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By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
July 19, 2007
Taped July 16 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
They open with a music video recap of the Victory Road PPV, starting with the Ultimate X match and ending with Samoa Joe becoming tag champions.
Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show while fireworks shot off. West hyped a "shocking challenge" by Samoa Joe tonight.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash knocked on Kurt Angle's door. Angle said, "Go away!" Borash entered anyway and found Angle in a tanning bed. Angle told Borash to tell Jim Cornette he knows where to find him. Angle told Borash he's busy. They went back and forth on whether Borash was looking at his package. Angle told Cornette he's in a tanning bed as part of his maintenance program. "Do you know how hard it is being Kurt Angle?" he asked. Borash paused, then asked Angle about Samoa Joe's announcement tonight. Angle told Borash that he's going to be arrested for stealing the tag titles from him at the PPV.
Triple X came to the ring for a six-man tag match while Tenay hyped the former group. Serotonin was already in the ring.
1 -- TRIPLE X (ELIX SKIPPER & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & SENSHI) vs. SEROTONIN (RAVEN & HAVOK & MARTYR)
The action broke down early, giving Don West ample time to hype the PPV replay to see the gimmick Ultimate X match. Tenay said it was a break-out performance by Kaz in the match. Raven used his snot rag to choke Daniels in the corner, then Daniels broke free before walking into a scoop slam. Serotonin continued to work on Daniels while Tenay plugged the TNA Mobile Hotline for a former world champion negotiating with TNA. Who, Ricky Banderas? Senshi took a hot tag at 3:00, then cleaned house. The action broke down, with Raven falling all over the ring. Daniels then dropped Havok with a Rock Bottom before they went to three separate corners of the ring for a Skipper guillotine leg drop, Daniels BME, and Senshi Double Foot Stomp combo for the win. Sweet.
After the match, Kaz hit the ring and caned Martyr and Havok. He then pounded on Raven with right hand blows before Havok and Martyr overtook Kaz. Raven then chased Kaz out of the ring.
WINNERS: Triple X in 4:00. Nice finishing sequence that was memorable for anyone who's never seen that combo. Kaz vs. Raven coming to a PPV near you. (*)
Backstage, again, Borash knocked on Angle's tanning bed and Angle was turned over on his stomach. Angle accused Borash of looking at his ass. Borash told Angle that if he doesn't see Cornette, it would be $10,000 out of his check. "What? That's like a suit to me," Angle said. Angle then got out of the tanning bed and his possessions - suit, underwear, and title belts - were gone. We found out Borash goes commando. Angle said he's going to find out where his stuff is.
Backstage, Leticia interviewed Christian's group about his match against Harris tonight. Christian said he's going to pin Harris again, just like at the PPV. Leticia brought up Dustin Rhodes's involvement at the PPV. Christian said he doesn't ask for help, but he always has back-up. James Storm then rambled out a promo in between sips of beer. Christian didn't understand Southern Ramble, so he asked Styles for a translation. They left Tomko, who made a snide comment to Leticia before they cut to ringside.
Tenay and West started talking, but Team 3D interrupted on a house mic. Brother Ray said they know the Steiner Brothers aren't here tonight, but they know they're watching and listening. Ray said the Steiners ruined their night at the PPV by costing them a potential World or X Division Title, not to mention the tag titles. Ray told Scott to show up next week if he has the nuts. Ray made light of Steiner's injury, so Tenay snapped on him with the cold hard facts. Devon then wrapped his arm around Tenay's neck and Ray said Tenay would have a little injury himself if he doesn't keep his mouth shut. West tried to defend Tenay, but Ray grabbed him by the neck. Ray then tried to fight off security with a timekeeper's mallet. Yeah, that'll work. They quickly cut backstage.
Backstage, Angle walked down the hallway with Borash in just a Speedo. He approached an office worker if she knew where his stuff is. She wasn't sure how to respond. "What? You've never seen a guy in his underwear?" Angle asked. She scurried along down the hallway, then Angle slipped into a side room with Borash.
Backstage, Angle stood on a bench and addressed the locker room. He talked about having his stuff stolen by someone in the locker room. He said he looks around and sees lower carders, mid-carders, and main event wannabees. Angle said he sees potential truck drivers, 7/11 workers, but he doesn't see his titles, suit, or underwear. The wrestlers tried to hold in their laughter, then Angle snapped on Shark Boy. He dropped him on the floor with European uppercuts while the other wrestlers stood back.
Christy Hemme led out Lance Hoyt for a match. West asked Tenay if he was all right. Tenay then talked about Scott Steiner nearly losing his life in Puerto Rico had he not made it to the hospital in time. Kip James then came out with B.G. and the voodoo chick, Roxxi. B.G. did commentary on the match.
2 -- LANCE HOYT (w/Christy Hemme) vs. KIP JAMES (w/B.G. James and Roxxi LeVeaux)
Hoyt ran over Kip while B.G. gave us a history lesson on Roxxi being a sort of Sherri Martel-to-Harlem Heat type female managerial figure. B.G. said they tried to give Hoyt "the rub," but he turned his back on them. Kip made a comeback at 2:00 with a clothesline into an elbow drop for a nearfall. He missed with a corner clothesline, but caught Hoyt with the Fameasser in center ring. He made the cover for the win.
After the match, Christy was more than upset ringside while Kip celebrated. Christy slipped into the ring and tried to give Kip a low blow from behind, but Kip blocked and grabbed her arms. He brought in Roxxi, who did her shimmy and shake into the ring. Roxxi gave Christy the dominator, then slid through Kip's legs to pose for the hard camera.
WINNER: Kip James in 3:00. So much for Hoyt's "push". Quick, clean, and decisive TV victory for Kip. Time for Christy to move on and find another beau based on how this storyline has unfolded. (1/2*)
Backstage, Leticia interviewed Samoa Joe about his big challenge. He said that one person affected would have to wait until later to hear his challenge.
Backstage, the camera was focused on Angle's upper body as he stood on a table with Borash in the production/writing room. So, we know the show is taped now. Angle addressed the writers and producers about someone stealing his stuff. He turned his back and the camera focused on his ass while he counted to ten for someone to turn in his stuff. A dude in khaki shorts tried to leave, but Angle snapped on him and threw him into a wall. Great Khali...er...Angle threw the dude back into the chair before telling everyone to have a nice day.
Christian Cage led out his group to the ring for a tag match. Rhino then came out, as if nothing happened at the PPV. Gee, I wonder why people think this stuff is fake and don't invest their emotions in an angle when a guy gets his brain busted in at the PPV, then he's running to the ring fresh as a daisy on the next TV show.
3 -- CHRISTIAN CAGE (w/Tomko) & JAMES STORM (w/Ms. Jackie Moore) vs. RHINO & CHRIS HARRIS
Rhino ran over Christian in the opening minute before throwing him high into the air. Christian came back with a hair throw, sending Rhino into the mat. Storm then took a tag and bailed from the ring. Christian took advantage of Rhino's over-aggressiveness giving chase and knocked him to the floor with a clothesline. Cut to break.
Back from break, Christian and Storm took turns working on Rhino. Tenay gave an announcement that he's received word from Jim Cornette that the Steiners will be on Impact next week to confront Team 3D. They plugged the TNA Mobile while the heels continued to work on Rhino in the ring. Suddenly, Rhino caught Christian with a top rope clothesline, then Chris Harris took a hot tag. He had a stare down with Storm, his former tag partner, before they exchanged blows. The action broke down, then Rhino clotheslined Christian to the floor. Rhino followed with a belly-to-belly suplex on Storm, then Christian pulled him to the floor. Harris blocked a superkick and hit the catatonic on Storm, and had a pin, but Tomko pulled the ref to the outside. From behind, Dustin Rhodes slipped into the ring and hit Harris in the back with a steel chair. Storm then made a cover for the win.
After the match, Rhino worked on Storm, but Jackie grabbed him from behind. Rhino simply lifted her in the air for a press slam, but Tomko kicked him in the face with a big boot. Christian and Storm then brought beer into the ring and shared a few rounds. Before they could pour beer down Rhino's throat, Abyss's music hit and he walked to the ring with purpose, as Tenay put it. The heels quickly bailed from the ring and Christian smiled that Abyss couldn't get him. But, from behind, Sting placed a baseball bat underneath Christian's crotch and pulled him. He then dragged Christian into the ring for Abyss to go to town. Christian bailed before Abyss could inflict the big damage, then he escaped through the crowd to the back.
WINNERS: Storm & Christian in 6:00. As usual, post-match took precedence. Two things here. One - TNA is going to milk the hint of man-on-woman violence for all its worth without having a woman actually get her comeuppance. Two - in the wrestling business, never reveal a major weakness that can be exploited or turned into a rib, as now the heels just tease Rhino with beer every chance they get. (3/4*)
Backstage, Cornette approached Angle and said he's crazy for wanting to go to the ring sporting just a Speedo. Cornette pulled out Joseph's Technicolor dreamcoat and handed it to Angle to cover up. He said he expects Angle to have the $10,000 on his desk by Monday. Wait, Cornette was supposed to take the money out of Angle's check, not receive a lump-sum cash payment that can't be traced in the books.
Backstage, Leticia followed Christian and Styles as they tried to leave the building. Styles said he didn't have a vehicle to escape. Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks approached and said they would take care of Abyss. Styles said he could take care of Abyss and Sting. They ran to a Dodge truck and Styles hopped behind the wheel. They started the ignition, only to find Abyss in the backseat. Abyss then comically stormed out of the truck and shouted to the camera. This turned into unintentional comedy hour very quickly with a series of Scooby Doo-like coincidences, mixed with amateur hour acting.
Kurt Angle came to the ring in his robe and shower shoes before addressing the crowd. He said he has a sense of humor and does think pranks are pretty funny. The fans chanted, "You suck...clap clap...you suck" before going for the "Joe, Joe, Joe" chant. Angle said he can't seem to come up with his stuff, so if anyone were to steal his titles, Armani suit, and underwear, there has to be someone sick enough to do it. He blamed the fans for taking his stuff to sell on eBay. Angle said he would take on all the fans.
Suddenly, Samoa Joe's music hit and he walked out with a ton of gold belts. How do you explain that much gold to airport security? Joe then entered the ring and said he's not a thief. He said he came to the ring to put the past nine months behind them. Angle clapped it up, then Joe reminisced on their wars in the ring. Joe said he wants to start the next chapter in Joe vs. Angle by giving Angle his belts back. He then said he wants to find out who the best in the world is since both of them hold a ton of gold. Joe handed Angle his suit back, but said he didn't steal his underwear because he knows Angle showed up tonight wearing the Speedo. Joe said they need to let the last nine months go, and start over with Joe vs. Angle at Hard Justice with all the gold on the line. Angle stared down at the belts Joe had placed in center ring and Joe asked if he's in or if he's in. Joe extended his hand, Angle looked over the gold, then Joe backed away when Angle didn't give an answer. Angle then went in and shook hands before they hugged.
Joe suddenly gave Angle a headbutt and stomped him into the mat. Joe gave Angle an elbow smash to the chest before bailing out of the ring. He went under the ring and yanked out a table before sliding it into the ring. Joe stripped Angle of Joseph's coat before setting up the table in the corner. He went for a running slam into the table, but Angle slipped out and slammed Joe into the table. Angle then put Joe in the anklelock in center ring. They ended the show with Angle having Joe locked in his grasp. Angle gets the one-up on Joe once again.
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