By Derek Burgan, Torch Team Contributer

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINEZ

NWA-TNA apologizes for Don Harris's "SS" t-shirt, Ed Ferrera’s announcing
By Derek Burgan, Torch Lackey
Aug 18, 2002, 2:25pm

NWA-TNA management listed a brief apology on behalf of the company regarding the controversial t-shirt that Don Harris wore during Wednesday night's pay-per-view. Harris's shirt featured the Nazi "SS" symbol, earning him and the company criticism from offended fans. The website also The TNA website currently features the following statement:

"On the August 14 episode of NWA-TNA: Total Nonstop Action one of our performers wore a shirt to the ring that had an offensive symbol that prompted many of our fans to e-mail us.

"We were not aware of the incident until we received the response from our fans, and we agree with those who say the shirt was offensive. We do not in any way condone such things and have taken steps to make sure something like that doesn't happen again. In fact we have offered up alternative suggestions to replace the “SS” shirt including the following which will be available shortly on the website: “THE HOLOCAUST: FACT OR FICTION?”, “HITLER/MENGELE 2004!”, and “NWA/TNA…IT’S A GAS!”

The website continued by adding, “We would also like to apologize to the fans for the complete ineptness of our announcer Ed Ferrera. We acknowledge that it is hard to understand exactly what he is saying sometimes and when you do understand the words, they often make no sense. We recently discovered that our former advertising head Jay Hasselman was lying to us when he informed the company that Ed was a good announcer from his WCW days. Our legal team is investigating the matter.

"We apologize to those who were rightfully offended."


***Welcome to the brand new “Saturday Exclusive” edition of Derek Burgan’s HYPE! It’s going to have a lot of goofy stuff in it, so if you’re the serious type who gets pissed off that a wrestler like the Hurricane is even IN the WWE, you might as well click on the little “X” in the top right corner of your screen. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of other stuff on the Torch that is more up your alley. For those of you still around, I’m always looking for feedback on what works and what doesn’t, so if there is something here that you think absolutely sucks, let me know so I can find out if it’s a general consensus or you’re just insane. This column is all about Continuous Improvement® and I look to my readers for help on achieving that goal.

***On to the show!

GB&U.com
This week we’ll take a look at 1Wrestling’s Dave Scherer:

The Good: Dave’s Daily Lariat was the first real daily column dealing with pro-wrestling that I found on the Internet back in the day. And he actually went out of his way to differentiate his stuff from everyone else on 1Wrestling, which of course is going to win points from me. I picked up an RF Video shoot video with Tod Gordon because Dave was the one doing the interview, seriously the guy comes across like he actually likes wresting, which is refreshing to read. When the Torch came online and soon thereafter 1Wrestling became infested by a million pop up ads per page (and I’m not smart enough to figure out one of those programs that stops pop-ups), I stopped reading the Lariat. I really like Dave though as he was also the only person I found in the wrestling industry who found my idea of doing a weekly editorial comic strip based on the industry to be a good one. He even put up one of my comics on his site. Unfortunately I’ve yet to master how to scan my work into the computer and especially make the writing legible. But if anyone is interested in seeing what I think is the real Next Big Thing for wrestling dirt sheets, send me a S.A.S.E.

The Bad: A long time back Dave would do his reviews of RAW, Nitro and whatever show was on at the time and ended by something really unique, “Rhetorical questions”. It was basically a series of observations that especially pointed out the inconsistencies in the shows among other things. While it definitely worked at the time, I think the very idea plays itself out really fast and Dave probably should have came up with something new over the past couple years.

The Ugly: True story. Before I started writing for the Torch I sent an idea to Dave Scherer for him to use in the Lariat. Basically it was like the above “news” story except even more outrageous. The note I got sent back to me is that Dave, “knows it’s not a true story, and stop trying to work me.” I realized at that point that maybe 1Wrestling wasn’t ready for my sense of humor.

REAL LIFE IMMITATES WRESTLING: This week the Major League Baseball Players Association, led by the biggest heel in the world, Donald Fehr, announced a strike date of August 30. Now you can’t turn your head without running into an article online, or in a newspaper, or a television report on the fans getting filled up with disgust. Somehow baseball is going to blow every ounce of goodwill it had going for it. Does anyone remember it was only a year ago that just about everyone in the baseball watching world wanted those shit Yankees to win the World Series because of the September 11 attacks? The homerun chase by Maguire and Sosa that actually captivated the nation for a summer? Well, it’s all about to go right down the drain. The baseball players union stole this idea of treating your fans with contempt from the wrestling world. It wasn’t long ago that Vince McMahon told each and every ECW fan in the world to go “F--- off” when he put Stephanie McMahon in charge of it during InVasion. You’d think it would be just about impossible to kill off support for a company which brought a new meaning to the term grass roots in the wrestling industry. ECW fans were rabid for it’s product and were some of the most loyal in the history of the industry. In one move Vince McMahon alienated every single one of them, myself included, and ECW died an incredibly quick death.

***Top 5 rejected names for this column before choosing HYPE.
5. The Smackzone-I liked this, but I felt that I really had to distance myself from being associated with Smackdown forever.
4. Derek Burgan’s RAW MEAT- I don’t know, but for some reason this sounded a little gay to me. And not the “happy, fun loving” definition of gay, the other one.
3. It’s Saturday on the Torch, what else are you going to read?
2. The Hurricane Appreciation Page
1. (SPOILERS) RAW Taping Results– I figured this would get me the hits I needed to fully realize my goal of becoming KING OF THE INTERNET, but Jason Powell kept talking about stuff like integrity and honesty. What the hell do those terms have to do with wrestling?!

Official PWTorch Wrestling Enjoyment Index A weekly look at the events which made watching wrestling fun or tried their damndest to suck the life out of us. The scale ranges from 0-100. 100 would be wrestling nirvana.

Steve Austin turns himself in: It’s been covered through the wrestling media for a while, but for such prominent mainstream media to cover this event because Austin is such a big name can only mean more bad news for the industry as a whole. On a sidenote though, I’m looking forward to Pat McNeill’s column that will explain Steve Austin’s side of the beating, “Perhaps Austin was justified for slapping the taste out of her mouth because as we all know from experience, sometimes the bitch is just asking for it!” -5

”The Rock is something you are not. Undisputed champion. So shut up bitch!”: The Rock, absolutely saving the beginning of RAW this week. Throw in his great facial expressions towards Mark Lloyd on Smackdown and his multi-lingual rendition of “Just Bring It” and you have the most charismatic guy in wrestling shining once again. Enjoy it while it lasts! +2

NWA TNA PPV: This was a tough one as there were several things I really liked about one. The first was the completely surreal scene at the beginning of the show with Brian Christopher unable to get a chair out of a fan’s hand. I still have no idea if that was a shoot. I hope it was because if that was a written spot it makes Christopher look like the biggest moron in wrestling history. I think the idea of a gimmick based on Eminem would be perfect for the WWE, but the kid they had on this show somehow blew that easy gimmick. Michael Jackson would be embarrassed by seeing someone grab their crotch that many times. Do they have backstage agents in TNA? Can’t one of them give instructions to the ref by subtly saying, “Tell that F---ING kid to stop grabbing his dick!”? Kid Kash on the other hand is just a top notch star. This Miss TNA, Dupp Cupp and Disco stuff will always prevent the show from every reaching above average credibility, but when you have Elix Skipper, Lo Ki, Ron Killings and a couple others doing top notch work it will definitely pique the interest of me. +3

The ending to the NWA TNA Main Event: You mean to tell me that in a WHOLE WEEK not one person stepped up and said, “You know what Jerry? This idea sucks.”? -4

Chad Murphy’s PWTorch Indy reports: Most wrestling websites pretty much ignore anything having to do with indy wrestling, which a shame with all the talent is out there. Understandable considering that most of the promoters are a bunch of boobs, but a shame none-the-less. Thankfully Chad does a kick ass job at not only providing some news, but also promotes local shows better than the damn companies themselves as I found out about two recent shows through his column but saw no local advertising. +1

SummerSlam buildup: Talk about a show that looks like a must buy. You’ve got Angle versus Rey Mysterio, Rob Van Dam against Chris F---ing Benoit and one of the best main event jobs in a while, Rock versus The Next Big Thing. And you just know RAW has gotta end on Monday with Triple H getting some sweet chin music! +2

Stephanie McMahon is still Smackdown GM: And I guess that’s why they call it the blues. -Elton John -2

Wrestling Enjoyment Level last week: 54
This week’s net change: -3
Current Wrestling Enjoyment Level: 51

DVD pick of the week: U-571 To pay a little tribute to Harrison Ford’s K-19, one of the summers biggest bombs, we’re going to take a look at a submarine flick done right. First of all, Matthew McConaughey has quietly put together one of the most impressive film resumes of any actor to date. The fun Reign of Fire, which also went under the public’s radar pretty fast this summer, among them. U-571 does what most American made movies about WWII do, that being changing it around to make it look like the US were the superheroes of the war while everyone else sat around. Once you get past that point though, you have an incredible movie about a crew of American’s who must disguise themselves as nazis in order to board a German sub in order to steal a nazi de-coding device. All hell breaks loose soon thereafter as the good guys soon have to figure out how to get back into Allied waters in a German U-boat without being sunk by their own fleet. Anyone who saw Ally McBeal during it’s dying days won’t believe me when I say this, but Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t embarrass himself in his role her. Harvey Keitel also shines as a top officer who has to control the feelings of the crew who don’t exactly buy McConaughey has the new captain right away. While you got the DVD going, check out the features on the real story of the code breaking machines and what actually happened back in the day. Das Boot is also highly recommended for those of you into this underwater drama.

What came out last week: The New Guy and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Special Edition

***I also watched Super Troopers and The New Guy this week, two comedies who’s trailers at the time made me think they looked like shit. While both have their problems, there are definitely some funny moments in both. The scene in Troopers in which one of them is taken to jail and “de-loused” is priceless. “The lice hate the sugar.”, will go down in my quote book of one of the funniest lines in any movie. The New Guy also has Eliza Dushku, who is hot enough that she could hold my attention reading a Pat McNeill song parody.

”The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” (As You Like It V.i. 30-31) or, for the layman I will quote Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, “Oh, you were finished?? Well, allow me to retort!”- Earlier this week on PWTorh.com there was an editorial that blasted Edios Interactive, a video game developer, for attempting to make a game based on Backyard Wrestling. Worse, the writer then goes on to say that the very idea of Backyard Wrestling “sickens” him. Now I’m not the biggest video game player myself, but just about all of my friends are. Here’s the top 3 games that they are always playing. HALO, Grand Theft Auto III and Max Payne. Now the gist of basically all of these games is that if something gets in your way kill it. Now I’m not saying that is necessarily a good or bad thing for a video game, in fact the small time I had playing each was a blast, but to say that the ideals of Grand Theft Auto III are somehow equal or better than Backyard Wrestling is a complete joke. While Backyard Wrestling may seem dangerous, stupid and moronic to most of us, it basically just boils down to a bunch of kids goofing off. I completely disagree with the writer saying it was disgusting that someone was “getting rich of them” because I highly doubt anyone is getting rich in the wrestling industry except Vince McMahon. And I’m really getting tired of all these heavy handed opinions by this columnist and just about every person who comments on Backyard Wrestling in general, that being that these kids should train to become professionals first. Are you serious?! I don’t care how good these kids get in training, the WWE will never hire any of them. The kids on these tapes are regular people like you and me, they’ll never even be LOOKED AT by companies like the WWE. They aren’t 6’5”, they don’t juice themselves up so they look like quote-unquote Superstars. They just like having fun. Is that somehow wrong now? Are you telling me that skateboarders don’t get hurt practicing their extreme stunts? I say that it’s fantastic these kids are so passionate about something they like that they will do just about anything to be a part of it. And not for the money or fame, which there are none, and certainly not because they get any video game money. They do it because they love wrestling.

Each week Stone Cold Theatre re-imagines classic movie scenes along with wrestling history. This week SCTheatre invites Booker T to give his interpretation of the tragic story that Quint told in the movie “Jaws”. In the movie, Quint and Matt Hooper were discussing injuries the two had sustained while at sea when Quint recalls the story of the USS Indianapolis. Instead of sailors who thrown into shark infested waters when the USS Indianapolis sank, Booker is referring to the wrestlers who were thrown into the shark-infested locker room of the WWF during Invasion.

Stone Cold Theatre Presents “Jaws”

Brock Lesnar: You were part of the Invasion?

Chief Terry Funk: What happened?

Booker T: Vince McMahon slammed two torpedoes into our side, Stepanie and Shane McMahon. We was comin' back from the “Greed” show, we'd just delivered the bomb. The Pay Per View bomb. Over a hundred men went into the WWE. Morale went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half hour. Undertaker. Seven footer. You know how you know that in the back, Sucka? You can tell by lookin' at their downside guarantee. What we didn't know, was that our last few months of Nitro were so horrible, no ratings could save our jobs. They didn't even list us in the TV Guide for a month. Very first show, Sucka, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight cliques. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the squares in the old calendars like the Battle o' Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like Tammy Sytch on HGH. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be workin'... 'til he swerves ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The back turns quiet, and despite all your talent and your hardwork those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first RAW, lost a dozen men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged one every skit. Thursday mornin', Sucka, I bumped into a friend of mine, Lance Storm from Calgary, Alberta Canada. Great worker. I thought he was over, Reached over to give him props. He bobbed up, down in the back with this stupid mop bucket, he was like a jobber to the stars. Upended. Well, he'd had his legs cut out from under him. Noon the fifth month a Titan accountant swung in low and he spotted us, a young MBA, lot younger than Mr. Lesnar here, anyway he spotted the ratings we were getting and a few hours later the lil ol' OVW come down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never do a skit again. So, a hundred men went into the fed with careers. Two men come out, the sharks took the rest, November the eighteenth, Two Thousand and One.. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

Derek Burgan also writes Smackdown Express each and every Thursday night exclusively for PWTorch.com. He actively encourages reader thoughts, suggestions and questions. He can be reached at derekburgan22@hotmail.com