MITCHELL'S TAKE MITCHELL: A wrestler for wrestler guide to understanding today's TNA Impact Feb 12, 2008 - 8:58:03 PM

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By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist

What with the exciting news that Total Non-Stop Action has been growing their national viewership by tenths of a point (except when they're not), it occurred to me that there's a whole new audience that needs to be brought up to date on this exciting new promotion.

It can't be easy to jump right in on a thrill-ride that moves as fast and zig-zags in as many directions as TNA Impact does - and it's not just that confusing new ring that takes some getting used to. It can be hard to just wade right in to a pool of innovative wrestling ideas like TNA offers without some sort of life-jacket like, say, this Mitchell's Take.

So, as a service to all you new TNA fans, the following is designed to get you up to speed enjoying Impact without the added burden of ordering expensive and inconvenience pay-per-view shows, just like hundred and thousands of TNA fans everywhere.

Here's the deal: The TNA concept is based on the greatest promotion in wrestling history - World Wrestling Entertainment from, like, back when it was good. Understanding that is the key to getting the most out of the fastest-growing worked pro wrestling on the Spike TV network.

Just print out this article and tape it to the right side of your new Sony HD television and you'll be ready to watch TNA Impact each and every Thursday night (or on Saturday night when they replay the show). Any time you see the TNA wrestler on the left, just plug-in the corresponding WWE Superstar and soon you'll be enjoying the Monday Night Wars, just like you would have been if Eric Bischoff hadn't been such a putz.

(Remember, they're not rip-offs, they're tributes.)

TNA wrestler = WWE Superstar

Kurt Angle = "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Samoa Joe = "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Shark Boy = "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Karen Angle = Debra Austin

Christian = 2005 Edge

Jay Lethal = Randy Savage

So-Cal Val = Miss Elizabeth

Jim Cornette = Frank Tunney

A.J. Styles = Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake

Awesome Kong = Beth Phoenix

Gail Kim = Mickie James

ODB = Victoria

Abyss = Undertaker

Judas Messias = Kane

Reverend James Mitchell = Paul Bearer

Abyss = Kane

LAX = Eddie Guerrero

VKM = New Age Outlaws

Goldust = Black Reign

Robert Roode = Rick Rude …no..that's not it…

Robert Roode = Mr. Perfect….no, not him either…

Robert Roode = Terry Taylor

Jeremy Borash = Todd Pettingill

Jeff Jarrett = Hulk Hogan

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