TV REPORTS KELLER'S RAW REPORT 7/4: Hogan & Michaels vs. Angle & Carlito, Cena on Highlight Reel
Jul 7, 2005 - 11:04:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
JULY 4, 2005
-The show opened with a quick graphic promoting Hulk Hogan & Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle & Carlito Cool, then the Raw opening with the updated roster members inserted or deleted, and then Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Coach introduced the show as the cameras panned the crowd. Coach plugged the Diva Search. As Carlito walked to the ring, Ross and Lawler talked up the fact that Raw was the highest rated show on all of cable television last week.
-Carlito's Cabana with Hulk Hogan: Carlito said his Cabana always features fireworks. He asked how often does a star as big and huge as Carlito come to Sacramento? He then introduced Hogan, plugging his new reality TV show premiering this Sunday night at 10 p.m. He said Hogan would be promoting the show all week on various talk shows including Leno, Regis & Kelly, and Jimmy Kimmel, but the first talk show is Carlito's Cabana. A segment then aired from Hogan's show with Hogan giving an intense pre-date interview with a 22 year old man who planned to see his 16 year old daughter. Hogan said he was 22 years old once, and the last thing on his mind was dating a 16 year old. Intense and realistic. Hogan came across as a hard-ass protective father, which is the point of the show.
Back live, Carlito formally introduced Hogan. Coach said Hogan is "bigger than life itself." Carlito told Hogan he's not only the most recognizable name in wrestling, he's perhaps the most recognizable name in the world. Hogan interrupted and said, "Let me tell you something, brother." Carlito interrupted and told him the biggest thing he's ever done is go on Carlito's Cabana. He asked Hogan why he didn't bring his daughter with him. Hogan told Carlito he is getting borderline to getting thrown to the top of the building. Carlito said, "All I'm saying is Carlito's cool, but Brooke is hot. I mean, why don't you let Carlito take her out on a date. I mean, you say she's not sexually active. But Carlito would like to get..." Hogan then punched Carlito, knocking him out of the ring.
Kurt Angle's music played and he walked out and said people shouldn't care about Hogan's daughter. He said people should be talking about how he made Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair tap out. He blamed fans for voting online that Ric Flair is still "the man" over him. He complained that fans were still cheering Hogan. He mocked him for having his own reality show. He added, "The last time you and I were in this ring, I made you tap out. And I can do it all over again, anytime and anywhere. But the one person I'd like to make tapout more than anyone else is your daughter Brooke." Hogan attacked Angle. Carlito attacked Hogan from behind and DDT'd him. Carlito and Angle stomped away at Hogan. Shawn Michaels ran to the ring and made the save, clearing the ring of Carlito and Angle.
-Todd Grisham stood outside of Eric Bischoff's door and overheard Michaels yelling that he wanted a piece of Carlito and Angle.
1 -- EDGE (w/Lita) & GENE SNITSKY vs. KANE & BIG SHOW
It began shaky with Edge and Kane in the ring, and Snitsky gracing Kane's back with a really weak, lame forearm which Kane sold. Edge then threw a barrage of punches at Kane. Kane quickly came back. Edge tagged in Snitsky. Ross talked about the irony of Lita and Snitsky being on the same side of a match. Coach said Lita forgave Snitsky. Big Show tagged in at 1:30. Kane chased Lita at ringside. Lita fled to the back. They used that as a transition point for a break at 2:00.
Snitsky and Edge worked over Show for a few minutes. They gave him a double shoulder tackle off the second rope for a two count. Show kicked out with force. Kane got a hot tag at 8:30. He nailed Snitsky with a clothesline off the top rope, then yanked Edge into the ring by the hair. Show headbutted Edge. Kane whipped Snitsky into the corner on Edge, then Show whipped Kane into both. Show clotheslined Edge over the top rope to the floor. Kane then chokeslammed Snitsky for the win.
WINNERS: Kane & Show at 10:03.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Quite passable and above expectations, but far from spectacular.
-Grisham interviewed Michaels backstage, who was at his peak level of obnoxiousness.
2 -- THE HEART THROBS (Antonio & Romeo) vs. VISCERA
Before the match, the Heart Throbs told Lilian Garcia that they are there to help her get over being dumped by Viscera. Lilian looked disturbed at their come-on. Her facial expressions are really good these days; she used to really exaggerate, but now she's learned not to play to the last row of the arena when the camera is doing a close-up of her. When Lilian had to introduce Viscera, her voice cracked. Ross said she still has feelings for Viscera. This angle is so messed up because Lilian is a sympathetic figure, yet Viscera is still portrayed as a babyface. Fans are confused, and thus not reacting toward either character with as much passion as they would if the storyline made any sense. Viscera humped Romeo, but Antonio dropkicked him from behind. The heels yanked Viscera crotch-first into the ringpost for the DQ. The Heart Throbs made a pass at Lilian afterward.
WINNER: Viscera at 1:58 via DQ.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Endearingly ditsy Maria interviewed Chavo Guerrero Jr., asking him in her usual off-kilter syntax if he "did something different?" Chavo said his name isn't Chavo, though, it's now Kerwin White. He said the Hispanic people have held him back. He said real America's perception of Hispanics has rubbed off on him and held him back. He said he has decided to denounce his Hispanic heritage and join middle class America. There are elements of this new gimmick that is a shoot. White called Maria stupid. She made a sad face.
-Hurricane, Rosey, and Stacy did a public service announcement about fireworks safety. Rosey ended up setting his arm on fire. Hurricane put it out with a fire extinguisher.
-Back to Maria, John Cena walked up to her. He got a big pop. Cena told Maria not to be so sad because she has a lot going for her, but he couldn't think of anything other than she looks good. He told her to accentuate her strengths, while touching her chin, and to hide her weaknesses, then put his finger over her mouth. Maria appeared to be flattered and happy again. If it were only that easy in real life.
-Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel: He said there would be no cheesy palm trees on this interview segment. He talked up his mainstream success as a musician. He introduced Cena as his guest. Cena thanked Jericho for having him as a guest again, dripping with a touch of sarcasm. Jericho spun Cena's belt, which he said he loved. Jericho plugged Cena's Philadelphia concert. He said he is "hot, hot, not." Jericho reminded Cena that he is the first Undisputed Champion in the history of wrestling, he had three hit records, five music videos, and hundreds of concerts. He said he played most recently at the Download Festival in front of "50,000 Fozzy Fanatics" in England. He then showed a clip of it. He asked Cena, "What do you think of that, junior." Cena said he felt it was a one-sided interview, but he wasn't going to knock it. He tried to leave the ring, but Jericho objected. Cena asked him if he wanted a batch of hero cookies. "I'll say it again. Congratulations," said Cena. Jericho stopped him and said in his 15 years in wrestling, he has reached legendary status. "John, I'm a much bigger star than you are, and the only reason people don't realize that is because you have that championship belt over your shoulder," he said. "But I can take this from you any time I want." Cena said he can tell Jericho is nothing without the WWE Title. Cena then began mocking Jericho's citing of his resume each week. He called him an asshole. He said there was a time when Raw was Jericho, but now "Jericho is Cheap." He said he has covered everything with a big bag of cheap sauce. "Y-2-J? I look at you and see Y-2-Cheap." Jericho slapped Cena. Cena tackled Jericho. They had a brawl on the mat that would have made Jackie Gayda and Dawn Marie proud. Cena got the best of it. Jericho bailed out. Cena gave Jericho the finger with a big foam hand.
-Coach and Christy Hemme hosted the first Raw Diva competition segment of the season. Each of the women danced onto the stage, one slipping and falling on her ass. Sgt. Slaughter then asked if any of the women wanted to blow on his whistle. Coach and Christy said the winner of the competition would get immunity this week. Sarge ordered Coach to show everyone how the obstacle course worked. He didn't want to at first, but Christy Hemme then goaded him into it by questioning his guts. Coach, of course, made a fool of himself by tripping and slipping. The women had to jump rope, crawl through the ring, run in a potato sack, do jumping jacks, and climb a wall. Leila had a wardrobe malfunction and was disqualified. It was an apparently pre-planned stunt where her top came down during the crawling in the ring segment. The segment took a full 15 minutes.
-The 15 minutes in the previous segment wasn't enough, so after the break they showed each of the women one more time so fans could figure out who they were going to vote for at WWE.com. From the start of the segment until the very end, with the commercial in there, it occupied 21 minutes of Raw.
3 -- VAL VENIS vs. RENE DUPREE
Lilian called Dupree's move to Raw the "result of a blockbuster post-lottery trade." They didn't reveal all trades, but instead directed fans to visit WWE.com for details. Dupree did some pre-match mic work. Dupree won quickly with his feet on the ropes for leverage.
WINNER: Dupree at 1:52.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-The Smackdown Rebound aired.
-Grisham interviewed Carlito and Angle. Carlito said nobody walks onto Raw and disrespected him and Angle and gets away with it. Angle said he was going to get the respect he deserves when he makes someone's ankle snap. Carlito teased spitting an apple at Grisham, who flinched.
4 -- SHAWN MICHAELS & HULK HOGAN vs. CARLITO COOL & KURT ANGLE
Ross said that it's great that with so many celebrations going on around the country, that fans would get a chance to see Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan teaming together. The heels came out first, followed by Michaels, and finally Hogan. They gave a final plug for "Hogan Knows Best" premiering on VH1 this Sunday at 10 p.m. ET. Ross said he's not a big reality TV fan, but he's not going to miss Hogan's show. Coach said he will be programming it into TiVo at home. Angle and Carlito chatted about strategy before the match. Hogan opened the match as fans chanted "Hogan, Hogan." Ross debated Coach and Lawler on the appropriateness of a 22 year old dating Hogan's 16 year old daughter. After a quick exchange with Hogan, Carlito tagged Angle into the ring. Hogan then quickly tagged in Michaels. The crowd chanted "HBK, HBK." Michaels messed with Carlito's hair. At 3:00, Hogan and Michaels together tossed both heels out of the ring, then they cut to a break.
Angle and Carlito dominated Michaels for several minutes. At 9:30 Michaels teased a comeback, but Angle retained control. Michaels missed a dropkick at 10:30 when Angle held onto the top rope on a rebound. He then applied the Anklelock, but Michaels flipped out. Angle and Michaels struggled for control, and Michaels managed to maneuver Angle into a DDT. Hogan got the hot-tag at 11:15 and beat up Carlito, then backdropped Angle over the top rope. Hogan then cupped his ears and encouraged the crowd to cheer. He then hit the legdrop for the pin.
WINNERS: Hogan & Michaels at 12:27.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Very formula, but it served its purpose.
-After the match, Hogan and Michaels posed together inside the ring. Ross began the wrap-up by talking about what a great edition of Raw it was. Coach plugged next week's Raw. Michaels then suddenly superkicked Hogan and Hogan's music stopped immediately. Michaels stood over the KO'd Hogan as the crowd booed. Ross said he was in shock. Michaels didn't reveal much from his facial expression as he just stared down at Hogan. "What the hell has just happened?" asked Ross. Michaels then slowly walked out of the ring. Coach said he wants to say he liked it, but he can't understand it. This sets up Michaels vs. Hogan, obviously, but even better by Michaels finally turning heel, it sets up Cena vs. Michaels, which will be helpful for Cena in many ways. The show ended with Hogan trying to regain his senses while on his back inside the ring and Michaels walking away.
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