MCMAHON’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
July 13, 2017
Taped from Orlando, Fla. (Universal Studios)
Aired on Pop TV
Announcers: Josh Mathews & Jeremy Borash with The Pope
Immediately following tonight’s Impact Wrestling, tune in to the PWTorch Livecast. Mike McMahon and Andrew Soucek will discuss tonight’s show with callers. Listen at www.pwtorchlivecast.com and call the show at 515-605-9345
— The Impact signature aired.
— Joseph Park was shown arriving at the building with Grado. Park said he lost a few pounds and Grado complimented him. Park said they have problems. The U.S. and “our orange-haired president” wants to throw Grado out, according to Park, who then told Grado his only hope was to get married. Park said they would get Grado married to a knockout, and “all the boys are doing it!”
— A video aired on Alberto El Patron winning the World Title and celebrating last week. They showed highlights of last week’s promo and match with Lashley, ending with the LAX cliffhanger angle, where El Patron was unconscious and helped to the back by LAX.
— The Impact opened aired.
— Jeremy Borash welcomed us to the show as crowd shows inside the Impact Zone were shown. LAX’s music began to play and they came to the ring. Konnan cut a promo. LAX was with him, but El Patron was not part of the group. Konnan then introduced El Patron and he entered the Impact Zone to his music after a short delay. Konnan said hello to El Patron as he entered the ring, and they had some words before Konnan handed El Patron the mic. El Patron asked Konnan what he was doing? He said they have been friends for years. El Patron said he and Konnan, along with Rey Mysterio, have done it all together. El Patron asked what that “bull crap” was last week. He said Konnan announced El Patron was joining LAX without even asking him. Konnan got angry, and asked El Patron how he could forget all the issues they had. Konnan said they were oppressed.
Konnan asked El Patron to join LAX. El Patron said he never could forget what those (expletive)’ers did to him (referring to WWE). El Patron said he came to a better place with better fans. El Patron said he likes that Konnan wants to do something different, but he doesn’t agree with the way he wants to do it. El Patron said he was a loner in Mexico and Japan, and he was going to remain a loner in Impact.
Konnan said El Patron was no longer alone, because LAX was his family. Konnan told El Patron that they could start a hispanic revolution, “and that’s what these crackers don’t want.”
El Patron again turned Konnan down, calling him a “son of a bitch” and Konnan told LAX to attack El Patron. Lashley hit the ring and helped run off LAX to save El Patron. Lashley handed El Patron the World Titles.
(McMahon’s Analysis: With five shows in the can, there’s not much GFW can do to edit El Patron out of the broadcast, especially with him a central part of its biggest storyline. But, I’ll admit it did feel awkward watching him in this segment. Not to diminish the seriousness of the situation, and bring it down to a pro wrestling conversation, but it was even more difficult with him framed as the hero babyface. Everything we have learned about his personal life in recent weeks, and especially this week, frames it much differently. Again, I don’t know what GFW’s alternatives were. The shows were taped and it would be a lot of segments to fill if they were to completely edit him out of the show. But, it was weird.)
— A video aired on all of the hype around Slammiversary.
— Borash said that Prichard just signed a main event for tonight. LAX vs. El Patron and Bobby Lashley.
— A video aired on ACH. He talked about his background and why he wanted to win the Super X Cup.
— ACH made his ring entrance. Borash mentioned that ACH is a Ring of Honor alum. A video then aired on Andrew Everett, who said he wanted to win the Super X Cup to give himself a claim to an X Division Title shot.
(1) ACH vs. ANDREW EVERETT – Super X Cup first round
ACH and Everett shook hands to begin the match. ACH flipped into a dropkick for a two count. Everett springboarded out of a schoolboy and landed a kick for a two count. Everett hit a springboard dropkick and sent ACH to the outside. Everett hit a springboard moonsault on ACH on the outside. Pope criticized Everett for wasting time playing to the crowd. ACH came back with a kick to the head inside the ring. The announcers put over that ACH was close to gold in every promotion he’s been in prior to getting to GFW. ACH caught Everett off a springboard into a German suplex. ACH hit a lariat. Everett came back with a kick and a Mount Everett for a two count. Pope again criticized Everett for playing to the crowd and he missed a move off the top. ACH came back with a brainbuster for the win.
WINNER: ACH in 6:00.
(McMahon’s Analysis: Good match and I thought the commentary here was very good (wow, that feels weird to write). They praised ACH and gave his background, and Pope was good criticizing Everett for playing too much to the crowd and wasting time. Ultimately, you could argue it cost him the match after he took his time before trying a move off the top, that he missed, and led to ACH hitting the brainbuster.)
— Jeremy Borash introduced Gail Kim, who has a major announcement to make, according to Josh Mathews.
Gail thanked the fans. She said she gave her body to wrestling and she doesn’t regret one moment. Gail said that at the end of the year, in 2017, she would be retiring from the ring. Gail, getting emotional, thanked everyone she worked with. She thanked the fans again. Gail said that tonight is not the end, she intends to go out on top here in Impact at the end of the year.
As Gail came up the ramp, thanking fans, Chris Adonis walked to the ring and again had comments for the guys from Swole Mates, a new show on Pop beginning next week.
Adonis got to the ring, and of course, the Swole Mate guys got into the ring. Adonis and the Swole Mate guys were arguing. Adonis took off his shirt and posed. So did the Swole Mate guys, who look cartoonishly huge. Eli Drake ran down. Finally referees came to the ring so we can end this nonsense.
(McMahon’s Analysis: What a giant waste of time. If the POP deal for GFW is a barter deal, like has been reported, there’s no reason that GFW should feel compelled to do ridiculous promo stunts like this. It does absolutely zero for GFW/Impact. These two jacked up freaks in the ring dwarfed Drake and Adonis, whose whole gimmick is his physique. Not to mention, they did nothing. They argued, without a mic, and then took off their shirts. It was a complete waste of time.)
(2) DEMUS vs. OCTAGONCITO
Both of these minis are from AAA in Mexico. The match quickly goes to the outside and Octagoncito hit a springboard corkscrew off the second rope to the outside. Borash said Octagoncito is one of the only minis to be called mini-Rey Mysterio (that’s the second Mysterio reference of the show). Demus hit a spinebuster for a two count. Octagoncito hit a moonsault off the top to the outside. Octagoncito then picked up the win.
WINNER: Octagoncito in 5:00.
— A vignette aired on Grado asking every knockout in the company on a date. They all said no. There was some 80’s sounding music in the background. Grado asked Allie, and she said no, but Braxton Sutter walked in looking jealous. Park gave Grado champagne and chocolates to help him win a lady.
— A video aired on Matt Sydal, highlighting his history in the company and why he wanted to win the Super X Cup.
(McMahon’s Analysis: The mini match was good. That’s an example of some different things GFW can sprinkle into Impact to make it feel different. They can’t do it every week, but once every few weeks, featuring those performers, gives the show a different feel. The Grado segment was silly, but it also wasn’t the end of the world.)
— ECIII came to the ring and would sit in on commentary for the Grand Championship match.
Dutch Mantell, Scott D’Amore and Bruce Prichard are the judges.
(3) MARUFUJI vs. MOOSE – Grand Championship match
Round 1 — Borash and Mathews ask ECIII for comments throughout the early parts of the match and he is silent. They wondered why he was out there. Moose hit a back bodydrop. Moose and Marufuji traded chops and Moose hit a clothesline for a two count. Moose was in control in the corner as the round ended. Scores: Moose, 29-28.
Round 2 — Moose landed a huge front kick to start the round and then went to the top and hit a diving forearm. Marufuji then took control. Moose chopped Marufuji in the corner. Marufuji hit a diving elbow in the corner. Marufuji blocked a punch and then landed multiple kicks but Moose nailed Marufuji and he fell to the outside. Scores: Marufuji, 29-28
— Coming back from a break, a video for the Amped anthology aired. Part of the package was Chael Sonnen.
Round 3 — Moose and Marufuji charged each other at the start of the round. ECIII was still silent on commentary (I actually forgot he was there). Moose hit a dropkick in the corner for a two count. Borash said that ECIII got up from the announce table. ECIII hit the ring with the ring bell and he hit Marufuji in the back of the head with it. ECIII then tried to hit Moose but he ducked and came back with a boot.
WINNER: Marufuji via disqualification (ECIII retains the Grand Championship)
After the match, ECIII was on the stage as Moose yelled at him from the ring.
— LAX was in their clubhouse. Konnan said El Patron decided to go corporate. He said the best thing for El Patron was to join LAX. Konnan told Santana and Ortiz to send a message tonight. He said he wanted to see El Patron taken out on a stretcher. He called it street justice. Konnan said he wanted Lashley sent out on a stretcher, too.
— Trevor Lee walked to the ring with a microphone, calling himself the new X Division champion. Mathews reminded us that he stole the title from Sonjay Dutt. Trevor Lee said he would be a fighting champion. Lee said he looked all over for the best competition, and he found William Weeks. A very James Ellsworth-looking guy was across from Lee in the ring. Lee told the referee he wanted to wrestle with the belt on, because he was afraid someone would steal it.
(4) TREVOR LEE vs. WILLIAM WEEKS
Lee jumped on Weeks to start the match. Sonjay Dutt was shown backstage trying to get to the ring. Security was escorting Sonjay Dutt out of the building. Lee hit a pump kick, sending Weeks to the outside. Lee hit the double stomp for the win.
WINNER: Trevor Lee in 1:00.
After the match, Lee celebrated with the title. Sonjay Dutt ran in through the crowd and jumped Lee, but Lee was able to grab the X Division Championship and run back up the ramp.
(McMahon’s Analysis: The storyline of Lee stealing the title is a little silly, but at least it’s moving Trevor Lee in a new direction. He has the most untapped potential in the entire company. They allowed Lee to talk more, cutting the promo before the match, and the “caveman” gimmick seems to be gone. He was just talking like a heel, not as a character. It was a good promo. The crowd didn’t react at all to Dutt’s run-in through the crowd. It seems like the more exciting X Division talent right now is in the Super X Cup. Dutt’s title win was over in India, but in Orlando, the crowd didn’t seem to care too much about this segment. They also didn’t note that Weeks was on Impact a few months ago, getting squashed by Kongo Kong.)
(5) LAUREL VAN NESS vs. AVA STORIE
Storie controlled the early portions of the match with a head scissors. LVN was out alone. Mathews wondered where Kongo Kong and Sienna were. LVN kicked Storie into the bottom turnbuckle. LVN missed a curb stomp. Storie hit a neckbreaker. LVN hit a DDT off the second rope but she didn’t go for the pin. Instead, she hit a curb stomp for the victory.
WINNER: Laurel Van Ness in 3:00.
After the match, Grado and Joseph Park walked to the ring with champagne and chocolates. LVN was dancing in the ring to Grado’s music. LVN didn’t look impressed as Grado entered the ring. Grado took a mic and said hello to LVN. He said they haven’t met, but he’s Grado. He told LVN that she was the most beautiful creature he has laid eyes on. LVN shot him a crazy smile. Grado said LVN’s makeup was fantastic. LVN seemed crazy flattered. Grado asked if they could go on a date? The crowd chanted “Netflix and chill!” Grado asked LVN on a date and she looked at the crowd. LVN looked smitten and she was smiling. It looked like she was going to say yes, but Kongo Kong came out to his music. Grado ran off as Kong hit the ring. Mathews told Grado to go on Tinder, but Pope said you can’t do that, because you might end up with someone who looks like Kongo Kong.
— The announcers talked about the tag-team main event.
— LAX made their ring entrance with music.
— Back from the break, Lashley made his ring entrance, followed by El Patron.
(6) ALBERTO EL PATRON & BOBBY LASHLEY vs. LAX (Santana & Ortiz) (w/ Konnan, Homicide and Diamante)
Lashley vs. Ortiz started the match off. Lashley landed a huge vertical suplex. El Patron tagged in. Ortiz made a comeback with a kick and Santana tagged in.
Back from the break, Lashley and Ortiz are back legal after tags. Homicide and Diamante distracted Lashley and dropped him over the top rope. LAX then took control. LAX double-teamed Lashley in the corner. The announce team talked about how good LAX was as a team, and how they are so good at tag-team wrestling. Mathews said Lashley and El Patron have never teamed. Lashley hit a double cross-body block on both Santana and Ortiz and then tagged in El Patron, who hit a kick. El Patron hit a back cracker for a two count. El Patron and Lashley then picked up the win.
WINNER: Alberto El Patron and Bobby Lashley in 14:00.
El Patron and Lashley shook hands after the match and El Patron raised Lashley’s arm in victory. El Patron asked for a mic as Lashley ripped up an LAX headband and wore it on his head. El Patron told Lashley said that they had been enemies, but they made a damn awesome team. LAX then attacked El Patron from behind. It was 5-on-1. Lashley just watched and smiled from the stage as El Patron was getting beat down. Konnan said El Patron turned his back on him, and that’s what he gets. LAX draped El Patron in their flag as the show went off the air.