TV REPORTS 1/4 TNA Impact review: Wallum's debut "alternative perspective" report on show
Jan 5, 2007 - 1:52:00 PM
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TNA IMPACT "ALT PERSPECTIVE" REPORT
JANUARY 4, 2007
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
BY BOB WALLUM, PWTORCH CORRESPONDENT
Opening recap from last week features Kurt Angle's attack on Samoa Joe's girlfriend, causing Joe to give in to Angle's demand for a rematch.
Samoa Joe busts into Jim Cornette's office (you'd think he'd have installed a lock by now) and lets Corny know in no uncertain terms he doesn't want to wait for the PPV, he wants Angle tonight. Cornette explains to Joe he already has Angle booked for a match that night and that Joe should leave the building because he knows where Joe's mind is right now and he doesn't want TNA held liable for anyone getting hurt due to Joe's intended course of action. Joe tells Cornette that he isn't there to hurt TNA, or him (Cornette), just Angle, because Kurt started something, and Joe intends to finish it.
Tenay and West do a quick preview of tonight's events that leads us immediately into the first contest
1 - Robert Roode vs. Rhino
After Roode's intro he dispatches Ms. Brooks to the back, Rhino hits the ring causing Roode immediately to bail out. Roode gets back in to start the match and tries to talk trash to Rhino but a slap ends that noise, a right cross to the jaw drops Roode to the mat. More Rhino power moves cause another Roode bail out, he goes in to try his luck again and Rhino outmuscles him some more but Roode reverses an Irish Whip and sends Rhino to the corner. Roode showboats and pays for it immediately as Rhino hits a spinebuster and sets Roode up for the Gore. Ms. Brooks, now with her hair down and blouse undone comes back to ringside to distract Rhino but he's having none of it and grabs a handful of her hair with some bad intentions on his mind. Roode tries a sneak but Rhino sidesteps him causing Roode to almost deck Ms. Brooks, Rhino catches him in hesitation mode and rolls him up for the win.
Post-match sees Roode berating Ms. Brooks yet again, and while all eyes are on that development AJ Styles again attacks Rhino from behind on the ramp, then tosses Rhino back into the ring to continue but Rhino stops AJ's assault with a belly to belly suplex. Rhino sets up AJ for a gore but Roode returns to trip up Rhino, then climbs back in and lays some boots to Rhino, then AJ joins the attack and finishes Rhino with a Styles Clash.
Jeremy Borash is outside Cornette's office awaiting word on the new stipulation added to the NWA Title match when Eric Young pops up from below camera range (don't ask) and asks JB for some help regarding "a friend's situation" that sure sounds like the one he has with Ms. Brooks. Eric explains to JB his "friend" is unskilled in these ways so he needs the help of JB "The Love Doctor." Borash asks if his friend is a virgin and Eric says "No. He's from Kansas." Ms. Brooks returns with her hair done back up, blouse re-buttoned and tie on, looking awfully calm for someone who just got verbally assaulted 5 minutes prior, and asks Eric if he had what she asked him to bring. Apparently he didn't, because she told him he has to the end of next week to bring it or he'll be fired.
JB is now standing by with Samoa Joe, who states that until last week, the competition between himself and Kurt Angle had been to see who was the better of the two men, and was between them two only. Angle's mistake was involving someone close to Joe, and tells us he won't be leaving anytime soon until his job that night is done.
The Voodoo Kin Mafia make their return to the Impact Zone dressed in sombreros and ponchos (?) and after denying Kip the microphone, BG addresses Vince McMahon's acknowledgement, or lack thereof, regarding the $1,000,000 challenge. BG tells Vince the more he ignores the problem (i.e. them) the larger the problem becomes. Kip tries to chime his two cents in with a bullhorn but BG wrestles it away from him and restates the challenge, this time specifically targeting Shawn Michaels. They tell Shawn to meet them next Wednesday at high noon at the Alamo in Shawn's hometwon of San Antonio, TX, and we'll get to see the footage next Thursday on Impact. Oh, the anticipation......
This week's PCS event is Musical Chairs, and because there is no radio for music, the music will be provided by Kevin Nash (w/ omnipresent bullhorn) singing. His first song is "Amazing Grace" and as Lethal calls time out to protest, the music stops, thus eliminating Lethal first. Next up, "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot", and when Senshi rises from the chair to confront Nash about singing in his ear with the bullhorn, the music stops, and Senshi is eliminated. No music, but we see Shelley eliminated next, thus leaving Dutt and Starr the last two standing. Everyone (sans Senshi) sings "Adrenaline Rush" and during a chorus break, Dutt sits and thinks he's won, but it's a false finish and everyone (aided by Starr's gesturing) keeps singing and while Dutt protests, the music stops, Starr sits and wins. Shelley claims not to be a sore loser and moves in to kiss Dutt, not Starr.
JB is now seated with Gail Kim for an interview to address the AMW break-up. Kim talks about how she's dealt with the situation and as she's talking James Storm (w/ his new partner Coors Light) takes a seat and accuses Gail of talking behind his back. She tells him she's just telling her side and hasn't discussed anything with Chris Harris yet and Storm tells her she has no choices, because the only women he sees in TNA are her and Borash (funny) so there's no TNA women's division, makes some ill-advised racial comments about her other job options (not so funny), plus Harris isn't coming back, so he tells her she has 7 days to figure out where her loyalties are and walks away.
2 - Homicide vs. Brother Runt (no-DQ street fight)
LAX's entrance video hadn't ended when we go live to Runt attacking Homicide before the bell outside the ring, hitting him with the tag belt then tossing him into the ring. Runt with a double stomp face wash before sending Homicide back to the outside, then Runt goes up top and bodypresses the beleaguered Homicide. Runt now has a chair and places it around Homicide's head and throws him chair first into the ringpost. Runt catches up to Homicide and chokes him with electrical cords, then runs up the ramp to run down and attack some more but Homicide ducks and back body drops Runt to the ramp. Homicide now has a ladder and puts Runt's head into it and hits runt's protruding head with a chair, leaving a nice gash on the back of Runt's head. Runt gets tossed back in the ring and Homicide attempts to shoot him into the ropes but Runt reverses the attempt with a kick to the gut, then hits an Acid Drop on Homicide. Runt goes for the pin but Konnan has now shown up to distract Earl Hebner, leaving Hernandez to sneak in the other side and pick up Runt and Border Toss him onto the ladder currently propped up in the corner, leaving Runt as easy prey for the pin by Homicide.
Post-match is the LAX 3 on 1 numbers game we've all come to know and expect (unless you're a member of a babyface faction) until Team 3D rushes down to save Runt before he can fall victim to a Gringo Killer and LAX quickly scatters.
A segments airs with the 3 combatants for the X-Division title. Jerry Lynn says he's fighting for respect from Sabin and Daniels, Chris Sabin calls Lynn past his prime and says he's the future of the X-Division, and Daniels says he doesn't care about respect from either man, because the respect he needs comes with the X-Division title, and after this match he will be known as the greatest X-Division champion ever.
We now go to footage provided by James Mitchell, and he and Abyss are currently outside the prison which we can ascertain once housed our champion. As Mitchell yanks Abyss around like a small child and shoves him into the fence surrounding the prison, beating him down with his cane and his words, Mitchell tells Abyss that it wasn't Sting who freed him from those walls, it was him, and he can see to it that Abyss can be put back in there, because the info that Cage and Tomko have been threatening is but a tiny piece, but Mitchell knows about the whole puzzle, and it's a story Mitchell says "even the devil couldn't write." Mitchell tells Abyss the bond between him and Sting will end tonight or else, and the last of the footage we see is Abyss choking out Mitchell and screaming at him.
3 - Christian Cage (w/Tomko) vs. Kurt Angle
After Cage's intro palys, Cornette is up on the ImpactTron and he has a message for Christian. Seems ever since Tomko has come to TNA, every one of Cage's matches has involved interference from Tomko. Therefore, this Sunday, Tomko will be barred from ringside for the NWA title match. Since Tomko hasn't been established as a wrestler, why not bar him from the building? With TNA trying to save money these days there's no sense letting Tomko near the catering table either, but I digress. Angle's intro plays, and as Kurt steps through his pyro we see Samoa Joe running uo the tunnel and attacking Kurt from behind, then throwing him into the ring steps. Joe peppers Angle with stiff rights to the jaw, then chokes him over the ring barrier before Angle kicks his way out of that mess, then Angle removes his jacket and starts to choke out Joe. A low elbow to Angle's dangle sets Joe free and after chasing down Kurt Joe throws him over the broadcast table into Tenay's lap. As a smiling Christian looks on, Joe headbutts Angle, knees him in the gut, then throws him into the crowd. As Security finally shows up, we go to a commercial break.
Joe and Angle are still fighting through the crowd as we return to action. Jim Cornette comes running out with a mic in hand and tells Security that if these two want to fight so bad, let them go at it, for their job now is to protect the fans. From what I've seen of Impact Zone Security I'd take my own chances, but thanks anyways. Joe pursues Angle through the crowd, catching up to him and throwing him into one of the rusty aluminum walls that decorate the Impact Zone, then takes him and throws him through the door into the backstage area. Cage and Tomko now leave the ring to bark at Cornette as the camera now takes us backstage where Joe throws Angle into a guardrail. Before Joe can catch up to him, Angle grabs a nearby chair and rams it into Joe's ample gut, then hits him a couple times across the back. Angle rips off his shirt and tries to choke Joe out again, then tries for an Angle Lock but Joe kicks him away, picks up the chair, returns the gut-shot favor and hits him across the back. Joe in pursuit catches Kurt and throws him into a wall pipe, then rakes his eyes from behind. The free backstage tour of the Impact Zone continues as Joe runs Kurt into a door, ironically marked "TNA assumes no responsibility for injuries to individuals during performances." Wasn't that what worried Cornette in the first place? Anyways, Joe catches his breath andgoes to pick up Angle off the ground but Angle arm-sweeps the leg and puts Joe in an Angle Lock, but Joe twists out and kicks Angle into the door with his free leg. Joe gets up and slams Angle repeatedly into the door, them leads him down another hallway while raking the eyes some more. Joe procures a "Wet Floor" sign and goes to hit Kurt with it but Angle strikes first with a long sheet of plywood, then hits him a few more times with the same plywood. Angle moves in to pick up Joe but Joe still has the "Wet Floor" sign and rams Kurt in the gut with it, then slams the sign across his back. Joe tosses Angle into a wooden pallet, then clotheslines Kurt against the wall. Joe is now leading Kurt back towards the production truck, stopping for a quick nibble on Angle's cranium on the way. Angle reaches the truck before Joe and Kurt kicks Joe in the stomach, then slams him into a tabletop a couple times. Uppercuts to follow by Angle, and Don Harris has emerged from the truck to try and restore order as Joe picks up Kurt and slams him through the table as we go to the final break.
We're back and Angle has somehow made it to the ring. Cornette asks both men to stop but Joe has now returned with more security in tow and the battle rages on. Angle leaps at Joe from the ring apron, then drags him over to the broadcast table and tries to slam his head into the table but Joe blocks and slips behind Kurt to try the rear naked choke but Angle quickly slips out and both men battle across the broadcast table before Security finally restrains both men long enough for Cornette to tell them their match at Final Resolution will be a 30 minute Iron Man match. As Angle sits in the ring to let that news sink in, an opportunistic Christian has returned and attacks Angle from behind as Tomko forces the timekeeper to ring the bell. Cage pulls Angle up to deliver some more punishment but Angle has an uppercut waiting for him, then hits a German Suplex on Cage before Tomko jumps in to keep his streak alive and help attack Angle. Cage and Tomko have Angle down but the lights go out, and who else but Sting to save the day. Sting throws Christian out of the ring as Angle almost German Suplexes Tomko right into Cage and Sting behind him, but the ring is cleared except for Sting and Angle who sort of eye each other as we go to the "Adrenaline Rush" finale to end the show.
High Impact Points
1. Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle brawl - Time and time over the years we as wrestling fans have been conditioned to the "hot brawl" at the end of shows. You know, the two combatants are fighting as the announcer says "We're out of time..." and you're left wondering ' what just happened?' Well, tonight we finally got paid off, as we saw one of the most intense TV brawls in modern free TV history. Obviously promotions don't do it all the time so you'll pay to see it live or at a PPV, and that makes perfect sense 999 times out of a thousand, but TNA's business plan being what it is it's a perfect opportunity to give a taste of what's to come this Sunday. Too bad they couldn't make it a 60 minute Iron Man Match but heaven forbid you take PPV time away from VKM.
2. James Mitchell/Abyss segment - I thought this was a great way to illustrate the psychological hold that Mitchell has on Abyss, and Abyss played the part of the monster terrified of being anywhere near the prison to perfection. How they got him to film other vignettes in front of that same prison (the show intro, for example) without flipping out is another story for another day, but the story here is how Mitchell has the power to make Abyss doing his bidding and the consequences for Abyss should he choose otherwise, and this was well done.
3. X-Division Segment - no, not the PCS. The segment featuring comments from Christopher Daniels, Jerry Lynn, and Chris Sabin. One of the problems nowadays with PPV's being churned out monthly is that story development is often sacrificed, therefore you know what they are competing for, but no particular reason why, that's just how it is. This segment was very simple, yet I though effective, in getting each competitor's motivations (Lynn = Respect, Sabin = he's the X-div. future, Daniels = greatest ever) leading into the match.
Low Impact Points
1. The 'race' card - James Storm telling Gail Kim she'll have to go back to her Uncle's Golden Wok to flip rice paddies? VKM wearing sombreros and ponchos to illustrate they are going to The Alamo? How did TNA Creative miss the golden opportunity for Kurt Angle to whip coconuts at Samoa Joe? Nash actually didn't slip in a "because you're black" remark to Jay Lethal this week. Did somebody think that would be overkill?
2. TNA vs. Logic and Continuity - This week, Cornette rules Tomko is barred from ringside because he interferes in every Christian Cage match. Has he ever watched an LAX match? Speaking of LAX, why did Konnan bother distracting the referee since it's no-DQ? They obviously had a 3 on 1 advantage there, Hernandez could've just walked in the ring, did the same thing and by rule there's no consequences. Then there's Ms. Brooks, who practically undressed herself to distract Rhino, yet a full 5 minutes later pulled her hair back up, buttoned her blouse back up, put her glasses and tie back on to talk to Eric Young, who she's trying to entice to join Roode Enterprises. Huh?
3. VKM - not only are the segments pretty much pointless by now, but then you draw attention to it by telling us you've been doing this for 4 weeks? It seems like 4 years actually. And unless the sombreros and panchos were an attempt to bait LAX (which wouldn't be the worst idea, actually, given that this current storyline is brutal), it seemed completely out of place and treading on the border of racist given their scheduled "invasion" of San Antonio.
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