WWE Smackdown review
November 29, 2011
Live from Charlotte, N.C.
Aired on Syfy
By Michael Cupach, PWTorch Contributor

[Q1]

-WWE open.

-Smackdown opens with Josh Mathews welcoming everyone to Charlotte where it is CGI snowing! Cut to the arena where the stage is littered with presents and a Christmas tree is set up. Mick Foley comes down to the ring dressed as Santa and Josh jokes about Santa’s weight. Mick says hello to the crowd and gets a smattering of applause. He claims to be a Christmas fanatic, he listens to Nat King Cole, and visits Santa’s Village all year round, so he is the perfect choice to host a holiday party tonight, less than four weeks to Christmas. Mick gets a cheap pop by mentioning the city he is in.

Foley then runs down the card for tonight, pretending like he is pulling these matches out of his sack. He announces Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry in a steel cage for the World Title, a Street Fight, and a Battle Royal where the winner gets his or her wish granted by Jolly St. Mick. Mick then says that he will have to go back on his word, so tonight Michael Cole will be on Smackdown. Michael Cole comes out dressed like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I think only Mick finds this amusing. I do like how Cole has a tie over his reindeer outfit.

Mick makes his way to the announce booth and Josh Mathews is dressed like an elf, more specifically a green Herbie. Mick then welcomes Booker T out and Booker is dressed like Santa, as well, complete with the beard that Mick isn’t wearing. Booker joins Mick in the ring. Booker isn’t exactly happy to be out there in uniform. Mick then says he wants to play to the Jewish audience, so he asks for some dreidel spinning from Booker. Foley sings the Dreidel Song as Booker performs a spin-a-roonie and I contemplate turning this drek off.

Thankfully, Cody Rhodes interrupts. He says that he can’t let this farce go on any longer because he is now uninhibited thanks to the lack of facemask. He has some disparaging remarks for Booker T, saying that right now Cody is the only person out here who can still compete. Booker says that he can still handle his business and calls Cody “son.” Cody shushes him and calls him “announcer” over and over again. He says that he is an announcer because he can’t compete anymore and he knows deep inside that he will never be a champion again. Foley then cuts him off and tells him to show some respect to the five-time WCW champion. Foley says that he is ruining his holiday fun, so he gives Cody his wish – a match with Booker T, here tonight! Foley then throws to an impromptu Divas match to start things off.

Mike’s Reax: What was that?! Blerg!

-The Divas will be wrestling next. By the looks of it, all of them.

(Commercial)

[Q2]

-Commercial for Raw teases if John Cena will be able to rise above the hate from the audience. Interesting.

-Is that a candy cane stripper pole for the Divas? No, Foley calls it a mistletoe match where the winner gets a special prize they can use anytime before Christmas. All the Divas are dressed like sexy Santas.

1 - MISTLETOE DIVAS MATCH

The women pretty much trip over each over and push each other down. That's the best explanation I can give. Brie climbs the turnbuckle and grabs the mistletoe.

WINNER: Brie Bella in under a minute.

-Post-match: Foley says that the mistletoe gives her not a Divas Title match at a time of her choosing. No, she can kiss a Superstar of her choosing between now and Christmas.

Mike’s Reax: Was there some backstage wager to make a segment worse than the opening one? If so, mission accomplished! This is terrible.

-Josh and Michael throw to a slow motion clip of Big Show punching out Mark Henry and Pillmanizing his ankle. Tonight, Henry defends his title against Daniel Bryan in a cage!

(Commercial)

-Did you know: WWE is the social media overlord?

-Jinder Mahal cuts a pre-match promo in a foreign language then cuts into English bashing Americans for celebrating a holiday where they buy stuff they can’t afford and show contempt for their fellow man.

2 - JUSTIN GABRIEL vs. JINDER MAHAL

Knee to the gut from Mahal to start, into a butterfly suplex. Mahal then hangs Justin up on the top rope, sternum-first. He follows that up by choking Gabriel with his boot and breaks on a four count form the ref. He whips Gabriel into the far corners as Ted DiBiase's music hits and he distracts Mahal by passing out presents to the front row long enough for Justin to stun Mahal, then nails him with the 450 Splash for the win.

WINNER: Justin Gabriel by pinfall in 2:00

-Backstage, the Usos teach Mick Foley how to do their Polynesian War Dance. Piper interrupts and Foley says that he killed it better than he did with his “This is Your Life” segment. Meanwhile Hornswoggle drinks too much eggnog and Dusty Rhodes walks in and offers to buy Hornswoggle a Lady Gaga CD. Dusty comments about the weird people and walks into Goldust. The camera moves around the room and picks up conversations that Foley is having with The Usos, Piper with Trent Barreta, and David Otunga comes in and says that John Laurinaitis doesn’t want any non-free domain music to be played, so he shuts down the Christmas party. Mick stops him form stopping the party and puts him in a Street Fight with Randy Orton tonight, instead.

[Q3]

(Commercial)

-Trailer for See No Evil 2…no wait, it is a vignette touting the return of Kane.

-It is still CGI snowing in Charlotte and Josh Mathews throws to a replay of Raw two weeks ago when Cody threw water on Booker T. Cole is still laughing about it hysterically. They also take this opportunity to show off some WWE ’12 while they are at it.

-Matt Striker (who is sporting an elf hat and a cheesy winter sweater) is with Booker and he wonders why he thinks that Cody is mad at him. Before he can really answer Cody blindsides him with a shot from the belt to the head. He puts the boots to Booker and a referee breaks it up and checks on Booker who has crazy eyes! If Booker was announcing he would comment about how smart that was of Cody to jump him from behind before the match.

(Commercial)

3 - WWE tag champion KOFI KINGSTON vs. TYSON KIDD

Jobber entrance for Kidd tonight. Both men trade waist locks to start, schoolboy by Kingston gets two. Dropkick by Kidd gets a two count and Kidd works a Dragon Sleeper on Kofi for half a second. Double clothesline spot lets the announcers gloat about Michael Cole trending on Twitter. Kofi gets some generic offense on Kidd to take control and he calls for the Boom Drop and connects. Kofi calls for Trouble in Paradise and Tyson rolls to the outside.

[Q4]

Kofi sneaks behind him and dropkicks him to the mat, then for no reason he argues with Cole about how he is dressed. Kidd cheap shots Kofi, but Kofi turns the tables by whipping Tyson into the ring apron. He rolls Kidd into the ring, puts on Michael Coles reindeer mask, then goes to the top rope and crossbodies Tyson Kidd for the win. They call it a flying reindeer.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston by pinfall in 3:30

-Backstage, Hornswoggle is trying to decorate the tree. Kaitlyn makes fun of his height saying that he should ask Santa to be taller for Christmas. The camera pans to Sheamus who is with Teddy Long and he asks what the battle royal is all about. Teddy has no idea, which is always good for a G.M. to say. Aksana then walks into the shot and she asks Long about mistletoe and he tells her to do what comes natural, so she eats it. Long doesn’t know what to make of it, so he walks off with her to parts unknown.

-Next: Randy Orton vs. David Otunga in a “Miracle on 34th Street” match!

(Commercial)

-Cole no-sells the CGI snow in downtown Charlotte.

4 - RANDY ORTON vs. DAVID OTUNGA - Miracle on 34th Street match

There are Christmas trees and wreaths set up around the outside of the ring. Orton looks like he is considering a career change at this point. Cole lets everyone know that Otunga is competing in this match under protest. He also lets everyone know it is basically a street fight. Orton with a headlock into a shoulder block to start. He then kicks Otunga in the face when he puts his head down for a backbody drop. Both men go outside the ring and Orton whips David into a Christmas tree…twice! Cole calls Randy a Grinch. Otunga makes a comeback after the brutal tree shots and he drives Orton kidney first into the ring apron. Orton blocks a headshot to the announce table and he reverses it and nails Otunga's head into the table. There was a plate of cookies and Orton empties the plate and whacks Otunga over the back with it.

[Q5] Orton puts a wreath over Dave’s head and whips him into the last Christmas tree standing and yells “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Otunga blocks an Irish Whip and suplexes Orton on the floor. Otunga looks under the ring and finds a Singapore Candy Cane, but Orton steals it and hits him with it first. Otunga tries retreating to the back, but Orton throws a present at him and knocks him down.

Both men brawl up to the stage where the presents and trees are set up and Orton whips Otunga into the display. Orton beats him back down the ramp, and DDTs him on the floor – that looked nasty! Wade Barrett does a run-in and he dismantles Orton all around ringside. He rolls Orton into the ring and puts Otunga on top of him, but Orton kicks out at two. I guess Barrett doesn’t care because he casually leaves and Otunga picks up the assault where he left off. Otunga throws some shoulders into Orton’s mid-section. Orton then blocks a whip and powerslams Otunga and calls for the RKO, it hits, Orton wins!

WINNER: Randy Orton by pinfall in 8:00.

Mike’s Reax: That was a fun match that made unique use of the props around ringside.

-Backstage, the trainer is working on Mark Henry’s ankle. Henry tells him he is fine and Teddy Long walks in asking him if he has the Christmas spirit. Henry is irate and he tells Long exactly what he is going to do to Daniel Bryan, then to Big Show at TLC. Henry says he is in the Christmas spirit because he feels like giving some ass whoopings! He yells at Long to get out.

-They show what happened last week when Daniel Bryan tried cashing in on Henry and how it didn’t count.

(Commercial)

[Q6]

5 - CHRISTMAS BATTLE ROYAL

Hornswoggle is the surprise entrant and the faces are happy for him while the heels are upset to see him. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Eliminations:

(1) Darren Young by Sheamus
(2) Jimmy Uso by Sheamus
(3) JTG by Hunico
(4) Curt Hawkins by Ezekiel Jackson
(5) Ezekiel Jackson by Sheamus
(6) Johnny Curtis by Sheamus
(7) Jey Uso by Kofi Kingston
(8) Kofi Kingston by Tyson Kidd
(9) Yoshi Tatsu by Tyson Kidd
(10) Ted DiBiase by Tyson Kidd
(11) Tyson Kidd by Hornswoggle

Not too many highlights thus far. Jackson and Sheamus had a nice back and forth that failed to get the crowds attention. Hornswoggle then climbed out from under the ring where he started the match and grabbed Kidd’s ankles as he tries to skin the cat back into the ring. Kidd argued with the refs while Swoggle climbed back under the ring.

(Commercial)

(12) Justin Gabriel by Jinder Mahal
(13) Titus O’Neill by Sheamus

At this point, the heels left in the match (Hunico, Jinder Mahal, Tyler Reks, and Heath Slater) jump Sheamus and leave him laying outside the ring, but not eliminated. They then drag Hornswoggle out from under the ring and jump him until Sheamus makes the save.

(14) Jinder Mahal by Sheamus
(15) Hunico by Sheamus
(16) Tyler Reks by Sheamus
(17) Heath Slater by Sheamus

Hornswoggle wants a piece of Sheamus and offers to fight him for the win. After some comedy back and forth Hornswoggle baits Sheamus onto the apron, after going over the top rope, then wants a hug before being eliminated, but shoves Sheamus to the mat.

(18) Sheamus by Hornswoggle.

WINNER: Hornswoggle in 15:00.

[Q7] Post-match: Both men hug it out in the ring, Sheamus raises his hand, and Hornswoggle celebrates by himself in the ring.

Mike’s Reax: This show was really testing my patience. The only thing that kept me from turning on Rudolph on the other channel was Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry still to come.

(Commercial)

-Backstage at the party, the Bellas are partying with Ricardo Rodriguez, he asks about the kiss they “won.” Santa then makes another appearance and he has Hornswoggle sit on his lap. Santa asks what he wants and Hornswoggle can’t articulate so Sheamus lets Santa know what he wants. Santa has Hornswoggle click his heels, gives him a hug, and then Swoggle is able to talk. He runs into Vickie Guerrero who he calls “grandma” and yells “excuse me” at her. He then has one-liners for everyone at the party and Goldust declares it a Christmas miracle.

-Daniel Bryan is warming up backstage when A.J. interrupts him to give him a kiss. He needs Mickey from the Rocky movies to tell him that women weaken legs. Striker then asks him how he feels about his match tonight. Bryan says that he knows that Mark Henry isn’t 100 percent and that it will be his night to tap and that will make his dream a reality!

-The steel cage lowers as Smackdown goes to commercial!

(Commercial)

[Q8] Cole points out the obvious that Hornswoggle can talk now and he does it better than Booker! Josh says that everyone has had a lot of fun tonight. (I don’t think he is talking about viewers watching at home.) But, it's time to get serious with this steel cage!

6 -- World Hvt. champion MARK HENRY vs. DANIEL BRYAN -- World Title match -- steel cage match

Henry has a heavily taped left ankle and he pumps himself up before entering the cage. Bryan tries getting a quick escape when the bell rings, but Henry pulls him down. Bryan goes to the opposite side of the ring and tries it again. Henry tries cornering him, but Daniel kicks him in the leg to try to keep Henry off balance. Henry grabs Bryan by one hand and slams him face first and squashes him as Smackdown takes a break!

(Commercial)

According to Josh, Henry has been dominating during the break, so they show a replay of Mark slingshotting Bryan into the cage. Vulcan death grip by Mark Henry slows the pace down. Bryan kicks his way out of it, but Henry mows him down when he gets to his feet. Henry tries walking out of the cage, but Daniel Bryan cuts him off and gets clotheslined inside out for a two count. That looked brutal! Henry tries going out the door again, but Bryan grabs his bad ankle and pulls Henry off his feet and stomps away at the injured ankle. D. Bryan does an excellent job working the ankle over and he tries climbing out again, but Henry pulls him back to reality. Henry is wincing in pain, clinging the ropes when he walks.

Henry tries leaving again and Bryan grabs the ankle again, Henry knees him off. Henry tries the World’s Strongest Slam, but his ankle gives out and Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock! Henry powers out and tries picking Bryan up, but Bryan rolls underneath him and puts on an anklelock, but Henry kicks him off. Henry is now in the fetal position holding his ankle. Bryan tries climbing out again and Henry struggles to his feet and slams Daniel down to the mat.

Now, Henry is trying to climb and Bryan decides to try climbing out a few feet away, Henry stops him and Bryan tries a huracanrana, but it gets blocked and Henry delivers a Worlds Strongest Slam from the top rope! Good night, Daniel Bryan!

WINNER: Mark Henry retains his title by pinfall in 11:00.

Mike’s Reax: That match was what it was. Henry doesn’t exactly move around the ring like a cat to begin with, but when he is selling an ankle injury, it brings the pace of the match to a standstill and that was the only way they could tell a story with Bryan standing a chance. This match didn’t set the world on fire, but it wasn’t a stinker. There were plenty of hope spots for Bryan and the top rope World Strongest Slam were enough to make this watchable.

Overall…phew. To keep the Christmas theme, this show wasn’t the equivalent of a lump of coal in my stocking, this was the equivalent of Santa crapping in my stocking! Maybe this will prove that regular, hokey, silly Mick Foley doesn’t belong in the ring with a microphone. I really hope it never happens again. That opening segment killed the rest of the show. If I were watching Smackdown for the first time, I would have turned the channel and never looked back within the first five minutes, it was that bad. Then, as if that opening segment wasn’t bad enough, they followed it up with a Divas Mistletoe challenge that had the winner getting a choice of men to kiss. How backwards is that? I will say that I enjoyed the Orton-Otunga match; I thought it was fun and had enough bells and whistles to make it watchable. Finally, the less said about the Battle Royal, the better. Normally I am entertained by Hornswoggle, but that took me out of the moment.

Be sure to follow me on Twitter @MJCupach as I Tweet live during Raw and most WWE PPVs! Thanks for reading!

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