By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

Let's be frank: UFC and WWE had really boring and unimpressive outings this weekend. People struggled with consciousness watching that UFC event on Fox Saturday night, so surely the 24th (or 25th?) Royal Rumble could manage to least keep people awake with their sports-entertainin'.

- It turns out it was nothing special. Bryan, Big Show, and Mark Henry turned in a forgettable performance in the opener. Now, our hearts do go out for the big man Mark Henry with his injury, but the problem with Bryan matches is that they are turning out to be the same. With this feud, I am more excited about the character development of Bryan than the matches he's in.

And, right now, it appears that Sheamus will face Daniel Bryan for the World Title. Nice. Groovy. And, there's a real good chance that match won't open WrestleMania (gasp).

Does Sheamus vs. Bryan scream "WrestleMania Event?" Well, these guys work well together. And, Daniel Bryan can tell Sheamus that he's a big, white genetic freak who has probably lied about his Irish aunts and uncles. Sheamus will huff and puff and try to blow Bryan down. All in all, not too bad.

- You're supposed to hate John Cena in this Cena-Kane feud. I pretty much hate everybody involved. It's a bad horror movie franchise in it's lame sixth sequel that's apparently being booked by Kevin Sullivan. Cena's little broski, Zack Ryder, is looking more like Colin Delaney these days. Zack doesn't mind that his spine is getting cracked by Kane, because, after all, he's on TV, bro!

Eve thinks Cena is wack for not having enough booty pop moves and because it's Cena's duty to protect Zack Ryder 24/7. I hate Kampy Kane and the fire pajamas that he wears. I hate hate hate this feud and I want it to vanish.

- Ha ha, WWE poked fun at itself by firing "future endeavored" ...what was his name again? That Scottish guy with a ponytail? Anyways, Mr. Ponytail became the latest victim of Brodus Clay and "What The Funk." On Monday's Raw, there's two things they will promote: A job evaluation and the Funkasauraus dancing. "It's coming up next! A Brodus Clay Dance-off! Awww yeah!" Admit it, you even know the Funkettes's names now and sing Brodus's theme song in the shower.

- Dolph Ziggler said in a promo a few weeks ago that it would be wrong for Fatty Foley to take a precious Rumble spot. Then, Michael Cole entered in. Hmm. Comedy characters in Rumbles are nothing new, but it doesn't go down easy to know that three announcers at ringside calling the action were in the Rumble. Foley and Ricardo ("Hey, this guy isn't a heel!") was nice, and my baby Kharma came back, but, in large part, this Rumble match seemed too silly to me. Filling up the majority of the Rumble match with Usos and bozos stalling? That's a tough pill to take.

- Jericho promised the end of the world...and, in the end, was booted by Sheamus, the man almost as bright white as the lights on Jericho's jacket. The idea here is that Jericho doesn't need a Rumble win to fight Punk at Mania. I don't know how WWE sets up a Jericho-Sheamus feud between now WrestleMania with both guys coming out strong (if it truly is Jericho vs. Punk and Sheamus vs. Bryan), but Sheamus sure could use a credible veteran to help get him back on track.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

[Torch art credit Travis Beaven (c) PWTorch.com]

We suggest these recent related articles...

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw: HBK To Crossbow Lesnar On Sunday, WWE Asks Paul Bearer's Ashes To Sell Mania, Punk & Triple H's Post-Mania Plans, Cash Cow Cena = Bieber?

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - State of WM29 Card: Rock & Cena To Sing About Buffalo Nipples To Get Heat, What Heyman Should Have Stipulated To Hunter, Punk To Relieve Himself In Urn To Get Heat

ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Raw & TNA: Using The Recently-Dead For Storylines, Bully Ray King Of Da World, Swagger To Be Sold To N. Korea Post-WM29, And Raw Gets A Flat