TV REPORTS 11/1 WWE Raw Report: Mallory's "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
Nov 1, 2004 - 10:13:00 PM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
November 1, 2004
Live from Peoria, Illinois
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Raw was live tonight from the Peoria Civic Center in Peoria, Illinois.
Quarter Hour 1
The show started with a recap of last week's show. A ticked off Eric Bischoff had taken the evening off and Evolution had stepped up to the plate in his place. And while they were at it, they screwed Randy Orton out of a title shot as long as Triple H holds the belt. Evolution had paid a price, however.
Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show as Superstar Gene Snitsky headed to the ring.
(1) Gene Snitsky pinned Eugene. This match had hardcore rules, and Snitsky had pushed a stroller full of plunder to the ring. He also picked his nose while waiting for his opponent. Charming.
In the back, William Regal tried his best to persuade Eugene to let him accompany him to the ring. Eugene insisted he wanted to stand on his own two feet.
Snitsky started hammering on Eugene right away, but he wasn't expecting Eugene to channel the Sandman and take after Snitsky with a cane. Snitsky began to prevail and even used some tasteless fake road signs with baby themes. He was about to crush Eugene's throat with a chair, but Eugene made a comeback and pasted Snitsky with the chair. Snitsky gave Eugene a big boot to the face; unfortunately, the chair was between Eugene's face and Snitsky's foot. Snitsky got the winning pin, then put the chair on Eugene's throat and was about to come off the top rope. An angry William Regal came to Eugene's rescue.
Triple H was backstage doing a promo. He'd complained that he'd been ganged up on by a bunch of jealous superstars last week. He said he would not be live on Raw tonight and questioned how Raw would do without its franchise player. Next week he expects to be treated like the star that he is. It would be in everybody's best interest to realize that he is the only diamond in the business. (We know, we know. Want some cheese with that whine?)
Quarter Hour 2
J.R. and Lawler were reading a copy of Diva Search Magazine which goes on sale tomorrow at newsstands everywhere. In a plain brown wrapper.
Diva Search loser Maria was introduced as the latest addition to the Raw announce staff. She attempted to interview Tajiri backstage. (Putting a microphone in someone's hand does not necessarily make them an announcer.)
Ric Flair came up and shooed Maria away. He asked Tajiri about last week's actions toward Evolution, then suggested they let bygones be bygones. Batista attacked Tajiri from behind and left him laying.
Out came Flair and Batista in suits. Flair said what had happened to Tajiri was just the beginning. "Last week had been unacceptable. Whether you like him or don't like him, everyone needs to respect Triple H."
"Boo," responded the crowd.
Flair threatened Eric Bischoff by saying that if order were not restored on Raw, Flair and Batista would destroy the entire locker room.
Eric Bischoff came out, and he had done so for two reasons, namely business and personal. With Survivor Series just two weeks away, he wanted to announce the Raw matches:
- Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin for the Intercontinental Title.
- Trish Stratus vs. Lita for the Women's Title.
- The main event would be a classic Survivor Series elimination match: Jericho, Benoit, Maven and Randy Orton vs. Triple H, Batista, Edge, and Gene Snitsky.
Flair was miffed that he'd been left out.
Bischoff said that brought him to the personal part. He did not like to be ordered to do things. Besides, Evolution had not bothered to save him when he was getting his head shaved at Taboo Tuesday. He wanted to know what kissing Evolution's ass for two years had gotten him. So from now on, Bischoff would answer to no one. And after Survivor Series, he'd be taking a one-month vacation. Control of Raw would go to the winning team at Survivor Series; each of the four members of the winning team would be in control for one week.
Batista reminded Bischoff that Randy Orton had lost his opportunity to ever vie for the title. (Good menacing promo by Batista.)
Bischoff said if Batista had a problem with that, then he should make sure he is on the winning team.
"Without the title, Triple H is nothing," said Bischoff.
Quarter Hour 3
(2) Christian over The Hurricane. The match had barely gotten started when Edge's music hit. He said he didn't mean to interrupt, but he wanted to announce he'd decided to come back to Raw. The match continued as Edge plugged his brand new book, which goes on sale tomorrow.
The match continued in absolute silence. You could have heard a pin drop.
Edge called J.R. a grumpy grandpa and signed a copy of the book for him.
Back to the match. Near cover by Hurricane, but Christian did him in with the Unprettier for the win.
Shelton Benjamin came running out. Christian protested that he'd stolen his votes at Taboo Tuesday and said he had a one-night-only problem solver. Benjamin looked up at the entrance and saw Viscera lumbering down to the ring. Shelton Benjamin got squashed liked a bug.
Todd Grisham was interviewing Edge backstage. Grisham asked about the tag titles, and Edge said he'd be defending them with Benoit tonight.
Benoit appeared in the picture and Edge snatched one of the tag title belts off Benoit's shoulder. They still weren't playing nicely.
Maven barged into Evolution's locker room. He boldly got in Batista's face, and Flair began to get huffy. But there was strength in numbers and Maven was joined by Jericho and Randy Orton. Flair and Batista didn't look quite so bold.
Simon Dean was in the ring with a table full of his Simon System products. Some lucky person in the audience would win a year's supply of his Simon System, he said. He rudely addressed some audience members, one of whom flipped him off. He wasn't being funny.
Simon invited a toothless guy named Matt to join him in the ring. He must have been a plant, because he wasn't bad on the mic. (Better than Maria the Diva.) Matt knocked over the table full of Simon System and Simon jumped him.
Lawler was playing with his new Juice Box.
(3) World Tag Team Title Match: La Resistance (Robert Conway & Sylvain Grenier) over Edge & Chris Benoit. Before Edge had even come to the ring, La Resistance had jumped Benoit.
Quarter Hour 5
Benoit took care of business by himself, since Edge still hadn't come down to the ring. Finally, Edge made his second grand entrance of the night. Meanwhile, Benoit was being double-teamed. As Benoit crawled over to make the tag to Edge, Edge looked at his watch and backed away.
Edge had joined J.R. and Lawler at the announce position. As he peddled his book, Benoit was being trounced by La Resistance. J.R. asked why Edge had left Benoit alone in the ring, and Edge said Benoit told him he could handle it by himself.
Benoit had made a comeback and was suplexing Grenier all over the ring. He signaled for the end, and Edge hot-footed it to the ring. Benoit came off the top with a diving head butt, but Edge distracted the referee, which resulted in Benoit being pinned and La Resistance regaining the titles.
Edge looked down at his tag belt like he didn't want to give it up, but he turned and used it to hit Benoit between the eyes. Edge added insult to injury by putting Benoit in a crossface. A bloody Benoit tapped out.
Quarter Hour 6
During the break, Benoit had refused assistance and headed to the back under his own power.
Bischoff and his buddy, Jonathan Coachman, were in the GM's office when Flair and Batista barged in. Flair demanded that Bischoff take back his stipulation at Survivor Series. A simple "no" was Bischoff's answer. Tonight there would be a six-man tag team event, added the GM. He included Triple H on the Evolution team, and when they complained that Triple H was not even there, a skeptical Bischoff said it would just have to be a handicap match.
Mohammad Hassan and his manager, Khosrow Daivari, appeared in a taped segment and asked to be given an opportunity. Then Daivari translated what he Hassan had said, and it didn't sound quite so peaceful. Is this really a good idea?
Earlier tonight, Viscera had squashed Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin was shown walking to the ring with his ribs taped up. He'd challenged Viscera to a match.
(4) Shelton Benjamin pinned Viscera. Benjamin began throwing punches, but Viscera had the advantage with his size. He peeled the tape off Benjamin's ribs and tossed him from pillar to post. Christian appeared at the top of the ramp and gave to the order to finish Benjamin off. That's not the way it happened, though. Somehow, Benjamin managed to pin Viscera and get the win. Christian was furious that his plan had backfired.
Smackdown Rebound: The Tough Enough finalists took turns cutting promos on Big Show, then Big Show slammed them all. I think they all flunked both tests. The voting will begin Thursday night.
Last week, Trish Stratus had told Lita she looked chubby. (Maybe she could use some of the Simon System stuff.)
Trish Stratus said her friends and family had been worried sick that her title, her career, and her life might be in jeopardy since she has to face Lita at Survivor Series. She said they might be right and showed a tape of Lita and Essa Rios, Lita and Team Extreme, Lita on the Dark Angel show, Lita and Matt Hardy, and Lita and Kane to demonstrate that Lita is the Walking Kiss of Death. But above all else, Lita was a loser and she'd lose her Survivor Series match, just like she'd lost her baby.
Lita's music hit and she stormed down to the ring. She jumped into the ring and pounced on Trish. Gail Kim pulled Lita off Trish and held her so Trish could give Lita a Chick Kick.
Linda McMahon narrated a recap of WWE's effort to Smackdown the Vote. J.R. encouraged everyone to get out and vote tomorrow.
Jericho, Orton, and Maven were headed to the ring.
J.R. announced that next week it will be Chris Benoit vs. Edge on Raw.
(5) Six-Man Tag Match: Chris Jericho, Randy Orton & Maven over Ric Flair, Batista, & a no-show Triple H. Batista and Orton started things off. A roll-up and near fall on Batista by Orton, and the match spilled to the outside briefly. Flair tagged in and chopped Orton; Orton turned the tables and chopped Flair.
Jericho tagged in and chopped Flair and tried to get him into the Walls. Orton vertical-suplexed Flair into the ring. Maven was anxious to get into the ring with Batista, but that would have to wait. While Jericho distracted the referee, Maven used the tag rope to choke Flair, who ended up doing the Flair Flop. Flair got a low blow, then Jericho attempted the Walls again.
Batista with a spinebuster on Jericho, then Flair tagged back in. He and Jericho were both down. Jericho made the tag to Orton, and Batista also tagged in. Orton with a big back body drop on Flair and a cover on Batista. A drop kick took Batista out of the ring.
Suddenly Triple H's music hit and out came Tajiri dressed as Triple H. Batista and Flair couldn't believe what they were seeing, and Team Babyface took control. The crowd was chanting "RKO," and Orton delivered one on Batista for the win.
Batista couldn't believe what had happened, and pie-faced Flair.
"Is this a sign of things to come?" asked J.R. as the show went off the air.
That was probably a rhetorical question, but I sure hope it's not a sign of things to come. Viscera. Maria. Hassan. Simon Dean. Snitsky. The show had its moments but, unfortunately, the aforementioned are the moments that seem to linger.
Don't forget to smack down your vote tomorrow.
I love feedback and you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.
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