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By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist

VIP EXCLUSIVE - Early-release article from PWTorch Newsletter #991...

BRUCE MITCHELL FEATURE
Original Headline: "Steel Cage Match, My Ass"
Original Publish Date: September 22, 2007
Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter #991

The final straw of Monday Night Raw's King of King's Worship Service, after the guy no-sold and beat five guys in five hours, uh, five minutes, was the announcement that next week Triple H faces Carlito...

in a steel cage match.

Aaargh.

Yeah, that's exactly what the big Carlito-Triple H feud needs – a final showdown to settle the score within the confines of a sixteen-foot-high steel cage. Now fans will finally get a definite winner and loser in the epic battle between the ten time World Champion and a guy whose burial continues for its third consecutive year.

You know, just in case they didn't figure out the winner when Triple H came on Carlito's Cabana, tore up the set, and Pedigreed his ass in about three seconds flat.

...or they didn't figure it out at the awful pay-per-view when Carlito hit the King in the head with a ring bell, a trash can, and assorted other garbage and he still Pedigreed his ass in about three seconds flat.

...or they didn't figure it out when, after watching the King step over the WWE World Tag Champions all by himself from the ramp, Carlito ran down to jump him only to once again get his ass Pedigreed in about three seconds flat, then lay there as the King of Kings Pedigreed two other guys' asses in about three seconds flat, just because he can.

I mean, who the hell thought this thing needed another match, much less a steel cage match? Did the King of Kings ask for it? What, he needed yet another win against the same loser to move up the ladder toward that much coveted Intercontinental Title shot? Or maybe it was Carlito who asked for it. Maybe the half-assed Carlito thought to himself, "Just one more match, I think I've got this guy figured out, I can beat him, only it's got to be in a steel cage to prevent me from running away."

You can look at those idiots Jeff Jarrett and Vince Russo over at TNA to see what happens to a promotion that just throws gimmick matches out hoping they'll draw interest without a logical reason to actually have the things. Yeah, I know, WWE booked this on......

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