KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 7/16: Results, star ratings, thoughts, observations, nitpicks, quotebook
By Wade Keller, Torch editor
TNA IMPACT REPORT
JULY 16, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
Don West said last week Mick Foley learned you can't trust Jeff Jarrett and if you cross the Main Event Mafia you can end up wrapped in barbed wire. Foley said he feels kind of naked without the TNA Championship Title over his shoulder. Fole said nobody wants to see him naked, so he plans to regain the TNA Title on Sunday. He said the course of TNA is most greatly affected by who holds the TNA Title. He called champ Kurt Angle to the ring, saying he has a request of the champ.
Angle walked out. West predicted that all of the titles will probably end up with the Main Event Mafia after Sunday's PPV. Foley said he's like Angle, he wears his emotions on his sleeve and loves being TNA Champion. He said last Thursday when they tied him up in barbed wire, he understood they were sending him a signal because they could have torn him to shreds and ripped him apart. He said his referee last week, Eric Young, said he gave up when clearly he didn't. Foley said he clearly has limitations as a person, but he can't take something away from him. He said he tapped out against Terry Funk once and it made him sick to his stomach and he vowed he'd never give up again. Foley asked Angle for a one-on-one match at Victory Road with no interference from anyone in the Mafia so they can find out who the better man is.
Angle said this is a man's game, not a boy's game, and he does what it takes to survive. He said that's why they get so upset at the "young punks" who are spoon fed and spoiled and get paid more than they deserve. He mocked them for saying they can't wrestle tonight because they got a blister last night. Angle told Foley he's worked through pain before. "They're changing our world, Mick, a world that we're trying so hard to preserve," he said. He said it's not about just money, as they're trying to help him and Jarrett as well as themselves. Sting's music then played.
Sting walked out and asked if he heard Angle right, that he's doing what he does for TNA, Foley, him, and Jarrett. He said that's the same bull he fed him when he first joined the MEM. Sting told Foley a lot will be resolved at Victory Road, including who has the power to run TNA. He said he has his own agenda for TNA. He said on Sunday he has to deal with Samoa Joe and his handler, but that's Sunday. He said tonight he wants one last chance at Angle. West said Sting is nuts. Sting asked Foley to give that to him. As Foley was about to speak, Angle interrupted and said, "Sting, Mick Foley says yes. Not only that, there's going to be one small tweak." He said it'll be in the six-sides of steel. He yelled, "Sting, you've got your match!"
-They cut backstage where Samoa Joe was beating up Amazing Red. [c]
(1) Amazing Red beat Samoa Joe via DQ in 1:00. After the break, Joe beat Red all the way down the ramp and to ringside. West accused Red of being a smart ass who runs his mouth all the time. Tenay said he hasn't said two words in his time in TNA. The ref started the match officially as soon as Joe threw Red into the ring. Seconds later Joe threw the ref to the mat, so the ref DQ'd Joe. West criticized the ref for starting the match in the first place. Three security members entered the ring to back Joe down from further attacking Red.
-A "Cross the Line" vignette aired on Joe, ending with the new catchphrase, "I will become." Become what?!?!!
-Lauren interviewed Sarita. She said she's been waiting for this day for a long time and preparing for TNA by wrestling all over the world. Lauren asked what she knows about her opponent later, Alicia Flash. Sarita closed with some Spanish. [c]
-A video package aired on the feud between Jenna and Sharmell. Then they went to Don West hosting a sitdown talk-show interview segment wit Sharmell, SoJo, Jenna, Awesome Kong, and Ryesha Saeed. Sharmell said she didn't like "this bony little white chick" showing up in the MEM. She said if she apologized, they wouldn't be there today. West turned to Jenna and said she could stand to gain a few pounds. Jenna said she was invited to be part of the MEM by Kevin Nash. She said it was all business. She said she conducted herself like a lady, but she wasn't dealing with a lady. West said Sharmell has an advantage because she's been married to Booker T and knows her way around the ring. Jenna said she knows her way around more than just a ring. Insults soon began flying. West asked Jenna what makes her think she can compete with Sharmell. Jenna said because of Kong's help. As the women got out of their chairs and argued, West stepped between them and they cut away. [c]
-Tenay threw to Borash backstage for an interview with Angle. As he did that, they showed the same crowd shot they show every week with a twentyish guy in his a white sleevesless shirt pumping his arm and yelling. Do they only have one crowd shot to use for these transitions? That guy's going to be on Social Security and they'll still be showing him pumping his arm as they throw to a backstage segment.
-Borash interviewed Angle backstage. He asked him what he's up to by requesting his match with Sting be held in a cage. Angle said he just wants to prove he's he real icon, not Sting. He said the only way to do that was to get Sting in the cage and whip his ass. Borash asked him about his match against Foley on Sunday. Angle said he's right that the future of TNA lies in Victory Road. He said he is confident that by this time next week, even Borash will be calling him boss.
(2) Suicide pinned Chris Sabin (w/Alex Shelley) in 6:00. Non-title match. Good action, as you'd expect with these two, and Suicide won clean. Afterward, Alex Shelley attaked Suicide. Sabin grabbed a chair se it under Suicide as Shelley held him above it. Sabin then hit a flying legdrop, sending Suicide's face into the chair. Homicide ran out and hit Shelley and Sabin with his briefcase. Homicide then saw how vulnerable Suicide was, so he decided to cash in his briefcase.
(3) Homicide pinned Suicide at 1:00 to capture the TNA X Division Title after cashing in his briefcase. Homicide went for a quick pin. Suicide kicked out, but Homicide continued with a Gringos Killer for the win.
-They showed The Beautiful People backstage. Love was wearing a bee keeper bodysuit. [c]
-Lauren interviewed Homicide. Homicide called Lauren a "snowflake" and celebrated him becoming champion. He said he's going to party and invited Lauren to party with him. She turned him down with a smile. He wondered if she doesn't date Latinos. Lauren acted confused, but still smiled. Homicide dragged her away with him.
-West said he and Love were Tweeting last night. Tenay, voice-cracking to prove he was about to deliver a set-up line, said, "I didn't know you had a Twitter account." West said he didn't say anything about Twitter. Love said she has filed a formal complaint against "Peter... whoever he is" against Tara for endangering her with a big spider. Tenay said, "That's PETA. P-E-T-A." She said her match against Tara last week didn't count because it wasn't official. She said there was no contract signed, so she is still champion. She said she'll make it official Sunday at Victory Road.
Tara walked out with the title belt around her waist and said that means she's TNA Knockouts Champion. She said she'll confirm it on Sunday in their rematch. She told her not worry about Poison, because he likes "dark places, warm places." She said she saw her beekeeper outfit earlier and thought it'd be a great place for Poison to take a nap. Tara told her not to move much or he could bite. Love rolled out on the mat in a panic.
(4) Sarita beat Alissa Flash in 5:00. Flash is billed from San Francisco, Calif. She told Dave Penzer to refer to her as a "future legend." West liked that attitude. Tenay said women wrestlers all over the world want to be part of TNA's Knockout roster. Sarita kicked Flash to the floor early and then dove through the ropes and dove into her chest.
Flash took over in the ring. West and Tenay wondered if Flash was going to ruin Sarita's much-hyped debut. Sarita, though, won with a victory roll. Sarita gave Flash a split-legged sitout powerbomb afterward. (*3/4) [c]
-West hyped upcoming dates for TNA.
-Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles regaring his tough road ahead leading to Sunday's PPV. He told the Mafia he'll take them apart piece by piece if he has to. Styles said Nash claimed he took wrestling companies to the next level. He said he changed them for the worse and they were better off without him. He said he took advantage of the system and other people suffered because he had to make the big money. Styles said he'd wrestle for free, for the love of the game, and it's not for the money. He said at Victory Road he has cashed his last paycheck.
(5) Kevin Nash & Booker T & Scott Steiner beat A.J. Styles & Beer Money in an elimination match in 15:00. Nash pinned Styles after a Jackknife in 3:00. Steiner eliminated Storm at 6:00. [c] After the break Roode was trying to battle the Mafia alone, but eventually was slowed down. Booker scored a near fall and actually lifted Roode before the third count to administer more punishment. Nash tagged in and beat down Roode. Roode, though, used a low blow to block a Jackknife and pinned Nash. West was critical, but Tenay somehow said under the circumstances you have admire such a desperation move. When Nash tripped Roode from ringside a minute later, West said, "One low blow entitles you to one cheapshot. That's the rules." Storm walked back to the ring, but Morgan hit him from behind and threw him into the ringside barrier. In the ring Roode knocked both Steiner and Booker down with a clothesline. Roode gave Booker a spinebuster a minute later for a near fall. Roode leaped off the second rope and hit Steiner with a neckbreaker. Booker right after Roode, but Roode avoided a scissors kick. Sharmell distracted the ref as Roode hit the fisherman suplex into a bridge. Steiner then recovered and set up Roode for a front wheel kick to the face. Roode went down for the pin. Sharmell and Jenna got into a fight afterward. (**1/2) [c]
-Backstage Borash pushed TNA's Twitter account. What happened to him plugging his own Twitter account? He then interviewed Team 3D. Devon complained about the British Invasion. He said they had size, strenght, and great bodies, but they've since found out they lack class. He said on Sunday night they'll take them to school and team them to abide by their rules. Brother Ray said they're a tag team dynasty and they should have earned respect from them. He said the British Invasion screwed them out of the TNA Tag Team Titles. He said they've got one thing on their minds at Victory Road - revenge. In walked the British Invasion. Security stepped in to keep them apart. Doug Williams said they've signed a contract to face them at Victory Road, and they just worked out a couple "tweaks" with Foley. For one, the IWGP Titles are on the line (since when does Foley have power to dictate when those belts are defended?) and before they could get to the second "tweak," as Rob Terry flexed like it's 1989, Team 3D attacked him.
-They went to Tenay and West at ringside who hyped the Victory Road line-up. [c]
-Lauren interviewed Abyss in a dark hallway. Abyss said he'd never let anything bad happen to Lauren again. He said he is not an animal and he won't be treated that way. He said he's a pissed off 350 pound monster. He said for years Dr. Stevie taught him to control his lust for pain and suffering and carnage. He pulled out his black bag and began dropping thumb tacks. Lauren asked him to stop as he began shoving thumb tacks one at a time into his arm. He flinched, but then said that feels good. He said he doesn't need Dr. Stevie anymore and he'll inflict one final beating on him on Sunday.
-They showed Jeff Jarrett heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]
-Jarrett made his ring entrance and joined Tenay and West at ringside. West reached out to shake Jarrett's hand. Jarrett didn't reciprocate. West asked him how his hamstring injury is. Jarrett told West that the less he says to him, the better. He said he's treading on thin ice and if he's not careful, he'll fall through.
(6) Kurt Angle fought Sting to a no contest in 10:00. Jarrett said Foley is so unpredictabloe, sometimes he creates situations he's not smart enough to get out of. When West said he agreed with Jarrett, Jarrett snapped back: "Shut up, West. I'm sick of your smart ass." At 2:00 they cut to a break. [c] Angle was in control after the break. Sting made a comeback at 7:00, sending him into the cage and scoring a two count. Angle came back by driving Sting into a corner with shoulder blocks. Angle hit a back suplex. As Jarrett talked about how Victory Road means everything to him and TNA, Samoa Joe attacked him from behind. He then knocked out the ref and stole the key to the cage. He entered the cage as Sting had Angle locked in a Scorpion Death Lock. Joe locked himself in the cage. Sting got up and dropped Joe. He put him in a Scorpion Deathlock. The lights went out and then "FTW 13" appears on the screen. Tenay said he thinks he knows who that signified. Jarrett got up and tried to climb the cage. Angle bashed at his fingers with a night stick. Foley tried to climb the cage. Angle should have stood and laughed at the prospects of that, but instead he bashed his fingers, too. Nash then came out and attacked Jarrett. Joe then applied his sleeper on Sting in mid-ring as Angle stood guard.
THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, NITPICKS
FOLEY-ANGLE PROMO: When Foley said he vowed to never tap out again because it made him sick to his stomach when he gave up to a Funk stepover toe hold, what's the other option? Let your knee ligaments get ripped apart? Pass out from the pain? I'd rather hear wrestlers specify they never want to get in a submission hold again, rather than make it sound like it's cowardly to give up when you do get trapped in a submission hold since it's well-established the only smart thing to do is give up once escaping isn't an option... When Angle went off on the "young punks," who are these young punks he speaks of? Mafia's main rivals are Foley, Sting, and Jarrett, hardly young guys. When he said they are overpaid, that so the opposite of true in real life considering how TNA's pay scale is drastically in favor of former WWE and WCW stars. And as for his comment about them not wanting to wrestle with a blister, nobody with a history of pain pill addiction should be mocking anyone for wanting to take time off to heal properly rather than wrestle hurt (and "blister" is just a cliche cover-all for wrestlers complaining about injuries that others think aren't a big enough deal to stop them). One thing about pro wrestling unlike other sports that pro wrestlers try to live up to in their "play for the team even if you're hurt" mentality is that pro wrestling has no off-season. There are times in real sports you can justify working hurt because its just one game or just the final couple weeks of the season, but in pro wrestling "working hurt" means never healing in some cases and going non-stop for years and sometimes decades... This continuing situation where Foley has the power to make matches (and Jarrett, too) while they're active top wrestlers is just ludicrous. The idea that Angle can interrupted Foley as he's about to announce a match and declare that he's accepting Sting's match and adding a stipulation, it takes the situation to an even more ridiculous level. And if I never hear the word "tweak" again on a TNA show, it'll be too soon...
SIX-MAN ELIMINATION TAG: Another prime example of low-IQ style booking here. Styles got pinned with a Jackknife by Nash at 3:00. Would anyone possibly expect Styles to lose in three minutes if it weren't an elimination match? No way. But because it's an elimination match, there had to be multiple falls, so they rushed the first one in an unrealistic manner. In the process, they made Styles look really weak, and given his little kickout at the third count, he probably wasn't happy about it. He shouldn't have been. That quick loss made Styles look like a mid-carder or someone TNA was burying on his way out of the promotion. Styles is a commodity, as it match logic, and both were damaged by that completely unnecessarily early fall. Well-booked successful promotions don't make those types of bush league thoughtless low-IQ moves because they really do add up... The rest of the match was well-booked, with everyone acting logically in their own best interests in a way that matched their characters, and they avoided overbooking it which often is tempting in a six-man elimination situation...
OTHER THOUGHTS: Lauren remains so jumpy and distracting while doing interviews. She looked like she was watching a beloved puppy have surgery as Styles talked about Nash in his promo and it distracted from what Styles was saying. It's tough to find that magic place between seeming indifferent to what a wrestler is saying and totally Bogarting the scene and distracting from them, and Lauren isn't quite there yet. Borash has that balance down almost all of the time now...
Mick Foley: "I know none of you want me to feel or be naked in front of you."
Don West on Amazing Red provoking Samoa Joe: "It's not how you say it, it's how you look when you're not saying it."
Angelina Love: "Tara, you're a big, ugly freak show and there's no room for you in TNA."
Don West on the spider supposedly being in Love's beekeeper outfit: "Can you imagine that harry beast crawling all over that precious body inside that suit."
Mike Tenay in response: "Oh, leave your personal fantasies out of this!"
Abyss to Dr. Stevie: "I've written a prescription for you and it's for one major ass beating with no refills. This Sunday night we're going to have one last therapy session together. This one's on me."
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