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MCNEILL'S TAKE
Fast Fuse: McNEILL previews WWE Cyber Sunday! Oct 27, 2007 - 12:12:15 PM
Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive Cyber Sunday projections!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event. Projections are not predictions, especially when crazy Vince McMahon has to sign off on everything. This preview was sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the content of these projections. That's why I'm here. Some of our departing contestants will receive a copy of the Cyber Sunday Home Game (4th edition) from Milton Bradley, where players will be given the option to push a babyface challenger who is under the age of forty. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing.
Yes, WWE is going to take one last crack at the fan interactive pay-per-view. Sure, you can vote for certain wrestlers and stipulations at Cyber Sunday. Use your own discretion as to whether these choices are worth voting for.
Diva Halloween Costume Contest: If the WWE Divas really want a shot at fulfilling this columnist's fantasy, they can swing by beautiful downtown Fairfax on their way to the Verizon Center. And yes, I've used that joke before.Projection? I have no idea what this will entail, but my money's on Maria Kanellis to win the whole thing.
Montel V. Porter vs. Matt Hardy (Fans Choose Stipulation): Yours truly couldn't help but notice that one of the stipulations here is a "wrestling match". I can only hope WWE meant an "amateur wrestling match", and they're both wearing headgear and singlets. Projection? WWE fans opt for a mixed martial arts matchup, and we lower the cage to make a makeshift octagon. Then Matt Hardy wins with a rear naked choke.
Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay (Fans Choose Stipulation): Fit Finlay faked an injury and threw the match at No Mercy. We're supposed to believe he won't try this again at Cyber Sunday?. Projection? Fans select the no disqualification match, and Rey gets the shillelagh away from the Fighting Irihman for a couple whacks before winning with the West Coast Pop.
Triple H vs. Umaga (Fans Choose Stipulation): Triple H has announced that he wants this to be a street fight, and you can't blame him for not wanting to climb a cage with his bad wheels. Still, it's not his call. Projection? The fans vote for a Steel Cage match anyway, because that's what you get in WWE sometimes. Hunter wins by scaling the cage, because protecting Umaga should be a priority at this point.
C.M. Punk vs. Mystery Opponent (ECW Title Match): Former ECW champ John Morrison had a fun time in the UK when a WWE staffer refused to let him answer reporter questions about his suspension. Fortunately, nobody thought to ask him about Batista's book. Projection? The viewers opt for John Morrison as the least of three evils. Punk scores the win and gets challenged by one of the Smackdown midcarders on Tuesday night. This would be a great spot for Dave Taylor, now that I think about it.
Batista vs. Undertaker (Smackdown World Heavyweight Title – Fans Choose The Referee): WWE has been trying really hard to get work John Layfield in this spot. If you don't believe me, watch the final segment of Smackdown this Friday night. Projection? The winner is still Steve Austin. Santino drops by to taunt Austin at some point in the match, just because he's that stupid. Batista ends up winning with a rollup to hold on to the belt and finally beat the Dead Man.
The Final Vote: I'm guessing Shawn Michaels wins and get the title shot. We may get a quick consolation match with Jeff Hardy pinning Ken Kennedy.
Randy Orton vs. Mystery Challenger (WWE Heavyweight Title): Shawn Michaels probably deserves one more run as champion, but it won't happen between now and WrestleMania. So, how to get out of this while protecting HBK? Projection? There's a ref bump, a huge entrance, and Chris Jericho runs in to cost Michaels the title. Jericho announces that he's there to save the WWE fans from the "false prophet" Shawn Michaels.
Yes, I know many people would rather see Jericho as a good guy, but WWE needs him as a heel. It gives Hunter and Shawn a new villain to play off of. It frees up Jeff Hardy to chase Randy Orton. It gives young Harry Smith an experienced heel to work with when the time comes. It's all for the best.
Aftermath: At Survivor Series, we'll see Orton vs. Jeff Hardy, Batista vs. Edge, Steve Austin leading a group of legends against a team captained by Santino Morella and Team DX vs. Team Jericho in a five on five match.
***
Pat McNeill of Fairfax, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He's not sure he likes where Season 7 of "24" is going. His longer "McNeill Factor" columns appear in the Torch Newsletter. Pat McNeill’s first book, "The Tables All Were Broken", is still available from many fine booksellers.
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