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MCNEILL'S TAKE
Cross The Line: McNEILL previews TNA Sacrifice! May 10, 2008 - 9:58:02 PM
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Vince "0.9" Russo. Projections are not predictions. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Sunny Delight. Sunny D comes in seven delicious flavors and contains a full day's supply of Vitamin C. Nothing delights you like Sunny Delight. The object for the players is to get three stars in a row, either across, up-and-down or diagonally. It is up to the player to determine whether a star is giving a correct answer or making one up; that's how they get the square. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action, except for the part where I let the people who wrote the Amp Energy Drink musical commercial that aired Thursday night write the rest of the show.
Congratulations to TNA for not revealing the final three first round matches for the Deuces Wild tag team tournament, or even the teams involved, making it darn near impossible to figure out what matches are actually taking place on the program. By the way, how low do the ratings for ECW on SciFi have to drop for TNA Impact to beat them again? Inquiring minds want to know.
Gail Kim vs. ODB vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Roxxi vs. Salinas vs. Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks vs. Jacqueline (TNA Knockout Makeover Match): TNA has access to the SHIMMER crew, the finest lady wrestlers in all North America, so a "makeover" match sounds about right. Projection? Roxxi Laveaux wins the match, to set up another chance for her to wrestle Awesome Kong. O.D.B. gets her head shaved. It's not like it would hurt her gimmick much at all.
"Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs. Curry Man vs. Kaz vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Chris Sabin vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed (Terrordome Cage Match): Nothing like having a bunch of X Division guys racing to escape from a hole in the ceiling. Projection? Who deserves this most? Well, in TNA storylines, Kaz is the right man for the job. He finally gets a big win without having to worry about Super Eric screwing it up.
TNA Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament (TNA World Tag Team Titles): This is the one where we first we have top guess the teams and the pairings, and then we can guess the winners. Let's do it. Projections?
Match 1: Team 3-D defeats Sting & James Storn, who can't get along.
Match 2: A.J. Styles & Super Eric defeat B.G. James & Awesome Kong when Eric pins James with a super Death Valley Driver.
Match 3: Booker T & Robert Roode defeat LAX when Booker pins Homicide.
Match 4: Christian Cage & Rhino defeat Matt Morgan & Kip James when Christian pins James.
Semifinal #1: A.J. Styles & Super Eric defeat Team 3-D when Styles pins D-Von.
Semifinal #2: Booker T & Robert Roode defeat Christian Cage and Rhino when Roode pins Rhino using the tights for leverage.
Finals: A.J. Styles & Super Eric win the tag team belts when Booker finally snaps and leaves Roode for dead.
Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner (TNA Heavyweight Title): Remember the fantastic buildup for tlast month's main event. This has been the opposite of that. For the past two weeks, TNA has thrown various combinations of Joe, Angle and Steiner out there on Impact for the main events, and audience members have fled Spike TV. Projection? Angle struggles with the outside interference from Rick Steiner and Rhaka Khan. Joe puts Steiner out with the Kokina Clutch to keep his title.
Aftermath: Next month is TNA Slammiversary in suburban Memphis, where TNA will celebrate its sixth anniversary with a King of the Mountain match to determine a new Number One contender featuring Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner vs. Booker T vs. Rhino vs. Christian Cage, while Samoa Joe defends the belt against the returning Travis Tomko.
*** Pat McNeill of Fairfax, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He can't believe he roots for a baseball team where Wil Nieves might be the best player. Yes, they are. His feature-length "McNeill Factor" columns appear in the Torch Newsletter.
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