By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Absurdity specialist

- Anyone here check out the YouTube pre-show? I'm not knocking the concept, but I'm in the group where I don't see why I should see Miz get Mizzed on by Santino.

- Even-steven booking with Randy Orton and Kane. The only thing that came out of this feud: The Paul Bearer Popisicle. Looking ahead to the future, I think Randy and Kane are done dancing with each other. Then again, WWE has a PPV in three weeks.

- When you pay for a WWE PPV, you're paying for at least three skits involving mumbling Johnny Laurinaitis and WWE eventually getting to the point that you should watch Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar because CEO Triple H will make a appearance. A variation of this happens on every WWE PPV.

- Thumbs up for the severe depression I feel when watching Teddy Long these days. C'mon, Teddy. College is over-rated. They're just going to waste that money you're working for and most likely end up moving back home like everyone else. It's not worth it.

- Chicago loves them some Dolph Ziggler. Not so much for dancing dinosaurs and trolls. I know that Dolph Ziggler has his "show-off" entrance song, but I swear his exit song is Brodus Clay's. Lately, it's Ziggy looking up at the lights while tubby T-Rex gets jiggy with it. So, it looks like we're going to have to wait until another year...or two...for Dolph Ziggler to finally get that big spotlight, or until WWE stops bringing in old acts.

- You can't hit a ref or announcer any more in WWE, but you can wipe out Dusty Rhodes's kid and probably not pay anything. "Hey, kid that I gave my head cap to. This is what you do when you lose." (Chucks Cody off of a bridge.) I like the finish, as you weren't expecting it.

- Edge has a DVD out. It's called "You Think You Know Me, That's Too Low For Me." Isn't a Hall of Fame ring more important than cash? Isn't it? Kinda siding with Edge with this one, as surely one WWE movie (or all of them) doesn't need to see the light of day for Edge to get his money.

- I don't get Ryback. I don't get his bloodlusty yells of "Feed Me More" and "Finish Him." I don't get his "milking" motion. I don't get why wrestlers are watching his matches, because he doesn't have the spear or the Jackhammer. I'm wondering when Ryback is going to get his own mini-me and have some sort of weird fetish/catchphrase to get over. Everyone wants the next Goldberg, but they just can't pull it off. When I think of winning streaks, I don't think Kurt Angle or Vladmir Kozlov or the late Umaga or Crimison (child, please)...I think Goldberg .



- Daniel Bryan gets all the chicks and gets love from WWE fans. Without a doubt, he's the guy whose offense and selling looks awesome. His submission moves feel painful to watch, and there's a really good flow to his matches. I would have nominated Bryan-Sheamus to end the PPV because it was so good, but WWE decided to have Brock Lesnar go out there and hurt their cash cow. I give the match four stars, because I thought it told a great story, and the match had fans hooked the entire way. The finish was not the greatest, but I thought the match was very sound.

Somewhere, in the dark, Alberto Del Rio awaits his chance to challenge for the World Title. I know, most of you aren't in love with the cat, but it's coming.

- Chris Jericho vs. C.M. Punk was an old-school brawl with spots that presented C.M. Punk as this super-cool dude. Of course, the match at times was sloppy and slow, and honestly, the match itself just didn't feel like the 50-year-old plus WWE Title was on the line. C.M. Punk vs. Brock Lesnar for Summerslam I can definitely see happen. Jericho is one of the very few guys in wrestling who shrugs off losses like they are nothing. The goal was to make C.M. Punk more credible, more over, and this did it.

- My God, Cena, you lost to pathetic Lord Tensai! Could this be the end?

Michael Cole is the voice of the WWE. Booker T ... the bowel movement? That's probably too harsh. Maybe back when Mick Foley was announcing for WWE I gave Foley too much leeway and I'm being punished by "shucky ducky" and "this is what's it all about."

- Actor Kate Beckinsale came in and won the Divas Title with the help of Lord Tensai's spit move. Or, Layla won. Take note of Kharma. Now there's a monster to believe in.

- When Brock Lesnar and John Cena started off, I was writing down in my notebook, "Why do Lesnar and Cena both wear shorts? Because they're both corporate whore." I wasn't expecting much. Then, the match started.

And, then...holy crap. This match was one of the most brutal wrestling matches I've seen lately. It wasn't a TLC car-wreck. At times, it felt like Brock didn't know that he was in a sports-entertainment match, no sir, I'm in a MMA match, and I'm raining down thick elbows on this cash cow.

Heck, you don't need razors, all you need is Brock Lesnar's elbows. Cena getting busted open not once, but twice in the opening minutes of the bout sent two very clear messages. (1) Brock Lesnar is a monster Cena has never, ever faced before. (2) I'm legitimately worried about the safety of Cena. Brock's not the type of wrestler you go, "Hey, Brock, just take it easy, you know, just spar like back at your camp."

So, Brock is 0-1. Where does Cena go from here? Where does Brock go from here? I'm guessing Cena goes on his vacation (the mentality in wrestling is being injured is seen as vacation time) and Lesnar can say that he did what he sent out to do: he crippled John Cena. So, he lost the match. Big whoop. I remember what Joe Frazier said about his fight with Ali. Joe may have lost the match, but take a look at Ali now and tell me who was really the victor. I would more pissed if Cena is dancing the dougie tonight, but it looks like he's taking a vacation.

Also, Brock looked shaky. He started to do the slit-throat gesture at one point, but oops, that is Taker's move. Is Lesnar going to have wrestling matches or is he going to have MMA matches with some sprinkles of sports-entertainment in them? The MMA vibe with Brock Lesnar - something that many people thought WWE wouldn't mention - is very, very strong. He's unlike any other monster in wrestling right now, and that could means PPV buys. "Watch Brock Lesnar legitimately beat up our talent...when WWE goes...Over the Limit."

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

[Torch art credit Cory Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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