TV REPORTS KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 7/17: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of show
Jul 17, 2006 - 10:11:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
JULY 17, 2006
LIVE FROM SAN ANTONIO, TEX.
For another point of view and other details on the show, be sure to also check out James Caldwell's ongoing virtual time "alternative perspective" report on the PWTorch Main Listing. VIP members, check your In Box later or the VIP Main Listing later for Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream of Consciousness commentary on the show and the Torch staff's Raw Roundtable Reviews where we each review and score the event. Also, I will have my weekly post-Raw VIP Audio Analysis up later, too.
-The show opened with Triple H and Shawn Michaels standing in front of a DX backdrop introducing a highlight package of them humiliating Vince McMahon in recent weeks and destroying Spirit Squad at SNME.
-DX came out live to a full ring intro. (They save some bucks on pyro again this week.) Jim Ross touted the ovation DX was receiving and then introduced the show. They unabashedly plugged the DX t-shirts and merchandise. Michaels tried to plug the WWE Shop Zone website, but messed up. Hunter said, "Careful there, Miz." Michaels said Vince is really mad at them and he and his son Shane want to get even. Hunter called Shawn, Shane. Then he said, "It's live TV. Give me a break." He sarcastically said nobody wants to see them wrestle the McMahons. The crowd cheered. He said maybe they should challenge them to a match later "in this very ring." Michaels said, "That settles it. It's official." Hunter said, "Can we do that?" Michaels said, "Of course we can, who's gonna stop us?"
Out walked Vince and Shane to Vince's intro music. Ross said Mr. McMahon can stop anything. Vince said last time he checked, they were nothing more than degenerative, juvenile diliquents and they don't run things around there. Vince proposed Shawn vs. Shane.
Shane grabbed the mic and told the crowd to "Shut up!" He said his impression of him sucked. "I do not dance around the ring like a mentally challenged teenager on crack. I have more God-given talent in my body than both of you put together." He said they ought to up the stakes and let Triple H be in his (Shawn's) corner tonight and let Vince be his (Shane's) corner. He said the San Antonio fans will remember tonight as the night he beat their hometown boy.
-Ross and Jerry Lawler talked about Umaga's winning streak as he faces Umaga later. They ought to move Umaga to Smackdown to take Henry's place. Maybe tonight's rushing of a match between these two is the start of an angle to get him over there. Don't expect much of a match, either. They're not giving away (unless they're crazy) more than a few seconds of Cena-Umaga before it turns into an angle for the Edge feud or some other storyline. Umaga vs. anyone of main event caliber should be saved for a PPV given his strong push so far. Lawler noted: "I'd rather pass a kidney stone than be in the ring with Umaga."
1 -- CARLITO vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
Todd Grisham introduced it as a match for the Cruiserweight Title. Ross and Lawler made fun of him for it and said they miss Lilian Garcia. Either everyone is misspeaking to try to make Miz feel better or something strange is going on. In the end, Shelton reached for the ropes to gain leverage when he had Carlito rolled up, but he couldn't quite reach. Carlito rolled through and had Shelton down and he used the ropes for extra leverage. Ross said Carlito is now top contender for Nitro's IC Title.
WINNER: Carlito in 4:00.
STAR RATING: * -- Nice little finishing sequence. Okay action leading up to it.
-A highlight package aired on the SNME Cena vs. Edge match.
-Carlito and Trish crossed paths backstage. Trish asked Carlito if he'd be checking out her match. He said he was. He watched her walk away and said, "That's cool."
-The "WWE 24/7" flashback featured the "Brawl to End it All" at MSG on MTV featuring Fabulous Moolah (w/Lou Albano) defending the Women's Title against Wendi Richter (w/Cindy Lauper).
2 -- TRISH STRATUS & TORRIE WILSON vs. MICKEY JAMES & VICTORIA
Candice Michelle was special ref for the match. Torrie began the match, then at 2:00 hot-tagged Trish. Trish finished Victoria with the Stratusfaction.
WINNERS: Trish & Torrie in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-Maria interviewed Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada. AAE said Cena's career has been in a downward spiral since he won the WWE Title and it would end tonight. Maria asked Umaga if facing Cena is his biggest match in his short career. He stared at her, but didn't answer. AAE said, "Tonight, the wrecking ball comes down on you tonight, John Cena."
-Another pre-taped Mick Foley promo aired. Foley said the shirt he is wearing is the same one he wore when interviewed by Katie Couric a few years ago on Halloween. The crowd is popping for him, sort of, still, but not booing him. Is there supposed to be a heel in this feud? Foley asked Flair, "Were you really under the impression I was trying to win our match?" He said he intended to leave him lying after being hit with a barbed wire baseball bat, not win the match. Foley said he doesn't want to wrestle him anywhere, anyplace whatsoever. He said, "No no no no no no no no no no no no no rematch." Not much to it, but it keeps the feud alive.
-Lawler noted that Lilian is not there tonight. They went to clips of Lilian getting crushed by Viscera last week. Maria then interviewed Charlie Haas and Viscera backstage. They said they could explain their actions, but they won't.
-A recap aired f the Smackdown Diva Boot Camp segment.
3 -- THE HIGHLANDERS vs. ROD STEELE & RUSSELL SIMPSON
Lawler said the Highlanders are still getting acclimated to the States, as evidenced by last week at a mall where the power went out and they were stuck on an escalator for an hour. They won with the Scot Drop. Then the Highlanders challenged Spirit Squad to a tag title match. "We may wear kilts, but unlike the Spirit Squad, we have something underneath," said Roby.
WINNERS: The Highlanders in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-DX caught up with The Highlanders and told them to say hi to Vince McMahon. They suggested they go into his office without checking with him ahead of time, make themselves comfortable, and when he arrives, be sure to talk loudly because he's hard of hearing, and show they like him by patting him on the ass.
-Matt Striker interviewed Cena in mid-ring. Striker wrote "Edge > Cena" on the chalk board. Cena yanked the mic and pointer out of his hands and called him a "stupid bastard." He said that equation means that at SNME, Cena crushed Edge through a table because his "two bit of a skank job of a ho Lita" cost him the WWE Title. He said he snapped. He took off his shirt and said tonight he's got to kick somebody's ass. Striker bailed out. Umaga's music began and he came out for their match.
4 -- JOHN CENA vs. UMAGA (w/AAE)
There was no ref at first as the two brawled. Umaga ended up tossing Cena through the chalk board. The bell rang to start the match as soon as the ref got to the ring. Cena threw some punches, but Umaga shook them off and popped Cena in the throat. He followed with a bodyslam and a running kneedrop. Cena caught Umaga with a DDT and a drop toe hold. Umaga fired back with a clothesline. Umaga hung Cena upside down in the corner and crushed him in the corner. Edge and Lita walked out to watch. Cena moved out of the path of a second Umaga charge and went after Edge at ringside. Umaga grabbed Cena from behind and rammed him into the ringside steps. In the ring, Umaga went for a top rope splash, but Cena moved and he hit his finishing sequence including the turning back suplex, the You Can't See Me bit, and the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Edge ran into the ring, but Cena lifted him for an FU. Umaga kicked Cena in the face and then hit the Samoan Spike and scored the three count. The ref was distracted by AAE during the finishing sequence.
WINNER: Umaga in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- That was more of Umaga in a competitive match than I would have given away without more build up and on PPV, but it served to give him a pin over Cena, which helps keep his momentum going (if it wasn't offset by losing the intrigue over how the Bulldozer would look against his first tough competition and selling quite a bit in the process).
-Vince walked in and discovered The Highlanders eating his food in his office. They yelled at him as DX suggested. He told them nobody yells at him, he's Vince McMahon, so he yells at them. He told them to get out. They did, but not before patting his ass.
-A clip aired of Eugene pinning Vince McMahon last week on Raw.
5 -- RANDY ORTON vs. EUGENE
Eugene apparently hadn't bathed since last week as he still had green paint on him. Orton won quickly, although not before Eugene mocked his signature pose.
WINNER: Orton in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Not much to it, but it's the type of match you'd expect from these two in this situation.
-After the match, Orton said he was a huge fan of Brooke's hit song, "About Us." He said they have a real chemistry. He told Hulk not to let his desire to make him his latest Legend Killed affect his desire to date Brooke.
-Foley said he decided to hang around some more. He said he wanted to talk about Ric Flair's hardcore match against Big Show on ECW TV last week. He said, "You got hardcore. You broke out the barbed wire bat. You used thumb tacks and laid in a pile of them. You did it all in vein, Ric, because no matter what you do, what you say, or how much you wish I would grow something you could check out first hand, you will never get a rematch." He said he came, he saw, and he kicked his ass, and he has nothing left to prove. He said to be more like him, he should wear flannel on TV next week, drive a used minivan, and sit in seat 26C by the crapper. He said, "You're out of my life, you washed up piece of crap."
-Ric Flair came out live. He said he got his ass kicked last Tuesday on ECW TV, but it's not the first or last ass kicking of his career. A clip aired of him against Big Show. Because of the blood, the footage was in black and white. He said Foley should accept his challenge. MNM interrupted. Nitro claimed to be close friends with Foley and they had a message for him. Melina screamed and Nitro took a cheap shot at him. Flair made a comeback with... yes, chops! Then as he went for the figure-four, Nitro kicked out and knocked him into Melina. She fell to the floor and grabbed her ankle. Nitro said they were going to sue him. Flair looked concerned and apologized that Melina got hurt, but reiterated that he wanted Foley in the ring.
-The Miz came out for the Diva elimination segment. Yes, he still has a job. He announced that Amy was eliminated. He told the rest to get ready for a dance off on Smackdown. Miz was less annoying than usual, but did end with the "hoo-rah."
-Shane and Vince chatted backstage about how DX will never make fools of them again. Vince had a sign on his back that said, "I love cock" with a drawing of a rooster. Shane pointed it out. Vince screamed, "Bastards!" Shane then turned around, revealing a "Me too" sign on his back.
-The full DX ring intro took place, then Shane and Vince came out. They cut to a break before the bell.
Shane had Shawn in a chinlock as they returned to live action. Ross said you're a fool if you underestimate Shane McMahon's abilities. Shane hit a top rope elbow, then signalled for Sweet Chin Music, stealing Michaels's finisher. Michaels blocked the kick. After a signature Michaels top rope elbow, he set up the SCM. Vince grabbed his leg. Hunter chased Vince to the back at which point Spirit Squad attacked Michaels who was alone in the ring. Ross said that was the plan all along. Hunter ran back out, but he and Michaels were still outnumbered. Shane hit Hunter with a chair. Hunter countered with a sledgehammer to clear the ring, with help from Michaels and a chair. The show ended with DX celebrating as the McMahons looked on frustrated.
WINNER: Michaels via DQ in 6:00.
STAR RATING: * - Just a filler match, but if you're into the DX-McMahons feud, but not a fan of the risque DX material, this show was for you because DX are now totally juvenile minus anything edgy. For the fans they're catering to these days, that's probably fine.
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