TV REPORTS 8/22 WWE Raw Report: Mallory's "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
Aug 22, 2005 - 10:07:00 PM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
August 22, 2005
Live from Hampton, Virginia
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Raw was live tonight from the Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, Virginia.
The show opened with a brief recap of SummerSlam and the handshake that ended the Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels match and feud.
Jim Ross, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and Jonathan Coachman welcomed viewers to the show as a smiling Shawn Michaels headed out to a loud pop and an enthusiastic "HBK" chant. He said as much as it hurt him to admit it, last night Hulk Hogan had been the better man. The crowd booed, but HBK (tongue in cheek) insisted that Hogan was cat-like and nimble. In the end, Michaels had found himself falling victim to the deadly legdrop.
Now, back to reality, said Michaels. Hulk Hogan was already on a jet back to Florida, but HBK was here tonight to give the crowd what it wanted--the Showstoppa.
A drum roll stopped him and Chris Masters' came out. After posing and flexing his way down the ramp, Masters got into the ring with Michaels and started yapping.
He dissed Michaels, saying he'd watched HBK when he was a little kid, then he said he thought it was time for HBK to step down. Michaels didn't care for being put in a category with Hulk Hogan and said it was "hitting below the belt, brother."
HBK told Masters he might be biting off more than he could chew, but Masters insisted he'd already taken the spotlight away from the Showstoppa. (Not on his best day. Ever.)
Michaels told the upstart that there was a pecking order to be followed, and Michaels was at the top of the ladder, and Masters was way down the rungs.
Then Masters made fun of Shawn's bald spot and the fight was on. It was brief and it sent Masters running scared.
(I'd say that Masters can talk the talk but can't walk the walk...but can't talk, either.)
Chris Jericho and Eric Bischoff were talking about how Cena had been lucky last night. Bischoff told Jericho he'd get a rematch tonight. It would be a "You're fired" match with a twist. The loser of the match would be fired.
(1) Kurt Angle over Shelton Benjamin via submission. J.R. reminded viewers that at one time Angle had been Shelton's mentor on Team Angle. Lots of submission holds early in the match, and Benjamin did an innovative bounce off the ropes to try to break away. Angle with an attempted suplex, but Benjamin landed on his feet and tossed Angle to the outside.
Back from the break, Angle had twisted Benjamin up like a pretzel, according to Lawler. Angle was in control. Benjamin made a come back, and gave Angle a spinebuster. They traded punches, then a Samoan Drop by Benjamin for a near pin. Angle's ankle lock on Benjamin was countered with a spinning heel kick. They came off the top with a belly-to-belly suplex, but Benjamin refused to be pinned. Angle wouldn't be pinned either, and the match continued. Angle went for the ankle lock again and Benjamin tapped. Excellent match.
With "The Ultimate Fighter 2" following this show, and all those snarky commercials about professional wrestling not being real, one could almost imagine this match was meant as a message to UFC and Spike.
Ric Flair will be Carlito's special guest on "Carlito's Cabana."
Backstage, Kerwin Blanco rode up on his golf cart. He started talking about racism as it pertains to Shelton Benjamin and to the Tidewater area. He said Shelton would never be a champ because he was not white.
Maria was adjusting her shoe as a slobbering Gene Snitsky slid into the picture to play with her toes. He was about to suck them (eeewww!), but discovered a really big foot in his face--it was Big Show's. Show rescued Maria from the perv and warned her about talking to strangers.
Matt Hardy was walking to the ring with purpose in his step.
(2) Rob Con-Way over Matt Hardy. Hardy was battered and bruised from last night. Just as the match started, Edge's entrance music started. That distracted Hardy and gave Conway an advantage.
Edge and Lita came out and joined the announcers and sat down on the on the table in front of them, blocking their view of the match.
Hardy was tenacious, but Conway sent him reeling several times. Elbow off the top by Conway (sloppily done), followed by the pin and the win.
After the match, Edge jumped into the ring and pummeled the unconscious Hardy. Hardy was busted open again and looked genuinely dazed.
Edge and Lita gloated as they headed up the ramp.
It was time for Carlito's Cabana. The crowd started "whooing" and greeted Carlito's guest, Ric Flair, with sincere admiration. Carlito was getting booed, and tried to have a "whoo off" with Flair. Carlito was losing and finally decided that whooing wasn't cool anyway. Carlito mentioned the great matches Flair had had years ago with his father, Carlos Colon. His father had said Flair wasn't all that great, and Carlito thought his Dad might be right. He said Flair wasn't cool
Flair did some classic Flairisms and the crowd was going nuts. Then Carlito spit the apple in his face and on his suit. Flair calmly took off his jacket and went to town on Carlito. He chased Carlito right out of the Cabana, then strutted and whooed and styled and profiled to the delight of the crowd.
(3) Big Show over Gene Snitsky via count out. Crazy brave Snitsky started off on the attack, but Big Show chopped him down to size pretty quickly. More chops, then Snitsky managed to take Show off his feet. A big clothesline sent Snitsky right out of the ring, and Snitsky simply left and went to the back. Big Show won via count out.
A sour looking Bischoff walked up to a hooded figure he thought was Cena and made some threats. Cena turned to face "frosty top" and pretended like he hadn't heard a word he'd said.
Lance Cade (the artist formerly known as Garrison Cade) and Trevor Murdoch (a refugee from "Deliverance") appeared in a promo for their soon-to-arrive tag team.
Smackdown divas Torrie Wilson and Candace Michelle slinked their way to the ring in teeny weeny outfits. Torrie announced that they'd been traded to Raw. (Goody.) Then Torrie introduced Ashley Massaro, the Diva Search winner who was dressed like one of the Olson twins and displayed more poise than either Candace and Torrie. Torrie and Candace "welcomed" Ashley to Raw by kicking and punching her then walked up the ramp hand in hand.
What a sleaze fest!
J.R. announced that Shawn Michaels has accepted Chris Masters' Master Lock Challenge for next Monday night.
Todd Grisham asked Jericho his thoughts about his upcoming "You're Fired" match. After Jericho cut Grisham to ribbons, he confidently predicted his victory.
Eric Bischoff headed to the ring accompanied by some big, burly security guards.
(4) "You're Fired Match" for the WWE Championship: John Cena pinned Chris Jericho, who was fired. Cena got a tremendous pop from the crowd when he came out and he was clearly the favorite in the match. Cena started off with a flurry of action, but Jericho took control of the match. Cena sent Jericho to the outside, and when Cena followed him to the outside, Bischoff gave him a low blow.
During the break, Bischoff had continued to cheap shot Cena, which gave Jericho an advantage. Back on their feet, the two threw punches in bunches and Jericho got a near fall.
The loser of the match will be fired on the spot, reminded J.R.
Jericho went up top for a superplex, which Cena was able to block. Cena came off the top, but no one was home. The crowd was loud for Cena. More punches traded. Shoulder blocks by Cena. Attempted F-U by Cena, which Jericho turned into the Walls of Jericho, but Cena refused to tap. Cena crawled slowly toward the ropes, but Jericho pulled him back. Again Cena went for the ropes and finally made it. Jericho was incredulous. Cena was able to give him the F-U, but was unable to make the cover. As Cena threw an arm over Jericho, Bischoff put Jericho's foot on the ropes.
Bischoff slipped Jericho some brass knuckles, which Jericho used and knocked Cena silly. Jericho nearly had the winning pin, but Cena kicked out at the last second. While Bischoff argued with the ref, Cena went for another F-U. This time he made the cover and got the win.
Bischoff could not believe what had just happened and sounded like he might back out of the stipulation. Instead, he told Jericho he was fired. He'd had a job to do and had failed. The G.M. ordered Jericho out of the ring and out of the building.
Jericho begged for lenience, but Bischoff said he didn't care about Jericho's wife or kid. Still begging, Jericho grabbed Bischoff's leg. Security had to carry him out.
"Nah nah nah, hey hey, good bye," sang the crowd.
Before the dust could settle on the previous match, Angle was in the ring and beating the snot out of Cena. Bischoff liked that--his frown had turned upside down, and he announced that Angle had become the Number One contender for the Cena's title.
Angle picked up the belt and taunted Cena with it as the show went off the air.
Don't forget, "The Ultimate Fighter 2" debuts immediately following Raw tonight. I'll have a recap of the show in my Lounge column on Saturday.
I love feedback and you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.
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