By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

“You might see me on your TV
But honey that don’t mean a thing, you see
I’m still the same ‘ol country boy,
And that’s all I’ll ever be”
-“Ride Through The Country” by Colt Ford

John Cena getting busted up, whooo boy, was it effective.

You see, Johnny brought Brock Lesnar back for some legitimacy. What, Santino power-walking to find the Stooges isn't legitimate?

There are still questions like, "Is wrestling fake?" I remember what Sylvester Stallone said that you can't fake gravity in wrestling. You take meatheads hopped up on adrenaline and there are bound to be mistakes, no matter how careful or how trained they are. It's just the nature of the business.

John Cena getting busted up did both man favors: Brock Lesnar came back as a UFC war machine and busted Cena up badly. People spurt blood on TNA Impact so much that the sight of seeing blood has lost it's oomph.

Hell, I'm ready to fire up UFC Undisputed, play as Brock Lesnar, and give a nasty elbow to some fool. WWE replayed that Brock punch at least four times through the night. You could see it on SportsCenter with announcers chuckling that former UFC champion Brock Lesnar is back doing that stupid fake wrestling crap again har har har.




It also did good for John Cena, as Cena needed to get back some street cred after being a b---- to both Rock and Brock. Turns out that WWE Superstars are "legitimate," too.

The general feeling is that Brock Lesnar was the man in UFC and had to quit because his colon exploded or something. It's not like Brock got his ass handed to him; this guy was UFC Heavyweight Champion of the world. I think it's the right move to have the phrase "UFC" mentioned on Raw.

Is Extreme Rules too early for Lesnar vs. Cena? Eh... Fans don't want to wait four months to see these meatheads fight at Summerslam, after just being through Rock-Cena. It's hard to say. Wait till Summerslam...but what are you going to do in the mean time? Some would say that WWE should ride the attention that Rock brought. There's a lot of things you can criticize about the Brock-Cena feud (it's too soon, Brock is being overexposed), but so far I'm happy with it.

John Laurinaitis sure as hell wasn't Bruce Buffer announcing Brock Lesnar in the ring. Brock's association with Johnny is one of necessity, as WWE is clear they're painting Brock Lesnar as a big, mean bully. But, boy, does Johnny suck. If you said hi to him, he would have to look at the script first to give you an answer. With Johnny, I feel just like Teddy Long: depressed, downtrodden, and resigned to this fate.




The thing is, while Jericho's antics are making me uncomfortable and make me want to see Punk kick Jericho's ass, Brock's antics are making me laugh. Seriously, Cena haters could not dream up a better guy for channel their hatred of Cena. Rock kinda-sorta fulfilled that, but Rock ain't no Brock. Brock is an ice-cold killer. This "payback" for all of the Cena crap haters had to sit through...it's been a long time coming. And, Brock's the guy to do it.

Good-to-great PPV hype usually entails one match where fans get giddy just thinking about what will happen. Of course, more than not, they're usually let down, but part of the joy about wrestling is getting, you know, hyped up about a PPV match. Extreme Rules has two of those matches: Cena vs. Lesnar and Punk vs. Jericho.

Jericho may have never been "the man," but, damn, he's up there with one of the great heels. The "C.M. Drunk" storyline is fine, because it lets Jericho get his heel on, and fans want to see C.M. Punk rise above beer, overcome his demons, see him play out Iron Man (a comic book hero with a problem of alcholism), blah blah blah.

Elsewhere on Raw...

- Lawler kills Cole with a "reptile dysfunction" joke while the Funkarasuarus makes quick work of Dolph Ziggler. It's really, really hard to take the Z man seriously when he's losing to comedy acts.

- I had a peculiar thought as Santino was power-walking, looking for the new Three Stooges. "This guy is United States Champion? Shouldn't the United States Champion, you know, wear the U.S. Title belt around his waist at some point during the show?"

-David Otunga's main talent is bathing in oil before he comes out. He's a lawyer who poses and drinks coffee. Boring. Maybe WWE should give $5,000,000 to Kayne West, as he's a real living wrestling character who I would pay to see beat up.

-Cody Rhodes was IC champion for a long time? Nah. It was all a dream.

-A-Train's back and he's bringing the boredom with The Claw. It's like 1995 all over again.

-A tip of the hat for WWE for keeping Mark Henry in the mix. Although, it will be pretty sad to know that Mark Henry had three opportunities in three weeks to win the WWE Title and squandered it.

-Is the Zack Ryder hype train way over? Yup. It feels that way.

-As far as the Three Stooges go...Well, WWE found one thing older than Hulk Hogan, and that's the Three Stooges. Note: a really old act (Stooges) doing really old wrestling crap (It's fake Hogan!) doesn't make me want to see the movie. Seriously, Hollywood, don't bring up another Red Skeleton (About 0 percent of you will know who that dude was). Though, I like Will Sasso. He was fat, then thin, did a skit about how he was funnier as a fat guy...and now he's fat. He came out as Hulk Hogan. Ha ha look at the big old joke. By the way, tune into Impact. Oh, brother.



Video URL: http://youtu.be/PlTgIAoxcVs

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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