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MCNEILL'S TAKE
VIP - MCNEILL FACTOR: Return of the TNA Highlight Reel (PWTorch Newsletter #993) Oct 2, 2007 - 6:53:18 PM
VIP EXCLUSIVE COLUMN - Early release from PWTorch Newsletter #993...
"McNeill Factor"
Newsletter Headline: Return of the TNA Highlight Reel
Originally published: September 29, 2007
From Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter #993
NOTE: Due to deadline, this edition of Pat McNeill's TNA Impact Highlight Reel was written before the show actually aired on October 4th.
(There's the intro. There's the pyro. MIKE TENAY and DON WEST do a rare stand-up intro for the new and improved TNA Impact on Spike TV.)
TENAY: It is one hundred percent more action, as we're here in the Impact Zone for the first two-hour episode of TNA Impact on Spike TV! Mike Tenay, along with Don West. DW, tonight is a dream come true for everyone associated with Total Nonstop Action!
WEST: You're absolutely right, Mike! For the past two years, we've had to cram the entire TNA roster into 42 minutes. But now, we'll be able to give each and every wrestler the amount of television time they deserve! What's on tap tonight, Mike?
TENAY: Um...we have a Gauntlet for the Gold battle royal, and our main event is a big eight man tag team match!
WEST: Oh...I see.
TENAY: To the back!
(We cut to backstage, where KAREN ANGLE is talking with DOCTOR KEVIN NASH in Nash's office.)
NASH: I'm telling you, Karen, this is a big mistake. Kurt shouldn't be out in California stalking Sting's family. We've had the nice Sting here in TNA so far. This will push Sting over the edge, and he'll make your life a living hell.
KAREN: Really? Because Jeff Jarrett and Alex Shelley did the exact same thing two years ago when they shot video of Sting's family.
NASH: Come on, Karen. Like I ever watch this show.
(Cut to Jeremy Borash, standing by with James Mitchell and his new group of freaks.)
BORASH: James Mitchell, I see you have Raven and Havok and Dustin Rhodes on your payroll. But what happened to your son?
MITCHELL: My son?
BORASH: Judas Mesias? The one in the day-glo purple outfit who spits blood?
MITCHELL: Yeah. I sent him back to boarding school. Try to keep up.
BORASH: But wasn't the whole point of the past few months that you were bringing in Judas to crush Abyss?
MITCHELL: Yes, but now I think this plan, where I gather a group of midcard goofs in funny costumes, is going to work much better. To the ring!
(Of course, "COOKIES AND CREAM" DUSTIN RHODES can't even beat RHINO when they have their match. The heels make up for it by beating down Rhino before ABYSS and STING make the save.
Our next segment begins with JAY LETHAL and SONJAY DUTT being interviewed. They are ambushed by BROTHER RAY and BROTHER DEVON, who beat the crap out of Lethal, Dutt and SHARK BOY while demanding a tag team title shot.)
TENAY: This situation is out of control!
WEST: Boy, Mike, I can't wait to see our X Division Champion Jay Lethal get his revenge at Bound for Glory when he wrestles...um...Christopher Daniels! (Looks around.) Can I do another take on that one?
TENAY: To the back!
(Cut backstage where CRYSTAL THE GENERIC BLONDE INTERVIEWER is in the Christian Coalition locker room.)
CRYSTAL: Hey, Tomko! I was looking to talk to Christian and A.J. about tonight's big main event. Where are they?
TOMKO: They're busy playing "TNA Pyramid."
CRYSTAL: What's that?
(Cut to a......
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