PWTorch is customized for your mobile phone such as your Blackberry. Just enter www.pwtorch.com on your phone's browser and choose the "Mobile" option. Samsung Omnia II users, download our free Widget. Apple iPhone users, download our free PWTorch App (search "pwtorch")
It's always the same
It's just a shame
That's all.
"That's All" by Genesis (1983)
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Jeff Jarrett, Vince Russo or other members of TNA management. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these projections, but I, in my divine and mystical way, will ascertain the finishes to these matches without watching TNA Impact on Spike TV. Some of our departing contestants will receive a Lady Schick "Lasting Curls" hair setter. For a fast, moisturizing way to perfect hair. And if you get within one hundred dollars of the actual retail price of your showcase without going over, you win both showcases. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.
There has been a lot of loose talk about an upcoming power struggle within the Total Nonstop Action, with Kurt Angle and friends looking to do a beer hall putsch against Jeff Jarrett and the company's creative team. Angle has publicly talked about returning to World Wrestling Entertainment later this year. While it would be entertaining to see a bare knuckle, behind the scenes brawl between the two most powerful wrestlers in the promotion, don't count on it. There's too much at stake here.
Kurt Angle is better off working for TNA. He probably doesn't want to go back to the toxic backstage politics and grueling road schedule of WWE. As such, Angle can't afford to risk his livelihood by going over his boss's head. It's almost time to renegotiate his TNA contract. Jeff Jarrett is better off with Kurt Angle under contract to Total Nonstop Action. Angle has been carrying the load in the ring for TNA, consistently delivering in big matches like no one else in the Impact Zone. Angle is also the biggest star of any of TNA's full time wrestlers. Sting and Mick Foley aren't going to wrestle year round. Booker T isn't as good a worker as Angle. Kurt gives his company credibility.
My suspicion is that Jarrett and Angle will put aside their personal differences and work together for their mutual benefit. Jarrett persuades Angle to endorse him to Dixie Carter and stop any potential change at the top. Angle gets creative control over his matches and a nice fat contract extension. How can this not happen? Meanwhile, plenty of good seats are still available for the big show tomorrow night in Charlotte. Let's talk about wrestling. On paper, this is a pretty good show.
Shane Sewell vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir: The angle where Sewell became a wrestler finally aired on Impact two days ago. Despite the roundabout way we got here, there are a lot of fans who will want to see the former Glamour Boy in action. Projection? The overconfident Arab-American dominates the match until Shane surprises him with a rollup for the victory.
Awesome Kong (w/ Raesha Saeed) vs. Taylor Wilde (TNA Knockouts Title - Lumberjack Match) : Taylor is filling in for the injured Christy Hemme, who had somehow been built up as a serious contender for the strap. We might as well keep the same finish they were originally going to use. Projection? Taylor has the edge when a brawl breaks out at ringside. The Beautiful People interfere against Wilde, and the champ flattens Taylor with the Awesome Bomb to keep the belt.
Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley (TNA X Division Title): It must be difficult to work in TNA's X Division. There are two different schools of thought in TNA management on what to do with the X Division. One school is that the wrestlers should slow down the hectic pace of their matches and make every move count. The other is that X Division matches should be nothing but nonstop spots, so that the match looks like a wrestling video game. We'll see what side of the line the Motor City Machine Guns fall on. Projection? Sabin scores a hard-fought victory after a tough match. Shelley teases dissension afterward, but it will be resolved at the Impact tapings later in the week.
Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed vs. James Storm & Robert Roode (w/ Jacqueline Moore) vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan (TNA Tag Team Titles): TNA tried to create a dramatic moment similar to WWE's "Money In The Bank" concept on Thursday when Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed cashed in their briefcase and captured the TNA World Tag Team Titles. This probably won't cause the same sort of ratings spike WWE had after Edge won his first WWE Heavyweight Title. Projection? Abyss and Morgan's hatred of Beer Money boils over, allowing Lethal to hit Morgan with the top rope elbow for the pinfall and the title victory. I would still shy away from calling these guys the "New Soul Patrol".
A.J. Styles & Brother Devon & Mick Foley vs. Booker T, Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner: Mick Foley's coming out of retirement and returning to the ring. To see what a splash this has made in pro wrestling circles, you need only look to the fact that TNA is giving away free tickets to this show on Ticketmaster. Projection? I'm going to go against the grain here and have Foley actually win a match for once. Mick lays out Booker T and lets A.J. Styles take the pinfall.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle: This feud has been the main storyline of TNA wrestling for the past three months. Now, at long last, Kurt angle has goaded Jeff Jarrett into this important rematch from Bound For Glory. And yes, plenty of good seats are still available in Charlotte for this match. Projection? This time, Angle is the one who cheats to win, grabbing the guitar and using it on Jarrett to even up the feud at one win a piece.
Sting vs. Rhino (TNA World Heavyweight Title): Some people have questioned the idea of Rhino as this month's challenger for the TNA championship. But with all the attention on Foley and Jarrett, Sting didn't need a big name challenger this month. At the very least, the company came up with a logical way for Rhino to earn his title shot. Projection? Sting hangs on, but needs interference from Steiner and Nash to save him before he finishes the War Machine with a Scorpion Death Drop. After the match, Samoa Joe makes his return and cleans house.
Aftermath: Next month is Against All Odds. It should be Mick Foley vs. Kurt Angle (I'll keep suggesting it until they do it), Sting vs. Samoa Joe, Booker T vs. A.J. Styles, and Matt Morgan and Abyss taking on Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner.
***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. Don't worry, he's taping "24" this Sunday night. His longer columns appear in the Torch Newsletter. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
