TV REPORTS CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 11/1: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of two-hour show
Nov 1, 2007 - 9:59:41 PM
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By James Caldwell, Torch columnist
TNA Impact on Spike TV
November 1, 2007
Taped October 29 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
They opened with a recap of last week's big title switch to Kurt Angle. Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show and said Junior Fatu wouldn't be in the #1 Contender tournament for "unknown reasons".
Kurt Angle opened up the action, with Karen Angle following behind with her always-concerned look. Angle didn't get three words out before the fans chanted, "Angle sucks". Angle proceeded to explain the entire Sting-Nash-Angle-mystery partner situation, as if we didn't see the show last week. Finally, Sting interrupted and Angle said he's going to crack the code on Sting's mystery partner because he watches CSI, Law & Order, and 24. Sting, making sure TNA seems relevant, said his mystery partner is a former WWE and WCW champion. He said the person doesn't like Kurt either. Kurt said everyone loves me. Cue up Nash's music. Kevin Nash walked out and said he doesn't love Kurt, or even like him. He called him a jackass, then told Kurt not to worry about Sting's partner, but worry about him as his partner. Nash said their issue is just getting heated up. Kurt said he's tired of running from Nash and he can take him. Nash slowly approached the ring and Kurt bailed once Nash stepped over the top rope to the floor. Kurt didn't see Sting, though, and Sting sent Kurt back into the ring where Nash landed a right hand blow. Sting and Nash played around with Kurt before knocking him to the floor. Suddenly, security hit the ring for no apparent reason. Sting and Nash made eye contact.
Ringside, Tenay and West broke down the line-up tonight. Christian Cage is facing ? tonight. Seriously, they put a "?" on the bracket graphic for who's replacing Fatu.
1 -- JAMES STORM (w/Jackie Moore) vs. KAZ -- Fight for the Right semi-final match
Kaz hit a splash on the floor less than 15 seconds into the match. Jackie then distracted Kaz, allowing Storm to land an implant DDT off the middle rope. Storm then hit the Eye of the Storm spinning drop slam for a nearfall. He followed with Carlito's back cracker for another nearfall. Kaz then rolled through on a roll up and bridge pinned Storm for the win.
After the match, Eric Young showed up with a pack of beer. Oh well, Kaz won a match. Young then gave Storm a beer to drink. They had a beer drinking contest. West pointed out that it's no longer about who wins the wrestling matches in the tournament, but now it's about drinking beer. They finished off the final beer and Storm looked at Young like he was impressed.
WINNER: Kaz in 2:00. I don't even know why they have wrestling matches on this show when something seemingly more important frequently follows the in-ring action. (1/2*)
Backstage, Karen approached Kurt and Jeremy Borash, who were poring over documents in a dark room with a big ceiling light. What is Borash's role these days? Karen laughed at Kurt and Borash for playing games, then said she had some business to take care of.
They went to Crystal's sit-down interview with Kevin Nash from earlier in the day. Nash said he has an opportunity to win the World Title, so for him, he's in a three-on-one situation. She asked Nash about being rusty in a big title match. Nash said he hasn't ridden a book in a few years, but he could probably pick one up tomorrow and ride it well. He said he has two phone calls out to find out who Sting's tag partner is.
Team 3D came out and Brother Ray mocked the fans for chanting "That was awesome" for no apparent reason during X Division action. Amen to that. Finally, some sense from Ray. Ray then talked about having some action with Sabin and Shelley's mothers three hours ago in the hotel room. He said the X Division is just a bunch of little guys flip-flopping around in the ring. "Take a deep breath," Tenay chimed in. Ray talked about this new "star rating system", as if it's a new concept. He said the only two stars around here are in the ring. He proceeded to rip on opinion-givers sitting at home behind a keyboard, saying what's best for the X Division. He gave the old argument that we can't cut it in the wrestling business.
Shelley and Sabin interrupted and my reverse psychology worked to get them promo time! Sabin said they want Team 3D to shut the hell up. He said he knows Ray hates his archenemies: exercise, but there's another thing going on: the X Division hates Team 3D as well. Shelley said they're standing up to bullies tonight. He said Sabin's hand is the hand of vengeance that will b----slap the taste out of their mouths. Devon took the mic and said the deal is done, as far as they are concerned. He said they're going to end this tonight.
Ray then called for the tables. They couldn't find tables, though. Suddenly, random men holding tables showed up on the stage. Oh, that's the X Division. Other random men then stormed the ring and tried to jump Team 3D, but they fought them off. A total of seven or eight men finally subdued Team 3D, but Petey Williams lost control and Team 3D was able to bail to the outside. Shelley took the mic and said it sucks being attacked from behind, so they're going to take them out at the PPV.
They went back to Kurt Angle's secret meeting room, where Jay Lethal figured out that Kurt was talking about Sting. Lethal saw a snake on the wall and started screaming at him. Lethal said he was talking about the Warrior, not Sting. High School reunion continued with Lethal talking about Warrior freaking out, and Kurt got carried away listening to the story. Kurt's advisor, Borash, put Kurt back on track. Lethal said maybe Wahoo McDaniel will be the partner. Kurt send Lethal scurrying away. Suddenly, So Cal Val showed up and she locked eyes with Lethal, who went silent. She wet her lips and Lethal grabbed his hat in nervousness.
They went back to the terrible triangle of love between Lance Hoyt, Christy Hemme, and Jimmy Rave. Crystal held the mic while Christy screamed at Jimmy for coming in between them. Hoyt and Rave announced their new team name. No one could hear Hoyt talk, though. Christy then cockteased Hoyt, and said he's not getting any tonight. She left, and Hoyt said that's not right. Like everyone else, he blamed Rave for his problems.
2 -- AWESOME KONG vs. CHRISTY HEMME (w/Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave)
King came out with her Gail Kim glossy photo, then Hemme came out and tried to pump herself up. she charged Kong, who no-sold everything before landing a huge chest bump. Rave had a good laugh ringside while Hoyt tried to show some concern. Kong picked up Hemme, who slipped on a sleeperhold, but Kong came back with a backhand slap and thighmaster torture rack. Kong called for the end and landed a sit down powerbomb for the win. Hoyt and Rave could only wince from ringside. Kong then picked up her Gail Kim photo and stared it down.
WINNER: Kong in 2:00. Another squash to establish Kong's dominance in the women's division. (1/2*)
Back to Crystal, who went to knock on Sting's locker room door, only to find Eric Young sitting at the door eavesdropping. Young heard the name of the mystery partner, then he jumped up and down. Because he's a sucker for a pretty lady, Young whispered the name in Crystal's ear. They jumped up and down in delight, then Crystal said she was so excited.
Robert Roode showed up at Kurt's headquarters and Roode explained that Kurt can learn a lot from him. He said he has a good handle on how to treat a lady, then told Kurt to get hold of his woman. He said Kurt needs to wear the pants in the family, and get a leash on Karen. Roode told him all women are crazy and Karen is probably out screwing around behind his back. Roode left, then Kurt had a moment of pause.
Tenay and West rambled, then off to Crystal interviewing Dustin Rhodes. No Black Reign tonight. Rhodes said he warned people about Black Reign, and it's made him angry. Him, I think is Black Reign. Or something. Suddenly, Abyss jumped Rhodes backstage and threw him through a wall. Abyss grabbed a toy box and smashed it over Rhodes's head. Inside the box was a little key. Hey, a key to the Dungeon of Doom! Abyss didn't like the key, so he threw it down at RhodeReign.
And back to Kurt Angle in his underground headquarters. Chris Harris had a print-out of some sort of comments from other wrestlers or something. Angle was agitated as Harris read all of the complaints about Kurt's family drama taking up all the time on Impact, while Tenay and West are talking non-stop about Kurt during other people's matches. Kurt snapped at Harris that he's supposed to be interrogating him. Boy, there are going to be even more letters after this show.
VKM was with Kurt in the dark room now. Angle snuck up behind Kip James and asked him who he is. Angle asked Kip about his history of his ass, then his "marriage thing". Kip snapped back that he's about to stick his size 14 up his - Kurt cut him off. B.G. told Kurt to sit down and talk. Kurt and B.G. changed positions on who's asking the questions. B.G. asked Kurt about his father, and Kurt broke down in tears. Kurt said his father never told him he loves him. Roxxi just stood there rubbing her hands together. Kurt kept crying, then VKM walked away.
Crystal interviewed Christian backstage. She brought up Junior Fatu not showing up. "Can someone please explain to me what is going on around here?" Christian asked. Boy, if that isn't the million dollar question. He called Kurt's mystery interrogation like an episode of Reno:911. I hear that. This show is a parody of a wrestling show, so a fitting reference. Christian said it's only fitting that the opponent he was supposed to face tonight didn't show up. He went looking for Styles and Tomko. Suddenly, Kevin Nash was sitting off in a corner on the phone. He didn't like what he heard, so he got up and threw his chair away.
Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks walked out for a mixed tag match. Before they got to the ring, the plant Roode fan screamed at Roode and Brooks. She wanted to be Roode's number one. Gail Kim then walked out by herself. Samoa Joe came out as her tag partner. Tenay quickly announced a four-way women's title match at the PPV. Joe has a match with Roode.
3 -- ROBERT ROODE & MS. BROOKS vs. Women's champion GAIL KIM & SAMOA JOE
Roode played cowardly heel early on, throwing Brooks to the lions at the open of the match. Gail dominated Brooks, but she missed with a turnaround splash from the corner. Brooks and Roode had a shouting match when Brooks couldn't score a pinfall, then Brooks fired up with a flying left-arm lariat. Gail took advantage of the arguing and came off the top with a missile dropkick. The men battled, then Brooks ran into Joe's chest and Joe tagged out to Gail. Meanwhile, Joe flew through the ropes with an elbow strike on Roode. In the ring, Gail rolled up Brooks for the win.
Afterward, Brooks tried to hide her fear of Roode, who screamed at Brooks after the match. He called her pathetic and useless. Roode said he's begging Brooks to quit. He asked for one good reason why he shouldn't fire her. Gail Kim then ran into the ring and slapped Roode on the back. Gail said she's tired of watching him treat her like that. She said everyone is sick of it. Roode sarcastically asked what she's going to do about it. She gave him a light slap, then Roode tried to strike back, but Joe ran back into the ring and cleared Roode to the outside. They brawled to the outside before cutting to a break.
WINNERS: Gail & Joe in 5:00. It's refreshing to see someone on this show actually play a role of heel or babyface with no gray area. Roode is the top heel on this show and he makes it very easy to hate his character. While everyone else is trying to do comedy or remember the good 'ole days, Roode is just cutting killer promos. It won't get anyone to buy a PPV to watch Joe vs. Roode, as the direct issue between the two isn’t very clear, but at least Roode is playing his role well. (*)
They returned with blood splattered on the camera. Joe and Roode were still battling, with Joe completely busted wide open. They went to footage from during the break when the Roode fan plant was booted from ringside. They showed Joe busting his head open in the ring steps. Roode and Joe continued to brawl with blood flying all over. Security tried to intervene, then they went back to Angle.
Borash took over the interrogation. He brought in Talia and Angel to suggest a three-way. They told Kurt they know who Sting's partner is. Angle told them to spill the beans, but they needed a reason to do so. Borash pulled out his hotel room key and said they could talk it over at the hotel across the street. They said they needed to whisper to Borash alone. Borash put his arms around them, then they kneed him in the balls. Borash bent over in pain, then they handed the hotel room key back over and left in a huff. Angle asked who it is. He said pain. "Powers of Pain?" Angle asked. Borash said, no, he's experiencing massive amounts of pain right now.
Christian Cage walked out for his tournament match. He brought a ladder with him. Chris Harris showed up as the ? to face Cage.
4 -- CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. CHRIS HARRIS -- Fight for the Right semi-final match
Tenay and West spent the first minute of the match putting over "TNA management" for sticking Harris in the tournament. They spent the next minute complaining about Chris Harris complaining about them after all the things they did for him. They said it's time for Harris to put up or shut up in the ring.
They returned with Christian missing a top rope frog splash in center ring. During the break, the ref prevented Christian from using his trusty ladder. Back to the action, where Harris landed a spinebuster for a nearfall. Christian came back with an elbow smash from the middle rope.
The action continued with an exchange of offensive control. Christian landed a reverse DDT for a nearfall, then he ran into a spear from Harris. The action really slowed down, as Harris sold an injury. Christian called a spot in Harris's ear, then Harris countered the Unprettier with an Unprettier of his own for a nearfall. They finally went into a finishing sequence where Christian rolled through on a pin and hooked the tights/top rope for the win. After the match, Christian smashed Harris with the ladder after Harris complained about the officiating. Christian then climbed the ladder and hit a leaping frog splash.
WINNER: Christian in 13:00. Usually, the idea is to finish a match with a flurry, not slow down into a 15 MPH Sunday drive in a 50 MPH zone. Either Harris was legit injured or both men were completely gassed at the end. This is what happens when the wrestlers are so used to wrestling two minute matches on TV. At least the match story was there, as they had something on the line with a potential advancement to the #1 Contender match. (3/4*)
Backstage, Crystal tentatively approached Nash while some stagehand tried to run out of the background behind Nash's shoulder. Nash said in all his years in the business, he shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. He said he has to go find Kurt.
Back in Angle HQ, Kurt ripped into Eric Young, who was tied up to a wall. He demanded to know who the partner is. He said it's Shockmaster. Angle slapped him again. Borash defended Young and said he's not talking. Angle told Borash to take care of his friend or it's his ass. Ringside, Tenay and West were shocked at Angle taking out his frustrations on Young and Borash. They broke down the Genesis PPV card. Gail vs. ODB vs. Roxxi vs. Angel "don't call me Ashley Massaro" Williams. 3D vs. Sabin & Shelley. Joe vs. Roode. Angle & Nash vs. Sting & ??. Suddenly, Black Reign peered over Tenay's shoulder from the videotron. Reign said Abyss just needed to ask to play. Tenay and West were uncomfortable. Reign challenged Abyss to a Match of Horrors match at the PPV. He said Abyss should have taken the key because now Abyss's worst nightmare is about to be unleashed. Goodie, another stunt gimmick match.
Tenay and West broke down the bullet points on the tag team title match. LAX challenges Styles & Tomko with no promo time for either team ahead of the match. Well, with 15 Angle segments on the show, I guess it was just too hard for them to find promo time for these guys. Shucks.
5 -- A.J. STYLES & TOMKO vs. LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ) -- TNA Tag Title match
Styles had a temper tantrum when he kept running into Hernandez's big frame and didn't find favorable results. So, Tomko tagged in and exchanged blows with Hernandez. Tomko and Styles were knocked to the outside, then Homicide ran through the ropes with a cannonball dive onto the heel tag champs. Homicide slapped hands with West, then they cut to a break.
They returned with Homicide dumping Styles across the ring with a high back body drop. He followed with an overhead slam. The ref was distracted, though, by Tomko and Hernandez bickering on the floor. Homicide made a cover on Styles, but the ref was still standing on the outside doing a three-person tango. That allowed Styles to land a low blow in the ring. The heels took control as the ref finally found the in-ring action more to his liking. Styles dropped Homicide with a big dropkick for a nearfall, then the heels started working over Homicide. Hernandez took a hot tag at 8:00 and started tossing people around with power moves. He went for the Border Toss on Styles, but Tomko landed a boot to the face. He came back with a clothesline taking Tomko to the floor. Hernandez nailed a shoulder breaker on Styles, but Styles just got a shoulder up. they went for a Doomsday Device, but Tomko broke it up. The action broke down, then Tomko landed a clothesline from hell on Hernandez. Styles followed with a top rope 450 splash on Hernandez for the win.
After the match, the tag champs jumped LAX. Suddenly, a random Latino Nation guy showed up with the slapjack. After some crazy editing, they ended up with the champs on the floor. The Steiners then showed up and beat down Styles and Tomko.
WINNERS: Styles & Tomko in 11:00 to retain the tag titles. If there's one guy who needed to be protected in this match, it was the guy who was pinned. There is so much potential for Hernandez as a singles heavyweight wrestler, that TNA should be going out of its way to protect him. Good action at times. (*1/2)
They closed with Kurt confronting Karen about what she was up to tonight. Karen denied any fooling around during the show. Nash then showed up and said they have big problems. He said he knows who Sting's partner is. "Scott," he said. "Scott, who?" Kurt asked. "Scott Hall," he answered back. Kurt threw his hands in the air in frustration. Nash said he's on the show next week. Funny, I don't remember any WWE or WCW Title reigns for Hall. Must have meant WWE and WCW tag title reigns.
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