Email This Article - Contact Us - VIP Sign-Up - Back to Home Page

|

The following is Mojo Mitchell's weekly Raw Stream of Consciousness Commentary. It's usually a VIP-exclusive, but offered today as a free-site bonus...

Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream of  Damn Those Elitist Snobs, Why Won't They Let Me in Their Club, I Know, I'll Start My Own Club And I Won't Let Them In, That'll Show Them

We start with Triple H. The Age of Orton is officially broken. Triple H might be hurting, too, but it's easier when you can say you're the champ.

John Cena asks Triple H, "Are you ready?" He says Triple H has handled everyone  - "but me." It's the Yankees vs. Red Sox, the Lakers vs. Celtics. (He missed one - the biggest one of all), The World Series, The Super Bowl…

Triple H quotes an un-named friend ("You want some, come get some.") - Scott Hall. Wonder if there is something behind that.

Jeff Hardy comes out. He won his match last night, too. He knows Mr. McMahon likes "first time evers," and he likes to give fans what they want. Hardy suggests tonight he and Cena wrestle to see who gets the next title shot.

Mr. Kennedy says William Regal cried like "a little English pansy" on his way out the door and he's going to whip Paul Burchill tonight the same way. Burchill says he can't wrestle tonight because his sister Katie is wrestling tonight and he has to help her prepare. He has a suitable replacement - Umaga.

Does these guys just ask Umaga to do their work for them, do they pay him or what?

Mr. Kennedy faces Umaga. He wins a quick match over the Samoan Bulldozer by count-out, then the dastardly Mr. Burchill jumps him from behind.

Mr. McMahon makes a big speech about the big million-dollar giveaway. The money is in a plastic display case up on the ramp entrance way. It's surrounded by security. It's your basic contest speech until he goes on a weird cheerleading rant about elitists snobs who look down on "you WWE fans." Apparently there's some sort of special club in which none of you are invited. I get the distinct impression McMahon is about to go on a crying jag but, thankfully, it never comes.

Hey, don't look at me. I didn't get invited, either.

Damn them! Damn those snobs!

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes face Carlito & Santino Morella in a non-title bout. Rhodes surprises everyone by announcing Roddy Piper is the special timekeeper. During the match Piper tries to trip Santino. It doesn't work. The referee tries to get Piper to go back to his seat as Carlito gets in the ring to help Santino double-team Holly and pin him. That's weird.

Santino runs through some non-Jimmy Kimmel talk show gimmicks to plug his big match with Cousin Sal on Smackdown Friday. I guess they gave him a win tonight because he's losing to Sal later.

Hardcore Holly is miffed that Cody Rhodes didn't tell him Piper was the special timekeeper. Holly storms off. Ted DiBiase (Jr.) tells Rhodes he's about two weeks away from choosing his championship partner

Chris Jericho tells Jim Ross he did everything he could do to encourage Shawn Michaels last night in his stretcher match against Batista. He's going to start defending his IC Title as often as possible, starting tonight against JBL. He dedicates his match tonight to Shawn Michaels.

I thought this was a very good slightly patronizing, slightly heelish promo.

Chris Jericho defends the IC Title against JBL. There is some good detail work here as JBL's throat is "scarred up" from Cena trying to strangle him to death with a chain at the pay-per-view last night. A decent match ends poorly when JBL gets disqualified for getting a chair.

But wait, it ties into the finish of the match last week when Jericho wouldn't smash Michaels with a chair at the end of their match. JBL is about hit Jericho with the chair outside the ring when Jericho hits him with a weak-looking enzuigiri and JBL falls throat first into the chair, then bites the bloody condom to bleed from the throat. Jericho gets the chair away from JBL, but hesitates to crush his skull, to the chagrin of the bloodthirsty fans. Like last week, he just walks away with the chair.

Beth Phoenix & Katie Lea beat Melina ad Mickie James. Melina just wants a piece of Beth Phoenix. Katie Lea pins Mickie James for her first big win on Raw.

Paul Burchill claps for his sister on the ramp. Dummy. Mr. Kennedy jumps him and they brawl to the ring.  

Cryme Tyme tries to get close to the million dollars in the case, you know, so they can steal it. You know how they are.

Trevor Murdoch faces his former partner Lance Cade. So they did remember they broke up two weeks ago. Murdoch sings to Cade that he's still standing here before the match starts. Cade powerbombs and pins Murdoch clean. so Murdoch got new  music but Cade got to win. That's a new version of Even Steven booking. Jim Ross doesn't buy that the team broke up because of Murdoch's singing.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler mourn the passing of the Undertaker's career.

John Cena apologizes to Mickie James for Mike Adamle's giving them a hard time. They talk about how everybody is gossiping about them even though they're just friends, then Cena hands her the tiger panties she left behind last night, so they're clearly ****ing. He takes a jolt of JBL's claptrap juice for good measure.

John Cena faces Jeff Hardy for the first time ever in the Girly Scream Civil War. I hope JBL's juice doesn't jack Cena up in the middle of the match. It's good early on. Cena wins a hot match clean with the FU. Triple H stands on the ramp watching at the end. Cena walks up to him and points at the title belt. Triple H holds the belt high as the show goes off the air.

Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.

For more BREAKING NEWS on WWE, TNA!
VISIT OUR AFFILIATE - PROWRESTLING.NET

For UFC & MMA NEWS & BLOGS:
VISIT OUR SISTER SITE - MMATORCH.COM

Upgrade to PWTORCH VIP: DETAILS & SIGN-UP INFO

(c) 1999-2009 TDH Communications Inc. - All rights reserved.