TV REPORTS 2/2 WWE Raw: Mallory's "Alternative Perspective" Review
Feb 2, 2004 - 10:24:00 PM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw Alternative Perspective Coverage
February 2, 2004
Live from State College, Pennsylvania
Aired on Spike TV
Preview and Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Raw was live tonight from the Bryce Jordan Center on the on the campus of Penn State University in State College, Pennsylvania.
Happy Groundhog Day, everybody. Since the Groundhog from Hell decided there's going to be six more weeks of winter, we might as well get comfy and gather 'round the nice warm TV tonight for Raw.
According to the preview at WWE.com, Chris Jericho and Christian will attempt to earn the number one contender spot for the World Tag Team titles. Which duo will they face tonight in their quest to take on Slick Ric and Big Dave?
"Mick Foley is back, but exactly what does that mean?" asks the Raw preview. Well, I think it means he's mad as hell and not going to take it any more when it comes to Randy Orton's disrespect. Tune in tonight to see how this story unfolds.
Last week we learned that Chris Jericho would challenge Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania XX. What will Benoit's decision to jump ship mean for Eric Bischoff now that Paul Heyman has "lawyered up" and threatened to sue?
And don't you suppose Mister McMahon is doing a slow burn about Janet Jackson's peek-a-boob during the Super Bowl half-time show? While Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" erupted into a firestorm of controversy and mainstream publicity, a similar incident by Jackie Gayda a month or so ago, and even her flashing last week, went ignored by all except the King and the viewers. It's gimmick infringement. Maybe Paul E.'s lawyers could look into it.
Quarter Hour 1
Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show. They were joined by Jonathan Coachman.
Chris Jericho and the Highlight Reel kicked things off. Jericho's guest was Chris Benoit, someone who's had more exposure than Janet Jackson's right booby, quipped Jericho.
The two exchanged words, then Ric Flair joined them in the ring. J.R. said Flair looked like he had business to transact. Flair gave Benoit a back-handed compliment by calling him second-best. This was Raw, said Flair, and there was only one guy who ruled the roost -- Triple H, who lives the motto, "To be the man, you've got to beat the man."
Benoit said at WrestleMania he'd have the privilege of beating the man. But tonight, he'd be privileged to go one-on-one with the Nature Boy.
That brought a bespeckled Eric Bischoff out. He liked Benoit's idea, but Bischoff (who was getting a loud "you suck" chant), said he wanted to see Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Ric Flair and Batista tonight.
Bischoff told Benoit he knew how much he brought to the table, so his very first match on Raw would be coming up next.
Quarter Hour 2
(1) Chris Benoit over Mark Henry via submission. Coach thought for sure that Benoit was going to be taken to the cleaners by Henry. That remained to be seen. Henry was all mouth. Benoit gave him a series of hard chops, which didn't seem to affect Henry at all. Benoit with a missile drop kick off the top, but Henry didn't sell it.
Triple H wandered down to the ring just in time to see Benoit put Henry in the Crippler Crossface. He had Henry tapping like a little girl.
Triple H and Benoit exchanged fierce looks.
Backstage, Stone Cold Steve Austin told Shawn Michaels he looked down in the dumps. Sheriff Steve didn't mince any words and told Michaels if he wanted a shot at the title, he should do something about it.
Last week Mick Foley had had a heart-to-heart chat with Randy Orton. We were treated to another close-up of The Loogie. Ewwwww.
Mick Foley arrived backstage and was confronted by Test, who had a bone to pick. Randy Orton entered the picture, assaulted Foley, and told him to make no mistake, he was his bitch.
Quarter Hour 3
Not to be outdone by Janet Jackson, they replayed Miss Jackie's flashing incident from last week.
The King assured Coach that EMT's were taking care of Mick Foley in the back.
(2) Rico (w/Miss Jackie) over Rene Dupree (w/Rob Conway). Miss Jackie was falling out of her pants this week instead of her top. Lengthy reverse chin-lock by Dupree. Rico with a pinning attempt. Not the best match on the show.
Suddenly, Stacey Keibler's music hit and she came to ringside.
Back to the match . . . Stacey hiked her skirt up and distracted Dupree. Rico took the opportunity to go for the pin and the win.
The King wondered if Jackie and Stacey were the hot Diva Duo that Playboy was looking for.
Stacey confirmed it and called for her dance music and Stacey and Jackie "danced" in the ring.
Backstage, Christian was reading the new "Rolling Stone" about the Beatles when Trish walked up. Christian told her a story about how Yoko Ono had broken up the Beatles -- one of the world's greatest teams. There was a not-so-subtle message there for Trish. Then he wished her luck in her upcoming match for the Women's Title.
Quarter Hour 4
Earlier today, Linda McMahon and several Superstars had unveiled a Voters' Issues paper in Washington, D.C. (You can download the paper at wwe.com.)
An curiously soft-spoken Eric Bischoff appeared on the TitanTron and told Trish the title match had been scheduled prematurely. She was not yet the Number One Contender. Instead, tonight she would be facing Kane.
(3) Kane vs. Trish Stratus was a no-contest. Trish looked terrified as Kane began to stalk her in the ring. He grabbed her around the neck for a slam, when Jericho ran in and made the save. He told Trish to leave the ring and took her place in the match. Kane slammed Jericho into the ring post, injuring his knee. Jericho writhed in pain as J.R. announced the next match, Kane vs. Goldberg.
Backstage, Jericho's knee injury was being treated. He started to tell Trish something important, when Christian interrupted. (As usual.) Christian told Trish she'd caused enough damage and told her to leave. Jericho stood up to his teammate and defended Trish.
As Goldberg came out, he specifically hugged a young girl in the front row. (The grizzly bear can be a teddy bear at times.)
(4) Goldberg vs. Kane was a no-contest. Kane looked dominant until Goldberg got wound up.
Quarter Hour 5
The slugfest continued. Goldberg power slammed Kane. Kane sent Goldberg for the ride (without much finesse).
Suddenly lightening struck the ring, and the ring was bathed in blue light. Kane was so busy watching the spooky montage on the TitanTron that Goldberg was able to spear him.
The ring filled with smoke and Goldberg got out of Dodge. Kane sat straight up, then jumped out of the ring. He was so freaked he exited through the crowd, watching over his shoulder.
(5) Booker T pinned Matt Hardy. According to the Matt Fact, he's never run out of gas while driving. The King noted that another Matt Fact was Matt's chest hair grows swiftly. In the best line Coach has uttered so far, he asked the King why he cared about that fact.
The King noted that Foley and Mark Henry were being treated by EMTs backstage. Mark Henry's shoulder have been popped out of its socket as a result of his match with Benoit, J.R. explained.
Good back and forth action in the ring. Hardy was still trying to win his first Raw match, but Booker wasn't cutting him any slack. Booker went for a cover, but Hardy kicked out. Booker went face-first into the turnbuckle, and Hardy went for a cheap pin with his foot on the ropes. It didn't work. Booker with the Spineroonie. Hardy countered with a Twist of Fate, but Booker reversed it and went for a scissors kick and pinned Hardy, 1-2-3.
Quarter Hour 6
Backstage, Shawn Michaels was cleaning blood off his boots when Randy Orton walked up and mouthed off. Michaels warned him that it could easily be Orton's blood he was wiping off his boots.
It was time to play the Game.
Triple H grabbed a mic and warned Benoit to be careful what he wished for. Next week he and Benoit would sign contracts to make their WrestleMania match official.
Triple H suggested that Benoit could have a warm up match next week against Ric Flair. Then Triple H advised him to watch the next match.
(6) Triple H over Spike Dudley. Triple H turned his arrogant back on Spike, who attacked Triple H from behind. But this was, of course, a squash match and Spike took a stiff Pedigree and Triple H took the win.
Quarter Hour 7
On Smackdown, Brock Lesnar had called Goldberg a Brock Lesnar wannabe.
Stone Cold approached Goldberg in the locker room about the next pay per view. He offered Goldberg his ticket in the front row so that he could scout the Lesnar vs. Eddie Guerrero match. With a twinkle in his eye, he told Goldberg not to do anything he wouldn't do.
(7) Tag Title Match: Ric Flair & Batista over Chris Jericho & Christian via tap out. Flair and Christian started, and the CLB put Flair in an abdominal stretch. Big Dave tagged in and began to take Christian apart, piece by piece. Jericho tagged in and dished out some chops to Flair. Jericho went for a cover on Flair, but Batista broke it up. Jericho began to favor his knee, and Flair tried for the Figure Four. Jericho put Flair in the Walls of Jericho and Flair was tapping. The ref had his back turned and didn't see it. What a surprise. Flair put Jericho in the Figure Four and Jericho tapped out in pain. This time the ref saw it.
Quarter Hour 8
(8) Shawn Michaels over Randy Orton. J.R. said this was going to be a spirited affair, but it took quite a while to get spirited. The two exchanged chops, then the ref took a bump to the outside following an inadvertent dropkick from Orton. Orton was about to clobber Michaels with the title belt when Sheriff Austin's music hit and he rode out on his ATV to deliver a substitute referee. Austin loaded the downed referee onto the ATV and backed up the ramp.
The match spilled to the outside, and then . . .
Returning from the break, Michaels was getting his neck wrenched by Orton. For a very long time.
Quarter Hour 9
The crowd was trying to rally Michaels, who suddenly came to life. Orton with a pinning attempt. It didn't work, so he went up top for a crossbody. Michaels moved, and Orton landed hard on the mat. The ref began to count them both out.
They both got to their feet, and Michaels went up top and landed an elbow on Orton. He tuned up for the Sweet Chin Music, but Orton tried to counter with an RKO. Orton took Michaels down with a DDT. Then Mick Foley began to walk down the ramp and Michaels rolled the distracted Orton up for the winning pin.
Foley got into the ring and began to take it to Orton. Orton headed into the crowd, and Foley was hot on his heels. The rest of Evolution ran out and chased after Orton and Foley. All but Triple H, that is.
Triple H got into the ring and began to pound on Michaels. Chris Benoit ran out to make the save. Benoit and Triple H glared at each other, then Triple H "got the limber tail" and backed out of the ring.
Chris Benoit extended his hand to Michaels, who was reluctant at first to take it. The two shook in what the King called an uneasy alliance.
Don't miss the contract signing next Monday night, when Raw will be live from Oregon for the first time.
* * *
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