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Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream Internet Democracy in Action, Looney Toons, Run-Ins, Cheating Promo, and Vote for What's Good For You...
I missed last week. Why exactly is Randy Orton scared of Steve "Gator" Kiern?
We start with our new champion talking to Raw GM William Regal. Orton points out that Triple H was supposed to shake his hand and congratulate him, but instead he got jumped by Shawn Michaels.
He suggests that the "rogues" in England where this show was taped would want to see a Triple Threat match between his three top contenders - Shawn Michaels and the other two. He also wants a tune-up match of his own.
Native Englishter William Regal cutely screws around with the home folks a little before announcing that our new champ Mr. Orton has to face Triple H and the other two in three one-on-one matches.
Randy Orton faces Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy in a champion vs. champion but non-title match to determine that Jeff Hardy, cute though he may be, doesn't deserve your vote to get the big title match at Cyber Sunday.
Oh my god, TONIGHT AFTER RAW THE ENTIRE CYBER-SUNDAY CARD WILL BE REVEALED ON WWE.COM it says on the scrawl on the bottom of my TV. What kind of idiot stays all night just to log on to a wrestling site to find out stuff like who's going to be on yet another wrestling show... uh, no no I don't mean you, I mean those other people... you're not an idiot.
Sure enough, Mr. Kennedy distracts Hardy leading to Orton getting the pin. Dumb ol' Jerry Lawler votes for Hardy anyway. How sweet.
Santino Morella comes out with Maria, says how he misses the continent (of New Jersey?), and rags on Steve Austin and "The Condemned" again. You know, it really wasn't a very good movie.
He wrestles Val Venis. Jerry Lawler thinks Morella should watch some of Val's porno movies. Morella pins the babyface porno star by grabbing his rope, I mean, the ropes... Sorry.
Diva Search Girls in bikinis give CPR on the beach (and do it right). The brunette with the big tits is winning this thing.
Carlito made fun of Jonathan Coachman for getting beaten with his own cane by Hornswoggle...
Then Hornswoggle appears and smacks Coach, who chases him around for a while. Lawler laughs so you don't have to.
Mr. McMahon stares at a picture of Her Majesty The Queen then asks Regal where Triple H is. He says he's not around after the beating Umaga gave him last week. They argue over the pronunciation of the word Umaga - (it's not so easy, believe me).
Mr. Kennedy wants us to vote for him. He faces Randy Orton. None of these Englishters seem to know how take this battle of the bullies, at least until Jeff Hardy comes down and interferes, so Kennedy loses.
Well, I'm not voting for him, either. He's a loser like that Jeff Hardy. Who else can I vote for, again?
Pat McNeil runs in with a breaking story - Booker T is still on the intro to Raw. More on this breaking story as it develops...
Mr. McMahon brags about coming up with the Cyber-Sunday concept, then announces the Triple H vs. Umaga match. Fans can vote for the Street Fight stipulation or some other damn thing I wasn't listening.
Umaga squashes Andy Simmons in a street fight. The refs drag him from the ring when Mr. McMahon decides to demonstrate the First Blood match stipulation. Umaga crushes Simmons with a headbutt and big butt. Mr. McMahon demands Umaga "finish him off!" Umaga wears him out with thumbs to the throat. Simmons bites the bloody condom so Umaga wins again.
The ref and the doctor are dragging him out when Mr. McMahon gets another idea. He wants the third option demonstrated - a steel cage match.
The cage comes two thirds of the way down. Umaga throws Simmons in the ring and the cage comes all the way down. Mr. McMahon calls Simmons "Triple H" and keeps telling Umaga he wants more and to sic 'em.
Umaga does. This thing ran a little long, but it got the point across that whatever the stipulation, you'll get some blood.
Hornswoggle does something or other so Ron Simmons can say "Damn." Nice work if you can get it......
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