love of pain is unquenchable. He said no matter how much torture he endures, it's never enough. He said the doctors say he's almost cured and he can go home soon. Again, if I was trying to get out of a straight jacket and isolation at an asylum, and they had given me a camera for some odd reason, I don't think one of the first things I'd say is, "I think I've fooled them." But he is insane, so I guess rationale statements wouldn't be expected. But if the doctors let him out now, after that admission, they are in need of some evaluation themselves.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Joe and Nash backstage, sitting on couches. She asked about the misunderstanding between Joe and Nash. Nash said there was no misunderstanding. He said he thinks this business is 90 percent mental and 10 percent physical, whereas Joe thinks it's 90 percent physical and 10 percent mental. He said he thinks he and Joe are understanding each other better and have a better bond than they did going into Sacrifice. Lauren asked Joe who he was going to pick for King of the Mountain. Um, didn't he say earlier he wasn't going to reveal those names next week? Joe said his concern now is Booker T. He said Booker wants to be one thing, but he sees a jealous former champion who wants what he once had. He told Booker to bring all the boys he wants, but he's going to find out all about him. "Can you dig that, sucka?" he asked.

-A video aired on the Gail Kim and Awesome Kong feud. It chronicled their feud dating back to Oct. 14 last year.

2 -- AWESOME KONG vs. GAIL KIM -- TNA Knockout Title match

Here's a perfect example of the match they could have headlined with instead of giving away a six-man tag match involving Joe and Booker, who ideally for the PPV buyrate should be kept apart, I'd argue, so there's intrigue over how they'll match up. This match could have easily been hyped all hour and drawn an equal, or likely better, rating than the six-man will draw. It demeans the valuable Knockout Title to throw a title match on TV in the first hour with virtually no hype and no anticipation built up. Really, this is a type of match that should be given big hype on TV for one or two weeks before it takes place. Various other TNA Knockouts walked to ringside to watch a minute in as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

At 9:00 Kim hit a senton off the top rope onto Kong for a near fall. The Knockouts began brawling a ringside. Kim schoolgirled a distracted Kong for a believable near fall. Angelina Love shoved Kim off the top rope. She grabbed her right knee (but is she really hurt?!). Kong then gave Kim an Awesome Bomb for the win. ODB, Traci Brooks, and Celinas checked on Kim, who rolled on the mat in agony after the match as she continued to clutch her knee. I say, watch out for Gail Kim blindside superkicks for the next few weeks.

WINNER: Kong in 10:00 to retain the TNA Knockouts Title.

STAR RATING: **1/4

[Commercial Break]

-Tenay and West recapped the TNA Knockouts Title match finish, then threw to a video package on the Angle family storyline, titled "As the Angle Turns." It included clips of Kurt, Karen, and A.J. Styles.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Kurt Angle walked to the ring with a bunch of red balloons. Kurt said to do this right, he needs the cooperation and support of all of the fans. He said he did write his wife an apology letter. He said he injured his neck in Korea and asked for some compassion and decorum as fans heckled him. He told Karen not to listen to the fans. He said he knows how miserable her life must be without him and he apologizes for it. He said he's giving her the chance to come back to her where she belongs. He said she may believe he's neglected her in the past, but it's "just a matter of her getting her priorities straight." He said it's the TNA Title first, his Gold Medal second, the kids third, and you fourth, and as soon as she understands that, everything will be fine. He said he's wearing his best suit and "even bought these stupid balloons." He said he's not the romantic type, but that's for wussies, "pardon the expression." He said he took the time to write this apology speech. "I'm willing to be the bigger person and forgive you for your mistakes - or, a nicer way to put it, your failures as a wife." He said takes a real man of his stature to do this, so he hopes she appreciates it and asked her to show up next week. His speech was interrupted by a commercial about DUI ticketing on Memorial Day Weekend. Then, after another commercial, tey went back to Angle leaving the ring. Strange.

[Commercial Break]

-Borash interviewed LAX and Hector Guerrero backstage. There was a lot of yelling as they celebrated being tag champs.

3 -- LAX vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley w/Celinas, Hector Guerrero)

Here's another potential marquee match that, with a little hype and faith in promos, could have been built up for a week or two and drawn a main event rating, or at least mid-show featured match rating. Instead, by being thrown out there with literally no hype, there's context to make it seem like a significant occurrence. TNA gets to define what's important, and tag matches like this should be on the list.

WINNERS: LAX in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good action, but LAX didn't really gain anything from it because no big deal was made of it.

-Borash interviewed Booker backstage. He asked if there's something in the water because he's a different guy than he was when he first arrived six months ago. Team 3D shoved Borash away. Booker complained about how not a big enough deal was made of him when he arrived. He said he was disrespected. At least they're turning their underutilizing of Booker in his first six months in TNA into the basis for his turn. Devon said Rhino and Christian have "pissed a brother off." He said it's not too much for them to know their place and where they belong. He said later they will be in the ring with loyalty.

[Commercial Break]

-West plugged upcoming TNA house show dates including a UK tour in June.

-They went to a video skit of Eric Young exploring Memphis for "the King, Elvis Presley." A guy in a Mexican mask picked up Young for a ride around town in his search. He said he wants to find him and prove heroes still exist.

-Tenay and West threw to the sitdown interview with Tenay and Sting. Tenay asked Sting to reflect back on his career, "if you will, starting with the early days." Sting talked about Rick Bassman recruiting him to be a wrestler while he was "happily running a training center." He talked about Jim Hellwig joining him. He said they finished training and then sent out resumes all over the U.S. Japan, and Germany, but they didn't get any responses except for Jerry Jarrett. He said he didn't want all four guys in the picture, but he pinpointed him and Hellwig. Tenay said Hellwig later became the Ultimate Warrior. Sting said, "It was a pretty tense year and a half with the Ultimate Warrior." He said Warrior was "Rock, the first Rock, actually." He said his name was Flash. He said they parted ways and it wasn't a friendly parting. He said Hellwig went on to become Dingo Warrior in Texas and later Ultimate Warrior.

[Commercial Break]

-Lauren interviewed Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. Lauren asked how they can be so cold as to make fun of Roxxi all day. Sky and Love defended making fun of "that bald-headed freak." Love said Roxxi is so disgusting and ugly, she needs a paper bag. Lauren asked how they can be so mean-spirited. Love called her a Barbie-wannabe. Love told Sky perhaps Lauren is asking for a makeover.

4 -- ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY vs. ROXXI LAVEAUX & ODB

Don West said after that promo, he wishes it was one of them who got her head shaved. West and Tenay compared Roxxi to Sinead O'Connor. Tenay updated Gail Kim's knee injury. He said she had been taken a local hospital for an MRI on her knee. ODB scored a near fall at 3:00 after a running powerslam. Love kicked ODB as she resisted a Sky sunset flip, which knocked ODB down for the decisive pin. The ref was distracted and didn't see the interference.

WINNERS: Love & Sky in 4:00.

-Lauren interviewed Christian Cage and Rhino. Christian asked if anyone ever thought Booker was actually a good guy. He said they've wrestled all over the globe. He said, "I didn't, I don't, and I never will respect him." He said Booker used to look down at him, but he's just a "piece of sh--." Rhino took the mic from Lauren and said they're the "brothers based on extreme." He said Team 3D are not his brothers and he will beat them to a bloody pulp and drag their bodies down memory lane.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- TEAM 3D & BOOKER T vs. CHRISTIAN & RHINO & SAMOA JOE

Everyone's full ring entrances aired. The bell rang to start the match with 13 minutes left in the show. A six-way brawl broke out in the opening minute. Christian leaped off the top rope onto Ray on the floor. Meanwhile, Joe battled Devon on the ramp as Booker brawled with Rhino at ringside. Ray raked Christian's eyes to take over. Ray then got in Hector Guerrero's face and shoved him down as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

The heels controlled the action as they returned from the break. Joe broke up a pin by Ray on Rhino, and in a nice attention to detail, Rhino actually lifted his shoulder before three after Joe's elbow on Ray. Booker tagged in and continued to beat on Rhino at 8:00. Rhino fired back against Ray with a spinebuster. Rhino hot-tagged Joe who went to work both Ray and Devon, throwing Ray into Devon in the corner, then round kicking Devon in the head. Joe called in Booker. Booker complied. Joe ducked a Booker kick and landed a flying knee off the ropes. Booker rolled out of the ring. Joe suplexed Devon for a two count, broken up by Ray. Ray then kicked Christian in the gut. Booker tossed Rhino over the top rope. Team 3D set up a double-team on Joe, but Christian dropkicked Ray from behind. Joe then snap powerslammed Devon for the win.

WINNERS: Joe & Christian & Rhino in 11:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Good action.

-Afterward, Ray and Devon beat up Hector Guerrero. Booker stood watch with a chair in hand while smiling, keeping Joe, Christian, and Rhino from making the save. If Joe, Christian, and Joe were my friends, I wouldn't be thrilled that one man with a chair kept them from making the save!

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