MITCHELL'S TAKE
VIP - MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 12/3: Stream of Good Jericho, Bad Jericho, Worse Imitations...
Dec 3, 2007 - 10:51:10 PM |
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By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist
Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream of Good Jericho, Bad Jericho, Worse Imitations, Legends Blown Off, Legends Returned, and Legends Missing
We start with Chris Jericho. Welcome to Raw is Jericho. He couldn't get a title match by asking for one. He couldn't get one by insulting Orton, so he orchestrated his loss in an important match to Ric Flair. After Raw last week, Randy Orton gave Jericho an answer to his challenge. You don't deserve it, you screwed the wrong guy, but yes. You're going to save WWE from Randy? Who's going to save you from the beating of your life?
Randy Orton comes out. Everything is always about Chris Jericho, isn't? I'm giving you a title shot because I can beat you. You haven't beaten anyone in two years. I've beaten (the usual suspects). Jericho says he beat (the older suspects), but that's not what counts. He watched Orton, who's cold and calculating. He's the same way. It isn't about anything but winning the World Title.
Orton wants to wipe the smug look off Jericho's face. "I thought you'd never ask." They both drop their mics.
Raw GM William Regal stops the fight, but lets them chose each other's opponent. Orton chooses the obvious - Umaga. Jericho chooses Shawn Michaels.
This was really good promo work on the part of both principals.
Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels. HBK and Orton one more time. It's not a title match, but Sweet Chin Music is legal.
Mr. Kennedy interrupts. Coming up next in the center of the ring is a blast from the past that might break your heart.
Maria & Mickie James face Beth Phoenix & Melina. Phoenix pins Mickie James clean, which is strange. Wasn't she being built up for the title shot?
If Scott Hall walks out to do a five-minute job to Kennedy, well, it would figure.
Mr. Kennedy comes out first. He invited three of HBK's closest friends and rivals. They're going to have a discussion. He brings out Marty Janetty... no... it's not Marty Janetty...maybe his grandson.
Next is the guy he faced at Wrestlemania in the famous ladder match... wait for it... Razor Ramon. Too bad. "Hey Yo."
"Thanks for coming, by the way." And there you have it.
Then Big Daddy Cool Diesel.
Then Shawn Michaels.
Did I mention this is dying? The pathetic imitation gimmick has seen its day.
Kennedy wobbles through a Describe HBK In One Word skit, then Shawn Michaels comes down to Superkick the first three losers (fake HBK runs away). He stares at Kennedy.
Ugh.
Mr. McMahon says Hulk Hogan will be headlining the Raw anniversary next week, whatever "headlining" means. He and Coach throw out a bunch of names - Steve Austin, Trish Stratus, Eric Bischoff, and Mick Foley. Conspicuous in absence was the Rock, whose face solo'd in Raw ads for next week. He ain't coming.
They did this so casually, I thought it was just the two making suggestions back and forth at first.
First ever in-ring McMahon Family Portrait - Steph, Shane, Linda are coming.
No DQ match with Carlito & Coach. Finlay's "in Ireland."
Coach and Mr. McMahon smirk, but Hornswoggle calls someone after they leave.
Triple H wants to know why Regal made his match with Jeff Hardy at Armageddon. Regal says it would make perfect sense if the winner got the title match at the Royal Rumble. (That might indicate Jericho's only getting the one shot.) He tells Triple H he's ruled by hate for his opponents and he doesn't hate Jeff Hardy.
"But," Triple H points out, "for the WWE Title, I'd Pedigree my own father-in-law." Gasp. The irony.
Chris Jericho faces Umaga. I'd have saved their first meeting for pay-per-view. We'll see how they play it here.
We come back from the break to no heat. This crowd has sat on their hands throughout the first hour. Let's see, Charleston, South Carolina, hmm, maybe they're waiting for something.
There's a big long nerve-hold from Umaga that would have made Mr. Fuji back in his WWF tag champion days proud. This bad match ends when Jericho hits his new Codebreaker (more like the Frontcracker) only to get attacked and RKO'd by Randy Orton. The Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga match a couple of weeks ago was much more effective.
They really should have saved this one for pay-per-view because now no one will pay to see it.
Hornswoggle faces Coach & Carlito in No DQ match. Send the guy on his way already. The stooges get on their knees in anticipation of HS. He comes out and whispers in Lillian Garcia's ear. She announces HS has hired "protection."
Holy Crap, it's the APA! Carlito takes an awful Spinebuster from Ron Simmons that he actually has to do to himself. Coach gets to take the Clothesline From Hell from Bradshaw and the pin from the midget. So there might be life in the apple-spitter yet.
"If you have lots of money you too can hire the APA". JBL plugs all his appearances while cutting off Simmons, who finally snatches the mic from him. "Damn!"
That's how legends should go - short and sweet, show the signature stuff, and win. The crowd almost wakes up for this.
Triple H may not want the Intercontinental Title, but Snitsky does.
Jeff Hardy defends the IC belt against Snitsky. The crowd isn't into this one, either. Some girls in the back of the arena chant, "Let's go Hardy!" They wake up briefly for the Swanton Bomb win......
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