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MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 9/1: Stream of This Just In, Kevin Nash Caused WCW To Go Out of Business
Sep 2, 2009 - 3:52:26 PM |
Funky like a monkey, you got to deal with the Dealer, whiskey bent and hell-bound, ridin' on the end of a lightning bolt, the greatest attraction in sports, the son of a plumber from Austin, Texas, Outlaw deeds for Outlaw wages, Esquire Magazine's Most Recognizable Athlete of 1985, Once Drew 100,000 Fans on the African Continent, Stardust, leavin' the Garden in the limo with Andy Warhol on the way to Studio 54, The Lord of the Ring, Hard Times, That's Risky Business, (anything but a) Common Man, The Tower of Power, too sweet to be sour, the Man of the Hour tonight is the American Dream, Dusty Rhodes, Virgil Riley Runnels!
Damn, if he had been that thin in '87 Jim Crockett promotions might have stayed on fire for a few more months.
He does a Bob Seger "Night Moves" thing since we're in Detroit, instead of some Bob Dylan "Shelter From The Storm" like he used to do. It's the real Dusty Rhodes, all right. As soon as he gets some power, he immediately pushes a Rhodes, Dusty, Dustin, Cody, to the top of the card. Tonight he books Cody to face Randy Orton for the WWE Title tonight, with John Cena as special referee.
Orton thinks its obvious Dusty is jealous of him because Cody looks up to Randy more than Dusty.
"Pathetic, shameless," Orton says of Dusty's heavy-handed booking. He's right, it's like being back in the Greensboro Coliseum a quarter of a century ago, watching them all line up for Big Dust's Chorus Line Bionic Elbow. (That's exactly what it sounds like, one heel after another running into Big Fat Dusty just standing there holding his elbow over his ear.)
Cody is a Rhodes, all right, and tonight Randy Orton is Tulstar Tully Blanchard. As Orton says, and Dusty agrees, "The fix is in."
There's a six-Diva Battle Royal for a title shot tonight with Mickie James with Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes, Jillian Hall, and Alicia Fox. Phoenix gets the title shot, which seems oddly familiar.
Chris Jericho faces MVP. This should be interesting, both in how MVP looks in a high profile match like this, and how the two come out of it. Even-Steven booking? "Where are those (Mayweather) knuckles now?"
MVP is definitely getting his share of offense and the crowd is responding. "MVP!"
Good match, MVP is getting over, but Even Steven booking rules apply in the end. That slows down MVP and Mark Henry's momentum heading into their title shot with Jericho and Big Show at the pay-per-view
Dusty Rhodes is backstage and immediately books himself as the third member of DX and re-institutes the World Six Man Tag Championships so they can win them. He's even got his old Road Warrior make-up ready. Okay, I made all that up.
Dusty bigfoots DX's plugging of the WCW DVD with his own plug of his own DVD. Too bad Triple H blows the joke and bigfoots him back, although come to think of it...
Hornswoggle, dressed like Dick Murdoch, faces Chavo Guerrerro, dressed like a cow, in a Texas Bull Rope match. It's the match Dusty Rhodes made famous, except he forgot the rules. HS ties up Chavo with help from Evan Bourne. Obviously no Even-Steven booking here. Vince McMahon makes Michael Cole say "What a moooove!" when HS hits a Tadpole Splash, wearing a cow's head, after the match.
You know, maybe it's time for WWE to hire another wrestler Hornswoggle's size.
Did You Know? WWE uses sick and dying kids to get John Cena over.
Mark Henry faces Big Show. Honestly, a match like this should be hyped up before it's just thrown on television. Anticipation and imagination goes a lot further with this kind of thing than reality. A bad match, but with one big collision, and it ends when Big Show pulls off a turnbuckle, throws Henry into the post for the disqualification.
Terrible booking. Here's an idea: Try giving fans the idea the crowd favorites are on the cusp on beating the hated champions for the titles.
Cody Rhodes tells Legacy he wants to go through with it. Orton says, "Whatever happens, its just business".
Holy crap! The New D-Gen X Dusty Rhodes, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels completely bury Clique pal "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash while watching his infamous WCW business-killing one finger job to Hulk Hogan. They do everything but call him creepy. Man, I thought DX were Kevin's friends.
Dusty then takes the blame for Jonny B. Badd. That's not fair. How was he supposed to know the guy had a conscience?
Kofi Kingston & Carlito & Miz & Jack Swagger fight for the IC Title. They all exchange finishers until the crowd favorite Kingston wins and retains his championship.
Beth Phoenix loses to Mickie James in her title challenge. Beth was strong, though.
Triple H wants to know where the Shockmaster is on the WCW DVD. (If you don't know, look it up on YouTube.) They recreate the Shock Master falling through the wall with Santino Morella as Fred Ottman. The creepy voice isn't Ole Anderson, like it was originally, it's WWE producer Arn Anderson. It bombs live, and there's no recreating that, but at least Arn got to sell for Dusty one more time, and I get to write this one more time too:
Toot toot.
John Cena over-does the hype for the Rhodes main event then says he's not going to favor Cena. It doesn't matter because, as he points out, he will not quit, which means he "guarantees victory" at Breaking Point.
When main event babyface wrestlers, or Vince "God of Wrestling" McMahon, "guarantee" something, it happens, so all you Cenamaniacs make sure to but Breaking Point because you're going to get what you pay for.
Randy Orton defends the World Title against fellow Legacy member Cody Rhodes (w/Dusty Rhodes) with John Cena as special referee. There's got to be a way for Dusty to get the pin here.
He tells Cena "There's nothing a father won't do for his son. I'm sorry, buddy." Orton and Rhodes jump Cena. (Old) DX makes the save as Dusty leaves the ring.
Not so fast. Dusty takes his boot off and whacks Triple H in the head with it and the bad guys beat up DX and Cena even further.
I knew 25 years ago you couldn't trust that fat bastard.
Orton knows it, too. He breaks Cody's heart and busts up Dusty with an RKO. Even Ted DiBiase is in shock. Cody wants to punch Orton, but he's too scared. It's a great scene that makes Randy Orton look like a complete psycho.
Score 7.0
The show-long trap that Dusty Rhodes and Legacy laid for John Cena and DX powered the show and really put the heat on that sociopath Orton. WWE really ought to switch the pay-per-view main event put of this to Cena & DX versus Legacy with Dusty Rhodes, and save Cena vs. Orton and the DX-Legacy rematch another month. Dusty really played everything he had to do tonight well. The Kevin Nash and Shockmaster references were, in reality, a waste of valuable TV time and aren't going to sell any WCW DVDs. They could have come up with something else for Dusty and DX to bond over before he stabbed them in the back. The finishes for MVP-Jericho and Big Show-Mark Henry were counter-productive. Even Steven doesn't get anybody over. They need to figure out how to get the popular Kofi Kingston to the next step. I like the butt-kicking Beth Phoenix, but it's going to take time to get her back up and running.
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