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5/5 Raw review: Mahling's "alternative perspective" rundown

May 6, 2003 - 2:00:00 AM
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WWE Raw "Alternative Perspective" Rundown
May 5, 2003
Live from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Aired on TNN
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor


Top Five Items from the Program

(1) The Austin/Bischoff Era kicked off tonight about like you'd expect it would. If these two could really put their past behind them and get along, it wouldn't be any fun, would it?

(2) Austin capped off his first night as co-General Manager with the mother of all beer bashes. And who was his special (if somewhat awkward) guest? None other than Bill Goldberg, who can swill beer with the best of them.

(3) Tonight's guests on Chris Jericho's Hi-Lite Reel were Kevin Nash... and Triple H... which led to number 4.

(4) When last we saw Triple H and Kevin Nash, they were engaged in a slow-speed chase through a parking garage. Tonight they were still chasing each other backstage, but this time it was a "hardcore" brawl that left the Champ a bloody mess. The rest of the segment was a mess, too.

(5) And last, but not least, J.R. got his job back.

Review of the Program

Quarter Hour 1

An ethereal photo of Miss Elizabeth was shown prior to the opening credits. "In memory of Elizabeth Hulette," was the caption beneath the picture. (It was the least they could do. The very least.)

The greasy looking opening photo of Eric Bischoff had been replaced with a picture of Stone Cold Steve Austin (complete with a pixelized middle finger salute).

A recap of Linda McMahon's appointment of Stone Cold as co-General Manager started things off.

Jerry "The King" Lawler and Jonathan Coachman welcomed viewers to Raw, live from the Halifax Metro Centre in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, as Stone Cold headed to the ring. The roof blew off the arena as soon as the glass shattered.

Before starting his tirade, he said, Austin wanted to thank Linda McMahon. When she'd asked if he'd be interested in the job, he'd told her "Oh hell yeah." Getting down to the business at hand, he said that right there in the middle of "his" ring, he wanted to throw the biggest beer bash ever, and the crowd was lapping it up.

Stone Cold addressed some of the stupid ideas he'd seen come to pass while he was sitting at home. One was abolishing the Intercontinental Title. Therefore, there would be a battle royal at Judgment Day, and the winner would be the new Intercontinental Champ. Former IC champions would be eligible to enter.

Austin started to explain what he'd like to do on tonight's show, but Eric Bischoff and Chief Morley came out and cut him off.

"Asshole," chanted the crowd.

"Would you people shut up," Bischoff shouted.

"ASSHOLE," the crowd chanted louder.

Bischoff said decisions were supposed to be mutual and Stone Cold had not discussed the IC Championship with him. He reasoned that Austin knew very well that it had been Bischoff who had abolished the IC title. However, in order to prove to Linda McMahon that he was a team player, he agreed to bring back the IC title.

Bischoff had an announcement, too. At Judgment Day, it would be Triple H defending the World Title against Kevin Nash. Stone Cold liked that idea, which surprised Bischoff.

Stone Cold said he even liked Bischoff. Not very much, but he liked him.

Stone Cold said they were both trying to better Raw, and he had one more decision. He'd hired somebody. His good buddy, good old' J.R.... Jim Ross.

To the tune of "Boomer Sooner," J.R. made his way to the ring to a very good pop.

Eric was furious and said it would give him one more opportunity to fire his ass.

"He's hired," said Austin.

"He's fired," countered Bischoff.

And back and forth they went. Bischoff was about to explode, and Austin said he was trying hard not to lose his temper.

"Lose it," chanted the crowd.

Quarter Hour 2

Austin said they could settle it like men... with a match. If Stone Cold won, J.R. stayed; if Bischoff won, J.R. would go.

Much to Bischoff's relief, Linda had added a stipulation to their job descriptions. There were not to lay a hand on each other.

The Chief of Stuff interrupted. He said he'd be happy to wrestle on Bischoff's behalf. But he said he wanted to wrestle J.R.

Jerry Lawler volunteered to wrestle on J.R.'s behalf. Bischoff and Austin shook hands and the deal was sealed.

(Commercial break)

(1) J.R.'s Job on a Pole Match: Jerry Lawler pinned Chief Morley and J.R. kept his job. This was a decent match. Lots of suplexes, some of them rather sloppy, and lots of near falls by each, but it was hardly suspenseful. The King won and J.R. got his job back. J.R. and Stone Cold hopped into the ring to celebrate with the King, while Bischoff summoned Morley. He slapped the Chief of Stuff across the face and stomped off. Morley was stunned.

Coach pulled off his headset and headed to the ring, too. All three announcers stood there and it looked for a minute like all three would be on the announce team. But Stone Cold is always full of surprises, and he gave Coach a pink slip in the form of a stunner.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 3

"I've had it," Bischoff screamed at Morley backstage. Morley tried his best to appease Bischoff, but Bischoff fired him anyway. "You're worthless," he shouted.

Stone Cold bumped into Morley, who told him he'd just been fired.

Stone Cold confronted Bischoff about firing Morley for embarrassing him. Morley perked up, thinking it meant he was still Chief of Staff. "Naw, you're fired," said Stone Cold, who merely wanted the decision to be mutual.

J.R. and Lawler were back at the announce position and were discussing Goldberg's amazing impact last week.

In the locker room, Stacy Keibler told Test and Scott Steiner they both looked great. The Peaks and the Testicles. One was pleased, and the other pissed.

(Commercial break)

J.R. talked about how good it was to be back. The King said he didn't know how he'd get along without Coach, but he'd sure try.

(2) Tag Team Championship Match: Rob Van Dam & Kane over Test & Scott Steiner to retain the titles. RVD and Steiner squared off, and Van Dam looked terrific.

Quarter Hour 4

Steiner worked in some nice power moves before Test tagged in. RVD pulled off some of his unorthodox moves, then Kane tagged in. He can fly, but nothing like Air Van Dam. Test was flying, too, and got a near cover on Kane. Van Dam broke it up. After a mishap which involved Test kicking Steiner in the chops, RVD flattened Test and Kane pinned him to retain the titles.

(Commercial break)

Stone Cold was hanging his picture on the wall in the office. It was huge and dwarfed Bischoff's nearby picture. The room was filled with beer (Molson, of course), which Bischoff refused to sign for. Austin shamed him into signing for it anyway.

Next, Stone Cold wanted to rearrange the furniture. Oh, and he uninvited Bischoff to his beer bash.

Big Kev was walking down a hallway at a fairly brisk pace. For him.

(Commercial break)

Time for the Chris Jericho Hi-Lite Reel, which had a new set tonight. (The Canadian crowd loved him.) He made a couple of cracks about Roddy Piper and the haggis hanging off his bagpipes, then said he intended to win the Intercontinental Championship at Judgment Day.

Tonight's guest was Big Daddy Cool, Kevin Nash. Nash came out wearing a scowl, and Jericho's applause for him was half-hearted.

"Shut up, Jericho," shouted Big Kev (a la Big Show), who immediately started a rant about Triple H.

Jericho was pleased to introduce his next guest, Triple H. Nash responded by tearing up the set and tossing Jericho out of the ring. (How rude.)

As Triple H headed to the ring, Jericho got back in and gave Nash a low blow. Triple H took a chair to Nash's backside, then attempted a Pedigree. Nash powered out, and the two began to throw punches, then it was a flurry of knees and elbows from Diesel. Triple H's shirt got ripped off in the melee. It was a battle of the fluffy-haired warriors.

After Nash smacked the Game with the ring steps, Triple H was busted open. They kept pounding on each other all the way up the ramp and it included referees and officials as the carnage continued. Nash took a wicked shot across the back with a light stand. By this time, the Game was the proverbial crimson mask.

After a conveniently placed shot from "moments ago," the two were shown brawling backstage and slamming each other into anything handy. It spilled out into the street, where Triple H staggered over to an SUV and carjacked it. Nash was enraged as he watched the Game escape once again.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 6

Outside the arena, bodies still littered the pavement. Jericho stood there smirking, until he noticed Stone Cold standing behind him. Jericho began to kiss up, and Austin said he wanted to put him in the main event next week.

"Who are you giving me?" asked a hopeful Jericho.

"Kevin Nash," was the answer, and it was not the one Jericho wanted to hear.

J.R. again thanked the King for helping him get his job back.

(3) Booker T pinned Lance Storm. Storm played up to the home crowd by waiving the Canadian flag. Storm went for the Sharpshooter almost immediately, to the delight of the crowd. Booker escaped and went for a Spineroonie. Good back and forth action, but Booker T made the winning pin.

La Resistance encountered Stacy backstage and mocked her tag team. They thought she'd be a good manager for them.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 7

(4) Tag Team Match: La Resistance (Sylvan Grenier & Rene Dupree) over Tommy Dreamer & Spike Dudley. Not an epic match, but not bad. The newcomers won it, then took a cane to Tommy and Spike in a show of bad sportsmanship. Scott Steiner ran out to make the save. The two Frenchmen began to double team him, but Test made the save for his tag partner. (I smell a feud.)

(Commercial break)

This week on "Confidential," they will take a look at what happened to Miss Elizabeth.

Bischoff was on the phone to Linda McMahon and was complaining about the quantities of beer and the messy office. She told him to deal with it. He said he would, but he intended to raise the bar next week.

Then Eddy Haskell told Mrs. Cleaver how much he dug her. She hung up on him.

Terri attempted to interview Christian backstage about his upcoming match with Goldberg. He called himself the New People's Champion. He was still standing after two spears. He'd avenge the Rock's loss and all the people would be chanting his name.

Trish Stratus was ready for her match with Jazz.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 8

(5) Women's Championship Match: Jazz (w/Teddy Long & Rodney Mack) over Trish Stratus. Trish came out to a good pop from her fellow Canadians. Rodney and Teddy took their places at ringside as the match began. Trish took some horrendous bumps, but battled back. Teddy took his shoe off, but slipped before he could take aim. It looked pretty klutzy. Trish was about to take the win, but Victoria ran out and began to argue with the ref, which gave Jazz an opportunity to make the winning pin.

(Commercial break -- According to J.R. it would be the last break.)

There was a Goldberg chant already in progress as they came back from commercial. Christian headed out first. Backstage, the door to Goldberg's dressing room opened, and he stalked through the halls in goofy-looking black and white trunks. They looked like something he might have borrowed from John Cena during his color-coordinated days.

Three Minute Warning and Rico came out on the stage. They said they wanted a piece of Goldberg and began to hurl empty threats at him. Goldberg was not impressed and told them to bring it on.

Quarter Hour 9

(6) Bill Goldberg vs. Christian didn't happen. Christian high-tailed it, and Goldberg destroyed Three Minute Warning and Rico. After Goldberg pinned Rico for the 1-2-3, Christian appeared and took a chair to Goldberg. Christian escaped through the crowd as Goldberg stood in the ring and bellowed.

Suddenly, Stone Cold's music hit and he headed to the ring to kick off his beer bash. Goldberg started twitching and Austin asked if he had a problem with that.

"Hell yeah," said Mr. Personality. Stone Cold said he could make a Goldberg vs. Christian match next week -- no holds barred and in a steel cage. That turned Goldberg's frown upside down.

With that, Stone Cold began popping tops and swilling beer.

"He must have seen a sign that said drink Canada Dry, and he's going to do it," quipped Lawler.

Stone Cold invited Goldberg to enjoy some of the beer, and he began to open them Stone Cold-style and poured the beer in his mouth as he stood on the rope. People started pouring out from backstage and the beer was flowing freely.

The Texas Rattlesnake and the Creature from the Planet Goldberg are hosting the party," said J.R. as the show went off the air in one of those moments that will surely be a category at the Raw XX show.

The Wrap Up You didn't need to be Miss Cleo to see the outcomes of several of tonight's matches, which were back to being filler between the skits. That being said, it was still a fairly satisfying show. While the interplay between Stone Cold and Bischoff was outstanding, the beer bash seemed awkward and came off a little forced. But best of all, J.R. is back in the saddle again.

Comments? You can reach me at mmahling@pwtorch.com. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.


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