by Greg Parks, Torch Columnist

Ten friends, acquaintances and well-wishers gathered at our apartment this month for the Royal Rumble PPV and jackpot. I think it was pretty much the same 10 that were in last year as well. People trickled in starting at about 3:30 or 4:00 EST, and they watched the 2000 Royal Rumble PPV to get ready for this one. We got two sheet pizzas and some soda and everyone was ready to go. We considered doing 15 rather than 10 this year, but after seeing the seating arrangements, we would've been hard-pressed to find room for 15.

(1) Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian: We had a tough time deciphering the symbol on the back of Zeke's tights. The clothesline to the back of Christian's head during the match brought out a "shades of A-Train!" comment from Kurt. Dan remarked that Zeke reminded him of Bluto from Popeye. Match was better than I expected, as I have little faith in Jackson. **

- At this point, Gonzo wanted me to note the negative stars he gave John Cena vs. Big Show from last year for some reason. Well, I can think of one reason: He hates them both. Also, they did have a few stinkers on PPV. The backstage segment here was mildly amusing, but we could've used a Ron Simmons "Damn!" to close it out.

(2) MVP vs. The Miz: Gonzo actually had a moment of clarity, saying that MVP should've declined the title shot here and asked for it tomorrow, using the excuse that he wanted to be fresh for the Rumble match. The early part of the match was spent talking about Buddy Nix and Chan Gailey taking over the Buffalo Bills, something the staunch Bills fans in the crowd were not in favor of. Another mystery design on Miz's tights, as Dan suggested they looked like lobsters. A good second half to the match saved it, but MVP getting booed post-match was a surprise. *1/2

(3) Sheamus vs. Randy Orton: We started by catching those who didn't see it up on Orton's blow-up with Kingston from Raw a few weeks ago. Gonzo did not like this match, but I liked the psychology of it. I don't know what took Scott Armstrong so long to ring the bell, and Dan even thought it was only a DQ if someone hit a wrestler inside the ring illegally. After the brutal back-breaker by Sheamus, we joked that Orton should've shouted, "Ah, **** you Sheamus!" to enhance his reputation as a hot-head and general nut. **

(4) Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James: We tried to count the number of crosses on Michelle McCool's outfit, and Tim finally came up with 19, I assume by texting KGB. Dan did not like the long talking segment with these ladies from two weeks ago on Smackdown, but I did. He also thought, initially, that Mickie was in the fat suit (since they did it two shows in a row), which would've been a fun joke had Layla run out to warn McCool that she wasn't the one inside it. As it should've played out (and I had suggested elsewhere), Mickie rightfully squashed Michelle. Kurt joked that Mickie should've done the Earthquake jumping up and down then butt-splashing McCool to play up her size. That would've been hilarious, but probably wouldn't have sent the right message. NR

(5) Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio: Surprised there was no stoppage for blood in this one. Good, stiff match, and I liked the creativity of the two 619's. ***

(6) Royal Rumble Match: By this point, Dan and I were both 5-0 in our prediction contest, and we both picked HBK, so to break the tie, we had to pick a mid-card wrestler and whichever one of our picks was eliminated after the other would win. I picked Kingston, he picked Swagger, and it was a close call, but I picked up the win. I did not, however, win the jackpot. I was disappointed that Justin Roberts didn't do the "now, let us all find out, who chose number one!" Ryan thought Bourne looked like a tool and unfortunately for him, he had that number. There was a huge pop for Punk bopping Ryder with the mic, and we all generally loved that segment Punk had while he was in there. Carlito had a surprisingly good showing. My numbers for the Rumble were 12 (Kane), 13 (Cody Rhodes) and 30 (Batista). I did get to say, "there goes your meal ticket Dan!" when one of his guys got eliminated, just to channel Gorilla Monsoon. Tim got HBK, and many of us thought he would be going to the pay window. Kurt, who has been doing this every year we've done it (dating back to '03) and hasn't won, had Cena, so he was really pulling for a win. In the end though, it was Gonzo, who had 29 and Edge. What sucks was that two years ago, he had number 30, which was the returning John Cena, so he won with two returning superstars. And he made sure to rub it in too. The Rumble felt like there was a new guy every 60 seconds and I was disappointed by a lot of the quick eliminations and lack of drama until the end. But you can't argue with the amount of action the Rumble match had. ***1/4

I'd go thumbs slightly up for this one. The Rumble match felt weird, unlike any other, and I think that's why I'm having trouble warming up to it, especially after plowing through all the past Rumbles (up to '02) in the last two weeks or so. I'm seeing a lot of praise for the Rumble match on the 'net so far, so I guess I'm in the minority.

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