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MCNEILL'S TAKE
MCNEILL'S PPV BLOG 2/19: Live Blog for WWE Elimination Chamber with ongoing thoughts and observations

Feb 19, 2012 - 9:49:25 PM
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By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Sorry I'm late. Traffic.

We are in the house for the Elimination Chamber. Literally. The Blizzard of 2012 is hitting central Virginia and we're expecting two inches of snow. Pat McNeill here with two cats on a sofa.

The Raw chamber match is first. Punk and Kingston are starting us off. Lawler and Booker are here with Cole. They haven't irritated me yet, but it's still early.

And we have our first dangerous botch of the night, and Kingston tries to flip Punk over and Punk lands on his hip on the STEEL grating. Oh, boy. Booker thinks Kofi needs to conserve his energy. Thanks for coming, Booker.

Cole reminds us that the first Elimination Chamber was in 2002, and that Shawn Michaels won. And it's time for entrant #3, who is...Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph gets some offense and starts showing off. Peanut Kitty starts bathing. There's a neat spot here where Kofi and Punk try for stereo springboard spots, and Ziggler moves out of the way, causing a midair collision between Punk and Kofi. Well, it was a neat spot if you're Dolph Ziggler.

R-Truth is in at Number Four. He promptly gets the offense and hiptosses Dolph over the top rope, where he lands hip first on the steel grating. Yeah, we'd better have paramedics on standby. Punk hits the top rope elbow and pins R-Truth. That was quick. Punk has Dolph beaten too, and Kofi breaks up the pin. Then Kofi gives Dolph a tornado DDT onto the grating. Ouch.

Miz is in the ring at Number 5 (obviously). Miz precedes to get more offense in two minutes than he has in a month's worth of TV matches. These guys need to stop landing on the steel grating, like, yesterday.

Punk and Miz actually give us a nice mini-match. Punk has Miz in the Anaconda Vice when the buzzer goes off. Jericho is in at number six. Showdown time. Bunches of punches. And a kick. The Milwaukee crowd is very pro-Punk.

Jericho has Punk in trouble, but then Dolph surprises Jericho with a rollup for a near fall. Jericho hits Ziggler with a codebreaker and pins Dolph. Well, so much for that. But this gives Punk a chance to make a big comeback. Punk finally gets Jericho in trouble. Jericho begs off and goes back inside his pod to hide.

Punk goes into the pod after Jericho. Big mistake. Jericho gets hold of Punk's arm and slams the pod door on the arm. And again. More work on the arm and Punk is down with a bad arm. Time to find out what Kofi and Miz are up to.

After some more three-way wildness, Kofi climbs up to the roof of a pod and does a crossbody onto Miz. But Kofi is unable to follow up. Jericho has recovered, and gets Kofi into the Walls of Jericho. Kofi taps out. Jericho isn't finished, and continues beating Kofi down after the bell.

Jericho dumps Kofi out the Chamber door. Jericho is posing when Punk hits Jericho with the kick to the head. Punk knocks Jericho through the opened door and into a camera. Jericho is down in a heap outside the Chamber, and they're teasing that Jericho is out cold.

Meanwhile, there's a still a match going on. Miz is wrestling like a guy who doesn't want to be left off the WrestleMania lineup. Punk kicks out of the Skull-Crushing finale. Miz doesn't kick out of the Go To Sleep. Jericho is still outside the Chamber, so C.M. Punk is your winner. Cole tells us that the match lasted 32 minutes.

In case you hadn't heard, Santino Marella won Randy Orton's spot in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. WWE dusts off the old Eugene Dinsmore theme music to give us a Santino training video. Santino tries to drink raw eggs and fails. This video was produced by Funny's cousin, Not Funny.

Time for another video. This is a video of John Cena training for his match with The Rock. He's training in a gym in Florida with Seth Rollins, Xavier Woods and the other developmental dudes. Apparently, this is a better way of preparing for WrestleMania than, you know, wrestling Kane three times a week at the Raw house shows.

Another ad for WrestleMania, and we get some footage of Rock's weight training. For video of Rock and Cena doing cardio, tune in to the live Smackdown on the 10th of Never.

It's time for Beth Phoenix vs. Tamina Snuka for the Divas title. Cole tells us that Beth is wearing a tartan plaid belt in honor of Roddy Piper beating the crap out of Jimmy Snuka back in the 1980's. Lawler is the first one to make the coconut joke.

Beth offers Tamina the chance to give up. That's nice of her. The cats go upstairs to hang out with Mrs. McNeill. Tamina gets the advantage and starts to climb to the top rope, but Beth knocks Tamina off during the climb and Tamina lands awkwardly on the ringside mats.

I guess the plan is to reenact dangerous spots from last weekend's TNA pay-per-view until somebody cracks a vertebrae.

Top rope superplex by Beth and Tamina sells while Beth fixes a potential wardrobe malfunction. Tamina fights back from underneath. Stinger Splash in the corner. Now Tamina goes to try the Superfly again. And hits it. And Beth kicks out. Beth also has Tartan plaid underwear on. Beth rallies. Glam Slam? Yep. Beth keeps the title.

There's another Be A Star Segment. But that's only a lead-in to another Santino training video. Instead of punching a side of beef like Rocky Balboa, Santino is hitting a ham, and then gives the ham the cobra strike. I can't make this up. Follow along on Twitter by using the hashtag #VinceMcMahonIsNotFunny.

Josh Mathews is backstage. The trainers are still checking out the concussed Chris Jericho.

John Laurinaitis and David Otunga are out to make a big announcement. They gave John a big script to memorize just for kicks, and he's struggling through it when Alberto Del Rio drives out in a fancy car. This is an instant babyface turn for the ex-champ.

Well, it is until Del Rio announces that Laurinaitis should be put in charge of Smackdown too. And now, here comes Mark Henry. Mark complains that Teddy Long is a bully who physically assaulted him two weeks ago. Henry agrees that Laurinaitis should be put in charge of Smackdown too.

But wait, there's more. Here's Christian! Christian also wants Laurinaitis to be in charge of Smackdown. Otunga takes a group photo of the four. I wonder who's accusing Vince McMahon of being a bully. Other than people who know Vince McMahon, that is.

Oh, great. Another Santino training video. Santino runs up a flight of stairs and does his Rocky Balboa celebration. At least it was short.

Josh Mathews is standing by backstage with Big Show. Hey, Show, isn't it important that you win tonight? And don't you suck in WrestleMania matches? Show plans to win tonight and doesn't really have an answer for the other stuff.

Time for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. It looks like Big Show and Wade Barrett will start the match. We get some inane chatter from the announcers as the other four wrestlers are loaded into their pods. For some reason, I'm waiting for Cole to tell us that Great Khali killed a guy with a trident.

How many entrance songs has Wade Barrett gone through in the past eighteen months?

Five minutes of Big Show versus Wade Barrett. Wade Barrett works the knee. And they're out on the steel grating. #GrabASnickers.
The crowd chants "Bohr-ing" in honor of legendary atomic physicist Niels Bohr. Our five minutes are up, and here comes Cody Rhodes at Number Three.

So Show has the offense in the Elimination Chamber, against two guys, and Michael Cole is going on about how Show once lost to a sumo wrestler at WrestleMania, and then lost to a boxer another year. Way to put the guy over.

Booker wonders what Wade Barrett is waiting for. I'm guessing he's waiting for Santino Marella at Number Four. Well, whaddaya know. Santino has a staredown with Big Show. I guess Show gets to beat somebody tonight. Nope, Cody saves Santino from his beating.

It's a one-on-three match, and Show is winning. Wait. Rhodes and Barrett team up to suplex Show on the steel grating. Oh, no. The camera is focused on Daniel Bryan in his pod, which probably means Khali is the next man out. Rhodes and Barrett are trying to pull Show back into the ring so they can pin him. No dice. Rhodes turns on Barrett and moonsaults the bigger man.

Khali is in at number five. I haven't lost my touch. The three smaller men attack Khali one-by-one, like the Joker's henchmen. Khali disposes of them. Then Show spears Khali and pins him. That's about the length of time Khali should be in.

Big Show tries to break through the glass and get at Daniel Bryan, who is still inside his pod. Wait. Now Show is on the top turnbuckle, ripping through the chains at the top of Bryan's pod. And here he comes. Bryan is trapped in the pod with Big Show.

After a good beating, the five minutes expires and the door to the pod opens. Bryan escapes. Show goes out and grabs Bryan, then throws the champ through the wall of his pod. Good visual. Show is abusing Bryan the way Rick Steiner used to abuse prelim guys. Show chokeslams Bryan, but Barrett and Rhodes make the save.

Santino tries to pin Barrett, but can't. Cody Rhodes hits his Beautiful Disaster kick on Show, once, twice. Barrett with an elbow. Rhodes comes off the top rope, and Cody Rhodes pins Big Show. Awesome. Then Santino catches Rhodes with a Pat O'Connor Roll and gets a three count. Santino pins Cody. Well, so much for that.

Cody hits Cross Rhodes on Santino before leaving the Chamber. Now Barrett is working over Santino. If you can't figure out this finish, you should turn in your Bruce Mitchell Secret Decoder Ring. Wait. Daniel Bryan is back and fighting Barrett. Barrett gives Bryan a Buckle Bomb into the Wall of Chains, and then chokes Bryan out with the pod door.

Here comes Santino to save the day...Nope. Barrett cuts Santino off. But wait, Bryan hits Barrett with a knee off the top rope, then works over Barrett. Barrett crotches Bryan on the top rope, but Santino saves Daniel this time. Santino has Barrett set for a superplex...Nope.

Barrett has Santino down and goes for the top rope elbow. Nope. He missed. Daniel Bryan goes for the Benoit headbutt on Barrett, and doesn't miss. But Bryan can't follow up, so Santino covers Barrett for the pin. Fantastic. Now it's Santino against Daniel Bryan.

We've finally found someone Daniel Bryan can bully.

Santino surprises Bryan with a judo throw. The crowd loves it. Santino hangs in there, and hangs in there, and hits the Cobra...and Bryan kicks out. Now it's Bryan's turn. There's the LeBell Lock. Santino fights valiantly, but eventually has to tap out. Daniel Bryan is still the champion.

Daniel Bryan gives us a great heel victory celebration, until Sheamus's music hits. Sheamus comes out and gives Bryan the Air Raid Crash. Michael Cole thinks Sheamus has chosen to face Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania. Well, duh.

Time for a backstage skit. I'll spare the details. We get Hornswoggle wearing a cheesehead, Natalya cutting the cheese, people making fun of Vickie Guerrero's thighs, Justin Gabriel challenging Jack Swagger to a United States Title match, and Teddy Long declaring that he's going to take over Raw.

We're getting an election storyline with Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis, aren't we? And I'm guessing Laurinaitis is supposed to be playing the role of Mitt Romney.

Finally, there's another Rock DVD set.

It's Jack Swagger (w/ Vickie) defending the United States Title against Justin Gabriel (w/ Hornswoggle). Boy, it's a good thing Gabriel and Swagger were both wearing their wrestling gear when Teddy made the match, otherwise we might have had a delay.

This doesn't last long, as Swagger gets the anklelock on Gabriel and forces the submission. Four matches, four heel victories. I guess we'll have John Cena win the main event to send the fans home happy.

Wait a minute. That didn't sound right.

The Undertaker's going to be on Raw tomorrow. And that doesn't cost $55 (or $45 for 480p standard definition. Not that I'm cheap or anything.)

Time for the ambulance match. WWE did spring for a real ambulance. And the crowd starts in with "Let's go, Ce-na. Ce-na sucks!"

Jerry Lawler defends Cena by pointing out that Cena can lift more weights than any of the Cena-haters in the crowd. Gee, I wonder who fed Uncle Jerry that line? Booker helpfully points out that whether you love John Cena or hate him, Cena certainly is provocative.

You know, whether you love Jerry Sandusky or hate him, he certainly is provocative.

Oh, yeah. There's a match going on. I was trying to forget. Kane goes under the ring and pulls out Zack Ryder's wheelchair at one point. Cena rallies and pushes Kane into the side of the ambulance.

The two men brawl around ringside, and then out into the crowd, then back to ringside. Cena's bored, and he's cracking jokes while he hits his mortal enemy with the ring steps. Unfortunately, this is the time when Cole is telling us how emotional this match is for John Cena, what with everything Kane's put Cena through.

Kane chokeslams Cena through the Spanish announce table. The crowd seems happy enough. By the way, Kane is 1-0 in ambulance matches. Bill James told me.

Kane does a fantastic Wounded Movie Monster stagger back to the ambulance, where he gets the stretcher and drags it back to ringside. Kane stretchers Cena into the ambulance, but can't close the door. Cena makes his recovery. Cena gets up on the roof of the ambulance, and taunts Kane to come join him.

Yes, Kane falls for it.

Yes, Cena gives Kane the Attitude Adjustment off the ambulance onto Unseen Crash Pad behind the ambulance. Then Cena carries what's left of Kane over to the ambulance and shuts the doors.
The ambulance drives off with Kane inside. Maybe.

Cena celebrates as we go off the air. Good show. Be sure to join James Caldwell and Greg Parks for the post-show Livecast on BlogTalk Radio, and VIP members can catch the Roundtable in about ninety minutes. Good night, wrasslin' fans!


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