TV REPORTS KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT 10/16: Ongoing "virtual time" analysis of USA broadcast from L.A.
Oct 16, 2006 - 10:06:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 16, 2006
TAPED SUNDAY IN LOS ANGELES, CALIF.
-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and announced the attendance at Staples Center, noting it was sold out.
-Lilian Garcia introduced DX as the first team in the opening match. Instead of DX, Randy Orton and Edge came out dressed as DX. Orton was Michaels and Edge was Triple H, with pasted on sideburns and a huge nose. Orton pretended to have an injured back. Edge asked the crowd, "Are you ready?" Then he ripped off his nose and part of his fake sideburns. They insulted the fans for finding their sense of humor funny, saying only 12 year olds and idiots are entertained by them. Edge said they are the two most talented people in the industry and they don't need to make others look like asses to forward their careers. Orton said because of the fans' approval, DX thinks they can run around and do whatever they want. Orton said they're going to kill the legend of DX. He told the fans "who wear DX's merchandise," they've got two words for them: "You suck!" Has a babyface act ever more overtly pushed their merchandise more than DX has? Not only do they plug it with phony tongue-in-cheek plugs and not particularly anti-authority, but now their heels are slipping it into their promos with the "don't buy their merchandise" reverse psychology.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels walked out to their music. They entered the ring. The heels didn't back down. Michaels asked Hunter if he looks like that much of an idiot when he comes out, pointing to Orton's mocking of him. Hunter didn't say no. Hunter asked them what they were doing, since they were already two of WWE's biggest stars. He said nobody here thinks those two are jokes. Hunter asked the crowd. They cheered and screamed yes. Hunter then said, "Well, we don't." Michaels said Edge's life sex show was the highest rated segment in "like, forever." They showed an image on the big screen of Edge in his underwear. Hunter first said he couldn't get it up, then Michaels whispered that he was at full arousal.
Hunter said Orton is the number one downloaded superstar in WWE on the whole web. Orton smiled. Then Hunter added, "At least within the gay community." He said if you go on any search engine and enter, "Randy Orton Gay Community," you'll find photos of Orton nearly naked. They showed two images of Orton with a towel covering himself. A third image showed a picture of Michaels in a similar pose for Playgirl. Michaels screamed, "You told me girls bought that magazine." Hunter said, "Show the image of Orton with the jelly beans." Orton said, "I want you tonight!" Hunter said, "You might want me, but I'm not swinging from that side of the plate." Edge said Orton wants to beat his ass. Hunter asked, "What did you say he wants to do to my ass?" Orton told them enough was enough. Orton said he wanted to face Hunter one-on-one later. Hunter got in his face and said, "You're on!" Michaels said if they think for one second they'll kill the legend that is DX, they've got two words for them. Then the heels went after them, and they had a very brief brawl to end the segment, with DX quickly clearing the ring. (So, how many fans are wondering what exactly was that "scheduled match" that Lilian Garcia was introducing when Edge & Orton came out.)
-Ross plugged the main event of Orton vs. Hunter. Lawler said Vince McMahon had a huge announcement regarding the Cyber Sunday main event (which is that fans will get to vote for which of the three titles is on the line in that match).
-They showed Nick and Aaron Carter from "The House of Carters" wrestling each other in the front row.
There was zero pop for the voiceover guy introducing Cryme Tyme, but then there were some cheers when the actual wrestlers walked out, but post-production can alter reality.
WINNERS: Cryme Tyme in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- The action looked fake. Loose chinlocks, orchestrated spots, ill-placed hesitation, and general clunkiness.
-Ross plugged the main event again.
-The ECW commercial plugged the Singapore Cane match between Sandman and Matt Striker, plus Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam.
-Todd Grisham interviewed Melina and Johnny Nitro, asking about the rumors that an A-list celebrity would be joining them later. Melina said they'd reveal who later.
-Ross said he loved "The Marine" when he watched it Friday afternoon. He said there were kids and people of all ages present. They went to a clip. No boasting about any box office numbers, and if they could find a way to spin the disappointing numbers positively, they would (e.g. "It was number one among teens 13-15 who live in suburbs on the West side of Mississippi.").
-Coach approached Booker T and Sharmell. Why do people like Grisham need a microphone to interview wrestlers, whereas Coach and Booker can talk to each other with no mic present. Coach said Mr. McMahon wanted all three champions to be present tonight for a huge announcement later. He told them to relax until later and make themselves at home. Cryme Tyme jumped into the picture and said, "Snap. Oh yeah. Free food!" They got too touchy-feely for Coach's taste, then patted down Booker. Shad said he saw his title belt for sale at a flea market for ten bucks last weekend. Then they left. Coach asked Booker if he understood a word they said. Booker said he doesn't speak Ebonics. Booker then couldn't find his wallet and freaked out. He told Coach to get their "black asses" back there or to call the police.
-They showed Jeff Hardy walking backstage and plugged the four-way match for the IC Title.
2 -- JEFF HARDY vs. SUPER CRAZY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. CHRIS MASTERS -- Fatal Four-way for the IC Title
Lawler pointed out, helpfully, that Hardy is on "a bit of a losing streak" and mentioned the loss to Big Show. Yeah, let's remind everyone of that at the start of this match, that the IC Champ wasn't much competition for the Big Show over in ECW. At 2:00, as Shelton set Crazy up for a superplex off the top rope, Masters dropped them both in a tower drop. Masters scored a two count on Shelton.
Hardy and Shelton were fighting after the break. Masters returned and wrestled Hardy for a minute. Masters dropped Hardy over the top rope after a kick to Hardy's head by Shelton. Crazy hit Shelton with a top rope dropkick, then scored a two count on Masters. Masters came back and applied the Master lock on Crazy. Shelton then springboarded onto Masters and broke the hold. Shelton covered Masters. Hardy returned to the ring and leaped off of Crazy's back onto both heels. He hit Shelton with a Whisper in the Wind for a two count, broken up by Crazy at 9:00. Hardy gave Masters the Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb for the pin.
WINNER: Hardy in 10:00 to retain the IC Title.
STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Ross called it a "spirited, fast-paced fatal four-way." It was.
-Booker reported Cryme Tyme to the police. When asked to describe them, he said, "They all look alike to me." Big Show walked into the room. He said he was there to hear what Mr. McMahon had to say. Show asked Booker where his wallet was. Coach then introduced Mr. McMahon as he walked into the room. He shook the hands of Show and Booker. He asked, "Where's Cena?"
-A commercial aired for the Hulk Hogan Mega-Anthology featuring three DVDs featuring 20 matches and a number of major career moments from the formation of the New World Organization (sic) to the Hall of Fame induction.
-Nitro and Melina walked to the ring to a full ring intro. Nitro said their celebrity friend is an actor, a rapper, and a close personal friend. He introduced Kevin Federline. He insulted the fans and told them to stop booing his friends, Nitro and Melina. He said the same fans who are booing are also buying magazines with him on the cover. He said they're typical L.A. posers. He offered/threatened to rap, then said they'll have to wait Oct. 31 when his CD comes out. Nitro bragged, "We already heard it!" As they were about to leave, John Cena's music began and he came out with his belt. Cena said K-Fed has "John Cena street-cred and less talent than Paris Hilton." He made a pun about K-Fed "liking sea men/semen." He said Nitro doesn't have the nuts to hit him. He said, "If K-Fed wasn't around, I'd be spearing Britney." Nitro defended Britney's honor and punched Cena. Cena quickly cleared the ring of him, then held up his title belt.
Big Show's music then played. He is getting bigger and bigger, and that can't make life easy for him or his back problems. You'd think mobility and health and his career would motivate him to get into better shape, whatever it took. Booker T then came out, followed by Mr. McMahon. He said all three champions are in the ring, and they will be again at Cyber Sunday. He said not only will their pride be on the line, but one of them will be defending their title. He said he could make that decision, but in the interest of making Cyber Sunday interactive, the fans can make the decision. All three champs looked concerned. Cena remained in the ring after the others left. The fans chanted his name.
Cena noticed K-Fed was still at ringside. Cena told him that since he claims everyone copies him, why doesn't he cast the first vote so we know now who is going to defend the title. He asked K-Fed who his vote is far. He said Cena's. Cena then gave him an FU.
3 -- CARLITO vs. ROB CONWAY
Ross said during the commercial break, Conway was complaining about not getting respect. Ross said Conway was not admitted into the Witness Protection Program. Ross said Carlito has been having issues since Trish Stratus left WWE. Carlito won with a back cracker.
WINNER: Carlito in 1:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Backstage, Edge said he had a groundbreaking idea for an announcement regarding DX. McMahon said his idea was having DX in a tag match against him and Orton. Edge said the fans should decide who the special ref was for the match. He suggested the options be Coach, Eric Bischoff, and McMahon himself. McMahon said he liked that idea, then he told Edge, "You have a future in the business, kid."
-The "This Week in Wrestling History" segment flashed back to Oct. 17, 1983 when Superfly Snuka faced Magnificent Muraco in a cage for Muraco's IC Title including the top rope Superfly Leap off the top of the cage.
-Grisham stood in center-ring and said because they are in L.A., there are many celebrities in the crowd. He said two of his favorite movie stars are in the front row, the stars of Jackass 2. They jumped into the ring. Grisham asked them who their favorite star is. Armando Alejandro Estrada interrupted. It led to Umaga coming out, of course. Ross said he doubts Umaga has ever watched Jackass. The Jackass duo took off their shirts. Isn't one of them the first baseman for the Oakland A's (or maybe Dave Prazak.). Steve-O did a backflip off the top rope. Umaga slammed Steve-O and then gave a Samoan Drop to the Oakland A-lookin' one, apparently named Chris. He then splashed Steve-O off the top rope. Steve-O didn't sell enough for him, so Umaga potato sacked him up and slammed him to the mat.
-They showed Maria warming up backstage.
-They showed 36 Mafia in the front row. Lawler knew who they were because they are from Memphis.
4 -- MARIA vs. CANDICE MICHELLE vs. TORRIE WILSON vs. JILLIAN HALL
Lilian explained the rules for the "Bra and Panties" match.
WINNER: Maria in 2:00.
STAR RATING: n/a -- This booking is so lazy.
-The Smackdown Rebound aired.
-A commercial aired for Eric Bischoff's book. He talked about managing Hulk Hogan's career at times and said he talks about being thrown out of Hulk Hogan's house.
5 -- TRIPLE H (w/Shawn Michaels) vs. RANDY ORTON (w/Edge, Lita)
Orton jump-started the match by attacking Hunter. Hunter immediately came back and threw Orton over the top rope to the floor. Orton clutched his knee. Ross said the match may be over already. They cut to a break.
Lawler and Ross said that his knee was definitely not 100 percent after that fall to ringside. Orton favored his knee as he threw Hunter to the floor. Edge attacked Hunter with a DDT on the floor. Orton gingerly threw Hunter back into the ring where he put Hunter in a chinlock (surely to protect his knee). He powerslammed Hunter and scored three rapid-fire two counts. Hunter blocked an RKO attempt and turned it into a spinebuster. Lita distracted the ref as Edge gave Hunter a low-blow from behind. Michaels attacked Edge at ringside. With the ref distracted again, Lita slid Orton a chair. Michaels low-blowed Orton from behind and Hunter KO'd Orton with the chair,, then scored the pin.
WINNER: Hunter in 10:00.
STAR RATING: ** - Okay match, but nothing special.
We welcome your 1-10 score and comments on this show for a "Raw Reax" feature in the Torch Feedback section of PWTorch.com. To contribute your thoughts on Raw, click here.
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