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It is Thanksgiving night in TNA, so we get two video packages for the Turkey Bowl. Hopefully, TNA management remembers from WWE and TNA that ratings go down on Thanksgiving night, and they don't panic when ratings drop.
We open with a very special Angle Alliance Thanksgiving, with Kurt and Karen dressed as pilgrims. Of course, Borash is there. Kurt delivers a prayer, closing with a thanks for the departure of PacMan Jones. Where's Christian Cage? A.J. wants to know. We go to the Impact open, with Angle acknowledging that tonight's show is a pretape and that there aren't actual people in the Impact Zone on Thanksgiving night.
Tenay and West lay out the rules for the Turkey Bowl. Nine men in a series of triple threat matches. Winner gets $25,000. The loser has to wear a turkey suit. Each match is Heavyweight Wrestler vs. Tag Team Guy vs. X Division Guy.
Abyss vs. Brother Devon vs. Chris Sabin. Devon comes out with the X division title. Tenay explains that Sabin and Devon are feuding. Devon and Sabin start brawling before Abyss even gets introduced. Devon has his indy show pants on, with "Devon" down one leg and "Testify" down the other. Devon takes Abyss out with a low blow. Tenay explains that you have to lose the fall in the finals to wear the turkey suit. They're announcing matches for the next pay-per-view throughout this, and it's maddening, so I'll save them for the commercials.
Tenay promises we'll check back in with the Angle Thanksgiving dinner throughout the show, undercutting the continuity from earlier. Meanwhile, Black Reign, Rellik and Rhino interfere. Brother Ray runs in, but Sabin still rolls up Devon for the quick win. Sabin goes to the finals.
Hall and Nash slink into the studio and ask where the Angle Thanksgiving skits are being filmed. The helpful camera guy tells them. Oh, goodie.
Announced for the December 2nd pay-per-view? Jay Lethal & Motor City Machine Gunns vs. Team 3-D & Johnny Devine in a tables match at Turning Point. Abyss & Rhino vs. Reign & Rellik in a "10,000 Tacks" match at Turning Point. Yikes. Commercial time.
Another ad for "TNA Year One" on DVD. Mr. Voice Over promises us a special interview with Booker T on next week's show. Back to A Charlie Angle Thanksgiving. Robert Roode & Ms. Brooks arrive. James Storm & Jacqueline arrive. Storm brought beer. Chris Harris arrives and is pissed to see Storm there. Eric Young shows up, drunk. Angle sends him to the kiddie table with his daughter. Okay, that's funny. Back to the Turkey Bowl!
Johnny Devine vs. Kip James vs. Samoa Joe. Yes, Havok is back to being Johnny Devine. He's wearing a Cobra Commander vest, which is pretty cool. Kip brings B.G. and Roxxi with him. Joe gets a nice pop, nice enough that I'm listening for fake crowd noise. Devine and Kip decide to work together. They even do the old Hart Foundation finisher before Kip turns on Johnny. B.G. interferes to block the Muscle Buster, so the ref throws B.G. out from ringside. Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Devine instead for the win. Not bad, but we're not getting any epic matches in the first round. To the Angles!
Back at the Thanksgiving dinner, the X division arrives. Sonjay gives Kurt a guilt trip about enjoying dinner while there are starving children in India. Storm and Young have another drinking contest. Styles leaves to wrestle his match. Stay tuned for a chick match! Commercial time.
A.J. Styles vs. Christian Cage vs. Jay Lethal. Can Styles and Cage work together? How did A.J. get changed into his gear in just five minutes? Jay Lethal still doesn't have his belt. Christian Cage is, uh, a no-show? Lethal and Styles have an actual good match. Christian comes out after a few minutes and starts chasing Styles around the ring. Commercial time. We get an ad for the TNA website.
We return to Lethal and Cage trading near falls. Okay, where did Styles go? There's a shot of the turkey suit, which look a little like the South Carolina Gamecock. Styles emerges from the ramp. Christian chases him back up the ramp. It's Lethal vs. Cage. Lethal goes up for the top rope elbow, but Styles runs in to crotch him. Christian hits the Unprettier, but A.J. steals the pin with a frog splash. Christian is pissed.
It is Joe vs. Styles vs. Sabin in the finals. To the turkey!
Black Reign and Rellik arrive at the Angle Thanksgiving and, of course, Dustin lets Misty the rat loose. Borash and Karen are both scared of the rat. Nice. Up next, women in tight outfits wrestling! Commercial time. Over an hour to go and two matches left. I am not encouraged by these developments.
Another ad for next week's special Booker T interview and in-ring debut. To the Angles! Jay Lethal arrives, asking where Okerlund and Heenan are. Fair question. So Cal Elizabeth arrives next and Lethal pulls out a chair for her to sit down on. Awwww.
Tenay announces a special Glengarry Glen Ross battle royal for Turning Point, where one guy's getting fired. The logical holes in this match are dazzling, but we'll save that for next week. Also at the pay-per-view is Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong.
Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. O.D.B.. Velvet Sky is Talia Madison, Angelina Love is Angel Williams and O.D.B. is the one with the huge boobs. Guess which wrestler the crowd gets behind? O.D.B. pins Velvet with the top rope bodypress in about three minutes. She celebrates with a sip from her flask. Eh. To the Angles!
Back at the Angle dinner, Awesome Kong shows up. She eats the fake fruit from the fruit basket. There's also a gag involving Jeremy Borash and a turkey baster. Commercial time. On the bright side, Arby's now has meatball subs.
We return with a Christopher Daniels vignette. I guess he and Triple X didn't get invited to the Angle thanksgiving dinner. Daniels thinks we all suck. To the Angles!
Team 3-D shows up and the X division guys throw food at them. The other wrestlers leave, except for Awesome Kong. Angle's daughter tells Bubba and Devon that they suck. No, seriously, that's the laugh line.
I'm worried about Hall and Nash. They couldn't find the set for the Angle skits, and they've been in the building over an hour?
Tenay and West recap the tournament while the Monday Night Football music plays in the background.
A.J. Styles vs. Chris Sabin vs. Samoa Joe in the Turkey Bowl finals. Borash has materialized to do the ring announcing. Winner gets the check. Loser has to wear the turkey suit. The bell rings with forty-five minutes left in the program. We get some early action and Sabin performs a suicide dive onto Styles, the universal sign that it's time to go to commercial.
We get about six minutes more of wrestling, including a triple headlock spot. Time for another commercial. Wow. We return with Styles lapping Joe around. More good wrestling, with Joe using Styles as a battering ram before powerslamming him. Joe flapjacks Sabin onto Styles for another near fall, and the crowd is deliriously happy. A.J. gets a table from under the ring. Styles sets up the table against the guardrail. Joe goes for the suicide dive on Styles, but A.J. moves and Joe eats wood. Another commercial? Why not? There's an ad for Turning Point, focused on (I kid you not) the thumbtack match.
We come back and Joes's still down. I'm getting much better at filtering out the background chatter from the announcers, thanks for asking. Styles hits a swank brainbuster on Sabin which should have been the finish, but wasn't. Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock, which Styles reverses into the Styles Clash. Joe makes the save. Joe drops Styles on his head (!) and Sabin makes the save. Time for more commercials. In fact, this is our fourth set of commercials in twenty-five minutes.
We return just in time for Joe to knock Sabin off the top turnbuckle and pin Styles with the Muscle Buster. Joe gets a briefcase with the check and a nice looking medallion. To the Angles!
Everyone has returned to the Angle dinner table. Kurt is watching the end of the Turkey Bowl and is pissed off. Back in the ring, Styles is refusing to wear the costume. Commercial time.
When we return, there's still ten minutes to go on the program. That can't be good. Sure enough, Hall and Nash show up at the Angle dinner. Kurt's not there, so Nash gives Karen a pie to the face and a food fight breaks out. The only funny part is seeing Awesome Kong at the end of the table, quietly finishing off the turkey.
Jim Cornette is in the Impact Zone and orders A.J. to wear the Gobbledy Gooker costume. After some hemming and hawing, he dons the garb. Styles does a good job selling this as a real humiliation. Of course, this is the moment where Pilgrim Angle and Tomko drop in. Angle and Styles bicker until Samoa Joe and the Outsiders come out for the show-closing brawl. The good guys clear out the tag team champs. Then Drunk Eric Young comes in and stuffs the turkey drumstick in Angle's mouth. Join us next week for Booker T in action!
***
My rating? 5.0 out of a possible 10. This was your throwaway holiday show. The good main event match was disrupted by way too many commercials. The Angle family skits were stupid, were occasional bits of comedy gold inside. But the pacing was better, and that helped a lot. A.J. Styles stole the show, both in the ring and otherwise. Thumbs in the middle. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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