MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S RAW 10/22: Stream of Begging for Votes, Husbands and Wives, A Nasty Fall, A Subtle Big Foot
Oct 23, 2007 - 1:44:01 AM |
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Preface: By the time the show ended I was writing just to try to stop those homo-erotic close-up promos...
We start with Mr. Kennedy in the ring. He's going to lecture us on how we, the fans, are all going to maker history voting for some wrestler to wrestle some other wrestler on some wrestling show.
Oh god, he's making a campaign speech. Well, Fred Thompson would make a good Smackdown GM when the Vickie Guerrero thing has run its course...
Jeff Hardy is like Hillary Clinton - blonde hair, famous last name (don't ask me), and no testicles...
Shawn Michaels is like Rudy Giuliani - both talk real tough, have very impressive resumes, are complete assholes, but both live in the past...
Kennedy: "It's nowhere near as impressive as what I've done in the last year - punted away Money in the Bank and a World Title run with one of those not-so-mysterious muscle tears, then stupidly bragged about being drug free, knowing my name was on that crooked pharmacy list, blowing up Mr. McMahon's personal angle, and sending the Raw ratings into a tail-spin, probably blowing another main event World Title run in the process, where was I, oh yeah...
Ask not what Mr. Kennedy can do for you, but what each and every one of you can do for Mr. Kennedy.
Yo, yo, hey Kennedy, over here dude... I swear I didn't even recognize his voice and I have a DVD in the other room with him yammering on with Wade Keller for about seven hours... he never gets the mic, least of all like this, it's man of the people, Jeff Hardy.
He tells Mr. K his approval rating sucks.
Between this and last night's Republican debate, I'd say John McCain cuts better promos...
And that's there's something wrong with that on both sides.
Jeff Hardy jumps Mr. Kennedy. They fight. Randy Orton runs in. Shawn Michaels runs in to cut him off, leaving Hardy and Kennedy to go at it.
Jim Ross says he thinks Jeff Hardy won the primary. Well, the kids I know can't stop talking about the primaries coming up, so this ought to ignite a groundswell of votes for Cyber blah blah blah blah.
WWE Magazine's 500th Anniversary edition goes on sale tomorrow. I bet it doesn't make the splash the Torch 20th Anniversary edition did.
Brain Kendrick & Paul London face Trevor Murdoch & Lance Cade. Yes, again. This time they throw in Mickie James and Melina on the respective teams. The same decent action ends when Cade accidentally clotheslines his partner Murdoch and London pins him for the win.
The Diva Search is down to the final three. There's a Diva Search? Eve will win, by the way...
The Rey Mysterio DVD: "Size Doesn't Matter, Sure It Doesn't" goes on sale tomorrow.
Jeff Hardy [photo by Wade Keller (c) PWTorch]
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Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels talk very close up to each other, their lips almost, but not quite brushing, their beautiful, shiny brown, almost Breck Girl-like hair billowing behind them... where was I?...
I'm picking Shawn for the husband here.
Sweet Daddy Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas take Cody Runnels's WWE 500th Anniversary magazine. "Just don't take my Torch!" Rhodes screams at them. "You Bastards!"
Jonathan Coachman hasn't figured out that William Regal ratted him out to the midget and got him blowed up real good last week. He wants a match with Hornswoggle. Regal gives him the match, but it turns out Coach wants the little guy to wrestle Umaga. Regal makes a face but doesn't say yes or no.
Cody Runnels faces Shelton Benjamin (w/Charlie Haas). Someone finally clued in Jerry Lawler that the angle is Rhodes may lose but he's no quitter. "He's no quitter." Lawler says. A couple of minutes of action, then Rhodes wins with a quick roll-up. He gets double-teamed and, way too early in the storyline for this to work, the husband in the relationship makes the save.
Harry Smith makes his debut on Raw. Again. He's now D.H. Smith. He dedicates his match to his father, famous wrestler Davey Boy Smith, the famous wrestler who died from taking the muscle enhancers that enabled him to get a job with the company Smith now works for. Yay. Clap. Clap. Clap.
He faces Carlito, who doesn't dedicate his match to his father, the famous wrestler Carlos Colon, probably because...
1. He's losing.
2. His father is still alive.
3. His father never wrestled for WWE.
Candice Michelle and Beth Phoenix talk very close up to each other, their lips almost, but not quite brushing; Beth tells Candice, who looks back at her knowingly, that she's going to make her get down on her knees.
It's clear who the husband is there.
Kane faces Big Daddy V in a sixty minute Iron Man match live on ECW tomorrow night. Well, give it a few weeks and he will. Can someone find Todd Gordon and 911 and send them to put this thing out of its misery?
Umaga faces Hornswoggle in the ten o'clock main event. Really. That's going to be an interesting quarter hour, that is, unless fans figure out that major ratings draw Triple H will be out in a few minutes. Lillian Garcia looks like she just saw the first week sales figures on her DVD. Hornswoggle doesn't look happy either.
Ten o'clock on the dot The Game, and the schmoz, is on. Umaga and Triple H push and shove each other for a couple of minutes, and it's a pretty good pull-apart brawl that lasts until after the break. Triple H wants the street fight, so says WWE.com, so Ross and Lawler push that voting choice.
Speaking of the guys who did the pulling (but not the pushing), it's time for the Agent Review:
Tony Garea still is all hair and no work.
Rick Steamboat gets around more.
Mike Rotunda, if you squint, hasn't aged. ,
Barry Windham looks more like the old man every time I see him, if the old man dyed his hair blond.
Randy Orton and Mr. Kennedy talk very close up to each other, their lips almost, but not quite brushing. Orton explains to Kennedy that he's not getting the title shot because no one likes him. Good point. Kennedy says he may want to make a statement after the match.
I'm figuring Kennedy for the husband here but, really, it's a draw.
Santino Morella is out with Maria and......
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